I'm Fine
by Jayne Leigh
Summary: Josh gets sick but just how bad is it? Why is he so scared? Please read and review. chapter 26
1. Chapter 1

**Right, I've decided to start a new fic. I know I've got so many that needs finishing but I had this idea and had to write it! I'm sorry. Anyway, this is set during the second season. After Josh finds out he has PTSD but before everyone finds out about the President's MS. Please review and let me know what you think!!! **

**Enjoy!!!**

"**I'm Fine"**

C.J knocked on Josh's open office door as she walked in, causing him to turn away from the window he was staring out of to look at her.

"You okay?" She asked, realising she probably startled him.

"Yeah, fine." He said quickly, turning in his chair to face her fully. "What's up?"

"I got asked if we wanted to make a comment about Congressman Howard's divorce."

Josh frowned a little. "Why would we care?"

"Well, divorce is a big no no for a lot of people, Joshua, including the President." C.J told him.

He sighed. "They're just digging for something. Say no comment and move on."

"Right."

"Couldn't you have asked Toby?"

"Sam and him are on The Hill."

"And you couldn't have worked it out for yourself?"

"Well, I could have, but then you would have just been sitting here, doing no work all day." She teased.

"Yeah." He mumbled.

She watched him for a moment. "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Josh, what's going on?" She asked, closing the door.

"Nothing."

"Josh?!"

"Seriously, it's nothing." He shrugged. "I'm just a little tired."

She shot him a concerned glare. "Just because it's been a year since Rosslyn, you still need to take care of yourself."

Josh visibly tensed at the mention of Rosslyn. "I know... I am...I'm just tired."

"Well, okay..." She said slowly, still not sure that he was telling her the truth. "I'll let you get back to what you were doing."

"Thanks." He replied as she turned and opened the door. "Hey, C.J?"

"Yeah?" She looked back at him.

"I've been meaning to ask...How's your Dad doing?"

She was a little surprised at his question and once again closed the door, moving back to where she was before. "He's okay, I guess...I mean, he... He has his good days and he has his bad days... Luckily, so far there haven't been many bad days."

"Yeah..." He replied quietly, deep in thought. "Do you ever get scared?"

"Yeah, I mean I'm terrified that one day, I'll get a phone call saying he has seriously hurt himself or worse." She said, sitting down opposite him. "My brother, John called me a few weeks ago and told me, he went around there for a visit...And Dad... He gave him a lecture about staying out all night... He thought John was still in school...10 minutes later, he was back to normal, chatting away about the latest baseball game."

Josh remained quiet as C.J spoke sadly of her father and watched as she fingered her necklace silently, deep in thought.

"I feel so guilty about not being there..." She stated looking at him. "But then, there are times...When I hear that he's having a bad day... When I'm a little relieved... Then that makes me feel even guiltier...It's just...He's...He's my Dad, y'know?"

"Yeah." Josh whispered. "You can't just sit there and watch him slowly fading away."

"Exactly."

"What about yourself?"

"What about me?" She asked.

"Do you ever think that one day you might...?" His voice trailed off, looking down at the desk.

"Might inherit Alzheimer's?"

"Sorry, You don't have to answer that." Josh told her.

"No, it's okay... I thought about it a little... But I just...I can't think about it..." She shook her head. "It will drive me insane...Right now, I'm alive and I'm healthy...That's what counts... I'll deal with everything else when and if I come to it."

Josh gave her a small smile but she could tell it was false. "Yeah, you're right."

"Yeah." She nodded, looking at him closely. "Are you sure, you're okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine." He told her, glancing at his watch then standing up. "I've got a meeting to get to...I'll see you later?"

"Josh?" She took his arm as he went to pass her.

"C.J, I'm fine." He repeated. "I just, well I read something and it got me thinking."

"About what?"

"About you and your Dad...You're my friend and I should have asked sooner how he was doing."

She couldn't help but smile at the comment. "You're a good friend."

"Can I go now?" He asked.

She rolled her eyes. "Fine, go."

"Bye." He smiled again and left the office.

She sighed and slowly made her way to her own office, knowing there was something Josh wasn't telling her.

_XxXxX_

"You going to eat that?" Toby asked, eyeing up the burger on Josh's plate.

"Go ahead." Josh pushed the plate a little towards him, deep in thought.

"Thanks." He replied, reaching out to take it just as C.J sat down at the table with them.

"Hey." She said, slapping his hand away.

"Ow! What?!" He held his injured hand with the other one. "He said I could have it!"

"Toby, you ordered a salad because you wanted to be healthy..." She reminded him.

"I hate salad." He grumbled.

"Then why did you order it?"

"Because I wanted to be healthy but I'm over that now." He replied, taking Josh's burger.

"Josh." C.J sighed.

"What? Sorry?" He snapped back to reality.

"Did you really understand what you were saying when you said Toby could have your lunch or were you preoccupied?"

Josh looked down at his now empty plate.

"You said I could have it!" Toby claimed, with his mouth full.

"It's okay, I wasn't hungry anyway."

"See." Toby looked at C.J.

She frowned, watching Josh. "You weren't hungry this morning either."

He shrugged and stood up. "I'll grab something later..."

"Josh?!"

"I've got to go...Sorry, bye."

She watched as he left the Mess. "Do you think he's okay?"

"Who, Josh?"

"Yeah."

"He seems a little distracted, I guess." Toby answered, pausing for a second. "Why?"

"I don't know, I'm just worried..."

"Have you asked him about it?"

"Yes, he said he was just tired."

"Well, then...Just give him a few days."

"Yeah." She said quietly, before turning to look at him. "But he was asking some really weird questions yesterday."

"You sound surprised."

"I'm serious, Toby..."

"Okay, about what?"

"About my Dad...Whether I'm scared what's happening to him."

"Are you?"

"Toby, this is about Josh!" She pointed out.

"I'm sure he's just worried about you." He answered.

"He's not eating either."

"This is Josh we're talking about... During the campaign he almost forgot what food was."

"This seems different, somehow."

He sighed. "If you're really worried then talk to Leo... If anyone will be able to get through to Josh then it's him."

"Yeah, maybe you're right."

"I am... Now can I finish my lunch?"

"You may." She replied, picking up her own sandwich.

_XxXxX_

Donna turned off her computer and stood, making her way to Josh's office to tell him she was finished and was going home.

"Josh?" She stopped in the door when she saw he was asleep in his chair, his head resting against his folded arms on the desk.

"Hey, Donna, is Josh still..." Sam trailed off when he stopped next to Donna. "He's asleep?"

"I thought he was too quiet." Donna commented, turning to face him. "Did you need something?"

"Well, I was going to see if he wanted to go grab some food or something." Sam stated. "C.J's worried about him. Apparently, he gave Toby his lunch and he didn't have any breakfast either."

Donna sighed. "He has been acting a little weird."

"What do you think is going on?" Sam asked. "I mean, it's 7:30 and he's asleep?"

"He said he was tired earlier..." Donna told him. "And yesterday he said his throat hurt and he does look kind of pale. Maybe he's coming down with the flu or something."

Sam pulled a face. "Well, he can keep that to himself!"

"I don't think he has a choice about who catches it, Sam." She rolled her eyes.

"You think we should wake him?"

"He'd probably get a better night's sleep at home." Donna nodded. "You'll have to drop him off."

"What? Me?" He looked at her.

"He's your best friend!"

"Yeah but he could have the flu!" He stated. "I don't want the flu."

"And I thought you were the most caring guy in this administration."

"Hey, I am!" He replied, offended.

"Then take him home!"

"Fine!" He sighed in defeat. "But only because I'm kind, caring and the bestest friend ever!"

"You know bestest isn't a word, right?"

"So? You know what I mean."

"Okay, well I'll see you in the morning...Good luck." She said, nodding in Josh direction. "He's moody when he's ill."

"Yeah, don't I know it!" Sam muttered, as she put on her coat and made her way towards the exit.

After a few seconds of thinking, Sam stepped into Josh's office. He shook him gently. "Josh? Wake up. Josh?"

"What?" He sat up slowly.

"I'm going to take you home, come on." Sam told him.

"What's going on?" He asked as he looked at Sam, slightly confused at being woken up.

"You fell asleep... You look shattered." Sam observed. "How do you feel?"

"Tired." Josh mumbled, wincing as he stood up and stretched. "Sore as well."

"Well, that what happens when you sleep at your desk." Sam commented, grabbing his coat and held it out to him. "Come on."

"You don't have too." Josh told him, taking the coat. "I'll be fine."

"It's not a problem, besides I promised Donna I'd take care of you."

"Why?" Josh asked, following him out.

"Because I'm a caring guy and the bestest friend ever."

"Bestest isn't a word." Josh yawned, trailing a little behind.

"That's not the point."

"Okay."

_XxXxX_

"So, did you talk to him?" C.J asked, walking out of her office to walk alongside Sam.

He glanced across at her. "A little...He was tired...So I didn't push him."

"What did he say?"

"I'm tired so don't push me." He answered.

"Sam?!"

"He fell asleep at his desk last night, I gave him a ride home... I asked if he wanted to order some food and he said no...I reminded him he hadn't eaten all day and he said he wasn't hungry...I said he looked terrible and he told me he was tired and not to push him." Sam stood and turned to face her. "Honestly, C.J I think it's just the flu...Give him a few days and he'll be back to normal."

"The flu?"

"Donna thinks so too."

"You don't think he's having trouble like last Christmas?"

Sam just looked at her before walking off.

"Hey." She followed him, confused by his reaction. "What's your problem?"

"Why does everyone bring up Rosslyn or last Christmas when Josh is having a bad day?"

He exclaimed, not bothering to stop or slow down as she struggled to keep up with him.

"Because it wasn't until he had hit rock bottom that any of us noticed something was wrong!" C.J stated. "I don't want that happening again!"

"None of us do." Sam stood and turned to her. "But there's a reason why he doesn't tell us things now, C.J and that's because he doesn't want us to worry that he's going to lose it again."

She shook her head. "I'm not going to apologise for worrying about him, Sam."

He sighed and continued walking. "He has the flu, C.J, It happens. He'll be fine."

"I hope you're right." She whispered, this time letting him leave.

_XxXxX_

"Well, this isn't something I see everyday."

Josh turned and quickly stood up from the bench, he had been sitting on in the Garden as Abbey Bartlet walked towards him.

"Ma'am?"

"Joshua Lyman outdoors in the fresh air during work hours." She teased, indicating he should retake his seat as she sat down.

He smiled slightly. "It's a nice day and I needed to get away from everyone for a little while."

"And you thought this would be the last place they'd look?"

He laughed. "Yeah, your probably right there, Ma'am."

She smiled and leaned back against the bench, looking at him. "Well, they're right."

"Who are right about what?"

"Sam, C.J, Donna, Toby..." She listed. "They all said you look like crap."

"Uh, well... Great." He said slowly, not sure how to respond to that.

"Rumour has it, you have the flu."

"I didn't take you for one who believed in everything you heard, Ma'am."

"Oh, Joshua I'm not." She patted his arm. "Which is why I'm here to find out what's really going on."

"I'm just a little tired."

"Can I tell you a little story?"

"If it involves 7 dwarfs and an evil queen then I've already heard it."

"During the campaign, not long after Donna had joined...You got really sick..." Abbey ignored his comment. "But you wouldn't admit it."

"I remember." Josh told her. "Donna kept trying to force feed me some weird pumpkin soup."

"Yeah, right...Well, I'm telling you this little story because you've never been able to admit when you're ill." She said. "I have no idea why though. I don't know what you worried about."

Josh locked his fingers together tightly and stared down at his hands.

"Josh..." She said softly. "It is okay for you to be worried, you know."

He swallowed the lump that rose in his throat and tilted his head to look at her. "Is it okay to be scared of something that isn't there?"

"What is it, Josh?" She asked, after a few seconds thinking about his comment. "What are you scared of?"

"I haven't been sleeping..." He admitted. "I can't even stomach the thought of food...I'm tired...I ache...I've got every symptom that suggests I have the flu."

"But?"

"But...But I can't help thinking..." His voice trailed off.

"Thinking what?" She prompted.

"That is was exactly how my Dad felt before he found out he had cancer." He whispered, looking down his hands again. "I know...I know it's crazy...But ...I keep thinking..."

"Oh, Josh..." She sighed sadly, reaching out and taking his hand.

"He had Leukaemia, I know you can't pass that down to your kids, right?"

"No, there is no evidence to suggest that." She agreed.

"But…I keep thinking, what if..." He stopped himself again and shook his head. "It's probably nothing...Just me overreacting."

"Yes, probably but you should go and see your doctor..." Abbey told him.

"No, I'll be fine."

"Josh..."

"I'm sorry, for wasting your time, Ma'am…" He stood up. "I should get back to work."

"Joshua."

He stopped but kept his back to her.

"Go and see your doctor."

He turned his head slightly to look at her. "It's just the flu."

"So, it won't hurt to go then."

He sighed. "Fine."

"Just take care of yourself, okay?" She told him. "Even if it is just the flu. It can get bad."

"Yeah." He nodded slightly. "Thank you, Ma'am... For listening."

"Any time."

He went to turn to leave again when she reached out and took his arm.

"I mean it, Josh... Any time."

He looked at her for a moment and nodded a little. "Thank you."

She sighed as she watched him walking away, a sickening feeling in the pit of her stomach.

**TBC**

**Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guy, thank you all so much for the reviews! Please keep them coming!! Check out my new poll on my profile! Thanks again!! **

**Enjoy!!!**

"**I'm Fine"**

"Have you got a minute?" Josh asked, standing in the doorway to C.J's office.

"Sure." She put down her report. "What's up?"

He stepped into the office, closing the door behind him. "I'm sorry if I freaked you out..."

"Uh, well..." She started but he held up his hand to stop her.

"It's the flu, C.J, honestly." He told her. "It's nothing more. I just... I don't like being ill."

"Well, I wouldn't think anyone does..."

He gave her small smile. "True, but you know what I meant."

"Yeah." She nodded. "Why don't you admit when you're ill?"

"I don't know." He shrugged. "It's a guy thing, I think."

C.J rolled her eyes. "Yeah right, when Toby had the flu last winter, he acted as if he was dying."

"That's Toby though." Josh grinned.

"How about when Sam had an allergic reaction to his new soap power and came out in a rash? He was sure he had German measles..." She continued.

"Okay, so maybe it's not a guy thing." He replied. "I don't know why...I just hate people fussing."

"If you're sick..."

"It's the flu..."

"Still, you should take care of yourself... Flu can make you feel terrible."

"That's what the First Lady said." He replied, as he pointed a finger at her. "And don't think I don't know you guys set her on me."

She rolled her eyes. "We were worried there was something you weren't telling us...She overheard us talking and volunteered to speak to you...It wasn't some kind of covert operation."

"Well, we did talk which is why I'm here to apologise for worrying you."

C.J gave a small nod. "What else did she say?"

"She told me I looked like crap and told me I probably had the flu and to see a doctor."

"And are you?"

"You think I'm crazy enough to disobey an order from the First Lady?"

"Yes."

"Yeah, thanks." He rolled his eyes and stood up.

"So, you're seriously okay?" She asked.

"I'm fine." He said once again, looking back at her. "I'll see you later?"

"Yeah..." She nodded, sighing in relief when he had gone. There was still a small part of her that thought he wasn't telling her something but at least he had spoken to Abbey about his health. At least it was only the flu.

_XxXxX_

Leo looked up when Margaret walked into his office.

"The First Lady is here." She told him.

"Send her in." Leo told her, closing the report he had been reading.

He was a little surprised earlier when Margaret told him that Abbey wanted to talk to him in private but didn't say what it was about.

"Abbey..." He stood as she walked in. "Is everything okay?"

"I hope so." She replied.

"What's on your mind?" He asked, retaking his seat whilst she sat down opposite him.

"How's Josh been?"

Leo frowned a little. "He's fine as far as I know. Why?"

"I spoke with him a few days ago...I heard that he had been ill."

"Yeah." Leo nodded. "Someone said he had the flu...But Josh being Josh said everything was okay."

"I told him to see a doctor."

"So did I, but according to Donna he hasn't." He replied. "But we can't make him."

She sighed and Leo looked at her curiously.

"What is it?" He asked, after a few seconds. "What aren't you telling me?"

"Every symptom he has, suggests he has the flu." Abbey told him. "But..."

"Abbey?" He prompted when she fell silent.

"He's worried that he has cancer, Leo."

"What?" His face paled instantly. "What? No, he can't..."

"He's just remembering what his Father went through...The signs are the same." Abbey stated. "It doesn't mean, he does..."

"But there's a chance?" Leo questioned, unsure if he wanted to the answer.

"There's always a chance, Leo."

"Yeah..." He whispered, deep in thought. "Yeah."

"It could be the flu though...Just because his Father had it, it in no way means Josh will have it too." Abbey pointed out. "But when I spoke to him, even the idea of it was driving him crazy...He needs to know one way or another."

"I'll talk to him."

She gave him a small smile. "I'm sorry to dump all of this on you."

He waved his hand in the air. "Believe me, I'm glad you told me."

She nodded and stood up. "Well, I guess I should let you get back to work..."

"Can you get me a number?" Leo asked as she reached the door, causing her to turn back to look at him. "You know of a good doctor? Someone who can help us with this, whatever it is."

She nodded silently and watched her husband's best friend for a moment as he stared down at the desk, a mixture of emotions playing over his face...Shock, concern, anger...

"It doesn't seem fair, does it?" She broke the silence. "With everything that has happened throughout his life...It seems that he gets knocked down and gets back up, just to be knocked down again."

Leo glanced up at her. "I really don't know if he can pick himself up any more."

"That's what we're all here for." She told him.

"Yeah."

"I should go...I'll get that number to you straight away."

"Okay..." He nodded. "And Abbey? Thank you... Really."

She gave him a small smile before walking out of the office.

Leo sat silently, thinking about everything. Slamming his hand down on the desk after a few seconds. Why does it always have to be Josh?

_XxXxX_

"Josh?"

He quickened his pace when he heard C.J calling his name.

"Josh?!" She called louder, excusing herself from the conversation she was having with Carol and started to follow him.

He kept walking, pushing past a group of people, turning his head away from them and ignored the looks they were giving him.

"Josh Lyman!" C.J tried again, jogging to catch up with him. "Josh?!"

"I'll be right back." He said, still not stopping and went straight into the men's room. He looked in the mirror, seeing blood still coming from his nose.

"Josh? What the hell?" C.J asked, confused and knocked on the door.

Josh groaned. "C.J, I'll be out in a minute."

"Did you ignore me?"

"I didn't hear you." He called back, grabbing a handful of tissues and tried to stop the bleeding.

"Josh, what's going on?"

"C.J, I'm a little busy here!" He snapped.

"I will come in there!" She stated.

"C.J?" Toby appeared behind her, his eyebrow raised at her last comment.

"Josh is hiding in there!" She accused, saying it loud enough for him to hear.

"I'm not hiding." He called back; pulling the tissue away, relieved to see the bleeding had stopped. He threw the tissues down the toilet and quickly washed his face and hands before opening the door. "What's so important."

"You ran away from me!" She pointed a finger at him.

"C.J..." He sighed. "What did you want?"

"Mark is asking about the home owner bill...Apparently, Congresswoman Davis is shooting her mouth off about some problem."

Josh rolled his eyes. "Why am I not surprised?"

"I thought you'd want to know." She added.

"Yeah, I'll get Donna to set up a meeting up with her." He nodded. "You'll talk to Mark and tell him there's no problem and everything is in hand?"

"Okay." She nodded, looking at him suspiciously before walking back towards her office.

"What?" Josh asked Toby when he noticed him staring at him.

"There's blood on your shirt."

Josh looked down a saw a small spot of blood on his collar.

"I had a nosebleed." He explained.

"And I should see the other guy, right?" Toby replied, sarcastically.

"It was just a nosebleed, Toby." Josh shrugged, turning to walk away. "Probably the heat or something."

Toby didn't answer, instead just watched as he left.

_XxXxX_

"What's happening with the home owner bill?" Bartlet asked, looking to Josh, during Staff.

"Everything is fine, Sir." He replied.

"I hear there's a problem."

"Well, Congresswoman Davis has made a comment to the press, but we're dealing with it." Josh answered. "She's probably after something else."

"Okay, you meeting with her?"

"Yeah, at 4:30."

He frowned a little at him. "You feel okay?"

"Yes, Sir."

"You look pale."

"I always look pale."

"No...Well, yes, but you look paler then normal..." He stated, looking over at Leo. "Is he ill?"

"No, sir...I'm fine." Josh insisted before Leo could speak. "I might still have the touch of the flu..."

"I thought you said you were over that?" C.J cut in.

"I am...I feel better..." He sighed in frustration. "I'm fine!"

"You look it." Sam muttered, causing Josh to glare at him.

"Can we get back to the bill?" Toby asked, impatiently. "I would actually like it to pass sometime this century."

"What's more to say, Josh is meeting with Davis later on...He'll handle that and it'll be fine." Bartlet predicted. "What's next?"

"I thought Sam might want to meet with Davis..." Leo suggested.

Sam looked up from the paper in his hand, looking a little startled. "Why?"

"Because last time Toby shouted at her and she threw her glass of water over him." He replied.

"I didn't shout and she overreacted."

"Wait, hang on...What about me?" Josh asked.

"You're busy."

"What? But...I set up the meeting." He frowned.

"Donna set up the meeting." He corrected.

"It's the same thing!" Josh claimed. "What's going on?"

"That's a good question." Bartlet looked just as confused as Josh.

"You're going to a different meeting." Leo told Josh. "Right after we have a little chat."

"About what?!"

"About your father."

Josh stared at Leo, unsure as what to say to that. He knew at that moment, his boss had somehow found out what was going on.

"It's... I'm..." He stuttered, unable to get a sentence out. He put his head down, avoiding everyone's looks.

"I think, that's everything for today, Sir." Leo turned his gaze from his deputy to Jed.

"Okay." He replied, still watching Josh anxiously.

"Sam, you'll meet with Congresswoman Davis..." Leo told him.

"Yes, Sir..." He agreed, quietly, waiting for Josh to protest again but he didn't.

"That's all...Everyone get back to work." Leo told them. "Josh, my office?"

He sighed quietly but said no more as he went into the adjoining office.

"Leo?" Jed asked, questionably as the other slowly made their way out.

"There's nothing to worry about."

"You'll tell me what I need to know when I need to know, right?"

"Of course, Sir. Thank you, Mr President." he replied, turning to head for his own office.

He looked at Josh, who was standing staring at an old picture of them all during the campaign that hung on the wall.

"You wanna sit down?" He asked, taking his own seat.

Josh just silent turned and looked at him.

"Okay, then...I've spoken with the First Lady." He stated, noticing Josh tensing slightly. "She gave me a number for a good doctor...You've got an appointment in an hour."

He opened his mouth to protest but Leo cut him off.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me, Josh?!"

"It's... it's nothing..."

"Josh!" He glared at him.

"It's...It's the flu, Leo." He whispered, looking down.

Leo sighed, thinking the statement sounded more like Josh trying to convince himself of that instead of him.

"Josh, sit down." He said softly.

His eyes flicked up at Leo for a moment before sitting down in front of the desk.

"It's...It's got to be the flu, Leo." He whispered. "I don't know... I can't...What's going to be happen?"

"Nothing is going to happen until we know exactly what we're dealing with." Leo told him. "So, you're going to this appointment... We'll handle the rest when we come to it."

Josh nodded and looked down at his hands again.

"Really, this could only be the flu or something." Leo stating, moving around the desk, leaning back against it so he was right in front of him. "But you... We have to know for sure."

"I know." He nodded.

"You need me to come with you?" He asked.

Josh smiled for the first time. "Nah, I think I can manage without you there to told my hand."

"Okay."

"I should get going then..." Josh started before looking at him curiously. "You gave up on that too easily..."

"What?"

"On me going alone...Normally, you'd make me take someone with me." Josh stated. "The First Lady is going to be there, isn't she?"

"Damn right, she is." Leo replied.

"Leo..." He whined.

"Don't even try it, Josh...You already broke a promise to her about seeing your doctor...She's making sure you go to this one."

"Fine." He mumbled.

"And when you're done... Go straight home."

"What? But..."

"You look like crap." He pointed out. "You're going home and getting some rest...I'm assuming you don't want the others knowing about this?"

"Not yet." He looked down again and Leo knew he was feeling guilty about keeping it to himself.

"So, I guess it'll be up to me to come over and make sure you eat tonight."

His head snapped up. "What?!"

"Don't look so damn horrified." Leo glared at him. "I'll be around sometime after 7 P.M. that'll give you plenty of time to relax."

"Leo!"

"I could always get the First Lady to stop by." He continued.

"I'm a grown man!"

"Yeah, who isn't taking care of himself!" Leo stated.

"This is why I hate people knowing I'm ill..." He mumbled to himself quietly as he ran his hands over his face.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"Good, now get out of here..." He ordered. "I'll see you tonight."

"Can't wait." He replied sarcastically.

"Josh, people worry about you." Leo called out to him. "You can't stop it... And you can't stop them from wanting to look out for you, so stop being so damn stubborn and let us help!"

He swallowed the lump that rose in his throat. "Yes, sir..."

Leo silently sat back down and picked up a piece of paper. Josh took the hint and left the office. When the door closed behind him, he put the paper back down and sighed loudly. He couldn't help but fear that the worst was about to come true.

**TBC**

**Please review and let me know what you think!!! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey, guys here's the next chapter! Thank you all so much for the reviews! I really appreciate them!! Please review and let me know what you think!! I love feedback!! **

**Enjoy!!!**

**I'm Fine**

Josh re-read the first paragraph of a report he had been trying to work on for the past hour. He hadn't been able to concentrate at all, but when he tried to do something other then work, he couldn't sit still. He threw the folder onto the coffee table and sighed loudly, running his hands through his hair.

He got to his feet and paced around the small space between the table and the couch. He had been happier not knowing how ill he might be. Now he had spoken to a doctor, it made it real.

He could have cancer.

That's what the doctor had said. They needed to do a blood test and he was told to get plenty of rest.

How could he rest? He had just been told there's a chance that he might have cancer. How fair is that? He escaped the fire that took his sister's life... He had fought back against the bullet from Rosslyn, only to be told he might be dying anyway.

He crossed the room and leant back against the wall, taking deep breaths. He had to admit this did help calm him down a little, even though he had thought it was a stupid idea – and he'd told his doctor so when he suggested he try it.

He groaned a few seconds later when he heard someone at the door. He pushed himself away from the wall, pressing the intercom button.

"Yeah?"

"Let me in, would you?" Leo replied through the intercom.

He sighed, buzzing him in and opening the front door as he made his way back to the couch.

A few seconds later, an agent from the Secret Service entered and walked around the apartment, whilst Leo stood impatiently outside the door, beside another agent. Josh watched as amused as he did the first time he had seen Leo with his detail. Even after two years, Josh could tell his boss hated the agent following him around.

"All clear." The agent reported, exiting Josh's bathroom.

"Well, that's a shocker." Leo muttered sarcastically, stepping into the apartment.

The agents simply stepped back out and closed the door behind them, completely unfazed by the comment.

"You can stop laughing!" Leo gave him a look.

"I haven't said a word!" Josh protested.

"You were thinking about it... I know you were... I know you are every time I have to wait to enter somewhere." Leo replied. "You think it's funny now? One day, when you're Chief Of Staff to the next guy in the Oval, Sam for example... I'll be there to laugh at you."

Josh bit his tongue when the first thought that flashed through his mind was whether or not he'd live long enough.

"The First Lady sent over dinner." He held up a bag he had been carrying before going into the kitchen.

"What is it?" Josh called, not moving from his place on the couch.

"Some kind of pasta salad." Leo answered, appearing in the doorway; now with his suit jacket removed and his shirtsleeves rolled up to his elbows. "So, how did it go?"

"They stabbed me with a few needles and took my blood."

Leo rolled his eyes. "Do you have to make it sound like a horror movie?"

"The doctor called me about an hour ago."

Leo stood up a little straighter and looked at his deputy for a moment before speaking. "And?"

"He...He said I have acute anaemia."

Leo frowned a little. "Anaemia? That's to do with iron in you blood isn't it?"

"Something like that."

"So...It's good news?" Leo questioned, not understanding why Josh wasn't happy.

"Apparently anaemia is a symptom...They want to do some more tests..." Josh told him. "They said a bone marrow test will confirm whether I have it or not."

"But it could just be anaemia?" Leo asked. "Along with the flu...That would scare anyone."

"Yeah." Josh said quietly.

"You've got to be positive..." Leo stated, walking over and sitting down next to him. "You might end up you just having to take some iron supplements or something."

After a few seconds of silence Josh forced himself to look at Leo.

"I lied to you..." He whispered.

"What?"

"Well, not lied...Just not... I didn't tell you the whole truth." He admitted.

"About what?"

"About how...How I've been feeling...It felt like the flu at the start, Leo...Honest to, God, I thought it was just the flu." Josh started to ramble a little. "But then I noticed other things... Like, I kept getting nosebleeds...And my Dad...He had that...I remember..."

"Josh..."

"And I've got this sore throat...I've had it for weeks now...I can't get over it..." He continued, not being able to stop now he had started talking; he had spent the last week worrying about what these symptoms meant.

"It doesn't mean anything." Leo told him firmly.

He fell back against the couch and closed his eyes. "It does, Leo..."

"You could be overreacting to something that isn't there." Leo stated.

Josh turned his head slightly to look at him. "What happens if it is?"

"We'll talk about that if it comes to it."

"I want to talk about it now." He sat up a little straighter.

"So you can stress over this more then you've done already?" Leo replied.

"So I can be prepared." Josh corrected. "I need to work all of this out now before..."

"Before nothing happens?"

Josh sighed. "The doctor... He said...There's a big chance that I have it, Leo... A bigger chance than not having it."

"And he actually said that?"

"Well, not in those exact words, but why would they be doing further tests if it was just the flu?"

Leo leaned back in his seat, deep in thought. He wasn't sure how to deal with this. He stayed quiet; trying to work out how a Chief of Staff deals with his Deputy...Having cancer... But all he could think of was how does a father deal with his son having the deadly illness.

"I'm sorry."

Leo looked at him. "What for?"

Josh shrugged. "I don't know...It just seems every time things start to get back to normal something else comes along that screws everything up again... Lately, it has always involved me."

Leo let out a small laugh. "Josh, you're seriously not apologising for being ill?"

Josh leaned forwards, placing his elbows on top of his knees and rubbing his face with his hands. "I'm just saying...Maybe...If you think...I should... I could resign?"

The smile fell from Leo's lips as his face turned serious. "No."

"For the best of administration." Josh argued.

"No!"

"Leo..."

"Listen to me! You are my Deputy Chief of Staff! I am not letting you quit over something like this."

"I'll need treatment... I won't be any help to the President...You need to bring in someone that will be."

"We'll cope..." Leo assured him. "But don't you go thinking that you'll still be doing your crazy hours..."

"Okay, so you won't let me quit, but you won't let me carry on as normal?" Josh questioned.

"Yeah, I like being difficult." He replied dryly before changing the subject. "So, you have this bone marrow thing, tomorrow?"

"In the morning." He nodded, knowing that Leo was changing the subject but decided to let it go. "It doesn't take long to do."

Leo nodded. "You'll be back at work afterwards?"

"Actually, if it's okay... I'd rather work at home."

Leo frowned a little; normally it took a Presidential order for Josh to stay away from the West Wing.

"I have one meeting about the Education Bill...But C.J could take care of that..." Josh added. "She's been helping me with it, and it really isn't an important meeting..."

"I'm sure C.J will do just fine." Leo cut in, stopping his rambling. "It's just...Well, I know you've been told to rest and I said you're not going to continue your crazy hours any more, but you can still sit and work at your desk."

"I'd prefer to work at home." He replied, looking down at his hands.

Leo sighed. "If that's what you want."

"It's just... People will ask questions..." He stuttered slightly in explanation. "I mean, this test tomorrow won't take long but they said there might be side effects... Nothing serious...Maybe a little aching... That and the fact, I'm not exactly going to be in a really great mood anyway...I'd...I'd just rather stay out the way..."

"If this is..." Leo stopped, not being able to the say the word. "If there isn't good news, then you will have to tell them at some point."

"I know." He nodded. "Just not tomorrow."

"Okay." Leo said after a few seconds and then pushed himself to his feet. "I'd better get dinner."

"I'm not..." Josh started to refuse but stopped when Leo shot him a look. "Never mind."

Josh sighed, falling back against the couch, as Leo headed into the kitchen. He grabbed a blanket off of the back of the couch, wrapping it around himself tightly. It was a blanket his Mom had brought with her when she stayed with him after Rosslyn. He'd never admit it to anyone, but he had only felt safe when there was someone there, fussing over him. Whether it was his Mom, Donna, C.J, Sam...Even Toby, although his bedside manner wasn't as nice as the others. He basically just told him to shut up and watch the game, but him being there to look out for him was more then enough.

"You cold?" Leo asked, re-entering the room with two plates.

"A little." Josh mumbled, pulling the blanket around him tighter.

Leo stood over him for a moment. "You know, whatever this thing is, we're going to beat it."

"What if I can't?" He asked.

"We will!" Leo said firmly, sitting back down beside him. "We're going to fight this all the way, Josh..."

"I'm tired of fighting." He mumbled, bringing his legs up onto the couch and hugging his knees to his chest.

Leo watched him and couldn't help but think how much his Deputy looked like a scared, lost child.

"I don't know how he did it..." Josh whispered, breaking Leo's train of thought.

"Who?"

"Dad... I don't know how he coped with all of this." Josh replied. "I remember, when he told me about having the tests done... He was more concerned about how I took it, then about the fact he might be ill."

"Of course he did, Josh... He was your Father..."

"He kept telling me over and over again that it would be okay and that I shouldn't worry." Josh kept talking. "I went back home after he'd had all the tests and he acted as if nothing was happening...I mean, he had just been told that he could be dying and he was...He was still able to be my Dad."

"Josh..."

"I remember sitting there... Waiting to hear back from the doctor...He was so calm..." He played with the edge of the blanket as he spoke. "Then when we found out that he did have...He... He just accepted it... And I don't know how he did that. I don't even know where to start to deal with all of this..."

"You're not alone, Josh." Leo told him. "You never will be... You are all your Mother has left... And then there's everyone at the White House... C.J, Toby, Sam… Charlie and Zoey, they both idolise you... And the President of the United States and The First Lady...They see you as a member of their family...And there's me... You'll never have to go through anything like this alone, Josh... Not when there's all of them around...Not when I'm around."

Josh looked down at the blanket, willing the tears that burned in his eyes not to slip down his face. After a few seconds, he managed to get his emotions under control and looked up at Leo.

"Does the President know?"

"No, not yet." Leo assured him. "I think he suspects something, but knows he'll be told when he has to be."

"I should tell him." Josh replied. "I know I've got to tell everyone...But I should tell him first... I should warn him."

"It's completely your decision, Josh." Leo stated. "He'd understand."

"I should still tell him."

"Okay." Leo nodded, glancing down at the untouched plates in both their laps. "Eat up."

Josh gave him a sideward glance, but picked up his fork with a shaky hand and began to push the food around the plate.

Leo took a few mouthfuls of the cold pasta, watching Josh closely. He wasn't really hungry, but he couldn't tell Josh to eat when he wouldn't himself. After a few minutes, he sighed quietly when Josh had barley had a mouthful.

"I...I just can't..." Josh explained, knowing what Leo was thinking.

"I'll clear up." He replied, softly, taking both plates away and heading into the kitchen.

When he came back into the room, he found Josh was staring at an old photo of him with his Mom and Dad. It couldn't have been long before Noah had found out about the cancer.

Josh placed the photo onto the coffee table when Leo sat back down.

"He said everything would be okay...Because he had me and Mom." Josh spoke quietly. "Whilst we were waiting for the results...I couldn't relax... It seemed to take forever...But Dad... He kept calm... I asked him how he could just sit there and talk about my job..."

Leo looked across at him. Josh and him had talked about Noah before. They had told each other stories about him, but Josh had never spoken to him about when he had gotten ill. Whilst they were trying to get Jed elected President and Noah had been receiving treatment, Josh would tell him how it was all going but never about how he felt.

"He...He said it was because of me and Mom." Josh continued, choking a little on the words as tears reappeared in his eyes. "He said he wasn't scared because he had us..."

"Josh..." Leo started, automatically reaching out and putting a hand on his arm comfortingly.

"I'm terrified, Leo." He whispered, tears finally falling from his eyes. "I'm so damn scared and I don't know how to handle this...And all I want is for him to be here..."

"It'll be okay." Leo swallowed a lump that rose in his throat, refusing to break down when Josh needed him to be strong. "We'll handle this together."

Josh pulled his knees tighter to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs and resting his head on top. His shoulders shook slightly and Leo wasn't sure what to do. He wanted to comfort him, but he knew Josh well enough to know that he'd probably hate Leo seeing him like this.

After a few minutes, Josh leaned back against the couch, his eyes still closed. Leo watched him closely, but before he could say anything Josh started to stand up.

"Where are you going?"

"To get some water..." Josh told him. "Do you want anything?"

"Sit down..." Leo ordered, getting to his feet. "I'll get it."

"Leo." Josh rolled his eyes.

"Sit." Leo gave him a look. If he couldn't comfort him, then at least he could get him some water.

"Fine." He sighed, dropping back to the couch.

Once Leo was in the kitchen, he leaned back against the counter; taking a shaky breath and closed his eyes as tears threatened to fall. Josh was terrified... He was terrified... And he didn't know what to do. He forced himself to pull it together, before filling a glass with water.

He stopped in front of Josh when he saw he had fallen asleep, watching him for a moment. He then placed the glass on the coffee table before gently putting Josh's legs up onto the couch and lying him down. Grabbing the blanket Josh had wrapped around himself earlier, he covered him with it. He stared down at him, relieved to see that his Deputy looked peaceful for the first time that week. He sighed; stepping back and picking up the photograph Josh had been looking at earlier. He moved over to the armchair, next to the couch, falling into it. He stared at the picture of Josh grinning with his arms around his parents.

"You can't have him yet, Noah..." Leo whispered, almost silently.

**TBC**

**Please review and let me know what you think!!! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey, sorry it's taken so long for an update but my computer broke down. I've brought a new laptop now so hopefully it'll be easier for me to write!! Thanks for all your reviews!! Please keep them coming and check out my new poll on my profile! Thanks again!!!**

**Enjoy!!!**

**I'm Fine!!!**

Josh slowly sat up and glanced around, groaning at the pain in his back from sleeping on the couch all night. He was startled when a plate of toast was placed down in front of him, along with a glass of orange juice

"Geez, Leo...You trying to give me a heart attack?"

Leo raised his eyebrow and turned to walk back into the kitchen. "Me, give you a heart attack? I've seen what's in your fridge...I'm surprised you haven't given yourself a heart attack."

Josh rolled his eyes and turned around in his seat to face him as he walked back into the room, holding a cup of coffee. "I get all that off of Donna and my Mom, you don't need to worry...Is that coffee?"

"Yes."

"Did you make me a cup?"

"You have orange juice." Leo nodded to the coffee table in front of Josh.

Josh glanced at the juice before looking back at Leo, who was now sitting in the armchair.

"I really do get all of this from Donna and my Mom..."

"You should listen to them more often." Leo replied. "Eat your toast."

"Leo!"

"You hardly had any dinner last night, I know you haven't been eating properly for the past few days anyway, so eat your toast."

Josh stared at him for a few moments before sighing in defeat and picking up a piece.

There was silence for a few minutes before Leo spoke again.

"What time's your appointment?"

"11:30." Josh answered, taking a sip of his juice. "You slept in that chair all night?"

"Yeah..."

"Why did you stay?"

Leo looked over at him, thinking about his answer. He knew he should probably be honest and tell Josh the truth - that he had spent the night watching over him, like he had done at the hospital the first five days after the shooting. He wanted to tell him how he had tried to think of a plan about what to do if the result came back with bad news. How would it effect the administration? They were all close; he remembers how hard it was for them to focus after Rosslyn, whilst Josh and the President both recovered. Most of all, he tried to think of a way to thank God, if there was good news.

"When I saw you had fallen asleep, I picked up the sports section and I must have dropped off myself." Leo claimed, holding up yesterday's paper. Josh was quite a proud guy and after all the emotions he had shown last night, he probably wouldn't appreciate the truth and would just see it as Leo babysitting him.

Josh thought about it for a moment before nodding a little and finished the rest of his juice before leaning back against the couch.

"Well, I should get to work..." Leo got to his feet, noticing Josh had only eaten one piece of the toast and a little of the second piece, but it was better than nothing. "You'll call me later?"

"Yeah." Josh replied, quietly.

"It'll be fine, okay?"

Josh looked up at him, forcing a small smile. "Yeah, okay..."

Leo gave him small nod in reply and picked up his coat.

"Leo?" Josh got to his feet and turned to face his boss as he reached the door. "Thanks... for...Y'know..."

"Anytime." Leo assured him before pulling the door open. "If I don't hear from you by lunchtime, I'm sending the First Lady after you..."

Josh held up hands in mock surrender. "I'll call."

_XxXxX_

"Okay, make this quick..." Leo stated, as he walked into his office where Sam, Toby and C.J were waiting for him. "What's happening?"

"Shouldn't we wait for Josh?" C.J asked.

"He had somewhere else to be." Leo answered and turned to look at Sam. "What happened with Congresswoman Davis?"

"Josh was right...She's just trying to score some points..." Sam replied.

"You're dealing with it?"

"Yeah, it's not going to be a problem." Sam nodded.

"Right, good...Anything else?"

"I have a thing." C.J told them. "Well, not really sure if it is a thing... It might be a big thing if we don't..."

"C.J?" Leo cut off her rambling.

She sighed and rubbed her forehead with her hand. "Steve Canter came looking for a quote..."

"Who's Steve Canter?" Leo interrupted again, glancing up from the memo he was reading.

"He's covering the Times for a few weeks whilst Jerry's on his honeymoon."

"Jerry got married?" Sam looked across at her.

"Guys, I have a very busy schedule today, so if we can move it along..." Leo returned his attention back to the memo.

"Did you stay at Josh's place last night?" C.J blurted out causing all three men in the office to look at her quickly in surprise.

"I'm sorry?" Leo stared at her.

"Steve asked if the White House would like to give a quote on why the Chief of Staff spent the night at his Deputy's." C.J continued.

Leo laughed a little. "C.J, what are you suggesting?"

Her eyes widened. "God, Leo no...Not that...I should just deny it then."

"Nah, just tell him to mind his own business." Leo replied, moving around the desk to sit down.

"So, you did spend the night there?" C.J asked.

"Yeah."

"Why?" Sam asked, a little concerned for his friend. He could tell there was something going on with Josh lately and it worried him that Leo would take the night off to stay the night with him.

"Mind your own business." Leo told him.

"Leo..."

"How did he know?" Leo looked at C.J stopping Sam from continuing.

"What?"

"How did he know I was there?"

C.J glanced at Toby and Sam before sighing. "He said he was in the area."

"He was in the area?" Toby repeated. "He just happened to be in the area where the President's Deputy Chief of Staff lives when the Chief of Staff stopped by?!"

"I don't know..."

"He was either following me or hanging around Josh's place." Leo claimed. "I swear to, God, C.J, if I found out that he was looking for some kind of gossip to go after Josh with I'll..."

"I'll talk to him." She assured him, deciding not to ask why Leo was more concerned about the press stalking Josh then himself. What was really going on with Josh?

"If you don't get this sorted, then tell him, he'll have me to deal with!"

"Got it." She nodded.

"Right, is that all?"

The three of them gathered up their stuff and headed for the door.

"What was all that about?" Sam asked as they made their way back to their offices.

"I don't know, but there is something they don't want us to know." Toby replied.

"Well, I just hope Steve Canter doesn't know more than we do." C.J added, turning the corner and walking off.

_XxXxX_

Josh was stretched out across the couch, a report on the Education Bill in his hand. He had about an hour before he had to leave for his appointment so he decided that doing some work might help take his mind off of everything. He frowned a little when the door rang. He pushed himself to his feet, wondering if Leo had decided to come back or if the First Lady didn't trust him to actually go to the appointment.

"Hello?" He pressed the intercom button.

"Hi, let me up?" Came Donna's reply.

"Donna?"

"Yeah, let me up." She repeated.

He buzzed her in and went to open the front door. He waited for her to come up the stairs.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, stepping aside to let her in.

"I'm here to work." She said cheerfully, dropping her bags on the coffee table, next to the files he was working on.

"Donna...Wha..." He watched her, confused. "You need to be in the office..."

"Leo sad you're going to be working from home today." She started to pull papers out of her bag. "It'll be no use if your here and I'm there."

"Donna..." He sighed, walking over and dropping onto the couch.

She stopped what she was doing and looked at him. "What's wrong, Josh?"

He looked up at her, trying to decide if he should tell her or not. He wanted to but he didn't know if he was ready too. Donna and he had always had a strong friendship and there were times when Josh wondered if there was something else there too. He just didn't know how to tell her. He wanted to be able to comfort her and tell her everything would work out but at the moment he didn't know that.

"I'm just tired." He spoke after a few moments of silence. "Which is why I'm here and not at the office."

"But you're still working." She pointed out.

"Yeah but..." He started but stopped.

"Josh?"

He sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I'm just... I'm not feeling great..."

She sat down next to him, concerned. He never admitted to feeling ill, even after the shooting; he kept insisting he was fine. She placed a hand on his forehead.

"Maybe I should call your doctor."

He shifted away from her a little. "Don't worry about me..."

"You're staying off work voluntary because you're ill?" She gave him a look. "And you're telling me not to worry."

He couldn't help but smile. "Leo and the First Lady had something to do with it too."

"Ah, so you're just scared of coming into the West Wing then?"

"Yeah, that's right...You got me." He rolled his eyes. "But seriously, you need to go back to work."

"Why?"

"Because you're going to help C.J on the Education Bill." He answered.

"Josh, you'll be a phone call away and knowing you, you'll be back there tomorrow." She laughed a little. "The place won't fall apart without you."

"Yeah but still..." He sighed.

If the results came back and he did have cancer, he knew that no matter what Leo had said; they'd have to get someone in to replace him. Whoever it will be, Donna will have to be there to help them.

"But still what?" She questioned.

"I'm going to be sleeping most of the day...I'm not going to be doing a lot of work." He claimed. "So, go help C.J...She'll need it."

"Josh? What's really going on?"

He stared at her, knowing she didn't believe a word he was saying.

"Just go, Donna." He whispered, looking away.

"Josh?"

"Please..." He mumbled.

"Okay, if that's what you want." She gathered the files she had taken out and stuffed them back into her bag.

Josh continued to look down at the floor, knowing she would have that hurt look on her face.

"If there's anything you need, just call me." She told him. Even though she was upset that he was throwing her out and not telling her what was really wrong, she still wanted to help him.

"Thanks." This time he raised his head and met her eyes.

She waited for a moment, hoping he'd change his mind and talk but when he didn't, she slung her bag over her shoulder. "Bye."

"Bye."

He fell back against the couch and covered his face with his hands. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm his heart rate.

He rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hands to stop the tears rolling down his face. He ran his hand through his hair before picking up the phone to call C.J's office.

"Hi, Carol...It's Josh...Is she in? Thanks."

"Josh?" C.J came on the line.

"Hey, just to let you know that Donna's on her way over to help you go over the Education Bill."

"Okay." She replied. "Listen, there's something I need to ask you..."

"Yeah, hang on..." He told her. "First, I need you to take the meeting about the Bill."

"Why can't you?" She held the phone between her shoulder and ear, whilst she kept working.

"Because I'm busy." He stated. "And that's why Donna's on her way."

"Okay, but how long does it takes to get to your office to mine?" She asked. "Shouldn't she be here?"

"She's coming from my apartment."

"Your apartment?"

"Yeah."

"Did you have a secret slumber party that you didn't want to invite me to or something?"

"What?"

"Leo spent the night at yours."

"He told you that?"

"No, a member of the press told me."

"How the hell did they find out?"

"I'm working on that..." C.J told him.

"They've taken to following us around now?!"

"I'm sorting it, Josh." She assured. "What time are you coming in?"

"Sometime tomorrow."

"Not today?"

"No, I've still got the flu, so I'm under strict orders from the First Lady to stay home; I'm going to work from here today."

"Oh." She was a little taken back by that. "Do you need me to do anything?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know, make some soup or something?"

"You make soup?"

"I can buy it."

Josh let out a laugh. "No, it's okay...Thanks for the offer though."

"Well, just let me know if you change your mind."

"Yeah, I'll call you later about the meeting."

"Sure...Bye." She leaned back in her chair, deep in thought; there was something that didn't sound quite right. He sounded like he had been crying but if he was ill maybe that was why.

"C.J, you got a minute?" Toby walked into the office without knocking.

"Josh isn't coming in today." She told him.

He stopped, waiting for her to continue.

"And?"

"Hmmm?"

"Why isn't he coming in?"

"The First Lady's orders to get over the flu." She answered.

"Oh, well okay..." Toby started to change the subject when she cut him off.

"it's a bit weird though."

"The First Lady banning him from work?"

"Yeah, well no...Him actually listening."

"C.J..."

"I'm just worried okay." She said defensively. "You said yourself earlier that there's something that they don't want us to know."

"Yeah."

"Yeah, well I'm just worried."

"C.J, if there is something wrong, they'll tell us when we need to know." He said softly. "Until then, whatever it is that's happening, he's got Leo looking out for him... No one is going to do a better job."

She sighed and shook her head a little, to try and clear it. "What did you need me for?"

Toby gave her a small smile before telling her what he had originally come in for.

_XxXxX_

"Josh is on the phone for you." Margaret informed Leo before stepping out his office.

Leo glanced at his watch before picking up the phone.

"Josh, when I said I wanted to hear from you before lunch, I actually meant after your appointment."

"There was a reporter outside my house, last night?"

Leo sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Some guy covering for Jerry..."

"He was outside my house?"

"Don't worry about it..."

"Leo, I've got an appointment at a private doctor's clinic that specializes in cancer treatment." Josh exclaimed. "If I get my picture taken there, then the whole world is going to know that I might be dying before I do!"

"Josh..."

"My mother will read it, Leo!" His voiced lowered a little. "Donna and Sam..."

"That's not going to happen." Leo assured him.

"Maybe I should cancel the appointment." Josh said, more to himself then to Leo.

"No."

"I'm not ready for everyone to know, Leo."

"Let's not forget there might be nothing for people to know."

"Exactly! Why should I put the people I care about through all that, over nothing?"

"Josh..."

"I'm serious..."

"I know, and that's why if you open your door, you'll find an agent."

Josh rolled his eyes. "Yeah and that's going to stop people asking questions."

"They'll take you to your appointment and will stop anyone who they think is tailing you."

Josh sighed and sat down on the couch. "So, this guy who knows you stayed here last night thinks there is something happening... The next thing he's going to be asking C.J is why I'm off and why I have a secret service agent."

"I really don't think he's going to be hanging around...C.J is going to warn him that we won't accept it." Leo stated. "Besides, he wasn't there because he knew something; he was there because he's new to this and was looking for some gossip."

"Still..."

"You're going to that appointment, Josh, because I've given the secret service instructions to drag you there kicking and screaming if necessary."

"Yeah." He sighed in defeat knowing that there was no use arguing.

"Call me later." Leo told him before hanging up.

_XxXxX_

"Where's C.J?" Leo asked, standing in the doorway to Toby's office.

He looked up from his laptop. "My guess would be her office...Which is just down the hall..."

"She's not." He cut in, ignoring the sarcasm.

"Well, then I'm all out of ideas."

"Did she talk to that Canter guy?"

"I don't know."

"Fine, if she isn't going to do it..." Leo turned to face the door.

"Then what?" Toby asked before he had the chance to leave.

"I'll just have to do it myself."

"Leave it to C.J."

"I left it to C.J all morning and it hasn't been done."

"Leo, this isn't a big deal." Toby assured him.

"There was a reporter camped outside Josh's house!"

"Or he could have been following you." Toby pointed out. "Why are you so concerned about Josh?"

"Because that boy has been through enough, and he doesn't need the press picking at little bits of gossip!" Leo exclaimed.

"That's the thing Leo, he isn't a boy." Toby answered. "And he isn't your boy. He's the Deputy Chief of Staff...Sometimes; you've got to accept these things happen."

Leo shot Toby a glare before turning on his heels and heading for the door again. "Tell C.J I'm looking for her."

"You talk to Steve Canter about this and you'll make it a story." Toby called after him. "All you'll be doing is just confirming that there is something happening with Josh."

"Just tell C.J!"

_XxXxX_

Josh carefully limped through the door of his apartment. He had been surprised at how fast the test was done and how soon he was allowed home. They had offered to give him a sedative, but he refused because he would have to stay longer in the hospital. However, as soon as the procedure had started, he wished he had accepted. They had numbed his hip with anaesthetic, so when the doctor had pushed the needle through his skin, he didn't feel a thing, but when it went through into his hipbone; there was an excruciating, sharp pain. The procedure only took a few minutes and now Josh was left with a dull ache down his leg.

He collapsed on the couch, groaning in pain. He leaned his head back, taking a few deep breaths. This was only the start and there was a chance that things could get much more difficult. He had no idea how he was going to get through it.

His eyes closed slowly and he wondered if the painkillers that the doctor had given him were about start to kicking in; when suddenly his cell phone startled him. Grimacing at the moment, he carefully removed it from his back pocket and answered.

"Josh Lyman." He leaned his head back again and closed his eyes.

"Josh, is that you?"

"Margaret?"

"Yeah, you sound terrible."

"I feel it." He mumbled. "And I'm going back to sleep now."

"Leo wants to talk to you."

"Tell Leo I'm asleep."

"Tell him yourself." She replied, pressing a few buttons on the phone, which put the call through to Leo. "Josh is on the line."

"Good." Leo put his pen down, ready to give his deputy his full attention. "Josh?"

"I was sleeping." He stated.

"You said you'd call."

"I was sleeping."

"Right, well how did it go?"

"Hurt like hell, still hurts; results won't be ready for a few days." He muttered a brief outline of the appointment.

"Josh." He sighed.

"What do you want from me, Leo?" He snapped, slowly losing his patience. "How thin the needle was? How hard the doctor had to push it to get it to go through the bone?"

"Okay, okay..." Leo cut off his rant.

"I get the point. I'll let you get some rest."

"No, I'm awake now." He sighed, pushing himself to his feet, not caring about the moan that escaped his lips.

"You okay?" Leo asked in concern.

"The Doc said there might be some pain for a few hours..." He explained making his way to the kitchen.

"He gave you something for it?"

"Some mild painkillers." He opened the fridge, not sure what he was looking for. He pulled a face at the pasta salad that the First Lady had sent over with Leo last night before putting it back in the fridge and just grabbing a bottle of water.

"You going to take them?"

"Already have." He trapped the phone between his shoulder and his ear so that he can open the bottle.

"That bad, huh?"

"Yeah...Listen, I want to talk about bringing someone else in to..."

"No."

"Leo."

"Josh, no...We're not doing this."

"We need to do it at some point."

"No, we don't..." Leo stated. "We'll cope fine until you're ready to fully return."

There was silence on the line as Josh debated with himself whether or not he should say what was on his mind. He sat back on the couch and put the untouched water on the coffee table. Knowing he would probably be having similar conversations like this with several different people in the near future.

"Josh?" Leo asked, wondering if his deputy had fallen asleep.

"What if I can't come back, Leo?" He whispered.

"Josh..."

"Seriously, we need to talk about this..."

"Why are you convinced that you have this...this..."

"Cancer." Josh filled in, when Leo stuttered over the word.

"...Before we've have the results back?"

"Because I can't go into this unprepared...It's going to take a lot to get through this...I've got to start accepting this now." Josh answered, feeling touched that he said the word 'we.'

"And if the results come back clear?"

"Then you can say I told you so."

"Josh..."

"I need to know things are all in hand... I'm going to need to concentrate on myself for a while, and I won't be able to that if I don't know that the administration is going be okay..."

"We'll be fine..."

"We've got to come up with a plan." He insisted. "Because this, Leo...It's going to get harder."

Once again there was silence on the line.

"We'll talk about it tomorrow?" Josh asked, after a few seconds.

"Okay." Leo finally agreed.

"I have some ideas."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"It's my job, Leo...It's what I'm good at." Josh couldn't help but smile.

"Yeah, it is."

"Right, well... If there's nothing else, I think I might try and get some sleep."

Leo rubbed his eyes, finding it hard to believe that Josh was actually willing to take a nap during the middle of a work day.

"I'll see you tomorrow then."

"You're not coming around to cook me dinner tonight then?" Josh teased.

"I can..." Leo started to offer.

"Relax, I was joking." Josh told him. "I'll be fine, there some of that green stuff from last night left over."

"Okay and I'll let the First Lady know that her 'green stuff' has gone down well."

"You think she made it herself?"

"You want to ask her?"

"No."

"Well, me neither."

"Hey, Leo..."

"Hmm?"

"I want to tell The President about all of this."

"You know you don't have too..."

"I know but he's The President...He deserves to know."

"Well, okay." Leo wasn't really surprised by his choice. "I'll set it up for tomorrow."

"Okay." He ran his hand through his hair.

"I can always do it, if you don't feel up to it."

"No, it should be me..." He replied. "I mean, I need to get use to talking about it, right?"

"I guess..."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah and get some rest."

"I'm going to bed right now." Josh informed him, getting to his feet. "Is this where you threaten me with the First Lady if I don't call every hour?"

"Are you mocking me?"

"I'm just saying that even Donna's rules weren't as bad..." Josh stated, making his way to the bedroom, relieved that the painkillers were working now and he had to admit that talking a little to Leo had made him feel a little better.

"Go to bed, would you!"

"Yes, Sir." He said before hanging up, placing the phone on the nightstand and falling onto the bed; not bothering to get under the covers or remove any of his clothes.

Leo turned his chair a little to face the window, deep in thought. Josh was right; this was going to get harder.

**TBC**

**Please review!!!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys, here's the next chapter! Thank you all so much for the reviews!! Please please keep them coming!! **

**Enjoy!!!**

**I'm Fine**

Josh stayed in his seat when Leo had dismissed everyone else from Senior Staff. He had arrived at work later then usual, noting how it took him longer to get ready this morning because of his lack of energy. He wished he could push it all to the back of his mind and just get on with what he needed to do, but he just couldn't. Every time he moved, his body ached, reminding him of what was happening. He kept thinking back to after the shooting, how he kept pretending that everything was okay because he didn't want to let the President, Leo or the Administration down. He kept thinking about how close he had come to nearly losing it because he didn't look after himself. He never wanted to feel like that again.

"So, how are you feeling today?" Leo asked, taking his glasses off and setting them on the desk.

Josh shrugged, leaning against the chair. "Tired, I guess would be a good word."

Leo studied him for a moment, trying to decide how to answer. He had never seen Josh this low. Not even after the shooting.

"You get much sleep last night?"

Josh looked over at him, realising where he was and sat up straight. "Yeah, quite a bit...Just, well it wasn't very restful."

"You didn't have to come in today."

"Yeah, I did." He sighed. "We need to talk about this seriously."

"Where do you want to start?" Leo asked, after a few seconds. Deciding that Josh wasn't going to give up on this until they had talked about it.

"We need to get someone to cover for me." He claimed.

He had thought about this a lot since he had his first appointment. It had actually helped by keeping this mind busy.

"You really think that?"

"I love my job, Leo...And...And I'm finding a replacement for myself..." He whispered, running a hand through his hair. "I hate that someone else is going to be doing what I should be doing..." 

"Then why are you insisting on this?"

"Because I can't do what I should be doing! Look at me... I can't do it." He got to his feet. "Even if it's not... Even... God, we don't know how bad it is yet and I'm already a mess!"

Leo watched silently as he started to pace the office.

"I slept all yesterday afternoon... And still didn't fell like getting up this morning...It took me twice as long to get ready..." He ranted and kept moving, avoiding looking at his boss. "I can't get done what needs to get done...I know that! That's why I gave C.J the meeting about the education bill...Because I just couldn't do it!"

Leo sat; a little shocked at the outburst. He wondered if he should say or do anything as he stared at Josh, who had his back to him. Leo could hear him breathing heavily, leaning his forehead against the office door.

"C.J should..." He whispered in a shaky voice.

"C.J should what?" Leo asked.

"Cover for me." He explained. "C.J should."

"Really?"

Josh finally turned around to face him again. "I... God..."

"Josh?" Leo raised an eyebrow; he was really starting to worry about him.

"I can't believe I just lost it like that."

Leo got up from behind the desk, moving towards Josh and then guided him towards the couch.

"You said you had some ideas." He reminded him of their phone conversation the night before.

"Yeah."

"Well?" 

"I don't think you should bring in someone new." He started, swallowing the lump in his throat. "Toby will drive you, me and the President insane...Sam, I really don't think he'd be up for it..."

"So, that leaves C.J..." Leo finished off. "And who's going to cover her?"

"Well, see I was thinking that I might not leave completely." He admitted. "C.J would only need to cover for me when I can't do the job and Sam can cover for C.J on those days..."

Leo smiled and shook his head. "You're your father's son."

Josh briefly made eye contact with him before looking down.

"You don't have to, y'know." Leo said after a few seconds of silence. "You can take as much time as you need off... Everyone would understand..."

He looked up again and this time smiled. "No, I can't, Leo...Aside from the fact that I'd be causing ten times more work for the rest of you... This is me you're talking about...Can you really see me sitting at home all day watching soap operas?"

"Okay, how about we just go with the flow... We'll give C.J more responsibility and give you less work...A lot less work... Then anything else we'll deal with as we come to it."

"Yeah, sounds like a plan."

"The President will have to agree, but I don't see any reason why he wouldn't." Leo continued.

"I guess we'll talk about that later." Josh looked over at the door leading from Leo's office to the Oval office.

"Yeah." He followed Josh's eyes. "He's got meetings this morning...Charlie's put you down for just after lunch."

"Yeah." Josh nodded, looking back at him.

"You gonna' be okay?"

Josh forced a small smile. "Sure."

"I meant it when I said I could talk to him..." 

"Leo, it'll be fine." Josh shook his head and stood up. "I should get some work done."

"Okay." He got to his feet also, walking Josh towards the door.

"I'm going to work with C.J on the Education Bill, make sure everything is up to speed."

"Okay, well you know where I am if you need any help." Leo replied, but he wasn't just talking about the bill.

"Yeah, thanks." Josh nodded. "See ya."

Leo stood in the doorway watching Josh disappear down the corridor.

"Leo?" Margaret broke his train of thoughts after a few seconds.

He looked at her. "Can you call over to the First Lady and ask her to stop by my office, please?" 

She nodded, picking up the phone. "What should I say it's about?"

"It's about..." He started, but stopped himself. "Just tell her it's about what we were talking about the other day."

She looked at him for a moment before turning her attention to the phone.

_XxXxX_

Josh half-heartily pushed his salad around on his plate, barely aware of anyone else in the room. Their conversation just background noise to his thoughts about what he was going to say to the President during their meeting. He had been working with C.J and they decided to order lunch. Both Donna and C.J had raised an eyebrow at his request for a salad, but he felt a little sick and thought it would be something easy for his stomach to handle. Toby had stopped by, wanting Josh's opinion on something and decided he wanted a sandwich then Sam happened to walk by, and not wanting to feel left out of the lunch meeting, ordered a burger.

He could see Donna, watching him probably noticing he had barely touched his food, whilst the other debated about some topic that Josh had stopped listening to twenty minutes ago.

"...Josh?" Sam threw a balled up napkin at him. "Josh!"

"Hmm, what?" He looked over at him.

"I was asking what you thought of..." Sam started frowning. "Are you okay?"

"Sure."

"Is there something going on?" C.J asked.

He sighed, as they all stared at him. "Nothing I can't handle..."

"Something wrong with your food?" Donna questioned.

"It's a salad." He grinned at her.

"It's what you ordered."

"I know but..." Leo appearing in the doorway cut him off.

"You ready?" He asked.

Josh glanced at the time, swallowing before nodding and standing up. "Yeah."

The others watched as he left, following Leo towards the Oval Office.

"This doesn't look good, does it?" Donna asked quietly.

"Long meetings with Leo...Days off... Secret meetings with the President... Handing over the Education Bill to C.J...Turning up late..." Toby listed. "No, it doesn't look good."

Sam looked at him. "You think he's leaving?"

There was silence in the office, no one answering.

"Where...Where would he go?" Donna asked.

Toby shrugged, standing up and grabbing his jacket off the back of the chair. "That's not the question I really care about right now."

"What is?"

"Why and whether it's his decision or the President's."

They watched as he walked out the office, each of them slowly following.

_XxXxX_

"Charlie, is he ready?" Leo asked when they reached the outer office.

"Yeah, he's waiting." Charlie glanced up at them. "You can go on in."

"Thanks." Josh said but didn't move.

"Want me to come in too?" Leo offered, after a few seconds.

"No, no...I'll be fine...I just..." He stopped his rambling. "I'll go on in, then?"

"Okay." Leo nodded, watching as he slowly walked towards the open Oval office door.

Charlie looked from Josh to Leo curiously, but knew better then to ask what was going on.

Josh took a deep breath before finally stepping into the office.

"Ah, Josh...Come on in and have a seat." Jed said, once he saw his Deputy Chief of Staff.

He had asked Leo about this meeting and although he wouldn't tell him what it was about, he had said it was personal. So, Jed decided avoid the joking manner that he normally shared with Josh, remembering that last time he had this kind of meeting with him when he found out about the PTSD.

"Thank you, Sir..." Josh moved towards the couch and Jed sat beside him.

"Y'know last time we met like this, you tried to resign." Jed broke the uneasy silence, finding it difficult to stay away from their normal banter. "We're not going to go through that again, are we?"

Josh looked back at him before slowly reaching into his jacket pocked and pulling a long white envelope.

Jed watched as he placed it on the table in front of them, his name printed on the front in Josh's own handwriting.

"You've found yourself another job?" Jed asked softly. He hated the idea of one of his staff leaving but he knew that it could happen. Although he was surprised it was Josh.

"No, Sir..."

Jed frowned in confusion and concern. "If this is about what happened at Christmas again, then like I said then..."

"Sir..." Josh cut him off, suddenly remembering that he shouldn't interrupt the President. "I'm sorry, Mr President... But it's not about the PTSD." 

"Okay." Jed leaned back against the couch, waiting for Josh to continue.

Josh rubbed his forehead with a shaky hand. "Sir, for a few weeks now, I haven't been feeling well. I thought it was the flu but after talking to some people, mainly Leo and the First Lady... I went to see a doctor."

Jed sat forward, panic suddenly falling over him.

"I've had some tests done...I'm still waiting for the results... "

"What kind of tests?" Jed questioned.

"Some blood tests... And uh, looking at the results they thought it would be best for me to have a bone marrow test."

"Bone marrow?" Jed repeated quietly.

"Yes, Sir... They're... They're test for leukaemia, Sir."

Silence filled the office and Jed got to his feet. His hand half raising to his mouth but then it dropped down to his side. Josh stayed seated, waiting for him to speak.

"I'm sorry..." Jed placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'm...I'm sorry, I don't know what to say."

"It's okay, Sir." Josh replied. "I don't really know either."

"You're seeing a good doctor?" He sat back down.

"Yeah, Mrs. Bartlet recommended one."

"And you've talked about this with her?" 

"Well, Donna, C.J and some other people were concerned about me...I guess she over heard them and she came looking for me." Josh explained. "It was Leo and her that convinced me to see a doctor."

Jed nodded, trying to take in all the information.

"It normally takes a few weeks for the results to come back, but he said he'll rush them through as a favour to the First Lady." Josh continued. "I should hear something in a day or two..."

Jed slowly reached out and picked up the envelope. "You want to resign because of this?"

"No, Sir...I don't want too." Josh claimed. "But it's my job to warn you that there might be days when I'm too ill to work..."

"Josh, do you really think I'd let you resign because you might be ill?" Jed questioned, thinking how well that would go down with the press, not to mention how it would make him look like a hypocrite.

Josh stopped mid sentence and looked at him. "No, Sir...I didn't."

"Then why did you consider even writing this letter?" Jed asked, tearing it in half.

"I had to give you the choice, Sir."

"Leo already refused to accept it?"

"Yes, Sir."

"And you've discussed what's going to happen if you need treatment?"

"We've talked about C.J taking some of my work and helping me out when I'm having bad days or whatever...And Sam could cover for her if he needs too..." Josh told him. "The other option is to bring someone in to help..."

Jed shook his head. "I don't want to bring anyone else in. You really think that C.J is the right choice?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Not that I'm doubting her, but for the best of this administration, you really think she is?"

"I do, Sir... It's either her or Toby." Josh claimed, smiling slightly. "Who would you prefer?"

Jed smiled sadly in return, _there's that banter again. _"I would prefer you."

For once Josh didn't know how to reply, completely surprised by the President's comment. "Thank you, Sir..." 

"So, C.J is getting more work... And Sam's getting more work." Jed started. "And you better believe that you'll be doing less work."

"Yes, Sir I'm sure everyone will see to that."

"Have you talked about this with them?"

Josh looked down. "I...They don't know."

"Oh?" 

"I haven't told them yet...I can't..." Josh looked back up at him. "I mean, I haven't got the results back yet...It might be nothing...So until then... I don't want to worry them."

Jed nodded understandingly and placed a reassuring hand on his arm.

"But I wanted to tell you... I needed you to know." Josh continued. "I wanted to warn you...It wouldn't be fair to keep this from you."

Jed swallowed the lump in his throat and suddenly couldn't look Josh in the eye.

"I know I have to tell them at some point...But I just don't want them worrying about this before we know for sure, especially since there are more important things to get done."

Jed patted his hand. "You're a good man, Josh."

He grinned. "I'm sure there's some people that will disagree with you, Sir."

Jed couldn't help but laugh quietly. "Even so..."

"Thank you, Mr President." He stood up. "I should let you get back to work..."

"They'll understand, you know... When you do tell them... Everything will be fine..." Jed said softly. "They'll all rally around you to make sure everything is fine."

"I know, Sir." He nodded; there was a long pause before Josh continued, his voice shaking a little. "It's times... I mean... I just wish... I wish my Dad was here, y'know?"

"Yeah." Jed whispered.

"Leo's done more then I could have ever asked for...He's listened to me...Made sure I saw a doctor... he's talked to me... He even came round to my apartment and made me eat dinner..." Josh told him. "But my Dad... He's...He's been here...I just wish he was still around to tell me it'll be okay..." 

"I know..."

"Because people say they understand, but how can they really?" Josh almost forgot where he was and who he was talking too. "I mean, how do they understand that there's this...This thing inside of me... Eating away... Trying to destroy me..."

"I know, Son..." Jed put a hand on his shoulder. "I know."

The hand on his shoulder brought Josh back to reality. He hands were clenched in tight fists at his sides, trying to hold onto the emotion that had suddenly overcome him.

"Thank you, Mr President." He choked a little on the words.

"Any time." Jed whispered, stepping back a little.

Josh managed a small smile before turning and slowly leaving the room.

Jed brought a hand to his mouth and walked towards the windows, staring out.

"Mr President?"

He turned and saw Leo stood in the door leading from his office. "I almost told him."

"Sir?"

"He handed me his resignation...That's the second time in the past year...and it's because of something that he can't control..." Jed gripped a hand onto the back of his chair.

Leo stayed silent; not at all surprised that Josh had offered his resignation to the President even though he'd already refused it.

"He stood in this office...For the second time and told me that there's something wrong with him...That he's ill...He stood there and called me Sir and Mr President... He looked me in the eye and said that he might not be able to do his job, but he's going to try his hardest to..." His voice grew louder and louder before he slammed his hand down hard on the desk. "Damn it!!!"

Leo couldn't say anything, knowing that there was no point. Nothing would help.

"I almost told him about the MS, Leo..." He whispered.

"Why didn't you?" Leo asked quietly.

"Because it would have hurt him more then helped him..." Jed answered.

"Yeah." He agreed.

There was silence again, both of them deep in thought.

"Mr President?" Charlie walked into the room.

"Yeah?"

"The First Lady just called and wanted to tell you that she's up in the Residence."

"Thank you, Charlie."

"I spoke to Abbey earlier..." Leo explained when Charlie had left again. "And I've cleared the rest of your afternoon...Go and talk to her."

"Yeah, okay..." He sighed. "Okay, thank you."

"Mr President." Leo said before turning back to his own office.

"Leo? How are you doing?"

"I'm fine, Sir."

"This is Josh." Jed stated. "So, how are you really doing?" 

Leo thought about it for moment before answering. "This is Josh. He'll get through it... Everything will be fine."

"Okay..." Jed accepted his answer, before turning his attention to gathering up his things. "Charlie?!"

"Yes, Sir."

"I'm heading up to the Residence."

"Okay, Sir." He nodded.

"You'll call me if anything happens?" He looked at Leo.

"Yes, Mr President."

They shared another look before Jed turned and walked out the door.

Leo sighed and went back into his office.

XxXxX

Two days had passed and Leo walked through Josh's bullpen, seeing him still sat behind his desk. The door was open slightly, with only his desk lamp on, lighting the office only slightly.

"What are you still doing here?" He asked, as he stood in the door, startling Josh.

He turned away from the window. "Uh, I...I'm waiting for a call."

"Josh, its 7:45 on Saturday night...No one else is here..." 

"They're out celebrating Larry's birthday."

"You didn't want to go?"

"I'm waiting for a call..."

"What's so important?"

"I uh..." He looked down. "I gave the doctor this number...I don't know why...They asked for a contact number and it was the first one to come into my head..." 

"Wait, you're waiting for the doctor?"

"Yeah."

"About the results?" 

"Yes."

"At this time?"

"Well, he's rushed the tests through because the First Lady pulled some strings...So it's not exactly office hours."

"You should have said something." 

"It's fine."

Leo rolled his eyes and sat down in one of the visitor's chairs. He saw Josh open his mouth to comment.

"Don't bother, because unless there's a national emergency I'm staying here, got it?" 

"Yes, Sir."

"Good."

_XxXxX_

"Charlie, you can go on home now." Jed told him, as he walked out of the Oval office, with his wife behind him.

"Thank you, Sir." Charlie started to tidy up his desk.

"Has everyone else gone?"

"Yeah, it's Larry's birthday so everyone's out celebrating...I'm going to join them now."

"Okay, good... Is Leo still around?"

"He went to see Josh in his office...He hasn't come back."

"Josh is still here?"

"I guess so."

"Okay, good night, Charlie."

"Good night, Mr President." He shrugged on his coat. "Ma'am."

"Night, Charlie." Abbey replied softly.

Jed sighed, thinking of Josh. "He's distancing himself from everyone."

Abbey reached out and rubbed his arm. "He just doesn't want to hurt anyone."

"Yeah."

"Come on, lets go over and say goodnight."

They were both surprised when they reached the office to find Josh sitting staring out the window, whilst Leo was watching him, in complete silence.

"Not interrupting, are we?" Jed announced his presence.

"Mr President." Josh shot to his feet and Leo followed.

"Is everything okay?" He waved them back into their seats.

"We're waiting for the doctor's call." Leo explained softly.

Jed and Abbey looked at each other before looking at Josh.

"Would you like some company?" Abbey asked.

"You really don't have to..." Josh started.

"It's what families do." Jed cut him off, sitting down as Leo stood up and offered Abbey his seat.

Josh managed a small smile before turning his eyes back to the outside.

They sat in silence for another thirty minutes, Jed and Abbey had pulled their chairs closer together and their hands were grasped tightly together. Josh had his feet resting on the windowsill, not having moved his gaze from the window the whole time.

Leo was now pacing around the office, only stopping occasionally to watch his Deputy. Surprised that he had been sat still for so long. This was the guy they had to practically chain to the bed once he had come around from the operation after being shot. Now he was just sitting there...It gave Leo the chance to look at him closely, noticing how tired and drawn he looked. He sighed, just another sign that he wasn't the normal Josh.

Everyone jumped at the sound of the phone ringing. Josh glanced at each of them before slowly reaching out with a shaky hand.

"Jo…Josh Lyman." He stuttered into the phone.

Both Abbey and Jed leaned forward a little, gripping each other's hand tighter. Leo paused his pacing and stared at Josh anxiously.

"Yes, I am Joshua Lyman..." He spoke, not looking at anyone in the room. "Yeah, okay...So, uh...What does that mean?"

Leo looked back at Jed and Abbey when Josh squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn't read him; he didn't know whether it was good news or bad.

"Okay, yeah...Thank You...I appreciate your help." Josh continued. "Tha...thank you.."

He replaced the phone but kept his eyes closed as the others waited for him to speak.

"Josh?" Abbey asked softly.

He opened his eyes and stood up. "I uh...I have an appointment tomorrow morning..."

"What did they say?" Leo questioned.

He rubbed his eye with the heel of his palm. "Uh, they... He wants to discuss the treatment..."

"What kind of treatment?" 

"Chemotherapy... to start off with I think." He replied, coming around from behind the desk.

"Oh, Josh..." Abbey cried quietly.

"I said, I might join the others at the bar...I should call them and tell I can't." He sniffed. Not wanting to break down in front of them, he headed out of the office but only reached the door when his feet stopped moving.

No one moved, watching as he leant his head against the door, gripping the handle so tightly that his knuckles turned white. It was Abbey who finally reached out to him when quiet sobs broke the silence.

"It'll be okay..." She whispered, her arms wrapped around him. Her hand gently rubbing his back in a motherly fashion.

"I'm sorry..." He cried. "I'm sorry."

"Shhh, it's okay..." She repeated, not being able to stop her own emotions and glancing over at her husband and his chief of staff, she saw they couldn't either.

**TBC**

**Please review and let me know what you think!! **


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys, thank you all so much for your reviews! I'm so glad you're enjoying this story! Please keep reviewing!! **

**Enjoy!!!**

**I'm Fine.**

"Hi, I'm Claudia Jean Cregg, I am the Press Secretary here at the White House..."

"C.J..." Josh sighed and rubbed his eyes, leaning his elbows on the desk.

"You look familiar but I can't quite work it out…"

"Really, stop that now." He looked up at her.

"Where the hell have you been?" She asked, moving fully into the office closing the door behind her. "You stood all of us up on Saturday night... You didn't even come in yesterday..."

"I was busy..."

"Josh, what's going on?" She asked. "You've been acting weird for the last couple of days and so has Leo and the President."

"C.J..."

"People are starting to talk."

He looked at her for a moment. "What are they saying?" 

"That you're leaving." She answered. "You're not, are you?" 

He glanced down at his desk before looking back at her. "Can you have lunch with me?"

"Lunch?"

"Yeah."

"Josh, you can't leave..."

"C.J, please...Just have lunch with me...I'll tell you what's happening."

"You can't tell me now?"

"I need to talk to Leo about some things first." He shook his head as he stood up. "Speaking of which, we're going to be late for Staff."

She followed him out the office, sharing a look with Donna, who looked just as concerned as she did.

"Josh?" She placed a hand on his arm stopping him just before they reached Leo's office. "This is big, isn't it? I mean, it's going to be really bad?"

He was silent for a moment before nodding slowly. "Yeah, it's pretty bad."

She stared after him as he continued to walk through Leo's open office door. She sighed, rubbing her forehead with the tip of her fingers before following.

She saw Toby and Sam already there, waiting for her.

"Nice of you to join us." Leo muttered, not looking up from the memo he was reading.

"Yeah..." She replied slightly distracted, watching Josh who was sitting in one the chairs in front of the desk. She couldn't help but notice that he seemed a lot calmer then he has done the past few days.

"Makes a change from Josh being the last one here..." Toby said in a typical Monday morning tone.

Although, it was a normal and expected comment from Toby, Leo's head snapped up and he glared at the Communications Director.

"I'm just saying that lately he's been a little...tardy."

"Tardy?" Sam repeated, before anyone else could say anything.

"It's a nicer word then what I was thinking..."

"Lets just get back to the meeting, shall we?" Leo suggested, interrupting the bickering before it started.

C.J was still watching, Josh who was not at all fazed by the mild insult from Toby. He was just staring out of the window behind Leo and she wondered whether he was even paying attention at all to what was being said.

It was like that for the rest of the meeting. Josh only spoke when someone asked him a question directly, whilst Sam and Toby argued over trivial things, both of them tired and moody from the long weekend. She also noticed that she wasn't the only one keeping a close eye on Josh. Leo kept shooting him concerned looks, whilst he tried to keep his patience with Sam and Toby.

"Right, is that it?" Leo asked, when they had gone off track again. "Okay, get the hell out of here... Josh, stick around."

Josh didn't respond but stayed seated as the others headed out.

"So, I got your message yesterday..." Leo explained, standing up and closing the door. "I did call you back but got no answer."

"Yeah, I uh...I kinda wanted to be alone." Josh looked down at his hands in his lap.

"I thought so." He nodded understandingly, retaking his seat behind the desk. "So, what happens now?"

"I need to start treatment right away, apparently I have acute leukaemia, which is fast processing." Josh leaned forwards, rubbing his eyes. "I'll start chemotherapy tomorrow, they want to keep me in for a while to keep an eye out for any side effects."

Leo sat silently, taking in the information.

"He says that if there's no complications, they'll treat me for a couple of hours, once a week and I should be able to go home afterwards."

"And that'll be it?"

Josh shrugged. "He mentioned something about bone marrow transplants and other stuff if the chemo doesn't work...but I stopped listening... I couldn't concentrate and I just really wanted to know what I needed to know right then."

"You should have taken someone with you." Leo claimed. "Then they could have gotten the information from the doctor."

"I was fine..."

Leo just gave him a look.

"Okay, I may have nearly passed out when he started talking about sucking out the marrow." Josh admitted.

"You know, you have a knack of explaining these things..."

"I'm telling you Leo, that's what he said." Josh insisted. "The marrow is sucked out of the pelvis or breastbone of the donor and injected into the recipients veins... thinking about, I don't know if I'm too wild about having someone else's junk injected into me..."

"You'll do as you're told and you'll be grateful!"

"Okay, okay...I'm just saying." He held up his hands.

"So, this starts tomorrow?"

"Yeah..." He nodded. "I'm uh...I'm going to talk to C.J over lunch... Ask her about covering for me."

"Okay, what about the others?"

"I'll probably talk to Toby later as well but Sam and Donna... I don't know...It's going to be hard."

"I know." Leo said softly.

"And then there's the others...Charlie...Mrs Landingham...my staff...God, and Zoey."

"Josh, don't worry about them... You just concentrate on yourself..."

"It's just...This... this is all happening so fast, y'know?" Josh replied. "I thought it was the flu...and within a week...it's...it's turned into this...into cancer... How can I explain it to them when I have no idea why it's happening to me? I don't know what I've done."

"You haven't done anything, Josh...This just happened."

"Yeah..." He whispered. "Have you... have you spoken to the President?"

"Yeah, he was worried about you yesterday." Leo told him. "He'll do anything he can to help you." 

Josh smiled and looked down at his hands again.

"And that goes for me too, without saying." Leo added.

"I know." He nodded.

"Have you spoken to your Mother?"

"Yeah, last night... She's pretty upset." 

"I would think so."

"I managed to convince her not to come out yet..."

"You don't want her here?" Leo raised an eyebrow.

"Honestly, Leo...it nearly killed her looking after Dad when he was ill..." He looked up at him. "She's older now...She's not been well herself... I don't know if she could handle seeing me go through all of this."

"She's your Mother, Josh."

"I know and she's going to come out in a few weeks."

"Okay, well that's good." Leo nodded. "And you'll talk to C.J later."

"Yes." Josh stood up.

"Tell her to stop by afterwards."

"Right, I'll see you later." He turned towards the door.

_XxXxX_

"Hey, you ready for lunch?" C.J asked, walking into Josh's office.

He looked up from what he was writing. "Uh, sure."

"Where do you want to go?"

"Well, I thinking maybe we could just stay here." He suggested.

She nodded. "Okay, shall we order something from..."

She was cut of by a light knock on the door and Josh got to his feet, quickly.

"I'm sorry for interrupting..."

"Of course not, Sir." C.J replied. "Is there anything we can help you with?"

"I would just like a word with Josh..." He answered, and then gestured to the outer office. "Would you mind...?"

"No problem." C.J smiled, stepping out of the room, closing the door.

"I just spoke to Leo." Jed started. "He told me about the treatment."

Josh nodded. "Yes, Sir."

"If there's anything I can do..."

Josh smiled. "I know, Sir...Thank you, I appreciate it."

They fell into silence; Jed didn't know what to say. He had spoken in front of thousands; even millions of people and it had never really bothered him before. Now here he was here, stood in front of Josh, someone he considered a part of his family...a son and he couldn't say anything.

"I'm going to talk to C.J about all of this." Josh broke the silence. "Then I'll tell Toby, Sam, Donna and everyone else later..."

"Okay..." Jed said softly. "Okay, well I'll let you get back to work."

"Thank you, Sir..."

"Oh, I almost forgot...I brought you some soup." Jed held the Thermos flask that Josh hadn't even noticed he was holding.

"Soup?" Josh raised an eyebrow as he took it off him.

"Bean and Barley...I heard it was your favourite."

"Yeah but... how?" Josh stuttered a little.

"Your Mother called Leo's office last night just as I was looking for him... He was caught up somewhere else so I asked Margaret to put the call through to me...I hope that's okay."

"You talked to my Mom?" He asked surprised.

"Yes, she was worried about you... I assured her that we wouldn't allow you to over do it and to make sure you did as the doctors told you."

"You didn't have to do that, Sir."

"I wanted to." He patted his arm. "Now, I asked Donna to go and get you some bowls from the Mess and there's enough soup there if you'd like to share with C.J." 

"Thank you, Mr President...I really don't know what to say." Josh looked down at the flask again. "I haven't had this since I was a kid, my Grandmother use to make it for me when I was sick." 

"So, I was told...your Mom was kind enough to give me the recipe, so I asked the head chef to make it up...it should still be hot." Jed informed him.

"That's really very kind of you, Sir." Josh replied, swallowing hard and tried to blink back the tears that threatened to fill his eyes.

"It was nothing at all..."

"No, Sir. It's not nothing." Josh shook his head. "Thank you."

Jed smiled sadly, reaching out and shaking his hand. "I better get back."

"Yes, Sir."

Josh watched as he turned and left the office then looked back down at the flask. He couldn't believe that the President of The United States had gotten hold of an old family recipe to make him feel better.

"Okay, Donna just gave me this..." C.J walked back in with some bowls and spoons. "And the President just made me promise that you'd eat your lunch."

Josh looked up at her but didn't say anything.

"Is that lunch?" She asked, gesturing to the flask.

"Yeah, it's bean and barley soup." He said quietly.

"You ordered bean and barely soup?"

"The President gave it to me."

"He made you soup?" She let out a small laugh. "You're not dying, are you?"

Josh looked up, meeting her eye but didn't say anything.

"Josh?" She said slowly.

"I have Leukaemia, C.J." He whispered.

"What?"

"I have..."

"No, no you can't..." She cut him off. "Josh?"

He moved around the desk, taking her arm and guiding her into one of the visitor's chair, then taking the seat next to her.

"C.J, I need...I need to talk to you about work."

"Work?" She repeated. "You...you want to talk about work?"

"I start treatment tomorrow...I'll be out for a few days..." He tried to explain.

"Josh..." 

"The administration is going to go on whether I'm here or not, C.J..." Josh told her. "We need to think about work."

"Yeah, yeah okay..." She stood up, walking over to his window.

"I'm sorry, I hate dropping this on you like this..." Josh said softly.

She turned to look at him. "How do you feel?" 

He shrugged.

"That's a pretty stupid question, isn't it?" She rubbed her neck. "It's just...I can't believe this." 

"I know."

After a few seconds, Josh stood up and started to pour some soup into the bowls, giving her some time to think.

She watched him; she had noticed there was something wrong. She had thought he was ill and wasn't sure whether to believe him or not when he said it was just the flu. So, why was this such a shock? Why hadn't she seen this coming?

She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts as he sat back down in his chair behind the desk.

"So, work?" She asked, picking up the two bowls, handing him one then sitting down herself.

"I talked this over with Leo and The President..." He started. "We want you to take on some of my work."

Her mouth fell open. "Me?!"

Josh smiled, placing the untouched soup on the desk and sat forwards. "You'd be taking some of my meetings and briefing the President when I can't." 

"What do you mean, when you can't?" She questioned.

"I'm only going to be having treatment one day a week...I might feel like crap but I should be able to work..."

"Josh! You're really sick! You need time off!"

"I'm working, C.J." He claimed. "I've already decided...I can't just stay at home thinking about all this."

"Josh..."

"I'm going to take it easy, don't worry." He added quickly. "On days when I feel bad, I will stay at home."

"Yeah right." She rolled her eyes.

"You remember how it was after the shooting, you really think I'll be allowed anywhere near this place if I started to over do it?"

"That's true."

"Which is why I need you so there's days when I can stay at home."

She gave him a look. "You're trying to guilt me into taking this job."

He grinned. "Yes." 

"Who knows about this?" She asked.

"Just my Mom, Leo, The President, the First Lady and you."

"What about the others?"

"I'm going to talk to Toby soon..."

"Sam?"

"Later." 

C.J looked down into her soup. She wondered if they could survive this. They had nearly fallen apart after the shooting and this was a bigger battle for Josh, then that was.

"How bad is this?" She asked, quietly looking up.

"I don't know...It's not going to be easy."

"You start treatment tomorrow?"

"The chemotherapy... because it's the first time they want to keep me in for observation to make sure there's no complications." He explained.

She nodded, taking in the information. Josh could tell that she was trying her hardest to hold it together.

"Right, well you don't need to see me cry so I'm just going to take my soup and go into my own office..." She tried to joke but her voice shook a little as she stood up.

"C.J?" Josh jumped up and pulled her into a hug.

"I'm so sorry, Josh...I really am."

He just hugged her, looking over her shoulder to see Donna watching them through the small gap in the door.

He pulled back but kept his hands on her upper arms. "I'm going to fine, okay?"

"Right, because I'm not going to let this beat you, Joshua... That's going to be this Administration's new quote...Joshua Lyman, won't be beaten."

"M'kay but what about Let Bartlet Be Bartlet?"

She thought about it for a moment. "Okay, so Joshua Lyman won't be beaten will be our second quote."

Josh smiled. "Yeah, okay."

"Right, I'm going now." She rubbed her eyes.

"Leo wants you to go see him at some point." He told her. "We'll talk more about the job, later." 

"Okay." She nodded.

Just as Josh sat back down, Donna appeared in the doorway.

"Can I get you anything?"

"No, it's okay..." He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face.

"Josh?" She questioned.

"It's fine, Donna...stop worrying." He said softly.

"Okay." She nodded turning to go.

"Uh... Can you hang around later?" He asked. "We need to talk about some things."

"Okay." She repeated before leaving.

_XxXxX_

Josh tried to work up the courage to walk into Toby's office; he took a deep breath and pushed open the door. He figured that Toby would be the easier one to tell. He knew that he would be concerned about him, but also that he'd think about the Administration as well.

"What?!" Toby grunted, not bothering to look up from his computer to see who it was.

"You busy?" Josh asked, closing the door and leaning back against it.

"Yes."

"I brought you some soup?"

"Why?" He kept typing.

"I had some left over from lunch... thought you'd might want some." He replied. "It's bean and barley."

Toby stopped working and looked up at him. "Bean and Barley soup? I hadn't had that in years... I think, it was about the only thing that my Mom could cook that tasted half decent."

Josh smiled, handing him the flask. "I thought you'd appreciate it...I don't think, C.J was too impressed." 

"This is pretty good." Toby took a mouthful.

"Yeah, it's my Grandmother's recipe."

Toby nodded and kept eating.

"Toby?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm sick."

He glanced up at him but didn't say anything for a few seconds. "It's serious?"

"Yeah..." Josh swallowed hard. "It's...it's serious."

Toby put the soup down and picked up the pink rubber ball as he got to his feet. He turned the ball around in his palm before turning to face Josh.

"How serious?"

"Leukaemia."

Toby stared at him. "That's cancer."

"I start treatment tomorrow."

Toby ran a hand over his mouth, as he leant back against the desk. "Who knows?"

"The President, Leo and C.J."

"No one else?"

"The First Lady and my Mom." He added.

"How long have you known?" He questioned, in a tone that Josh couldn't decide whether he was upset or just angry.

"I got the results from the doctor Saturday evening...I went to see him yesterday about the treatment."

"Which starts tomorrow?" Toby asked but continued before Josh could say anything. "You didn't think we should have been let in on this?!"

"Oh for, God sake, Toby...What do you want from me? I found out that I could be dying and I wanted one day to get my head around it before I told the rest of the world!" Josh snapped back.

Toby started to pace around in front of the desk, tossing the ball lightly up and down in his hand before hurling it across the room.

It hit the window hard, Sam and a few other members of the communications team who were working in Sam's office jumped a little.

Sam stood up, looking through the window at them questionably, but Toby waved a hand in the air, telling him to stay where he was. He hesitated slightly before going back to his meeting.

"C.J's going to take on some of my work and she'll keep me informed when I can't come in... You don't need to worry about the administration, we've got it covered." Josh assured him.

"It's...it's not just the administ..." Toby started but his voice trailed off and he went back to pacing. "I can't believe this."

"Yeah, it kind of sucks."

Josh watched as Toby walked around his desk, opening the bottom draw and pulled out a bottle of scotch. He poured out two glasses, handing Josh one.

They both stared down into their glasses in silence until Josh broke it. Toby leaned back against the desk again whilst Josh leant against the arm of the couch.

"Toby?"

"Yeah?"

"How do I tell him?" He whispered.

Toby glanced up at him but saw he wasn't looking back. He followed his gaze and they both watched Sam through the glass as he walked around his office, waving his arms as he dictated to the rest of the staff. He looked happy... He looked like was enjoying himself.

Toby swirled the scotch around in the glass, staring at it before turning his attention back to Josh who was still watching Sam.

"Be honest with him...Tell him the truth...He can handle it."

"You think?"

"Yes, Josh...He'll be fine...everyone will be fine..." Toby assured him, pushing himself away from the desk. "We'll work something out... We'll have it covered."

They both looked up when there was a single knock on the door and Sam walked in.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, sure..." Toby replied.

"Because earlier with the ball..." Sam gestured to the window. "And you guys seemed a little stressed..."

"We'll talk later." Josh told him.

Sam looked at them both for a moment, noticing the drinks in their hands but didn't say anything about it. "You want to go grab a coffee or something then?"

Josh shared a look with Toby before answering. "Sure."

"Okay..." Sam half turned towards the door but then stopped. "Oh, we just finished the President's speech about Education for next week... It's good... They're going to be on their feet before he's finished."

Toby managed to smile but then looked down.

Sam frowned a little. "Okay, well I'll get Cathy to give you a copy."

Once Sam left the office, Josh raised his glass a little at Toby; he did the same before they both swallowed the scotch in one mouthful.

"Right..." Josh winced as it burned down his throat, causing him to cough a little. "I should go talk to him."

"I'll be working here for the rest of the day..."

Josh nodded, understanding what he was saying. "Okay."

Toby retook his seat, glaring at the computer screen.

"Can I ask you something?" Josh asked, from the doorway.

"What?"

"Do you think it's a bad idea not bringing someone new in?" He asked, quietly knowing Toby would give him an honest answer.

"I think...I think it'll be a good thing that you keep working, as long as you don't kill yourself doing so...It'll be good for you...It'll be good for everyone else, so they can see that you're fighting this...cancer..." Toby answered. "I think...I know, that the President, Leo, C.J, Sam... me... we'd all prefer you to be here with us at your worst then not be here at all." 

Josh stared at him, surprised by his words. He cleared his throat. "Th...thank you." 

"Go talk to Sam."

"Yeah." Josh sighed, hitting his hand lightly against the doorframe before turning to go and find his friend.

Toby sat at his desk for another five minutes before he couldn't stand it any more. He jumped to his feet, grabbing his coat on his way out. 

"I'll be back later."

"Where you going?" Ginger asked, confused.

"Out." He replied, not bothering to stop.

**TBC**

**Please review!!! **


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey, thank you all for your reviews! I had started to update another one of my stories but I just had to write this chapter! **

**M- About the Bean and Barley soup. It's my friends favourite soup and is a Jewish recipe. So that's where I got it from.**

**Thanks again for all of you who reviews! You make me want to update! **

**Enjoy! **

**I'm Fine**

"So, you going to tell me what's going on?" Sam asked, once Josh had sat down opposite him at a table in the corner of the Mess. It was only 4 p.m. but there was no one around. Not even the catering staff was there and whilst Sam thought it was odd, he was actually glad they had some privacy. 

"Straight to the point? Not even a cup of coffee first?" Josh questioned in a light tone but Sam could tell it was forced. 

He pushed one of the lattes, he had already brought across the table. Josh stared down at it for a second before wrapping both his hands around the cup. 

"Thanks."

"No problem." Sam picked up his own drink, taking a sip. "So?" 

Josh frowned a little bit, not meeting Sam's eyes. 

Sam put his cup down again, looking around before turning his gaze back to his friend. "Josh, what is it? Has something happened?"

"Yeah, kind of." Josh replied, in a quiet voice. Bringing the cup to his lips, taking a small mouthful of the warm coffee. 

"Well, what is it?" Sam asked, leaning back against his chair. "It can't be that bad...I mean, you're still here."

Josh couldn't help the bitter laugh that escaped him. 

"Josh..." Sam said slowly. "You haven't gotten yourself fired, have you?"

"No, Sam..."

"Because people are talking..."

"Sam, if I had gotten myself fired, don't you think you'd would have heard about it by now?" Josh questioned. 

"The press probably would be reporting it by now, yeah..." Sam thought about it. "Have you quit?"

"No." Josh answered, setting his cup down. "Sam, the thing is..."

"No, wait."

"Wait?"

"Don't tell me."

"I thought you said..."

"I've changed my mind."

"Sam, you can't just change your mind." Josh sighed. "You need to know..."

"No, I don't because you've got that look on your face." Sam replied. "And well, to be honest I think I'll be better off not knowing."

Josh rubbed his hands over his face. He wished he didn't have to tell him the truth. 

"Sam, I went to the doctor the other day." Josh continued before Sam had a chance to say anything. 

"The doctor?" Sam repeated.

"Yeah." Josh nodded. "I'm going to be taking sometime off."

"You? Really?" Sam said in surprise. 

Josh smiled slightly. "Yeah, tomorrow and Wednesday...I may work from home on Thursday and I don't know about the rest of the week."

Sam stared at Josh, he knew it must be serious because there was no other way that Josh would accept taking so much time off. 

"C.J is going to be help keep me updated and take some of the meetings that I won't be able to attend." Josh informed him. "Leo and I have talked about it with the President... We're going to need you to cover for C.J if she needs it."

"Do the briefings?"

"Only when C.J can't."

"It's not going to be just this week, is it?" Sam scratched his fingernail lightly against the table. 

"No, it's not."

"What's wrong?" He barely whispered. 

Josh opened his mouth but no words came out. He had told Leo, an old friend of his father... A man that had become a second father to him. He had told the President of the United States. A man, he could not have any more admiration or love for. Toby and C.J, two people he respected and completely adored, he worked ten times harder just to show them what he could achieve. Just so they'd want to work beside him. 

Now here was Sam, a friend that he's known for years. Someone he had never had to try and impress. Why was it so hard to open up to the person that was supposed to be the easiest? 

After a few seconds of silence, Sam glanced up. They looked at each other for a moment before Josh spoke again. 

"I have Leukaemia." 

Sam's eyes widened a little. "C…cancer?"

Josh gave a single nod and just watched as Sam pushed himself to his feet. 

"God." He choked out, turning his back to Josh, leaning his hands down on an empty table. 

Josh sat back in his chair, stretching his legs out in front of him with one arm down by his side and leaning the other on the table. He watched Sam, who was leaning heavily on his hands, his head hung low. He then suddenly pushed himself up straight and turned quickly. 

"Are you okay?" He asked. 

Josh thought about his answer. He knew that Sam was asking about how he was coping with all of this and not how he was feeling. 

"I'm doing okay...A little... Shocked." He told him. "But Leo's known from the beginning...He's been great... And the First Lady, she's been helping out with all the medical stuff."

"Good." 

Josh stood up, walking around the table, leaning back against it, standing in front of Sam. 

"I've got a good doctor, Sam. It's been caught early, I'm young, and I'm kind of healthy. I'm getting the right treatment..." He listed. "I've got every chance of beating this, Sam...I _am_ going to be beat it."

"Yeah, so no need to worry..." Sam mumbled, turning away. 

"Sam." Josh grabbed his arm to stop him. "I'm going to be fine."

"How can you be so calm about all of this?" He questioned.

Josh sat on the edge of the table, resting back on his hands. "I've had a few days to get my head around it."

"A few days?" Sam repeated. "Josh, this is cancer...How... How can you even start to understand this at all?"

"Because I have to." He replied. "I have to get my head around this because otherwise it'll beat me...I'm not going to let that happen." 

Sam took a few steps back, so he would lean against the table opposite. "I'm sorry, it's just...I don't know... I mean, how..." 

"I understand." Josh assured him when he couldn't find the right words.

Sam nodded and looked down at his shoe, deep in thought.

"Toby...Toby said he'll be in his office working if you need too..." Josh started but his voice trailed off. He hated the uncomfortable atmosphere between them now. 

Sam just nodded slightly, only lifting his head a little to meet Josh's eye. 

"Look, Sam...I know this is hard, but you've got to get over it." Josh pushed himself to stand up straight. His comment caused Sam's head to snap up quickly. "I handed a resignation letter to the President a few days ago but he refused to accept it...It was my job to tell him that it was best for the Administration if they brought someone new in."

"And you really thought Leo and the President would agree to that?" 

"No, but I had to tell them that, Sam and trust me, convincing two men who I'd die for, to replace me was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do."

Sam opened his mouth to say something but Josh carried on talking. 

"And the thing is... It's going to get harder." He whispered and this time it was him who turned his back to Sam. "Everyday, it's going to get harder... It won't be just being ill and having the treatment but everyone is going to treat me differently..."

"We won't..."

"You will...You'll keep me away from work you think I won't be able to handle...you'll watch what I'm eating... how much I'm sleeping..." Josh shook his head. "And I'm okay with that... It's nice, y'know, that you care." 

"Yeah..." 

"But that's not what I'm worried about..."

"It's not?"

  
"They're going to use this against us." He turned back to face him, going back into 'work' mode. "They'll say the President is being too sentimental...too soft... That I'm not up to the job and that everyone else will be too concerned about me to worry about the government."

  
"Why are you saying all of this?" Sam ran a hand through his hair. "This isn't important...That fact that you could be dying is important! That's what we should be focusing on!"

"And what happens if I do die?" Josh raised his voice a little. 

"Josh..."

"No, come on Sam...Tell me... Will you quit?" He asked.

"I don't think..."

"Will the President step down? Just because of me?" He questioned, loudly. "What will happen if I die, Sam!"

"I don't know!" Sam shouted back. "I don't know!"

"The world goes on..." Josh lowered his voice. "This administration will go on..."

"If you hadn't have come and got me, I wouldn't even be here." Sam pointed out, his voice cracking with emotion. "So, don't stand there and tell me you're not important, because you are. You've given me the most incredible job, but I'd rather quit a thousand times over then lose you as a friend." 

Josh turned away, walking between two tables, his hands on his hips. He stopped, staring at the wall for a few minutes before spinning around. 

"If you're not up to this then that's okay but you need to tell me now, Sam." Josh was suddenly overcome with anger. He didn't want to take it out on Sam, but he just couldn't work out a way to make him understand. "I need to know because I'm going to be trapped in some damn hospital tomorrow, having drugs pumped into my body because there...there's this thing living inside of me...trying to kill me!"

Sam just stared at him, completely shocked by what was happening. Josh was breaking down right in front of his eyes and unlike at Christmas, it wasn't something that could be fixed by chatting to a therapist for a couple of hours.

"I need to know that everything here is being handled!" He continued, starting to pace again. "Why can't you get that! Why can't any of you see that?"

"Josh..." He took a step towards him. 

"I mean, my Dad died, Sam!" He raised his voice even louder. "He fought for years and lost! I can't do that... I can't let that happen to me!"

"I know..."

"He worked and he worked... Everyday he worked and it killed him!" Now that he had started, Josh found he couldn't stop everything that he had been holding back from spilling out. "I need to know that everything here is fine so on bad days, I can stay away."

"We'll...we'll be fine." Sam managed to say.

"Really?" Josh stopped moving and looked at him. "Because...this is... it's driving me crazy."

"We'll be fine." Sam repeated, reaching out and placing a hand Josh's shoulder.

"Why didn't they just let me quit?" He whispered. 

"Because when you get better, you'll wanna be back here and you can't if there's another guy sat at your desk." Sam pointed out.

"And if I don't get better?" He wondered. "You still haven't answered that. What if die?" 

"Stop talking like that!" 

"I have cancer, Sam!" He snapped. "I don't get a choice about what's going to happen to me!" 

"So, what? You're not going to fight this?"

"I'm so sick of fighting!" He informed him, sitting down. Rubbing his eyes, he leaned his elbows on his knees. At the start of this, he had been calm and in control. He didn't know what had made him lose it but he couldn't stop from telling Sam exactly what was going through his head. He had wanted to spare his best friend all the details. He didn't want him to overreact to all of this, but now he was confiding in him more then anyone else. "Everyday there's something new to fight for. Haven't I done enough? Haven't I proved I'm a good guy?"

Sam was lost for words; he had no idea how to get his head around all of this. 

"Hey, Josh...Congressman Levi left a message for you." Ed told him, as he walked into the Mess, Larry trailing behind him. "He wants you to call him ASAP." 

He ran a hand across his face and then around the back of his neck before sitting up straight. "Give it to C.J."

"C.J?" Larry repeated, glancing at Ed. "It's about the Education Bill." 

"Yeah..." He whispered, still staring at Sam. "Give it to C.J."

"He's not looking for a comment." Larry shook his head. "It's about the meeting tomorrow."

"Give it to C.J." He repeated once more.

"What's going on?" Larry questioned, looking between Josh and Sam, realising they must have interrupted something. 

"I'm taking some time off." Josh turned his attention to them. "Give it to C.J."

They both knew better then to ask any more. They get told what they need to know when they need to know. 

"Right, we'll let her know." Ed said slowly. 

"She's going to need your help with this." Josh told them.

"No problem." Larry assured him, as they both started to back up towards the door. Neither of them wanting to be caught up in whatever was happening. 

"Josh..." Sam started once the door had closed behind them. 

"I should probably go..." He pushed him to his feet. "I still have to talk to Donna."

Sam had stepped towards him but stopped, surprised that Donna didn't already know. He watched as Josh walked away. 

"I meant what I said..." He stopped at the door but kept his back to Sam. "It's okay if you can't or don't want more responsibility but you need to let us know." 

Sam once again couldn't find any words. He wanted to tell Josh that he'd do whatever it takes to help him. Both as a friend and as a work colleague, but it was too late. He had already left. 

_XxXxX_

Josh made his way back up to his office and when he turned a corner, he saw Toby walking towards him. 

His eyes dropped to the floor and tried to carry on past him. 

"Josh?" He stopped him. "How it go?"

He looked up at him. "Pretty badly."

  
"What happened?"

"I was honest with him." He replied. "I should go."

"Josh?"

"Just...leave it."

  
Toby sighed, looking in the direction that Josh was going and the direction he had just come from. Torn between what he should do. He looked back down the corridor and saw Josh had disappeared out of sight so he turned and walked the other way. 

When he walked into the Mess, he found Sam stood in the centre of the room, staring down at two broken mugs in a puddle of coffee on the floor. Sam looked over when he heard the door closing quietly, surprised to see Toby standing there.

"I uh...I knocked them over by accident." He started to explain, bending down to pick up the broken pieces.

"Leave it." Toby said softly. 

"No, I can't...Someone should...I don't want anyone to hurt..." 

Toby could tell he was trying his hardest to hold it all together. "Sam, leave it."

Sam slowly fell down to sit on the floor, leaning back against one of the table legs. He tilted his head backwards, looking up to the ceiling. 

"When are we going to get a break, Toby?" He whispered. "When is this going to get easier?"

Toby walked over to him, pulling a chair away from the table and taking a seat. He reached into the inside pocket of his jacket, pulling out a notebook and a pen. 

Sam looked at him questionably when he handed it to him. 

"We're writers." Toby started. "So, lets write." 

Sam stared at the blank white paper for a minute before quickly starting to scribble down his thoughts. He wasn't sure whether they made any sense or not but he didn't care.

Toby just sat back silently, watching over him. 

_XxXxX_

Josh had been sat in his office for over twenty minutes now and Donna hadn't turned up. She hadn't been there when he had returned from his talk with Sam. He glanced at his watch, it was almost five p.m and after the day he'd had, he wanted nothing more then to go home and climb into bed. 

He let his head drop down to the desk, moaning at how his muscles ached at the slightest movement. After a few minutes, when he felt himself starting to fall asleep, he forced himself to get up. He knew he had to talk to Donna but he just didn't have energy. 

"Steve, where's Donna?" He asked one of the interns as he left the office, pulling on his coat. 

"She's gone to get some dinner with Bonnie and Ginger." Steve informed him. "Want me to call her?" 

Josh sighed. "No, just...when she gets back just tell her I've gone home."

"Okay."

  
"And tell her that she's done for the day too."

"Right."

"And I'm not working tomorrow." 

"You're not?" He looked up from where he was writing down Josh's orders. 

"No, so tell her to report to C.J...She's going to need help with the Education Bill." 

"Okay..."

"Right, I'm going." He slung his backpack onto his shoulder. 

He slowly made his way out of the White House and when he was outside of the gates, he glanced back at the building. Like always it still amazed him that he was allowed to work there. He sighed, it would be so much easier for everyone if they had just let him walk away from it all. 

**TBC**

**Please review and let me know what you think! **


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey, thanks to everyone that reviewed! It makes it so much easier to write with feedback! Please keep it coming!! **

**Enjoy!! **

**I'm Fine**

Josh sighed in relief as he closed his apartment door. He turned the lock before leaning back against it. Closing his eyes, he let his backpack fall from his right hand. Relieved to hear nothing but silence, he remained where he was, trying to get back the energy he lost from the few steps he had climbed.

He groaned when the sound of his phone broke the silence. He pushed himself away from the door, stumbling a little over his bag as he made his way to the living room. Grabbing the phone, he collapsed onto the couch.

"Josh Lyman."

"Ah, so you made it home then."

"Leo?"

"It was nice of you to tell someone you had finished for the day."

"I told someone."

"An intern."

"There was no one else around."

"Josh..."

He leaned his head back against the couch. "I just wanted to come home, Leo...I just... I just wanted to get out of there."

"I heard it didn't go to well with Sam."

"I told him that I had cancer." Josh replied. "What were you expecting?"

"What were you expecting?"

Josh sighed. "I kind of lost it."

"That's understandable."

"I didn't want too." Josh sat up. "I didn't want to lose it...Not with Sam."

"I know." Leo said quietly and they both stayed silent for a moment. "What time do you have to be at the hospital tomorrow?"

"Have you seen Sam?"

"No, but I talked to Toby." Leo told him. "What times your appointment?"

"What did Toby say?"

"Just that both you and Sam were upset." He replied. "Now, why are you avoiding my question?"

"I'm not avoiding your question."

"Really, so what time is your appointment?"

"You're not my Mother, you know."

"I know, your Mother is in Florida worried sick about you...She's already called me twice today."

He sighed. "Sorry, I'll talk to her about that."

"I don't care that she's calling me!" Leo stated. "She's worried about you, like a lot of people are."

"I know..."

"I got C.J wandering around here looking like she's going to burst into tears any minute...Toby's storming around, shouting at people...and Sam... Well, Sam has shut himself in his office and is refusing to talk to anyone!"

Josh's eyes closed and for once he didn't attempt to interrupt.

"You haven't even told Donna yet, have you?" Leo continued. "She came to me looking for answers."

"She wasn't around when I was finished with Sam." Josh said quietly. "I couldn't...I just couldn't tell her."

"She knows something is going on...It's not fair to say you'd tell her then sneak out."

"It wasn't like that." Josh protested half heartily. "What did you tell her?"

"I didn't tell her anything, Josh. It's not my place to." Leo told him. "You've got to tell her. You can't let her hear it from someone else...she'll never forgive you."

"I'm sick of telling people." He muttered. "I'm sick of trying to work out what to say."

"You don't have to tell everyone yourself...but you've gotta tell Donna."

He leaned forwards, running his free hand over his face and through his hair. "Yeah."

"Look, if it'll make things easier...I can start telling some of the staff..."

"I don't know..."

"The ones that need to know."

"Who?"

"Charlie and Mrs. Landingham...The President has been sort of out of it since he found out... They can keep an eye on him."

"Okay..." He reluctantly agreed.

"Margaret."

"What? Leo..." He whined a little. "Everyone in Washington will know by the end of the day!"

"Don't be so melodramatic..." Leo replied and Josh knew he was rolling his eyes.

"Can I remind you of how everyone found out about Sam and I getting lost trying to find my apartment after we'd been out celebrating my birthday?"

"Can I remind you of what happened at the third debate during the campaign?"

Josh fell silent, remembering that as far as he knows, Margaret is the only other person that knows about Leo's drinking.

"Look, _I'm_ going to need Margaret to know." Leo emphasised.

"Leo..."

"I know why you don't want to tell me the time of your appointment..." Leo ignored his attempt to interrupt again. "It's because you think I'll turn up... or Donna...or Sam."

"Or the First Lady, Toby, C.J..." Josh continued the list.

"I wouldn't be surprised if The President decided to sneak out of the White House." Leo added.

Josh laughed softly, shaking his head slightly. "Am I being a little highly strung?"

"No more then usual." Leo replied. "But I was being serious...If for a moment he thought he would be helpful, The President wouldn't hesitate in having the Secret Service clearing the hospital so he can be there with you."

Josh looked down. "I know."

"You keep going on about how you need to know that everything here is running smoothly so you can concentrate on yourself, but the thing is Josh, everyone here...We all need to know everything is going okay with you, so we can carry on with work." Leo stated, staying quiet for a moment to give Josh time to take in the information. "So that means that maybe I can get Margaret to make a few phone calls to your hospital so we know you're still with us or that Sam stops by with dinner some nights or C.J buys you pyjamas..."

Josh reached up and rubbed his eyes, leaning his elbows on his knees when the doorbell rang.

"There's someone at the door." He said quietly.

"I'm guessing that's Donna unless you ordered take-out."

Josh sighed. "It's Donna."

"Call me tomorrow." Leo told him before hanging up.

Josh stared at the phone for a moment before the doorbell rang again. He pushed himself to his feet and went to answer it. He buzzed her into the building, opening the door and leaning on the doorframe as he waited for her.

"I brought Chinese." She walked straight past him and made her way into the kitchen. "I know you didn't eat all of the lunch that President Bartlet sent over..."

Josh stayed where he was, listening to her talking as she moved around the kitchen, plates and cutlery banging together.

"I hope that's okay..." She reappeared with two plates full of food in her hands. "Josh?"

He looked up at her, realising her hadn't actually heard what she was saying.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I said I hope Chinese is okay."

"Uh, yeah sure... I mean, I'm not really hungry but okay." He replied, closing the door that had been left open.

She frowned a little but then followed him into the living room. She sat down next to Josh on the couch, placing a plate in front of him. He stared down at it but made no effort to eat.

"People have been acting weird at work..." Donna commented, giving him a side ward glance as she took a mouthful of her food.

"I know."

"You being the main one."

He gave her a small smile. "I know that too."

"You said you'd tell me."

"Yeah, I did, didn't I?" He leaned back against the couch.

They sat in silence and she took another few mouthfuls. He just watched her; he had no idea how he was going to do this.

"I got your message from Scott." Donna spoke again when Josh didn't. It had never been this tense or awkward between them before.

"What message?" He frowned, looking across at her.

"That you were going home early and that I was done for the day."

"I thought that was Steve."

"He also asked me to tell you that his name is Scott and not Steve."

"I've always called him Steve."

"Yeah but everyone else calls him Scott."

"Okay." He shrugged slightly.

"He also said tomorrow that I'd have to report to C.J."

"Yeah." He said quietly, looking down at his hands for a moment before looking back up at her. "She's taking care of some of my work load...You know most of what's happening with it all so, Leo and I agreed that you should help her out for a while."

"Don't I get a say in it?"

"You don't want to work with C.J?"

"I don't want to stop working for you."

"Donna..."

She put her fork down; turning a little so she was she fully facing him. "What's going on, Josh? Have I done something?"

"No..."

"Have you done something?" She continued. "People are saying you're leaving..."

"I'm not..."

"Because I was thinking... If you got another job...You'd still need an assistant..." She rambled ahead a little. "I don't want to let the President down but I'm sure he'd understand..."

"Donna!" He raised his voice a little to be heard. "I'm not leaving and you're defiantly not leaving."

"You're not leaving?"

"No."

"Then what's going on?" She demanded.

He stood up, walking over to the window and staring out. He couldn't tell her, he didn't know why he was finding telling Donna the hardest out of everyone.

"Josh." She got up and moved to stand behind him. "What is it?"

He turned to face her, leaning against the ledge.

"Josh?" She said softly, her hand lightly gripping onto his forearm. "Are you sick? You haven't been looking so good the last few weeks...And...And I noticed the First Lady has been keeping an eye on you..."

He swallowed hard, looking down at her hand still on his arm.

"That's it...isn't it?" Donna watched him closely. "You're...You're sick."

"Yeah." He whispered, nodding slightly.

She took a step closer, her other hand reaching for his, threading their fingers together. "I should have done something."

"What?"

"I knew it...I knew you were pushing yourself." She told him. "I should have done something to stop it."

"Donna." He pulled his hand back.

"I mean, I know it's been over a year but you should still should take care of yourself... You need to get more rest and eat properly." She moved away from, her mind already making a list of things she should do. "I'll go to the supermarket for you tomorrow and stock up your fridge...Have you actually seen a doctor?"

"No, Donna I don't think you get..." He watched as she started to tidy up a little.

"You should see one...A doctor, I mean... maybe he can give you something for it..."

"Donna, stop." He took hold of her, stopping her from moving. "Listen to me."

She stood still, staring at him, waiting for him to continue.

"I've been to see a doctor..." He took a deep breath. "It's not because of the shooting."

"It's not? I don't..." She started but stopped. "What is it then?"

"It's cancer, Donna." He whispered. "I have cancer."

"I don't..." She stuttered a little. "I don't get it."

"I've got leukaemia...I start chemo tomorrow."

"But you can't have."

He let go of her and her arms fell down to her sides. "I do."

Tears had already started to fill her eyes and she did the only thing that she could think of; throwing her arms around his neck.

Josh let his own eyes close and wrapped his arms loosely around her waist. After a few seconds, Donna started to pull back and Josh saw that she had tears running down her face. The next thing Josh knew, her lips were on his. When he realised what was happening, he put his hands to her shoulders and pushed her away.

"What the hell was that?!" He asked, staring at her.

"Josh..." She stepped towards him again.

"No, Donna...What the hell was that?!" He moved past her and walked to the other side of the room.

"I'm sorry..."

"You...I tell you I'm ill and you kiss me?!"

"Please, Josh..."

He ran his hand through his hair. "Maybe you should just go."

"No, Josh... Please just talk to me." She begged. "Please, let me help you."

"Help me?!" He exclaimed. "Help me how? By kissing me? By having sex with me?"

"No!" Her eyes widened at the suggestion. "No, I want to be here for you."

"How?!" He questioned. "How do you purpose to be here for me?!"

"I want to look after you!" She said quietly, confused by his reaction.

"You can't, Donna! You can't look after me! None of you can!"

"Josh, you're not alone..."

"Yes I am!" He yelled again. "This is happening to me! Not you! Not Leo! Not the President! Me!"

Donna stared at him, he had never shouted at her before. He balled up his fists tightly, turning away from her again.

"I'm going to have a shower then go to bed...I've got to rest up for tomorrow." He mumbled, with his back still to her. "Report to C.J in the morning."

She watched as he walked out of the room, slamming the bathroom door behind him.

He stripped his clothes and turned on the shower, full blast before stepping under the water. He leaned his hand against the wall, letting the water wash over him. First he lost it with Sam and now Donna. He couldn't believe he just shouted at her. He took it all out on her. He tilted his head back so water ran over his face, deciding that he'd worry about it all another time. Both Sam and Donna were his best friends, he knew that they'd take the news hard but he hoped that they'd understand that he was taking it hard too.

After twenty minutes, he got out of the shower and changed into some sweatpants and a t-shirt when he heard a noise coming from the kitchen. He stopped in the doorway and just watched as Donna scrubbed some plates that he had left in the sink.

"I thought you left..." He said quietly, noticing her tense slightly as he spoke but she didn't turn around or stop what she was doing.

"You don't get to do that!" She told him. "You don't get to shout at me and then walk away."

"Donna..." He sighed, running a hand through his wet hair.

"What you said wasn't fair!" She spun around, water from her hands dripping onto the floor. "You can't tell me you've got cancer then tell me to get out!"

"I didn't mean..."

"Yes you did!" She cut him off. "You did mean it because you wanted me to leave you...You wanted to be left alone!"

He walked fully into the room, grabbing a clean glass off the side and taking some juice out of the fridge. "Okay, yeah...I do want to be alone."

"Because you're so damn stubborn that you refuse to let anyone help you!" She pulled the rubber gloves off, throwing them back into the sink. "And I know I'm no doctor, but I can help you, Josh! I can be here for you! I can...I can help you..."

Josh put his glass down on the kitchen table as her voice got quieter and quieter then was replaced with sobs.

"Donna..." He whispered and this time it was he who took her into his arms. "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry."

She held onto him tightly, burying her face into his neck as she cried. After a few minutes she stepped back, drying her eyes.

"I'm sorry, I shouted at you."

He smiled. "I'm sorry, I shouted at you too."

"What now?" She asked.

He shrugged, leaning back against the counter. She folded her arm across her chest, waiting for him to say something.

"I never... I..." He attempted to start but he couldn't find the words. He slid down against the counter until he was sitting on the floor, bringing his knees up to his chest. "I'm scared, Donna...That's why I wanted to be alone."

She knelt down next to him. "Why? If you're scared...Why would you want to be alone?"

"I don't know what's going to happen...I don't know what to say to people." He glanced across at her. "I don't want the people I care about to suffer because of this as well."

"It's okay to be scared." She told him. "Its understandable... it's...it's damn acceptable."

He let his head fall back against the wood, closing his eyes and swallowing the lump that risen in his throat.

She sighed and moved to sit beside him. "About the kiss...I'm sorry."

He opened his eyes, keeping his head against the wood; he turned to look at her.

"I shouldn't have done..." She continued. "And I'm sorry."

He smiled weakly. "I'm not."

"Not sorry about me kissing you?"

"It was nice...just..." His voice trailed off.

"It was just stupid." She finished off.

"Donna, I admit that there might be something between us and yeah, I'm attracted to you..." He explained. "I mean, look at you...you're...you're gorgeous."

She blushed and looked away.

"But... but I don't know what it is... this...this thing between us." He stated. "I don't know whether it's just attraction...or...or whether it's just because we spend so much time together... or... or if it's the real thing...I don't know, Donna."

She reached for his hand. "I don't know either."

"And I don't...I don't want to ruin what we might have or our friendship by rushing into something just because I have cancer."

Her hand tightened around his when he said the word 'cancer.'

"And...I want you to keep working." He told her. "All of you... I want you all to keep working."

"You need to stop worrying so much about work." She claimed.

"Yeah people keep telling me that." He smiled, looking down at their hands still joined. "But I mean it, C.J is going to need all the help she can get."

She sighed but didn't say any more.

"Look, I don't know what's going to happen...I can have treatment and within a year I could be fine or I could be...I could not be fine..." Once again her hand tightened around his. "The thing is... when this is all over with... when The President leaves office and you go looking for another job...even if it's before we leave the White House...I want you to be remembered for holding the 'Deputy Chief of Staff's office together while your boss was sick."

"But..." She started.

"I don't want you to be remembered for neglecting your job so you could look after your sick boss..."

"But I wouldn't be looking after my sick boss...I'd be looking after my friend." More tears filled her eyes and she looked away, not wanting him to see them. "And I don't care about my career...I care about..."

He reached out and gently took hold of her chin, turning her to face him and stopping her mid sentence. "I don't want to be like Dr. Free Ride."

She stared at him for a moment. "It's not the same."

"It is... I'm not going to let you give up everything you worked for just so you can sit by my bedside and hold my hand." He stated. "Because Donna...that's all you'll be doing...there's nothing more you can do."

"Josh..."

"Lets make a deal."

"What?"

"You go into work tomorrow, you help C.J out with the million and one new things she has to do... you do your job." He listed. "And... And in return, I'll stop hiding things from you... I'll talk to you about what's happening...I'll let you look after me when you don't have to work."

"Is that what you really want?" She asked.

"No, Donna...none of this is what I really want." He shook his head and stood up. "But it's the right thing to do."

She thought about it for a moment before nodding. "Okay, fine."

He pushed himself to his feet and held his hand out to her to help her up.

"It's getting late...I'll call you a cab."

"No, it's okay...I've got my car." She shook her head. "Is there anything you need before I go?"

"No, I'm just going to go to bed now anyway."

She hugged him again. "Good luck, tomorrow."

He smiled. "Good luck working with C.J tomorrow."

"Oh that'll be easy...she doesn't yell or try and make me bring her coffee."

He laughed slightly, pulling back. "Guess you lucked out then."

"I guess..." She whispered.

They stared at each other for what seemed like hours before Josh broke the silence.

"You should go."

"Yeah." She snapped back to reality, looking around and grabbing her bag off the kitchen table. "I'll...I'll see you soon, I guess."

"Yeah." Josh nodded, following her towards the front door. "And Donna?"

She turned to look back at him.

"Thank you... for...for everything." He said quietly.

She gave a small nod and leaned forward, placing a small kiss on his cheek. "Good night."

"Good night." He whispered, watching as she quietly let herself out of his apartment.

**TBC**

**Please review and let me know what you think!! **


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey, here's the next chapter! Sorry it's taken so long to update, I struggled with this chapter! I don't know but I've re-wrote it about three times so I hope you like it!! Please review and let me know what you think!! **

**Enjoy!!**

**I'm Fine**

"Toby?" 

He looked up and saw Ginger stood in the doorway. "What are you still doing here?"

"I was just finishing off some stuff..." She explained, pausing for a moment. She knew there was something big happening, even though no one would say what but she knew she'd be told if she needed to be. "You should go home." 

"Is Sam still here?" He leaned back in his chair, ignoring her suggestion. 

"No, he left a while ago."

"You should go too." He replied. "It's past midnight."

"I was just leaving." She assured him. "But...are... are you okay?"

"I'm fine." He said quietly, with a sigh.

"Okay..." She accepted his answer even though she didn't believe him. "Can I get you anything?"

Toby stared down at his desk, his mind drifting off. When he had joined Bartlet's campaign it was only because he didn't like the other candidates. He never thought they'd get this far. He had no idea when he started thinking of Sam and Josh as his brothers and C.J as a sister. Now they were all beginning to fall apart and he didn't know how to fix it. All night he was trying to work out how they should play this to the press. He knew that the American public would be sympathetic, they had been during and after the shooting but a gun shot wound can heal. Cancer was something that people thought against for years and something that couldn't always be beaten. How would they feel about someone who was having so much medical treatment advising the President at the same time.

He had meant it when he told Josh that he thought it would be good for him and for everyone else in the administration if he carried on working but would the public agree? He knew the Republicans will probably try and use it against them.

He also wondered about everyone ability to carry on working. He knew the reason that Josh had suggested that both Sam and Donna help out C.J while he was having the treatment was because he knew they'd need the distraction. Toby just wasn't sure if it would work. If they would to let themselves be distracted by work especially after what happened around Christmas when they had all refused to acknowledge what was going on with Josh. He wanted to be like that too. He wanted to be the guy that put his friends first but he couldn't stop his mind from wondering how bad this was going to looking for the administration and if it would effect getting re-elected.

"Toby?" Ginger repeated.

"Yeah?" Snapping back to reality, he moved his eyes from the desk to look as her.

"Is there anything I can get you?"

He sighed, resting his head against his hand and rubbed his forehead, lightly. "A miracle?"

_XxXxX_

Abbey yawned as climbed out of bed and slowly made her way out of the bedroom and down the hall, pulling on her rope as she did. She found him sitting beside the window, staring out into the night sky.

"Jed, it's late." She mumbled sleepy. "Come back to bed."

"I'll be there soon." He said quietly, not looking at her.

She watched him for a few seconds, silently before walking towards him and wrapping her arms around his neck from behind.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." He replied, unconvincingly.

"You need to get some rest." She whispered.

He sighed, reaching up and placing his hands over hers. "I can't sleep."

"Just try."

"Abbey..."

"I know you're worried..." 

He turned to face her. "I feel like I've let them down."

"Who?" She frowned.

"Leo, Josh, Sam, C.J, Toby...the American people..." He listed, pushing himself to his feet and walking away from her. "Everyone...I feel like I've let everyone down."

"Jed..."

"I'm just a one term President." He muttered, putting his hands on the table, leaning against it.

Abbey opened her mouth but no words came. They made a deal that he would run for one term but deep down, she had always knew there was a chance he'd reconsider.

"I didn't tell them that..." He continued. "Not even Leo...I didn't tell them that I was only in this for four years."

She was trying to decided how to reply. She loved her life as First Lady but she hated the stress that being President had on her husband. She hated how time consuming it was. She hated how her daughter couldn't date any man she wanted without them being shot at but she'd be lying if she said, she thought there was a man out there that would be a better President.

"So, you haven't... discussed running for re-election?" She questioned causing him to slowly turn back around to face her.

He hesitated for a moment before answering."We've discussed it." 

"But you haven't told anyone your decision?"

"Abbey..."

"Why is that, Jed?" She asked. "Why haven't you told anyone? Have you changed your mind?"

"We had a deal."

"I know we had a deal."

Jed sighed loudly. "I don't know what to think now."

"Jed..."

"Maybe...I admit, maybe I thought about another term... there is so much more I want to do...So much more good work we can all do." He told her. "But not now..."

"Why not now?" She questioned.

"You really think I can win re-election?" He stared at her. "Everything with the MS...You think I can win when everyone finds out?"

Abbey looked at him in surprise. "You're going public?" 

He looked away from her. "No..."

"We should talk this through before you make any decisions."

"What would be the point? We've got just over a year and a half before our four years are up." He pointed out. "We just pray I make it till then without having any kind of attacks and no one will have to know until we're out of office then no one will care."

"Are you crazy? What about your staff? Don't you think they'll wonder why you're not running again?"

"They'll be disappointed but they'll move on." He said quietly, slowly sitting down on the couch, avoiding her eyes.

"Okay and what happens in a few years... when the truth comes out...When you have an attack?" She asked. "What will you tell them when they ask why it took so long for you to let them know you're sick?"

"There'll be a few days of it in the news but no one is really going care about an old President when they got a new one to talk about."

"I'm not talking about the press or the American public, Jed!" She exclaimed. "I'm talking about Josh and Sam...C.J and Toby...Charlie, Donna, Margaret...Mrs Landingham...All these people who look up to you...all these people that help you every day...All of our extend family...what are you going to tell them?"

Jed stayed quiet, everyday he wished he had told them about from the beginning but he couldn't help but wonder whether they'd all still be here if he had. He always assumed that Josh would stay, partly because of his loyalty and trust towards Leo. However he didn't know if Leo would have even suggested a Presidential campaign in the first place if he had known about the illness. The one person he had always doubt was Toby. He had no reason too but that's how it's always been, since the very beginning...even before Josh, Sam and C.J turned up. It was also something he felt guilty for and tried not to let it effect his relationship with the writer but there were times when he couldn't help it.

Then there was C.J and Sam. They had both joined the campaign because a friend went and asked them too. C.J on the word that he was good man from Toby and Sam on Josh's bad poker face.

"Jed..." Abbey moved to sit on the coffee table so she was in front of him. "Talk to me."

"We can't win re-election." He flicked his eyes up to her. "I can not run again without coming clean about the MS."

"So, you do want to run again."

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes, it does!" She raised her voice slightly. "Damn it, Jed... You can not decide this on your own!" 

"Decided what?!" He stood up but she stayed where she was. "I can't win re-election... besides I already know how you feel!"

"Do you really?" She asked, glaring at him. "Because I don't remember telling you!"

"We had a deal!" He exclaimed, spun around to look at her. "One term, you said...that was the deal!"

"We said."

"What?"

"We said one term... that is the deal." She corrected. "You said 'you said' like it was my choice."

"Abbey..."

"I knew you were going to do this." She stated. "I knew you'd change your mind but I thought you'd have the decency to talk to me about it."

Jed paced the room for a few minutes, in silence before retaking his seat on the couch. She sighed and reached forwards, placing both hands around his.

"You want to run for a second term?"

"I can't win..."

"Forget winning." She shook her head. "You want to run?"

"There's more work to be done."

"Convince me."

"What?"

"Convince me that running again is a good idea." 

He removed one of his hand and rubbed his eyes. "Its late."

"You'd better make it quick then."

"You're serious?"

"For a year and a half, I've hardly seen you... We don't get any privacy... You were shot... You're stressed almost 21 hours day.. and the other 3 you're sleeping... Tell me why you want to keep that life instead of one with us spending everyday together doing anything we please."

He thought about it. "Because it's my job...because I'm the President of United States."

"Well then..." She leaned back, wrapping her rope a little tighter around her. "I guess you have your decision."

He shook his head. "No, no I don't have my decision."

"Have you looked at your staff, Jed?" She questioned. "Do you doubt for one minute that they can't win this whether you come clean about the MS or not."

Jed slowly looked up to met her eye. "Have you looked at my Staff? They're falling about."

She sighed, guessing this was all about Josh. It was all starting to make sense.

"Josh is going to get the best medical treatment there is." She tried to assure him. "He's strong. He's going to be fine."

"Honestly? I don't disagree. If anyone could do it, I know Josh can." Jed replied, quietly. "He's... I don't know how he does it... I don't know how he fights all these battles that keep getting thrown at him." 

Abbey reached for his hands again. "I know..." 

"I can't ask him to run a campaign." He whispered. "No one is going to want to be on the campaign while Josh is sick..."

"It's their jobs." She argued.

He smiled warily. "I thought you didn't want me to run again."

"I don't know what I want but we need to talk about this."

He sighed. "I know my staff... I know how they're all going to handle this."

"The re-election?"

"Josh being sick."

"Oh?" 

"C.J...C.J is going to throw herself into work because Josh has asked her too... Sam would come in here right now and resign if he thought that there was a chance he could help him...Toby, he's the one that will concentrate on how the administration is looking even though it will probably piss everyone else off and make him feel guilty but he knows he has to do it because no one else can." Jed predicted, his eyes leaving hers as his thoughts drifted towards his Staff. "And Leo...he's so close with Josh."

"I know." She squeezed his hands.

"If anything happens to him... then...then I don't know if Leo could survive it...If he has to handle a campaign as well..." His voice trailed off a little. "Will there be a good enough reason for him not to pick up a bottle of scotch?"

"Nothing like that is going to happen." Abbey claimed. "Josh is going to get better and Leo is stronger then you think." 

He sighed once more, leaned back against the couch, remaining silent. Abbey just sat there for a few minutes, wondering what she could say to make him understand she was saying.

"Why don't we just go to bed?" She suggested. "We'll finish talking about this tomorrow."

She stood up, holding her hand out to him. "Jed, come on."

He glanced up at her. "I lied to them all."

"It's late, we'll talk in the morning." 

"Not just the staff, the American people too..." He continued. "I lied to them...Why would they want me as their President after they find out the truth."

"You're a good man...A great President." She assured him.

"But I still lied..." He shook his head. "I never thought about it much...I always thought I had a good reason too...It's my life, my illness... No one else needed to know."

"And that has changed now?"

"It changed when Josh walked into my office and told me that he might be ill even before he got the results back from the doctor." He replied "It changed when he said he had to tell me because I was the President and I deserved to know..."

"You can't compare what your going through with what's happening to Josh." She told him. "MS is not the same as cancer." 

"No, MS isn't fatal."

"Stop it!" She told him forcefully. "Stop thinking about this! You're over thinking it and you're driving yourself crazy!"

"I'm sorry but..."

"No, Jed! Just stop it!" She cut him. "The fact is you care about Josh...You love him like a son and you're scared for him... I feel the same way but I will not let you wallow in self-pity!"

He stared at her, watching as she took a few deep breaths to calm herself down.

"Now I'm going to bed...We're not going to be able to accomplish any more tonight...You're going to need to talk to Leo about this...and the rest of your staff if you're serious about revealing the MS and running for a second term." She walked towards the door before glancing back at him. "It's late, come to bed." 

He sat there for another few seconds, before standing up and following her. She was right, he couldn't decide anything night.

_XxXxX_

"Would you stop that." Leo said, without looking away from his computer screen.

Margaret stood up straighter from the doorway. "I'm not doing anything."

"You're staring." He replied, typing on the keyboard. "I can feel your eyes glaring into the back of my head."

"It's late." She commented.

"I said you could go home hours ago." He sighed, turning in his chair to face her.

"I'm not going home until you go home." 

He rolled his eyes. "I don't need a babysitter."

"You'll stay here all night otherwise." She moved fully into the room. "Then tomorrow you'll be grumpy and say something you shouldn't to someone important...Then who will have to fix it?"

"Margaret..."

"This is about Josh, isn't it?" She predicted, sitting down in the visitor's chair that was in front of the desk. "I've been hearing things."

"What things?" Leo questioned.

"Well, a lot of it's so unbelievable but there are two stories that are possible..."

"Two stories that are possible..." Leo started to repeat but then shook his head. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"The first one, is that Josh is leaving to run Vice President Hoynes' campaign for President." She informed him. "And the second one is that he's been forced to resign by you and the President because he's having a relationship with Donna."

"What?"

"I like the second one the best...Not you firing him, that would be wrong of you but about him being in a relationship with Donna..." She rambled on. "I just don't get why you'd fire him...I mean, they obviously like each other and who cares that he's her boss...I've already started on writing a petition to save their jobs..."

"Margaret, please just stop there." He rubbed his eyes. "Josh hasn't been fired and he's not in a relationship with Donna." 

Her face fell in disappointment. "He's not."

"No."

"Oh...So the Vice President..."

"He's not leaving either." He cut in and then sighed. "You can not repeat to anyone what I'm about to tell you."

Her eyes widen a little at the seriousness in his voice and nodded.

"Josh is sick." He told her. "He has Leukaemia."

She continued to stare at him without saying a word.

"He starts his treatment tomorrow so he'll be out for a few days." He informed her. "C.J will be covering him and in turn, Sam will be covering for her."

"Wow."

"Yeah but so far only a few selected people know about it." Leo stated. "At the time being, we're going to keep it that way." 

She nodded quickly. "Yes, Sir."

"Here." He held out a piece of paper. 

She looked at the number that was scribbled down on it. "What is it?"

"It's the hospital's telephone number...Tomorrow, I'm going to need you to call them every couple of hours to check on him."

She looked back up at him. "Okay but couldn't I just call Donna or have her call me?"

"Donna's not going with him."

"She isn't?"

"He's going alone."

"Seriously?"

"It's his decision and he has his reasons." Leo claimed

Josh had called earlier to give him the hospital number then told him that he had told Donna what was going and that it went okay once they shouted at each other. Leo was hoping that once Josh had spoken to Donna, he'd change his mind and ask her to go with him.

"Are they stupid reason?"

"Well, it's Josh..." He shrugged. "You expect something new?"

Margaret looked down at the number again. "How's long his treatment for?"

"A couple of hours tomorrow and they'll be keeping him in over to make sure there's no reaction then hopefully he'll be released the day after."

Margaret nodded and then stood up. "Is there anything I can get you?"

"No, I'm fine." Leo answered, automatically.

"Then go home." She replied.

He rolled his eyes. "I will in a bit...I'm finishing something off."

"You've got 20 minutes." She glared at him.

"Get out of here." He turned back to his computer.

_XxXxX_

C.J walked into the crowd bar, pushing her way through the people until she spotted him, sitting alone in a booth.

"Sam?" She sighed, sitting down on the opposite of the table to him.

He looked up surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"I was worried about you." She told him. "You sounded upset on the phone...I guessed you'd be here."

He mumbled something she didn't understand as put the bottle of beer to his lips.

"You want to talk about it?"

"About what?"

"Sam..." 

"Just leave me alone, C.J." He finished off his drink and stood up, wobbling slightly.

"Wow, maybe you sit down." She got up and steady him.

"I'm okay." He shrugged her off and stumbled towards the bar.

"Sam, don't you think you've had enough already?" She followed him.

"What are you doing here, C.J?" He asked again, leaning against the bar.

"I told you, you sound upset on the phone and now you're drunk." She answered. "I'm going to take you home and tomorrow, we'll talk about all this."

He didn't say anything and let her drag him towards the exit. He took a deep breath as he was hit by cold air once they were outside. They walked side by side in silence before Sam glanced sideways at her.

"How are you doing?"

C.J thought before answering. "I'm fine."

"Yeah okay..." He let out a sarcastic laugh.

She looked at him questionably.

"You're not fine, C.J...Toby isn't fine... Leo isn't fine and the President isn't fine!" He had stopped walking and his voice was getting louder as he spoke.

"Sam..." She looked around to see if anyone was watching them.

"Because something would be wrong if you were fine!" He claimed. "Josh is sick!"

"I know!"

"Then stop saying you're fine!" He shouted. "I wish everyone would just stop saying that!"

She thought back the tears that pooled in her eyes as she watched Sam struggle with his own emotions.

"I'm not fine, C.J..." He mumbled, his voice shaking. "I'm not fine...and Josh...Josh is not fine."

She stepped forwards, wrapping her arms around him and he collapsed against her.

"Sam...come on, Sam..." She pulled back a little. "Lets get you home."

He nodded, rubbing his eyes and they continued to walk, side by side until they reached C.J's car.

"I'm sorry..." He said once they had got in.

"It's okay, that's what friends are for." She smiled at him as she started up the car.

They stayed in silence on the way to Sam's and once she had stopped outside his apartment, she turned to him. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I think I'm just going to go straight to bed." He nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay, make sure you put some aspirin next to your bed for the morning." 

He smiled. "Yeah, thanks."

"Good night, Sam."

"Night." He climbed out.

She watched as he disappeared into the building and continued to stay sit there for another few minutes, deep in thoughts. Sam was right, none of them were 'fine' and she wonder when they will be again.

**TBC**

**Please, please review!! It would mean the world to me! **


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey, here's the next chapter. I've been struggling to write for the past few weeks. I know I have other stories to update but I just can't seem to get them write. I'm working on it though. This chapter was hard to write as well so I hope you like. Please review and let me know!! **

**Enjoy!!**

**I'm Fine**

"C.J?"

"Daniel?" She replied, not bothering to slow her pace but glanced back at the reporter as he ran along the corridor to catch her.

"What's going on?"

"Right this second or in the world generally?"

"What's going on with Josh?" He corrected.

She briefly tensed but recovered quickly, hoping Danny wouldn't notice. "Nothing that I know of...What have you heard?"

"The same as everyone else in this city." He took her elbow, stopping her and turning her to face him. "Rumour is, that he's leaving to work for the Vice President."

C.J smirked at the idea. "John Hoynes and Josh Lyman working together again, now that's something I'd pay money to see." 

"You're avoiding my question."

"About Josh leaving to work for Hoynes?" She started to walk again. "Really, Danny...I never had you down for one that listens to the rumour mill."

"It's my job to listen." He continued to follow her. "Not that I believed it..."

"Then why are you here bugging me now?"

"Because you started doing his job."

This time it was C.J who stopped. "I'm not doing his job." 

"You're meeting with Congressman Levi about the Education Bill." He pointed out.

"I worked just as hard on that bill as Josh did." She shot back. "And why do you know that?"

"I make it a daily task to find out what you're up to." He said sweetly.

She rolled her eyes. "Scary thing is, I don't think you're joking."

"Why are you doing his job, C.J?"

"Stop saying that!"

"C.J..."

"He's unavailable for a few days that's all... He's got some important appointments today and tomorrow so I'm helping him out a little." She explained, knowing she wasn't exactly being honest but wasn't lying either.

"What's the appointments about?"

"If you're that interested then you should have made him your daily task." she said sarcastically before walking away again.

This time he didn't follow her, instead he just watched her leave. He knew there was something big happening. He really hoped he was wrong about Josh leaving to support the Vice President because that not only meant that Jed Bartlet wasn't running for a second term but also Josh would end up back where he started before he joined 'Bartlet for America.'

_**XxXxX**_

Josh waited alone in a small private waiting room at the hospital. He had only arrived 10 minutes ago but the waiting around was already starting to get to him. He just wanted to get this all over and done with. Then hopefully he could go back to work tomorrow and sort out the mess he had left there.

"Mr Lyman?"

His head snapped up quickly and he saw a nurse stood in the doorway with a clipboard in her hand.

"Yeah, that's me."

She smiled warmly at him. "If you'd like to come with me."

He took a deep breath before pushing himself to his feet and followed the nurse.

"My name is Julia..." She told him, closing the door once he had walked in. "If you can just get comfortable on the bed."

Josh hesitated, glancing around the room that look familiar to the room he had been in after the shooting.

"Mr Lyman?" She prompted.

He snapped back to reality and moved towards the bed.

"Okay, now if you could just roll up your sleeve and we'll get started." She smiled reassuringly at him.

Josh couldn't help but watch as she started to prepare the IV.

"The doctor explained how the treatment works?" She asked, gently taking hold of his left arm.

He looked down to watch but then quickly moved his eyes to the wall in front of him while she inserted the IV.

"Uh, yeah..." He winced, his whole body tensing.

"Almost done." She told him.

He squeezed his eyes shut and didn't reopen them until he felt her step back.

"You'll be receiving the treatment for four hours today." She pressed a few buttons on the machine to start it before looking at him. "Did you have any questions?" 

"Uh, no..."

"Okay, well just press the call button if you need anything." She smiled again. "I'll come back and check on you in a bit."

"Thanks." He replied, quietly, staring at the machine.

She reached the door before turning back to him. "Mr Lyman, I'm sorry, this is none of my business but isn't there someone who could sit with you today."

He gave her a small smile. "Yeah but they have work."

"I would have thought for something like this..."

"They wanted to come." He claimed. "It was my choice. Their jobs are too important."

She paused for a moment. "You work in the White House, right?"

"Yeah."

"With the President?"

Josh smiled faintly. "Uh, yeah."

"I voted for him."

"Really? That's great...Thank you." Josh replied.

"Just press the button if you need anything." She smiled gently.

"Thanks." He said softly, as she left the room, leaving him alone.

He sighed loudly, this is how he wanted it. He wanted to do it alone but he couldn't help but wonder whether there was a small part of him that wished someone would turned up anyway.

_**XxXxX**_

"Has there been any news?"

Leo got to his feet straight away, when he heard the voice coming from the connecting door.

"He's started the treatment about an hour ago." Leo informed Jed, retaking his seat when he was given permission. "Other then a little bit of nausea, everything has gone fine."

Jed nodded thoughtfully. "Good."

"Margaret is going to be making phone call every couple hours." Leo continued. "Just to get an update, I'll let you know when we find out any more."

"I'd appreciate it." He half turned but then looked back at Leo. "Abbey and I talked about re-election."

He could tell by Leo's face that he was surprised by the comment.

"Re-election?"

"We had a deal." He said quietly, lowering himself into a chair. "One term."

Leo stared at him. "So, you're not running again?"

He glanced up at him, their eyes meeting but Jed didn't say anything.

A small smile formed on Leo's face. "But you're reconsidering your deal?"

He sighed, rubbing his tired eyes. "I was...before all of this."

"If you're worried about Josh..."

"It's not just Josh." He stood up again and Leo got to his feet too. "But we don't know when he'll be able to return to work full time...Do you really think we can win a campaign without him."

"Lets not worry about that now."

"I'd have to come out about the MS."

"Is that something you want to do?"

"It's something I should have done right from the start." Jed stated. "God, Leo how would we win this?" 

"The same way we did last time."

He shook his head. "Too much has changed."

"Sir..." He started but was cut off.

"A President who hide a serious illness...A Chief of Staff with a history of alcohol and drug abuse...a Deputy Chief of staff...with...with cancer." He listed. "Maybe it all is too much."

Leo's mouth was open slightly, staring at his friend for a few seconds in silence. "With all due respect, the MS and my alcoholism was there during the campaign and we still won." 

"No one knew about me." Jed raised his voice slightly.

"We can deal with this, Sir." Leo said confidently. "It'll be hard...harder then last time but we can do it."

"You really think that?"

"Yes." He nodded. "We should at least try."

"Will they want to work for me after they find out?" Jed asked, quietly.

"Sir, I think they..." He stopped himself, he had no idea what the answer was. He thought about it ever since he found out himself. They were all loyal, too loyal sometimes but he knew this was something that could break them apart.

C.J would have to follow her heart and not her head because she would be the one taking questions from the press about it. They would notice if she didn't support the President completely. Sam would take the news hard. He didn't have a political mind like Toby and Josh. He would take it personally and probably be the one that would consider leaving.

He had no idea how Toby would react. He would want answers whether the President wanted to give them or not.

Then there was Josh...

Leo started to wonder if he should have accepted his resignation and save him from all of this.

"Leo?"

He looked up and sighed quietly. "We won't know how they feel until they're told."

Jed nodded, slowly. "I should get back to work."

"Yes, Sir."

"I just wanted you to know that Abbey and I discussed it." He added. "I haven't made a decision yet."

"Okay, thank you, Sir."

Jed reached the door before turning back to Leo. "You'll let me know about Josh?"

"Of course."

Jed hesitated again before disappearing into this office.

Leo sat back down behind his desk with a sigh. Maybe Jed was right. Maybe to much had changed.

_**XxXxX**_

"What's up with you?" Toby asked Sam, who was sat on the couch in his office.

"Um?" Sam looked up at him.

"The meeting finished 10 minutes ago and everyone has left...Yet you're still sat there." 

"The meeting finished?" He glanced around the room.

"Yeah."

"Did we decided on anything..."

Toby sighed and ran a hand over his face. "No, not really...What the hell is going on with you today?"

"Nothing..."

"You came in late... you haven't paid attention all day..."

"I have a headache." 

"Hung over you mean."

Sam stood up. "I'll leave you to get back to work."

"Sam?"

"What?"

"Going on and getting drunk isn't going to help anyone."

"It helped me."

"Yeah, it looks like it." Toby rolled his eyes and moved towards the door, closing it. "You're not that person, Sam...You're not the person that goes out and get drunk when things are bad... you're... it just not you."

"God, Toby it was one night." Sam exclaimed. "I haven't got a problem... I just found out my best friend is dying...I'm sorry I'm not like you...I'm sorry I couldn't stay in this White House and continue to work knowing that Josh is sick!"

"He's not dying, Sam." Toby said quietly, his eyes falling the floor. "He's fighting this."

"It was just one night, Toby." Sam whispered after a few seconds. "C.J came and got me before I made a fool out myself... It's no big deal."

Toby nodded, accepting his answer. "Just don't let it happen again." 

Sam stared at him when he opened the door again.

"Now go down some work... You've done nothing all day." He ordered.

Sam sighed, leaving the office and walking straight into his own. Sitting down at the desk, he opened this laptop and after a few minutes the silence was broken by the sound a rubber ball hitting the wall. He groaned, rubbing his tired, painful eyes and let his head fall down to the desk.

_**XxXxX**_

"Margaret!" Leo yelled, dropping the newspaper onto his desk just as his assistant appeared in the doorway. "Get C.J, Toby and Sam in here right now!"

She nodded quickly and rushed back to her desk to follow her orders. Leo pulled his glasses off and ran a hand over his face.

"Has something happened to Josh?" 

He looked and saw Sam stood in front of the desk, guessing the Deputy Communication Director had probably ran from his office when he got the call in fear for his friend.

"What?" Leo questioned then shook his head. "No, no he's fine... I told you last night, he finished the treatment yesterday and there had been no complications...He'll probably be released in the next couple of hours..."

"Then what's going on?"

"Hey, has something happened?" Toby asked as he walked in with C.J close behind him.

"Have you seen this?" Leo held up the paper.

"Yes, we're going to have to comment..." C.J stated as Toby reached for the newspaper.

"White House Falling Apart?" He read the headline, his eyes flicking up to look at the other before continued to read the article out loud. "_Is the Bartlet's White House falling apart around him? It's become increasing obvious in the past few weeks that the Administration is shrugging but the question is 'what with?' There are rumours that Deputy Chief of Staff Joshua Lyman has been poached by Vice President Hoynes, which has caused questions about whether or not President Bartlet will be running for a second term. Rumours of Lyman's departure have escalated since Press Secretary C.J Cregg has been taking meeting for him while Deputy Communication Director Sam Seaborn replaced Cregg at the 2 o'clock briefing yesterday."_

"Where the hell are they talking about?!" Sam asked, cutting Toby off.

"Danny came to talk to me yesterday...Asking me about the rumour and why I was taking his meetings." C.J informed him. "I'm sure if Danny picked up on the tension that's been around here lately, then other people would have too." 

"_One source from inside the White House claims that Lyman has distances himself from everyone else, refusing to socialise with anyone outside of work. 'He's been acting like a man on his way out but no one knows what's caused the decision.' the source tells us." _Toby read on, raising his voice as he spoke each word. "There's a god damn leak!"

"Toby..."

"Someone's been talking and there's probably reporters camped outside of Josh's apartment right now!" He yelled, starting to pace in front of the desk. "They're going to take one look at him today, work out that he's sick and we haven't decided on what the hell we're going to say!"

"Look on page two."

Toby stopped and looked at Leo before opening the paper. "Oh great, just brilliant."

"What?" Sam asked, taking it from him and saw a photo of himself and C.J outside the bar. "What the..."

"We got to get Josh here." Toby claimed.

"No." Leo answered.

"We've got to put out a statement." He argued.

"Josh is going to go home and get the rest he needs."

"Don't you think it'll be better for us to release this rather then them working it out for themselves?"

"They're not going to work it out." Leo insisted. "If they want to believe that Josh is going to go work for the Vice President, then fine...let them...it'll only be until he's fit enough to tell them the truth."

"Leo..."

"For god sake, Toby!" Sam exclaimed, startling them all. "He's just finished his first round of chemo...give the guy a break!"

"Sam, they're printing pictures of you drunk...claiming that C.J was practically holding you up!" Toby grabbed the paper, waving it around. "They're saying that maybe you're not up to your job, any more." 

"Well, maybe they're right!" Sam shot back.

"Okay, everyone just calm down." Leo stood up and moved around the desk. "C.J, what did you say to Danny yesterday."

"I laughed at the idea of Josh and Hoynes working together again..." She shrugged. "That Josh had some important appointments, so I was helping out with some of the meetings since I worked on the Eduction bill with him." 

"Right, good... you get any questions about this...just tell them that."

"What about Sam at the bar?" C.J asked, glancing at Sam.

Leo sighed. "Just say it was a one off and that its not how it seems in the photo."

"What about Josh?" Toby asked.

"Like I said, Josh is going to get some rest." 

"Can't we at least..."

"No, Toby we can't!" Leo snapped, cutting him off. "If Josh pushes himself to hard then he could end up back in hospital. Not only is it his health at risk but how would we explain to everyone that he collapsed because he came back to work too soon." 

"Why is it all you two care about work?!" Sam questioned.

Leo turned and glared at him. "This isn't just about work." 

C.J looked uncomfortable between the three men. "Uh, have you talked to Josh, today...How is he?"

"He throw up a few times during the night but feels okay this morning." Leo answered, his eyes still on Sam but then moved back behind his desk and sitting down. "He should be released soon."

"When will he be back in?"

"Tomorrow if and that's a big if..." Leo looked at Toby as he spoke. "He feels up to it."

Toby sighed and rubbed his forehead. "We need to do something." 

Leo sat back down at the desk. "Stick to Josh is busy for a few days and then when he gets back we'll decided on how to handle this."

There was a knock on the door and everyone fell silent as Margaret walked in.

"You have a visitor."

Leo waited for her to continued but she didn't. "Well, who is it?"

"I told him he's not allowed to be here."

"Excuse me?"

"I told him you'd be mad."

"Margaret, who the hell is it?" He sighed.

She opened her mouth to answer but instead turned and left the room.

"Okay, well that was weird." Sam commented as they all stared at the empty space where she just was.

"Margaret?!" Leo yelled out to her but instead of her returning, someone else walked in. "Josh?!"

"Before you say anything..."

C.J grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the couch, forcing him to sit down. "Oh my god, you really shouldn't be here."

"I'm fine." He shrugged her off but didn't attempt to get up.

"Josh, you look white as a ghost." She pointed out. "You've just been let out of hospital..."

"Can we please..." He tried to cut in.

"Margaret!"

This time she came back into the office.

"Get a car to take Josh home." He ordered.

"Leo, just listen..."

"No, you're not working just hours after having chemotherapy." Leo shot him a lot.

"We need to make a statement."

"Thank you." Toby added causing everyone else to turn and glare at him.

"Josh, we've got this covered." Sam assured. "Go home."

"I'm here now."

"Not for much longer." Leo told him.

"I want to talk to the press."

"What?"

"I think we should do it at the briefing, tomorrow." He continued. "But I want to be the one to do it." 

"You want to stand in the briefing room and tell the world that you have cancer?" C.J stared at him.

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because... I don't know...I just, it's just something I need to do." 

"I can do it for you." Sam offered. "We can prepare a statement together and I could read it..." 

"No, Sam."

"Look, if this is about when you told..."

"It's not...it's about me...it's about what I want..."

"What is it that you want?"

Everyone turned quickly and Josh automatically jumped to his feet when they heard a voice behind them. C.J had to reach out and steady him, to stop him from falling.

"Josh, would you sit back down." The President ordered, looking at him in concern.

"Thank you, Sir." He answered, lowering himself back to the couch.

"Have you been listening to your doctors."

"Yes, Sir."

"And they told you the first thing you had to do once you were let out of the hospital was to come into work?"

"Not exactly, Sir...No."

"I didn't think so." 

"Margaret is arrange for a car to take him home." Leo informed Jed.

"Ah good..." He nodded, moving and sitting down next to Josh. "Now back to my first question...What is it that you want?"

"I want to make an announcement tomorrow at the briefing."

"About the leukaemia."

"Yes, Sir."

"Why tomorrow."

"There's been some press." Toby answered, causing Jed to look over him. "They've noticed his absence and that there been a strange atmosphere."

He slowly nodded, taking in the news before turning his attention back to Josh. "Are you ready for this?"

He shrugged. "I'm not ready to have cancer...I'm not ready to have the treatment but I don't have a choice in that... I have to get on with it and that means getting it out into the open."

"Anyone have anything else to add?"

They all look at each other, hoping someone else would be able to come up with a reason for Josh not to go public.

"I think... I think it's too soon." Sam said quietly, his eyes fixed on his shoes. "It...it makes it all seem to real..."

"It is real, Sam." Josh said, hoarsely, rubbing his eyes but admittedly regretted it when he was overcome with dizziness. Screwing his eyes shut he leaned back against couch then he felt a reassuring and comforting hand on his arm. He opened his eyes and saw the President watching him in concern just like everyone else in the room.

"I should probably get home, right?" He said lightly, trying to ease the atmosphere.

"That's the most intelligent thing you've ever said." Leo got up and walked around the desk.

"I'm serious about the announcement tomorrow." Josh slowly stood up with the help of C.J and Leo.

"Anyone object?" Leo asked the rest of the staff.

C.J shook her head. "If it's what you want..."

"Sam?" Leo looked at him.

He looked down at his feet. "Yeah, if you're sure."

"Toby?"

"I think it'll be good..." He said quietly, unsure what reaction he'd get. "It'll show everyone that we're handling this."

"Yeah." Josh nodded. "Exactly."

Sam sighed but didn't say anything cauisng Josh to look at him questionably.

Jed patted Josh's hand. "I want to make a statement showing you my support."

"Thank you, Sir but..."

"I want to do it." Jed said firmly, cutting him off.

"Thank you."

"Now get out of here."

"Yes, Sir."

"I'll walk you out." C.J offered, taking hold of his arm.

"C.J, you don't need to carry me." Josh teased as they followed Sam and Toby out the office.

"Hey, it either me or Toby." She replied. "Take your pick."

"Okay, you win." He laughed lightly. "So, you treating my assistant well?"

"It's been one day, Josh."

"Just remember I have her back tomorrow."

"You're really coming in?" She looked at him in concern

"I'll be fine, C.J." He assured her as they both stopped. "I'm a bit tired and sore but I'll rest for the rest of day and a get a good night sleep."

"Just...just don't push yourself, okay?"

"I promise you that if I don't feel better then I won't work tomorrow."

"Right, good." She nodded and they started to walk again.

"Listen, I just want to have a word with Toby."

"No work today, Joshua!"

He rolled her eyes. "I just want a conversation."

"Josh!"

"C.J, it'll be 5 minutes." He claimed. "I'm wasting more energy arguing with you now." 

"Fine but don't think you can guilt trip me everytime."

"I can still try though right?" He asked, grinned.

"I wouldn't expect anything else."

When they reached Toby's office, they found his door already open and saw he was sat at his computer. Josh knocked lightly on the door causing him to look up.

"You got a minute?"

Toby glanced at C.J before back to Josh. "Sure."

"5 minutes, Josh."C.J pointed at him. "A second over and I'm sending for the First Lady."

"Okay, fine whatever." He rolled his eyes, moving into the office fully and closed the door behind him.

"What's going on?" Toby leaned back in his chair and picked up a small pink rubber ball, watching as Josh slowly lowered himself onto the couch.

"It's Sam..."

"If it's about the newspaper..." Toby started but Josh cut in.

"No, it's not that...He was upset...Who cares that he had a few to many." Josh rolled his eyes. "One minute he's telling me not to worry about anything because everything here is covered...then the next he's saying its too soon to speak about all of this."

"Yeah...so what do you want me to do?"

"You're the bad guy around here at the moment...You care about carrying on with working..."

"It's not..."

"It's okay." Josh assured him quickly. "It's a good thing, I understand... hell, I want you to be that guy."

"It's a shame no one else agrees with you." Toby sighed. "The President, Leo, C.J they understand...they don't like it but they know they need to carry on working...but Sam..."

"Is on a road to distraction." Josh finished him off. "He's already got me dead and buried before I've even become this fight."

Toby's eyes dropped down to his desk and his hand involuntary tightened around the rubber ball. The words hitting him harder then he ever thought was possible. The way that Josh had said 'already,' suddenly made him think about how no matter how strong or hard Josh fought this, he could still lose...he could still die.

"You're going to write something for the President?" Josh asked, quietly.

"What?"

"For tomorrow? The President said he wanted to realise a statement...You're going to write something for him?"

"Yeah, it was what I was working on before you came in."

"Get Sam to help you." He suggested, carefully getting to his feet. "Make him work, hard...Get his head back into the game."

Toby glanced at the window that showed Sam's office and saw it was empty. "You think it'll work."

Josh shrugged. "Just get him to stop thinking so much."

"I'll give it a shot."

"Right, I'm out of here."

"5 minutes up already?"

"Actually, I think it's been more like 10 but I guess C.J has forgotten." Josh grinned. "When she does finally remember me...tell her I've managed to find my own way home." 

Toby smiled slightly. "Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't really care just about work."

"I know." He nodded.

"I just..." He started then stopped, pausing for a few second before continuing. "I just wanted to make sure you did."

Josh smiled and nodded again, turning towards the door.

"Oh and Toby?" He turned back again. "You can't let the President talk to the Press tomorrow about this."

"What?"

"If he does then it'll seem more important then it is." He replied. "Just have C.J read the statement on his behalf.." 

"Josh."

"Seriously, Toby...I'm not front page news...Not when there's better things happening...Like the Eduction bill." He claimed. "I'll see you tomorrow." 

Toby just stared after him as he left the office and slowly made his way down the corridor. He knew that the President wouldn't agree with Josh and he knew what everyone else would say because to them... He really was more important.

**TBC**

**Please review and let me know what you think!!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey, here's the next chapter! Sorry it took so long! Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! It means a lot! Thanks!! Hope you enjoy this!! Please let me know what you think!!**

**Enjoy!!**

**I'm Fine**

Josh groaned at the loud ringing echoing around the bathroom. He screwed his eyes shut, trying to ease the pain that was shooting through his head. His left hand blindly searched out for his cell phone. He put it to his ear, resting the back of his neck on the edge of the bath.

"Yeah?" He mumbled his answer.

"Josh?"

"Yeah?" He repeated.

"You okay?"

"Yeah."

"Josh?"

He groaned again. "Leo, it's like...I dunno...Early."

There was a pause on the line before Leo spoke again. "It's almost 11am."

His eyes opened and he sat up way too quickly, causing his stomach to turn.

"Josh?" Leo questioned, when he heard him moan.

"I'm fine." He leaned his head back again. "I Just shouldn't make sudden movements."

"Right..." Leo said slowly before moving on. "So, you over slept?"

"Yeah..." He mumbled, deciding he didn't need to inform Leo that he spent half the night throwing up and the other half asleep against the bath. "The briefing is at one o'clock?"

"If you don't feel up to it..."

"I'll just grab a shower and I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Josh..."

"Leo, I'll be fine." He scrambled to his feet, leaning heavily against the sink.

"Right, if you say so," Leo replied, doubtfully. "Get here for about 12:30, and we'll go over what you're going to say...So, that gives you an hour and a half to get ready."

"I'll be okay once I've had a shower." Josh looked into the mirror and tried not to grimace at his appearance.

"You've got some special healing water being pumped into your apartment now?" Leo questioned, sarcastically.

"Donna had it installed," Josh shot back.

"Whatever." Leo rolled his eyes. "Get a shower and try and eat some food before you get here."

"Yeah, I'll work on that," Josh replied. Even the thought of food made him feel sick.

"You've got an hour and 20 minutes."

"Okay, I'm going," Josh, told him. "Leo?"

"Yeah?"

"How's Sam doing?"

"Toby and him were locked up all night working on a statement." Leo replied. "I hear that you think that it should be read by C.J and not the President."

"You know it has to."

"Yeah."

"But Sam's doing better?"

"There was a lot of shouting coming from Toby's office," Leo answered. "So, that's a good sign."

"Yeah..."

"I'll see you when you get here."

Josh hung up the phone, leaning both his hands onto the sink and sighed loudly. He looked ill...he didn't look like a man who would be able to give good advice to the President of the United States. If he could see that by looking in a mirror, then surely the Press and everyone else watching will be able to as well.

He closed his eyes, trying to get the image of himself out of his head. He wasn't going to let this beat him. He was going to continue to fight this. He had assured the President and Leo that he was strong enough for this and he wasn't going to let them down.

He pushed himself away from the sink and turned on the shower. He was going to show everyone that he could do this.

XxXxX

Donna placed a cup of coffee down in front of Sam, causing him to look up. He stared down at the cup for a moment before back up at Donna.

"Why are you bringing me coffee?" He asked, suspiciously.

"I wanted to do something nice." She sat down opposite him.

"I thought you didn't bring coffee..."

"I don't bring Josh coffee," she replied.

"Right..." He picked up the cup and took a sip. "Well, thanks."

She was quiet for a moment. "How are you doing?"

"Me?"

"Yeah."

"I'm tired, but then I didn't get home until late last night," he answered. "But other then that..."

"You feeling better about the whole thing with Josh?"

Sam stared at her. "He has cancer, Donna."

"I know..."

"Then why would I feel better?"

"I just...I meant..." She sighed. "You've been acting a little crazy."

"Hey..."

"Josh is counting on you."

"And I'm trying to look out for him."

"You don't need to, Sam."

"What?"

"He's got the First Lady making sure he's getting the best medical treatment... he's got his Mom telling what he should and shouldn't eat... he's got the President making sure he's listening to both of them and his doctors..."

"Donna..."

"He's already got people looking out for him, Sam," she stated. "What he needs is for you to be his friend."

"I'm trying!" Sam insisted. "But I'm not like Josh, Toby or Leo...I actually believe that there's more important things in life then politics!"

"And you think that Josh doesn't?" She questioned. "Or do you think that Toby isn't feeling guilty every time he has to turn the conversation back to work?"

"Donna..."

"This is the man who wanted to throw out the Bill of Rights after the shooting," Donna continued, refusing to let him cut her off. "And Leo...are you forgetting what kind of man he is?"

Sam stared at her, wordlessly.

"God, Sam... He saved him after the shooting and I know it wasn't just him, but it was Leo that got through to him in the end," she stated. "And from what I've heard, it was Leo who got through to him this time as well.."

"I know Donna..."

"He's been the father that Josh has needed...he wouldn't do anything to hurt him...No one here would."

Sam sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I know."

Donna reached over and placed her hand over his. "He's counting on you to be there for him, not to look out for him."

"How do I be there for him?" He whispered. "I've had a good life...I've never really lost anyone I'm close to before...I nearly did at Rosslyn but that's it."

"Just do what you did then," Donna said. "That's what he wants...That's what he needs...He needs you there to break the rules that I and everyone else set for him."

Sam smiled briefly, thinking back to when Josh was trapped in his apartment and he used to sneak over there with a takeaway and information on what was happening at work.

"He doesn't need you to look out for him because I think he's actually trying to look out for you," she claimed again. "But he does need you to be there."

"Did he tell you that?"

"No, he didn't need to...This is Josh, I probably know more about what's going on in his head then what's going on in my own." She smiled but then it faded slowly. "The thing is, Sam... He's scared and he's handling this the only way he knows how..."

He looked at her curiously. "And how's that?"

"By making sure everyone he cares about is okay."

"So, in other words...I should stop acting like this is happening to me and start getting on with what needs to be done."

Donna smiled widely. "So, you were paying attention."

He returned the smile. "Thanks, Donna."

"No problem...I should get back to the office." She stood up. "Josh will be here soon and he'll probably freak if there's no one around."

"Hey Donna?"

"Yeah?"

"How are you doing?" He asked. "With all of this...Are you okay?"

She paused, thinking about her answer before speaking. "He's one of the strongest people I know... I believe in him...Everything is going to be fine."

"Yeah." He agreed softly, watching as she turned and left the room.

XxXxX

"I want to talk to the press."

"Mr President..."

"The American people should know I'm supporting him..."

"They will know, Sir," Leo tried to assure him. "It'll just be C.J telling them."

"It should be me," he insisted, turning to face the window. "As the President..."

"As the President, you'd offer your support to anyone who's suffering from an illness," Leo finished off. "But if you personally did it, then you'd be doing more briefings then actually running the country."

He turned back around and looked at him. "This isn't just anyone...This is Josh."

"I know, Sir," Leo said, quietly. "But even so, we can't make this into a story."

"Leo..."

"He's going to continue working... There are going to be people who will say he's not up to the job," Leo continued. "He's going to have a hard enough time, trying to prove them wrong..."

"Even more reason for me to publicly give him my support."

"Even more reason not to make this into a big deal."

Jed turned away again, deep in thought. The politician in him knew that Leo was right but the Father in him, disagreed.

"Sir, this is your Deputy Chief of Staff's idea," Leo spoke after a few seconds. "I say we trust him."

Jed nodded slowly. "Tell Sam and Toby that the statement they written will be fine."

"Yes, Sir," Leo replied, moving towards his door. "Thank you, Mr President."

Jed continued to stare out of the window as he was left alone in his own thoughts.

XxXxX

"Right, has anyone got anything to add?" Leo asked, the senior staff once they had discussed what Josh was going to say.

"Has the President decided who is going to read his statement?" Sam asked.

"C.J's going to." Leo answered.

"Good." Toby stood up. "I think that's everything."

"Yeah, after C.J's done with the questions, we'll all meet again and decide our next move."

Toby glanced over at Josh, who looked like he was going throw up any minute. He wasn't sure whether it was because of the cancer or because he was nervous.

"Let's get this show going then," he let out a loud sigh, as he walked towards the door. Slapping Josh on the shoulder as he passed him, hoping it would be enough to reassure him that they were all there for him.

"I'll sit with Donna." Sam stood up, glancing towards Josh. "And try and get a sneak preview of the new set of rules she's drafting up."

Josh smiled slightly at Sam's attempt to lighten the mood.

"Remember to stay away from any questions about the President's smoking habits and if you even mention the words 'secret plan'...well, I'll have you pinned down to the floor, faster then you can say inflation," C.J warned him, causing both him and Leo to laugh lightly. "Seriously though, I'll be right there beside you...If you need anything... I'll be there."

"I know." Josh said softly. "Thanks, C.J."

"No problem, Mi Amour."

Leo waited until the door closed behind C.J before turning his attention to Josh.

"So, you ready for this?"

"Not really but it'll fine."

"We can get C.J to read both statements...It's not a problem."

"I know, Leo, but he should do this." Josh cut him off.

"You've told everyone that needs to know?" Leo asked, after a few seconds of silence.

"My Mom spoke to a few close family friends," he answered. "I didn't want too many people to know...I didn't want it to get out to the press before today."

"I spoke to Mallory..." He informed him. "She sends her love and wants you to know you can call her any time."

Josh smiled slightly and looked down at his hands. "What about everyone else...the rest of the staff? Do they know yet?"

"Toby and C.J spoke to everyone who needed to know this morning," he replied. "The President and I met with the Vice President last night."

"Yeah, I bet he was beginning to wonder why we aren't denying these rumours about me going to work for him."

"I think he was hoping it was true."

"Yeah, he's probably not now."

"He seemed genuinely concerned about you."

"Yeah...Yeah, I know...He's a good man really." He sighed rubbing his eyes. "I should probably get to the Press room."

"Okay."

Josh hesitated before pushing himself to his feet and walking towards the door.

"Joshua?"

He stopped and slowly turned back to look at his boss. In all the years, he had known Leo; he had never called him Joshua. It was always Josh or Kid... never Joshua.

"I'm so proud of what you're about to do..." He said softly. "I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you." He barely whispered.

"Your Dad would be proud too."

Tears started to fill his eyes and he tried to fight them away but one managed to escape and roll down his cheek.

"I just wanted you to know that," Leo added.

Josh nodded slightly, turning on his heels and walking out of the office. He took a deep breath as he walked down the corridor. He ignored the looks of sympathy he was getting from some of the staff and didn't stop until he reached the Pressroom door.

"Josh?"

"Danny, hey..."

"You okay?" He asked. "You look a little...off?"

"I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, you should take your seat...it'll be starting soon."

"You're not going in there, are you?" Danny joked. "Not after last time."

Josh forced a small smile. "This will be different."

"You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah," Josh answered, watching as the reporters inside the room talked and moved around the room.

Danny looked at him curiously. "You're making an announcement, aren't you?"

"Danny..."

"Is it about Hoynes?" He questioned. "Because I've got to say..."

"It's not," Josh cut him off as Carol squeezed past them and told everyone that the briefing would be starting in two minutes.

"But it's something big though, right?"

Josh glanced at him before looking back into the room. "Take your seat, Danny... you're not going to want to miss this."

Danny stayed where he was for a few seconds but when Josh refused to say any more or look at him, he moved fully into the room.

"What did Fish Boy want?" C.J asked, as she joined Josh.

"Nothing," he replied. "Just you know..."

"Did you tell him anything?"

"What? No...just... I know he's a reporter and all but...I've known him a long time." He sighed. "He's a friend."

"I know," C.J whispered, reaching down and squeezing his hand reassuringly.

"You should get out there," he told her. "Get this thing over and done with."

"Yeah okay."

He watched as she walked to the podium and the room instantly fell silent.

"Good Afternoon, everyone..." She looked down at the piece of paper in front of her before looking back up to her audience. "Before we start today's briefing...Deputy Chief of Staff Joshua Lyman would like to make a statement..."

Josh took another deep breath and tried to stop his hands from shaking as he made his way to replace C.J at the podium.

"I'll be right here," she whispered in his ear, as he walked past her as she moved to the side.

He gripped onto the podium tightly and looked around the room. They all stared back at him curiously and he heard some whispering. His eyes locked with Danny's for a few seconds before he looked away. He felt a little light headed and silently prayed that he didn't throw up all over the front row.

"Last Saturday, I was diagnosed with Leukaemia..." He started, but didn't pause. He knew if he did, he'd probably wouldn't be able to finish. "I received my first round of chemotherapy on Tuesday and was realised from hospital on Wednesday...I'll continue to go and receive treatment for a couple of hours, once a week."

A few reporters shot their hands in the air. He couldn't remember any of their names so he pointed to a guy sat near the back. "Yeah?"

"Can you tell us anything more about the Leukaemia?"

"It's acute Leukaemia which means, it's fast processing," he informed them and turned to someone else. "Yes?"

"What does your doctor think the outcome will be?"

Josh stared at her for a few seconds before answering. "Well, I just finished my first lot of treatment two days ago so unfortunately at the moment, it's too early to tell... Danny?"

"How are you?" He questioned, although it was more out of concern then getting a quote for his paper.

"I have a wonderful family, good friends and I work alongside some amazing people who are all supporting and helping me...Considering the circumstances, I'm very lucky," he answered a little too honestly then he probably should have, so he quickly turned to someone else. "Katie?"

"Will you continue working as Deputy Chief of Staff or will President Bartlet hire someone to cover for you?"

"I will continue to do my job to the best of my ability, but there will be times when I won't be able to and President Bartlet has asked C.J Cregg to cover for me during those times."

"Do you think it's a good idea for someone receiving medical treatment to advise the President?" Someone called out.

"Like I said, I'll continue doing my job and I promise not to let this effect my work but the President and the rest of the administration has complete faith in C.J Cregg to do so when I'm unavailable."

There where a few more questions shouted out but Josh held up his hand to stop them. "Sorry, that's all I have for you."

He quickly walked past C.J and towards the exit. He didn't see Toby stood watching and continued down the corridor. He could hear C.J reading out the statement from the President before he pushed open the door to the men's' room. He just managed to reach the toilet before he was sick. He heard the door open and close but he didn't care. After a minute, when he was sure he had finished, he turned and sat on the floor, his eyes shut.

"Can I get you anything?"

He opened his eyes and looked up at Toby.

"I messed up."

"You didn't..."

"At the end...I made it seem like I was taking a vacation."

"It was fine."

He leaned his back against the wall. "I promised them I could handle this..."

"Josh..."

"You ever get the feeling, you've lied to millions of people?"

"You didn't..." Toby assured him, reaching down, grabbing hold of Josh's hand and pulled him to his feet. "I wouldn't have let you."

"Toby..."

"We've got you covered on this, okay... We've got your back."

"Okay..." Josh replied, letting out a breath he didn't even realise he was holding.

"Right, let's go and watch the end of the briefing." Toby walked out of the bathroom with Josh following. They stopped behind the window at the back of the Pressroom just as C.J was finishing off.

"...Medical treatment for cancer suffers has come a long way over the years... President Bartlet and his family are praying for an easy and quick recovery for Josh Lyman...He also prays for the millions of people who have been effected by cancer in the past, the present and the future..." She stopped, looking around the room. "Okay, who's got a questions?"

**TBC**

**Please review and let me know what you think!!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Here's the next chapter, thank you to everyone who reviewed. Please keep them coming!! **

**Enjoy!!**

**I'm Fine**

Sam stood across from Josh as they waited with C.J and Toby outside of the Oval office. He was trying to watch Josh without making it obvious. He didn't look well... he looked pale and had lost a lot of weight. He'd done as much researched as he could about cancer even before Josh had been diagnosed and knew what the symptoms of the disease and the treatment were but there was something not quite right. Josh had been quiet all day, he hadn't attempted to eat any food and looked a little unsteady on his feet.

Sam had questioned him about it earlier but he insisted he was fine and just tired. It was two days after Josh had received his third round of chemo and everyone was still a little unsure how to treat him. They tried to act like normal but there were times that made them remember he was sick. Sam knew Josh was getting frustrated with everyone asking how he was which was why he hadn't made any more comments about how he looked.

"Josh?" 

Sam looked over at C.J when she broke the silence before looking back at Josh, who was now leaning against Charlie's desk, with his eyes close.

"Josh?" She repeated when he didn't answer, touching his arm gently.

His eyes snapped open and stood up straighter. "Yeah?"

"You okay?"

"I'm just tired." He ran a hand through his hair.

"You sure?"

"Uh-huh." The truth was, he felt terrible but he wasn't about the admit that to anyone. Since starting the treatment, this was the worst he had felt but he hated people fussing over him. So, he decided that once the meeting with the President was over with, he'd go back to his office, finish off what little work he had left and then head home early. He could see C.J, Sam, Toby and Charlie, all looking at him with concern but the door opened before any of them could say any more.

"Good morning, everyone," Vice-President Hoynes said as he walked out the Oval office.

"Good Morning, Sir," Sam was the first to reply.

"Josh, could I just have a quick word, please?" Hoynes asked.

"Uh, yes, Sir..." Josh nodded slightly and followed him out into the corridor, shrugging at the questionable look Sam sent him.

Hoynes glanced around and was happy to see that the corridor was quiet. "I just wanted to say how sorry I was to hear about the cancer."

"Thank you, Sir..." Josh replied. "And thank you for the card you sent after the announcement, I appreciated it." 

"Well, it was the least I could do," Hoynes stated, smile a little. "We've known each other for a long time now."

"Yes, Sir."

"How is the treatment going?"

"There are good days and not so good days," Josh answered, wanting to add that this was a not so good day so he should hurry up and tell him what he wanted. Josh knew the Vice-President was after something or he had some game-plan running through his mind. "I'm sorry, Sir but was there anything else? It's just I'm meant to be in a meeting..." 

"Oh yes, of course...I'm sorry." Hoynes stepped back a little. "I just wanted to see how you were doing."

"Okay, well thank you, Mr Vice President," Josh smiled a little and moved to go to the Oval office.

"Oh and Josh? If you're ever interested and want a bit of a change...There's always a job over on my side of the building."

Josh stopped and turned again to face him. "I'm sorry, Sir?"

"If you ever want to try something a little different...Whether it's now, when you finished the treatment or in a couple of years...whenever."

"But...I wok for President Bartlet," Josh stated, remembering he had said similar words to Leo when he approached him about a job.

"Yes, I know..." Hoynes smiled. "And I know we had problems in the past but I know where I went wrong last time ...I'd listen to your advice a little more carefully."

"I really am honoured, Sir but..." 

Hoynes laughed a little and slapped him on the back. "I'm not expecting you to go into the Oval office and resign, Josh...I just wanted to let you know that there's a place for you in my staff."

"Thank you, Sir but..."

"Just think about it, it won't be like last time...you'd have more responsibility...Chief of Staff," Hoynes continued. "Or Campaign manager." 

"Campaign manger?" Josh repeated, his eyebrows raising.

"Yeah, for when the chance comes up," Hoynes beamed. "Anyway, I'd better let you get to your meeting..."

"Sir.." Josh started.

"Remember a little bit of change is good." Hoynes started to walk away. "Oh and good luck with everything else.."

Josh stared after him, completely thrown by what just happened. He had no idea what the Vice President was up to. He slowly walked back towards the Oval office, his mind racing. Was he planning to run in the next election? Did the President know?

"I'm sorry, I'm late, Sir." Josh said, as he joined the rest of the staff.

"No problem," the President, mumbled not looking up from the paper with the speech he was reading.

"What did the VP want?" Leo questioned, as the President gave a suggestion to Toby and Sam.

"Uh, nothing..." 

"Are you feeling okay?" Leo looked at him closely.

"Yeah, sure...I'm fine," he replied distractedly.

Leo knew he was lying but decided not to push it. "So, Hoynes?"

"What? Oh nothing, just you know..to say sorry and good luck and all."

"You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah.."

The President asked Leo a question, cutting short their conversation. Josh stayed silent through out most of the meeting, barely listening to what everyone was saying. He couldn't get what Hoynes said off of his mind. He knew there was something happening, he just didn't know what.

"How's the Eduction bill coming along?" Bartlet asked.

"Everything seems pretty much done, Sir.." C.J explained when Josh didn't speak up. "We're just tying up lose endings, right Josh?"

Everyone turned their attention to him but he still wasn't concentrating.

"Josh?"

"What? Sorry?"

"The Eduction bill..." 

"Oh right, yeah...We're just tying up lose ends." He rubbed his eyes, hoping it would stop the stabbing pain in his head but instead it just made him feel dizzy and even sicker.

"C.J just said..." The President started, watching Josh. "Are you okay?"

"I'm..." He started but stopped, placing a hand on the couch behind him to try and stay on his feet. "Sir, I'm sorry...but...would you excuse me..."

"Josh, sit down," the President ordered, moving from behind the desk and towards him.

"No, Sir...I just need..."

"Josh, sit." Leo gave him a look before taking hold of his arm so he could guide him to a seat.

"Leo, I need..." Josh started again but the room was spinning now and he leaned little on his boss.

"Josh?" Leo held on to him a little tighter when he felt him falling.

"Quick, someone get help!" Sam said, moving to Josh's side but wasn't fast enough to stop him from falling to the floor.

"Get a doctor!!" The President yelled as he knelled down next to Josh and beside Leo.

Some secret service agents ran into the room to see what was happening with Charlie and Mrs Landingham right behind him.

Charlie grabbed the phone to get help while everyone crowded around Josh.

"Josh? Josh, can you hear me?" Leo shook his arm a little. "Come on, Josh..Don't do this."

"He...I knew... he didn't look too good," Sam stuttered a little.

Leo placed a hand on his forehead. "He's burning up."

"He'll be okay, won't he?" C.J questioned but no one would answer her.

"Josh, you need to wake up now." The President tried but there was no response.

They all stepped aside when the medics arrived, everyone staying silent, just watching.

"I'm going with him," Leo looked at Jed as they placed Josh on a stretcher. "I'll call you as soon as I know something."

Jed nodded, he wanted to go too but knew it wasn't possible.

Toby, Sam, C.J and Leo followed behind the medics as they wheeled Josh out.

"Sam, you go too," Toby told him.

"What?" Sam stopped walking causing him and C.J to as well.

"Someone needs to stay with the President and the press is going to want to know what happening when they see the ambulance..." Toby explained. "C.J and I will stay...you go and get Donna and get down there." 

"But..."

"Sam, go."

"I can't...what if..." His voice trialled off and he looked down the corridor and saw that Josh, Leo and medics were no where in sight. "The treatment is meant to make him better..."

Toby ran a hand over his head. "Yeah...but...you know...you know it doesn't always work like that."

"I'll go and get Donna," He sighed.

"I'll work on a statement for you," Toby said quietly to C.J as they both watched Sam leaving.

"I'll be in my office."

They both headed in different directions and when C.J walked around the corner, she ran right into Danny.

"C.J..."

"Not now." She kept walking.

"What happened?"

"I'll be doing a briefing in a bit."

"Was that Josh being wheeled out of here."

"Danny..." She sighed, entering office and he followed.

"What happened?"

"Danny, please can you just..." She spun around to face him, losing her temper. "God, can't you just give me a minute!"

"C.J..."

"He's my friend, Danny! Don't you understand that! I care about him! I'd just like a damn minute and stop being the Press Secretary so I can worry about him!" She raised his voice, her eyes filled with tears. "So, just... Please.." 

"C.J.." Danny said softly.

"Oh, God...he... he just fell.." She leaned back against her desk, using a hand to shield her face.

Danny closed the door then stepped towards her before pulling her into his arms. "It'll be okay."

"He looked so ill.." She cried quietly.

_XxXxX_

"Hey, Charlie...Mrs Landingham.." Zoey said cheerfully but frowned a little. Charlie was sat at his desk, his head hanging while Mrs Landingham stood behind him with a comforting hand on his back but her face was filled with concern and worry. "What's wrong?"

Charlie looked up at her slowly. "Josh...he's... he's been taken to hospital."

"Why?" She looked between the two of them.

"He collapsed..."

"What? But I don't..." She stuttered a little. She knew Josh was sick and she knew how serious cancer was but he was getting treatment. He was getting better. He had told her himself yesterday. He said he felt great.

"He'll be okay, dear," Mrs Landingham walked towards her and put an arm around her. "He's made of strong stuff...he'll come through this."

_XxXxX_

Toby paced around his office, he knew he should be writing a statement for the press but he had no idea how to write it. He forced himself to stop when there was a knock on the door.

"Yeah?" 

Ginger walked in and handed him a piece of paper. "That's the number you wanted." 

"Thanks.." 

"He's going to be okay, isn't he?" Ginger questioned. She had always liked Josh. She liked how he worked even though she knew she'd probably kill him by the end of her first day if she was his assistant.

"I don't know."

Ginger stayed where she was for a moment, deep in thought before realising. "Was there anything else you needed?"

"Just let me know as soon as Sam or Leo calls."

"Yes, Sir."

He wanted until she was out of the room before picking up the phone. He dialled the number on the paper.

"Mrs Lyman, hi..it's...it's Toby Ziegler, I...I work with your son..." He paused, trying to work out the right words. "Something happened...he collapsed... he's been taken to hospital..."

**TBC**

**Please review!!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Here's the next chapter!! Hope you like it! Thanks for all the reviews! Please please keep them coming!! **

**Enjoy!!**

**I'm Fine **

Leo stood up and walked over to the window, looking over the hospital parking lot. He sighed, noticing a few reporters hanging around by the entrance. They had been waiting for news on Josh for almost forty minutes and no one had told them what was happening. He tapped his fingers lightly against the window frame. He hated waited... he hated not being able to do something help.

"What's taking so long?"

Leo turned and looked over at Sam who was sat beside Donna. "They said they'd lspeak to us when they know something."

"It's been ages!"

"They're running tests," Leo shrugged, walking back across the room and re-taking his seat.

"What kind of tests?"

"Am I a doctor?" Leo snapped before sighing. "They'll come and find us when they have some news."

Sam leaned back in his chair, deciding to keep quiet. He knew this was going to happen. He knew that Josh would push himself too hard with work but no one listened to him. Instead they all told him that it was Josh's own choice and that he knew what he was doing.

He looked up when he saw Leo standing and walk towards the door. "Where are you going?"

"To see if anyone will tell me what's happening," Leo replied but before he reached the door, a doctor walked in.

"Are you here for Joshua Lyman?"

"Yes, how is he?" Leo asked, stepping closer to the doctor and Sam and Donna joined him.

"I'm Doctor Harris, I've been treating Mr Lyman," The doctor informed them then gestured to the seats behind. "Why don't we sit down?" 

"How's Josh?" Sam asked, as they all took a seat.

"He's awake and is in a stable condition."

"Oh, thank, God," Leo whispered, letting out a sigh of relief.

"What happened?" Donna asked.

"It was probably just a virus that he picked up from somewhere." 

"A virus?" Sam repeated. "Is that all?" 

"Well, Josh has a weakened immune system due to the Leukaemia so that means things like a cold will be harder to fight and will effect him a lot worse then it would normally," the doctor explained. "But we've managed to bring his temperature down which is a good thing." 

Leo nodded slowly as they all tried to take in the information. "What happens now?"

The doctor sighed a little. "Unfortunately the cancer is spreading."

"What?" Sam cut in as Donna gripped onto his hand tightly.

"I'm going to keep him in for a while, he needs his strength before we start the next lot of treatment and we need to do that as soon as possible." 

"But he's going to be okay though, right?" Donna asked.

"I'm sorry but at this stage I can't predict an outcome," he said softly. "But what you've got to remember is that Josh is still young and he's a fighter."

"Does he know?" Leo broke the silence after a few seconds. "About the cancer spreading?" 

"Yes, I've just talked to him."

"Can we see him?"

"Of course but remember that he's very weak at the moment and needs a lot of rest."

"Why don't you two go and grab a coffee." Leo got to his feet and looked at Sam and Donna. "I'll come and find you when I'm done."

"Leo..." Sam started to protest.

"I need to get back to the White House, I just want to talk to him for a few minutes then you two can sit with him." 

Sam paused for a moment. "Do you need me to come back to work?"

Leo shook his head. "I think it'll be best for everyone if you stayed here."

Sam nodded a little. "Thanks."

"I'll come and find you," Leo told them again as he followed the doctor out of the room.

"He's exhausted so he might be a little confused," the doctor warned him.

Leo nodded. "Is there anything else?"

"No, I think that's all."

"I only ask because I wouldn't be surprised if Josh asked you to withhold information."

The doctor smiled a little. "He told me you might think that...That's why he asked me to explain about the virus, he thought you might not believe him."

"He's not the easiest person to look after."

"Well, he is an interesting patient, I'll give you that," the doctor stated as they came to a stop. "He seems very concerned about letting people down." 

"That's Josh for you," Leo replied. "But he's a good man." 

"Yes," the doctor agreed. "This is just a minor set back, he's in the best possible care."

Leo nodded and smiled slightly. "Thank you, Doctor."

"I'll be around if you need anything else," he told him as he walked off. "Just have a nurse page me." 

"Thanks," Leo said again before walking into Josh's room.

"Leo?" Josh said weakly when he saw him.

"How you feeling?"

"I passed out in the Oval office?" He questioned.

"Yeah."

Josh groaned. "Oh my, God..."

"Don't worry about that." Leo rolled his eyes. "The important thing is..." 

"I passed out in the Oval office, Leo," Josh cut in. "In front of the President." 

"Well, yes and you panicked a few people while you were at it."

"I was going to rest after the meeting," Josh stated. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise how bad I felt." 

Leo shook his head and moved closer the bed. "It's okay, Josh...Relax."

Josh sighed quietly and let his eyes close for a few seconds. "The treatment hasn't been working as well as they hoped."

"I know, I talked to your doctor." 

"He says I shouldn't let it get to me," Josh continued. "That its not uncommon."

"Yeah."

"How can I not let it get to me?" He whispered, opening his eyes again. "They've been pumping these drugs into my body and it turns out that all they've been doing is making me sicker." 

"Josh..."

"What's the point?"

"It might not be working quite right at the moment but you'll get there...You've just got to give it time and have faith," Leo told him. "Don't you go giving up now."

Josh ran a hand over his face. "I'm not giving up...it's...it's just hard."

"I know."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

There was a few minutes of silence before Josh spoke again.

"Leo, what is the Vice President up to?"

"What do you mean?" Leo frowned a little.

"He's planning something...I don't know..." He shrugged a little.

"Why would you think that?"

"He offered me a job."

"He what?"

"He said it was just in case I fancied a change or something but I know Hoynes...I know something is happening." 

"Don't worry about it."

"Leo..."

"Just concentrate on yourself." 

"He offered me campaign manager," Josh stated. "Why would he need a campaign manager? The President is running again, isn't he?"

"He hasn't said he isn't." 

"But he hasn't said he is either?" 

"Don't worry about it," Leo repeated. "I'll sort it out."

"Fine," he sighed, not having the strength to argue. "How is everyone else?" 

"Worried about you," Leo answered. "Sam and Donna are here."

"Are they okay?"

"I think they will be once they've seen you."

"I really didn't think it was this bad, Leo."

"I know." He placed his hand on Josh's shoulder.

"You need to get back to work?"

"Yeah, for a little while," Leo nodded. "But I'll be back later."

"You don't need to, I'm sure Donna and Sam will be here to keep me in a line."

"No doubt," Leo smiled slightly. "But still..."

"I'll see you later then?"

"Yeah." Leo patted his shoulder gently. "Just rest."

"Yes, Sir."

Leo walked out of the room and found Donna and Sam waiting just outside. He told them to call him if anything happens before heading out of the hospital. He kept thinking about what Josh said. He was right, he knew how John Hoynes worked better then anyone. He was definitely up to something.

_**XxXxX**_

C.J made her way into the pressroom and everyone fell silent as she stood behind the podium. She had released a statement earlier about Josh being rushed to hospital but at the time they had no information.

"Good afternoon," she started, glancing down at her notes before looking up. "I have an update on Deputy Chief of Staff, Josh Lyman... He was taken to hospital after collapsing...He is now conscious and is in a stable condition."

"C.J, what caused it?"

"We're not going to comment on that."

"C.J..."

"This is a private matter and I'm not going to go into detail about his personal health," C.J answered. "Katie?"

"Is the President planning on visiting the hospital?"

"The President would like nothing more then to be there with Josh but no, at the moment there is no plans for him to visit," she stated. "He has a full schedule today and he's going to stick to it." 

"Can you tell us any more information?" Danny called out.

"No, not at the moment," she answered. "But I'd like to add that the President and the First Family as well as the White House staff are all thinking of Josh and are praying for him...That's all I have for you, there'll be another briefing at six."

There were a few reporters calling her name but she kept walking.

"You're wanted in the Oval office," Carol informed her as she left the room.

C.J nodded, walking a little faster down the corridor. "Hey, Charlie."

"You can go on in," Charlie told her.

When C.J entered the Oval office she found the President talking quietly to Abbey and Toby.

"Mr President, is there any more news?"

"We're just waiting for Leo."

C.J nodded and took a seat next to Toby on the couch until Leo arrived a few minutes later.

"How is he doing?" The President asked, straight away. Leo had called on his way back to the White House but only gave them enough information for C.J's briefing. "Did you get to speak to him?"

"They think he's picked up a virus," Leo answered. "They're going to keep him in so he can get enough rest before he's next round of treatment, which they want to do as soon as possible." 

"I thought he was only receiving treatment once a week?" Abbey looked at him concerned.

"Yeah, they're going to try something new." 

"What does that mean?" C.J asked as she glanced around the room, noticing that the President and Toby looked just as confused as she felt.

"The cancer is getting worse?" Abbey asked, staring at Leo.

Leo gave a small nod. "They think it may have spread."

"How bad is it?" Toby enquired.

Leo shrugged. "The doctor says not to give up hope just yet... He doesn't seem too concerned at the moment."

There was a silence in the room as everyone let the news sink in.

"How is Josh?" The President spoke. "I mean, have you spoken to him about this?" 

"A little but he's tired..." Leo told him. "He'll be fine, he'll get through this." 

"What do we do about the press? They're going to want more of an update."

"We wait until Josh has decided what to tell them."

"Is Sam still there?"

"Yeah, he'll be no use here anyway." 

"I called Josh's Mom," Toby suddenly said, causing them all to look at him.

"What?"

"I called her to let her know what was happening," he continued. "She's on her way here." 

"See, now Josh is going to be fine," Leo replied. "Because you can bet that his Mother will have it no other way."

"Good." Abbey folded her arms across her chest. "It's about time he started to look after himself."

"He's been trying to," Leo argued.

"He really has," C.J backed him up. "He hasn't worked too much... He's stepped back from a few things...He's been handling everything really well up until today."

"Will I be able to get to see him?" The President asked.

"Maybe this evening, Sir, you have a meeting with the Speaker this afternoon," Leo answered. "But before that, there's something I'd like to discuss with you."

The others took the hint and quietly left the room, leaving them alone.

"What's going on?"

"I was wondering if you've made your decision about re-election." 

"You're asking me that now?" Jed looked up at him quickly. "After everything that has happened today?"

"John Hoynes is up to something," Leo started. "It's possible he's already started planning his campaign...I was just wondering if it's because of a discussion you may have had with him."

"You think I'd tell John Hoynes I wasn't running again and not tell you?" 

"I had to make sure," Leo stated. "I'm just trying to work out what he's up to."

"He knows there's a chance I might not run."

"But Josh doesn't,"

"Josh?" Jed repeated.

"Hoynes offered him a job." 

"What kind of job?"

"Campaign manager."

"To manage what campaign?!"

"I would imagine a campaign to make him the next President."

"You can not be serious?" Jed questioned. "He wouldn't be stupid enough to start campaigning before an annoucement."

"Maybe the lack of an announcement speaks for itself."

Jed walked over to the window, staying silent for a few seconds before turning back to Leo.

"So, what do you want from me?" He asked. "You want me to make a decision right here and now."

"No, Mr President," Leo sighed. "I just... Josh knows something is happening and it's not going to take long before the rest of the staff to start wondering."

"You think I should tell them?" Jed asked, quietly.

"I think you're not going to be able to make a decision about re-election until you know you have the support from your staff."

"And if I don't have their support?" 

Leo opened his mouth but found he didn't have an answer.

Jed sighed when his question was met with silence. "Okay, I'll talk to them once we know what's happening with Josh."

"It's for the best, Sir," Leo stated. "They have to find out sometime."

"I know." Jed nodded. "Was there anything else?"

"No, Sir."

"Okay, you'll keep me update about Josh?"

"I'll let you know as soon as I hear anything."

"Thanks." Jed moved back to his desk and sat down.

"Thank you, Mr President," Leo said before leaving the office.

**XxXxX**

Josh slowly opened his eyes and looked around the hospital room. "Donna?"

"Hey," she moved closer to the bed, smiling down at him. "How are you feeling?"

"Confused..." He mumbled, coughing a little before closing his eyes.

"You've been drifting in and out of sleep all afternoon," she told him. "Sam's been here but he's gone to get some dinner."

"Why didn't you go with him?" He questioned, weakly.

"I wanted to stay with you."

"You not hungry?"

"Josh...I'm fine." 

"Hmm..." He mumbled.

Donna watched him for a few seconds and guessed he had fallen asleep again. She leaned back in her chair, keeping hold of his hand. After a few minutes, he turned his head to face her and opened his eyes a little.

"I'm sorry, if I worried you." 

She smiled a little. "You worried a lot of people."

"I didn't mean to, I just thought it was because of the treatment," he explained. "I was planning on going home early and getting some rest."

"You should have said something."

He sighed. "It wasn't a big deal."

"Look where you are." She used her free hand to gesture around the room. "You're in hospital, it's a pretty big deal."

"It was just a virus."

"You have cancer, Josh!" She exclaimed. "A virus could kill you!"

He turned his head back so he looking up at the ceiling. "I know."

"The doctor said..." She started but paused for a moment before continuing. "It's spread...your treatment is going to change...you might get sicker..."

"Donna, please..."

"You made me a deal," she insisted. "That you'd stop hiding things from me and talk to me."

"I haven't hid anything..."

"I went to work, I did my job like you asked me to," Donna continued. "Now I want my end of the deal...I want you to let me look after you."

He looked at her again and nodded slightly. "Okay." 

She smiled, placing a hand on his cheek. "Get some sleep."

He nodded again and gripped on to her hand a little tighter as he closed his eyes.

**TBC**

**Please review!!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey, here's the next chapter. Sorry it's taken so long but this one is extra long. Thanks to Allie for all your help. Thanks to anyone who's reviewed so far, please keep them coming. Also thanks to everyone who's added this story as a fic alert. I hope you're all still reading!! Please review and let me know what you think of this chapter.**

**Enjoy!!!**

**I'm Fine**

As soon as Josh walked out of the bathroom, Donna was by his side.

"Where you sick again?"

He glanced at her as he unsteadily made his way towards the couch. "Yeah, a little." 

"Maybe you should go to bed."

"Donna..."

"You were let out of hospital yesterday...You're meant to be resting."

"I can rest right here." He dropped down onto the couch with a loud sigh.

She placed her hand on his forehead. "You feel a little warm."

He moved his head away from her but immediately regretted it when the sudden movement caused his stomach to flip. "It's the treatment...I'm fine."

Donna let her hand fall into her lap, watching as Josh leaned his head against the back of the couch, his eyes screwed tightly shut. He didn't look fine. She knew he was sick and she had read up on side-effects of chemotherapy so she would know what to expect but she had never seen him like this before and it scared her.

After a few seconds of silence, Josh opened his eyes but kept his head back. He watched Donna, staring at her hands, he suddenly felt guilty for snapping at her. Since starting the treatment, the only person who had seen him like this was Leo. He wasn't used to having people fussing over him. He'd just prefer to be left alone and look out for himself.

"I'll feel better tomorrow..." He said softly, breaking the silence and causing Donna to look back at him. "And the day after that I'll be even better."

"I just... I'm sorry," she shook her head slightly and looked away again.

"I've just got to take it day by day." 

"I know, I'm sorry..." She managed to give him a small smile.

"Don't worry about it." He closed his eyes again.

"I'll get you a pillow and a blanket." She stood up and left the room.

Josh was just drifting off to sleep when he felt someone sit beside him. He refused to open his eyes but then he was poked in the ribs.

"What?" He muttered, his eyes still closed.

"Joshua." 

"What?!"

"Look at me."

"Ma, I'm trying to sleep," he sighed loudly, sitting forwards as he opened his eyes to look at his Mother.

"You need to eat something."

He groaned at the thought of food. "No, I really can't..."

"Joshua..."

"Seriously, my stomach can't handle it." 

"You're going to make yourself worse if you don't eat."

Josh rubbed his eyes, "can you just, please..."

"Just something little..." 

"No!" He snapped, covering his face with his hands.

"What's wrong?" Donna asked, as she walked into the room.

Josh pushed himself to his feet, trying to stay up right when the room began to spin slightly.

"Josh?" Donna reached out to take his arm.

"Just leave me alone," he pushed past her.

Donna looked confused at Marie then jumped at the sound of Josh's bedroom door slamming.

Josh fell into the bed, laying face down, his arms cradling his head. Suddenly overwhelmed by everything... the cancer, the treatment, both Donna and his Mom trying to look after him. He didn't even try to stop the sounds of his sobs when he heard the door open and then quietly close. He didn't move when he felt the bed dip under someone's weight and he started to cry harder when he felt a familiar hand rubbing his back comfortingly.

"Oh Joshua," Marie said softly. "I just want to make you feel better."

He rolled onto his side so he was facing her. "I just...I feel so sick...I want to be left alone...I just..." 

"Shhh, it's okay," she whispered, gently placing her hand on his cheek. "But you really should eat something..." 

"Mom..." He squeezed his eyes shut.

"You haven't had anything all day..." She continued before he could say more. "You've been sick three times... Just have a little bit of water and a cookie." 

He opened his eyes and looked at her questionably. "A cookie?"

She smiled slightly, placing one in his hand. "Home-made." 

"Mom, I don't know if..." He stared at it curiously.

"It's got ginger in it," she informed him. "I used to make them for your Father when he was..."

Josh moved his eyes back up to her when she stopped.

She smiled sadly at him. "The ginger helped settle his stomach when he felt sick."

Josh stayed silently for a few seconds, thinking about it. His Mother had always knew what would make him better. When he was four years old and chickenpox, she made him, his Grandmother's special bean and barley soup. When he twelve years old and had his tonsils removed, she had given him green jello. Even after Rosslyn when he hadn't even wanted to get out of bed, she force-fed him home-made Kugel and Latkes.

"You're Dad was the same, y'know," she nudges him gently with her shoulder. "He never listened when I tried looking after him."

"I remember," Josh mumbled, his eyes fixed on the cookie again.

"But don't think for one minute that it made a difference when he came home too tired to climb the stairs after working a thirteen hour day..." She took hold of one his hands gently. "It didn't matter, I still looked after him...I still made him ginger cookies and your Grandmother's soup and I held him when everything got too much for him."

Josh looked up at her, taking a deep breath, letting go of her hand. "The first few days after the treatment are normally the worst... after I've had some rest and all, I feel better."

She smiled. "Then you start it all over again."

Josh ran a hand through his hair. "I'm getting through..."

Marie frowned a little when he stopped in mid-sentence and saw he was staring down at the palm of his hand were there was clumps of hair. She covered his hand with both of hers. "Joshua?" 

He slowly looked back up at her. "You don't have to stay strong."

He swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded slightly.

"Eat the cookie, it'll make you feel better," she smiled gently.

"Yeah, okay," he replied quietly.

"I've got some soup to make." She stood up. "So, why don't you try and get some sleep in here, so Donna and I can catch up in peace."

"You want me out of the way?" He questioned, taking a small bite of the cookie.

"Yes."

Josh rolled his eyes, taking a bigger bite when his stomach didn't protest.

"Get some sleep." 

"Yes, Ma'am."

She leaned down; pressing a kiss against his forehead before quietly leaving the room. Donna was stood in the hallway, waiting nervously.

"Is he okay?"

Marie smiled softly. "He'll be fine...I think, he just needed to let off a little steam."

Donna followed her down into the kitchen. "I know he doesn't like people fussing..."

"Well, I think he's realised he may need to get used to it." Marie started to pull out all the ingredients she'd need for the soup.

Donna leaned back against the counter and watched her, silently. "Maybe I should just leave you to it." 

"What do you mean?" Marie asked but her attention was focused on chopping an onion.

"Josh doesn't like people to see him like this... I know he was like that after the shooting but this... it seems different this time," she stated. "If it'll make him more comfortable then I should go."

"Oh Donna, he's never been comfortable with anyone looking after him when he's sick," Marie set the knife down and turned to her. "Well, there may be a few exceptions but not many." 

"Really?"

"He has this thing where he believes he needs to be strong for certain people," she told her as she sat down at the kitchen table. "I am one of those people and so are you...however we both have the skills to nag him until he gives in and lets us help."

Donna sat down next to her. "You say there's a few exceptions but I don't think I've met one person that Josh will let look after him.

Marie smiled softly. "His Father was the main one...Whenever Joshua had a problem...whenever he felt ill...He always went to his Father."

"Really?"

"And Joanie...She'd tell him stories when he was sick." She smiled at the memory. "It was one of the signs we'd look for when we thought he might be coming down with something."

"Joanie reading him stories?" 

"He'd just sit there and listen if he was sick... if he wasn't, well...lets just say Josh did most of the talking in our family."

Donna laughed a little. "I can imagine." 

"Anyway, the two of them always knew he was sick before I did," she stood up again and moved back to the counter. "It would be so much easier if one of them was here now." 

Donna stood up and placed a hand on her arm comfortingly but said nothing.

"He has some good friends though," Marie continued, gaining a bit more control over her emotions. "And Leo...He's probably the only person left that Josh will let look after him."

"He thinks of a lot of Leo," Donna nodded in agreement. "And I know Leo thinks a lot of Josh."

"He reminds Josh of Noah," Marie claimed. "I'm glad he has Leo....and I'm glad he has you."

"He's done so much for me," Donna claimed. "I owe him."

"You owe him nothing, Donna... The things he's done for you... he doesn't want you to pay him back." 

"I know but still.."

Marie smiled. "He really is lucky to have you....Now, come on...you can help me make his special soup."

_XxXxX_

"Sir, do you have a few minutes for Leo McGarry?"

John Hoynes looked up at his assistant. "Uh, sure...send him in."

He put his pen down before standing up and walking around the desk.

"Leo, it's good to see you," he greeted, shaking his hand. "Can I get you a drink or something?"

"No, I'm fine."

Hoynes nodded at his assistant to give them some privacy before returning to his chair.

"So, what can I do for you?"

"Something has been brought to my attention..."

"About me?" Hoynes questioned as he gestured for Leo to sit down.

"Yes, Sir..." Leo nodded but declined the seat. "Sir, is ... is there any chance that you've been preparing for a campaign."

"A campaign?"

"For President." 

"Leo..." Hoynes stood up again.

"Mr Vice President, are you going to challenge the President in the next election."

Hoynes remained silent for a few minutes before speaking calmly. "He hasn't said he's running yet, Leo."

"He hasn't said he's not!" Leo glared at him. "And until you hear otherwise, can you hold off on the 'Hoynes for America' buttons?!"

"Someone has to think of the next four years."

"You can leave that job up to the President." Leo headed for the door but before he reached it, he turned back to face Hoynes. "Oh and never try and hire my staff out from under me again."

"Oh come on, you're seriously going to lecture me on that," Hoynes laughed.

"I'm serious, do not play games... not with my staff...not with Josh."

"I'm not playing, Leo... Whether you like it not, Bartlet might not run again," Hoynes stated. "I want to be President...Josh is one of the best minds in this party."

"Which is why he's my Deputy, besides what makes you think he'd want to work for you again even if the President decides not to run?"

"Because he's Josh Lyman."

"Six days ago, he collapsed because the cancer treatment he's been receiving isn't working... You think that hasn't changed him?" Leo turned back to the door. "Like I said, don't play games with my staff."

"Leo?" Hoynes called just as he opened the door but he kept his back to him. "You think that Josh isn't going to want to work for him because of the cancer? If the President does run, what makes you think he'll be fit enough for his campaign and not mine? I mean, that's if he even sticks around after he finds out about the MS." 

Leo didn't answer; instead he left the office leaving the door open behind him. After a few seconds his assistant appeared in the door.

"Sir, is there anything I can get you?"

"Yeah, can you send something over to Josh Lyman's apartment?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know, anything...a fruit basket or something," he moved back behind his desk and sat down.

"Any message?"

"Whatever, 'Get Well Soon'..." he told her as he picked up his pen as she turned to leave the room. "No, wait..."

She stopped and looked back at him.

"Just put 'Change Is Good'..."

"Yes, Sir," she replied, scribbling on her notepad before rushing off to make the order.

_XxXxX_

The next morning, Donna let herself into Josh's apartment and found him on the couch, a hat pulled down over his head and typing quickly on his laptop.

"You look better," she commented, setting her bag on the coffee table.

"I feel better," he glanced up at her. He put it down to all the sleep he had gotton the day before and the small amount of food that he had been able to keep down.

"You cold?"

"Not really."

"What's with the hat then?"

He stopped typing and looked up at her before slowly pulling the hat off.

"Oh," she replied quietly when she saw he had shaved his head.

"I noticed it yesterday and then I woke up this morning and my pillow was covered..." he explained, his eyes dropping downwards. "Sort of wanted to get it over with quickly."

"It's looks good."

He let out a laugh, putting the hat back on. "Yeah."

"No seriously, it's very hip," she claimed, sitting beside him.

"Hip?" He repeated, raising an eyebrow at her.

She rolled her eyes. "See, I was trying to say something nice and you turn into - you."

"Well, yeah, I do have a habit of being... Y'know me."

"Yeah," she looked around the room. "Where's your Mom?"

Josh had turned his attention back to his laptop. "Uh, she went out shopping for some food....She'll be back in about an hour."

Donna nodded, reaching into her bag and pulled out a few folders. "Here's the polling data you wanted."

"Great, thanks." He placed his computer on the coffee table, taking the folders and flipping through them.

"Was there anything else you needed?"

"Yeah, can you get this to Sam." He handed her a file from the table. "He'll need it for the Home Owner bill."

"Right, sure." She put the file into her bag. "Was there anything you needed before I go?"

"No, I'm fine." 

"You had some breakfast?" She asked, as she stood up.

"Yeah, I had a little bit of fruit."

"Fruit?"

"The Vice President sent over a basket."

"That was nice of him."

Josh looked up from the data and towards the basket, thinking about the card that had come with it. "Yeah, I guess..."

Donna watched him curiously for a few seconds before speaking. "So, if there's nothing else you need then I'll get going....Josh?"

"What?"

"I'm going." 

"Right, okay...thanks for bringing this stuff over." 

"No problem." She picked up her bag. "I'll be at the office if you need me... You want me to bring you lunch?"

"Nah, I think my Mom has that covered."

"Okay, well I'll stop by on my way home then." 

"You know you don't have to, right?" He looked up at her.

"I want to."

"Okay," he nodded a little.

"I'll see you later then."

"Hey, Donna?"

"Yeah?"

"The Vice-President....Do you think he'd make a good President?"

"Hoynes?" She questioned, a little confused by question. "Instead of President Bartlet?"

"In six years when the President has finished his eight years," Josh replied.

"I don't know," she shrugged. "He seems like he could be but I don't know."

"That's the problem, he does seem like he could be," Josh sighed.

"Well, you're the one that knows him the best," she stated. "If anyone would know it would be you."

"He's smart, he's popular within the party, the American public like him and he's even popular with some members of GOP," Josh listed. "But..." 

"But what?"

"There's a different from seeming like a good President and actually being a good President."

"So, you don't think he'll make a good President?"

"I don't know; that's the problem."

Donna frowned a little. "Why?"

"Hmm?"

"Why is it a problem now?" She questioned. "I mean, yeah in six years maybe...unless the President isn't running again."

Josh looked up at her, opening his mouth to reply but no words came out.

"The President isn't running again?" She stared at him.

Josh ran a hand over his face. "I don't know, he hasn't told us his decision."

"But....but why wouldn't he?"

Josh shrugged, standing up and stretching his arms. "No reason just we haven't been told if he is..." 

"But you haven't been told, he isn't."

"No."

"So, what's brought all this on?"

"I don't know...maybe I have too much time on my hands...my mind is wandering."

"Well, stop it...you'll freak people out," she teased, moving towards the door again. "I'll see you later...try doing something constructive with that brain of yours instead of skipping six years into the future."

"Yeah..." he sighed, dropping back down onto the couch, looking over the polling data. The door closed behind her just as Josh spoke aloud to himself. "Maybe it's not that far into the future."

_XxXxX_

"I went to see the Vice President yesterday," Leo informed Jed once the senior staff had left.

"What did he say?" Jed asked.

"He said he's thinking about the next four years."

Jed stood up from his desk, turning towards the windows. "So, what now?"

"He's already approached Josh with a job offer."

"You think he's going to go to the rest of the staff as well?"

"If he thinks he can get Josh then he might try and bring Sam on board..." Leo shrugged. "I don't know if he'd go after Toby or C.J."

Jed paced a little behind the desk before coming to a stop and facing Leo.

"Sir, what we discussed the other day about talking to the staff..."

Jed nodded slightly causing Leo to stop for a moment.

"You need to decide how....how you want to tell them."

"One at a time...They can ask me anything they want... say what they want...I owe them that."

"Mr President..." 

He put both his hands on the desk, leaning forwards. "Josh first... I need to explain this all to him first."

"Sir, are you sure..."

"He came into this office, Leo and tried to resign because he thought he wasn't up to his job.... Imagine how hard that must have been for him," he said quietly. "He's been through so much, not just the cancer but Rosslyn to.... he deserves to know who his boss is."

"He knows who his boss is."

"You really think this isn't going to matter to him?"

"I think he's going to be in shock at first and may say something he shouldn't....there's also the possibility that he'll end up feeling guilty for some reason," Leo told him. "But at the end of the day...I think he's going to be concerned for you."

"And the others?"

"Sir, I'm not going to lie to you... this is going to cause some tension...some problems....but they all care about you and respect you."

"Even more reason to tell them the truth."

Leo was quiet for a few seconds before nodding. "Yes, Sir."

Jed sat back down. "You'll set up a meeting with Josh as soon as possible?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Thanks."

"Thank you, Mr President." Leo excused himself to his own office.

_XxXxX_

Josh knew that everyone was watching him since he walked into the White House but no one stopped him. Instead of heading for the West Wing, he made his way over to the OEOB. He needed to talk to Hoynes and find out what he was up to.

"Josh?"

He continued to walk, hoping whoever was calling would take the hint.

"Josh?" He felt a hand on his arm, forcing him to stop.

"Danny, hey...didn't see you there." He turned to face the reporter.

"Nice hat."

"Yeah, thanks...look, I need to..."

"How you been doing?"

"Uh, you know..." Josh shrugged.

"Josh..."

"Like Sam said in yesterday's briefing, I just needed a few days to get over a cold before I had the next lot of chemo." 

"I know what Sam said, Josh," Danny told him. "I was asking how you're doing."

Josh sighed. "It's... y'know, it's a day at a time."

Danny nodded, glancing around for a few seconds before speaking again. "So, this is not the West Wing." 

Josh looked around too. "No, it's not." 

"Looks like you're going to see the Vice President."

Josh let out a small laugh. "How quickly you turn back into the reporter."

Danny shrugged. "It's a career."

"I'm not working today, I'm visiting people and yes, one of those people is the Vice President," Josh answered. "I've received messages of support from a lot of people, I can't thank them all but the ones I can, I will." 

"Okay, it's good to see you back." Danny patted his arm. "I'm glad."

"Thanks..." Josh replied. "And Danny? Thanks for asking how I was doing and not..."

"Hey, don't go saying that too loudly, you'll ruin my reputation."

Josh smirked. "Reputation?"

"I'm leaving now." Danny turned to walk away.

"See you."

Josh watched Danny disappear down the corridor before continuing his way over to Hoynes' office. He reached the outer office and walked over to Janet, Hoynes' secretary.

"Mr Lyman?" She looked at him in surprise. "I didn't know you'd be stopping by today."

"I'm sorry, I don't have an appointment," he gave her a small smile. "I just come by on the off chance, he might have a spare minute."

"Oh, well..." She looked down at the appointment book in front of her. "He's meeting with Senator Fray at the moment but he should be finished any minute...then he's free for thirty minutes...If you'd like to wait, I'm sure he'd see you."

"That would be great, thank you," Josh smiled again.

"Can I get you a coffee?"

His stomach turned at the thought of coffee. "No, I'm fine, thank you."

She smiled and gestured a chair. "Take a seat."

"Thanks."

Josh had almost fallen asleep while he sat and waited for the Vice President to finish his meeting. After ten minutes, the door opened Hoynes stepped out followed by Senator Fray.

"Thank you for you time, Sir," Fray said as he shook hands with the Vice President.

"No problem, maybe next time we can do it over a game of tennis."

Fray laughed slightly. "I'll look forward to it."

Hoynes was about to say something else but noticed Josh standing there for the first time.

"Josh? What are you doing here?"

"I was wondering if you had a few minutes to spare, Sir."

"Of course, it's good to see you."

"I was so sorry to hear about the cancer, Josh." Fray stepped towards him. "I'm praying for a quick recovery for you."

"Thank you, Senator," Josh replied; taking the hand that was held out to him. He had always got along with the Senator from Indiana.

"Make sure you take care of yourself," he stated before turning back to Hoynes. "Thank you again, Mr Vice President."

Hoynes nodded and smiled as Fray walked away. "Come on, in Josh."

"I appreciate you seeing me without an appointment."

"It's not a problem," he waved his hand dismissively. "Besides, like I said, it's good to see you here...although, I've got to say, I don't think I've never seen you dressed quite like this before."

Josh looked down at himself, remembering he was dressed in faded jeans and a black sweater. He was going to change into a suit but decided against it since he was here under pretence of a social visit. Then he suddenly realised that he still had this hat on and it probably looked odd. Plus his Mother would kill him if she knew he'd hadn't removed his hat, the second he entered the building.

"Uh, sorry, Sir...I forgot..." Josh mumbled.

Hoynes looked a little amused as Josh reached up to remove the hat but the smile faded when he saw Josh had shaved his head. "No, I didn't mean...It's quite all right to keep the hat on...if you're ...if you're cold."

Josh sighed quietly. "Not cold...just not used to the new look...I guess, I'm going to have to get used to it."

Hoynes nodded slightly. While he had been honestly concerned for Josh's health before, seeing the effects of the cancer had really brought it home for him.

"So, uh...I wanted to thank you for the fruit basket you sent over," Josh broke the uncomfortable silence.

"You don't need to thank me."

"My Mother would say different," Josh joked.

Hoynes smiled. "Well, I guess Mothers are always right."

"Yes, Sir...There was something else I wanted to talk to you about."

"Shoot."

"The message you sent...'Change Is Good' ... What did... What did you mean by that?"

"Exactly what I said to you a few days ago...There's a job here for you if you decide you want to try something else." 

"I still work for the President," Josh stated. "And I will be for the next six years."

"Six years is a long time, Josh."

"Yeah..." 

"Who knows what could happen."

Josh stared at him for a few seconds, trying to get his head around it all. "Sir, I'm sorry if this seems a little....but what's going on?"

"Going on?"

"You're hinting that you'll be running for President."

"Well, yes, one day I do want to run."

"At the next election?" Josh questioned. "Because I can tell you now, you'll ruin your career if it gets out that you're even considering running against the sitting President..."

"I'm not considering running against Bartlet, Josh."

"President Bartlet," Josh automatically corrected him but then sighed and rubbed his eyes. "This doesn't make sense."

"What doesn't?"

"You're setting yourself up for a campaign... You're talking to me about job offers on your staff when I already have a pretty good job... I've seen the polling data that you've put out..." He stated, staring right at Hoynes.

"Josh..."

"Sir, are you running for President in the next election?" Josh asked.

"At this moment in time, I am not."

"At this moment in time?" Josh repeated. "But there is a chance..."

"Like I said, Josh...six years is a long time...who knows what could happen."

_XxXxX_

"We should do something tonight," C.J claimed looking around at Toby, Sam and Charlie as they waited for the President to finish his meeting.

"Did you just ask all three of us out on a date or were you talking to one of us specifically?" Toby questioned.

She rolled her eyes. "We all haven't done anything fun in ages...we could all go to Josh's...get a take-out." 

"I don't know if that's a good idea," Sam said slowly.

"Why not? I spoke to him yesterday and he said he's doing a lot better."

"That was yesterday...Donna said there's been a few..." Sam trailed off when the door to Oval office opened and a crowd of people walked out.

"Been a few what?" C.J asked, concerned.

"The President will be ready for you in just a few minutes," Mrs. Landingham informed as she walked back to her desk.

"Sam?" C.J looked at him again.

"Here's where the party is."

They all turned and saw Josh stood in the doorway.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" C.J hugged him.

"I'm looking for Leo," he told them as she pulled back.

"He's in with the President," Charlie informed him. "Want me to get him."

"Nah, it's fine...it can wait."

"Hey, cool hat..."

"C.J..." Sam eyes widened as he watched her snatch the hat off Josh's head.

"Oh my, god."

"Well, that's good for my self-esteem"

"Josh, I'm sorry...I didn't...." She tried to put the hat back on him.

"It's okay....It's fine," he laughed lightly.

"I didn't realise."

"When did this happen?" Toby asked.

"This morning...I wanted to get it over with...I mean, it was going to happen eventually..."

"This was one of the things you were talking about?" C.J looked at Sam.

"What things?" Josh frowned.

"Donna said you were acting a little strange this morning..."

"A little?" Toby repeated. "The man shaved his head."

"I wouldn't make comments about other people's hair," Josh shot back, mockingly. He was grateful that Toby was acting normally around him.

"Josh?" The President appeared in the doorway of the Oval office with Leo behind him. "I thought, I heard your voice...It's good to see you. How are you doing?"

"I'm doing better, thank you, Sir," he replied.

"New haircut?"

Josh ran a hand over his head. "Donna assures me it's hip."

Jed raised an eyebrow at him. "Well okay then..."

"So, what are you here for?" Leo questioned. "I thought your Mother had you on house arrest for another day or two."

"Actually, I was looking for you," Josh replied. "There's something I wanted to talk to you about."

"What?" 

Josh glanced around. "Uh, maybe we could go into your office."

Leo studied him for a moment nodding. "Lets go."

"We'll get a head start on the meeting," Jed told Leo before walking back into the office with the rest of the staff following.

"I've just been to see the Vice President," Josh started as they entered Leo's office.

Leo sighed. "Josh..."

"What's going on, Leo?"

"Why don't you take a seat."

"Have you seen the polls he's been putting out?" Josh questioned, staying standing. "And the events he's been attending."

"Josh..."

"He's getting ready to run for President."

Leo paused for a few seconds. "In six years maybe..."

"Screw six years, Leo!" Josh raised his voice slightly. "I know Hoynes, I know when he's up to something. He's getting ready to run for President in the next election."

"Until the President has made a decision, Hoynes isn't getting ready for anything!"

"Someone should tell him that."

"I already have."

"Well, maybe you should tell him again."

Leo looked at him but said no more. He walked around and sat behind his desk. He really didn't know what to say to his deputy.

"I should get going," Josh said quietly. "My Mom is probably freaking out by now."

"Actually, I need you to stick around for a while."

Josh frowned a little. "What for?"

"The President would like to talk to you."

"It has to be tonight?"

"Yeah," Leo nodded. "He'll probably be able to answer your questions better then I can."

Josh stared at him. "About Hoynes?"

"About re-election, about decisions he's made and is going to make..." 

"What's going on, Leo?"

"Just talk to the President, Josh."

After a few seconds, Josh nodded slightly. "I guess, I should wait in my office then."

"I'll let you know when he's available."

"Okay," Josh hesitated for a moment but left the office when Leo looked down at the papers on his desk.

_XxXxX_

"Josh?"

He looked away from the window to see Donna, who was stood in the doorway to his office. "Hey."

"It's getting pretty late," she told him.

"The President wants to see me," he explained, glancing at the clock on his desk and seeing he's been waiting for almost two hours.

"Everything okay?" She stepped into the room.

"He probably just wants to make sure I'm doing okay," Josh managed to give her a half smile.

"Okay, well is there anything you need?" She knew he wasn't telling her the truth but didn't ask any more.

"No, I think I'm just going to sit here until he's free," he looked back at the window. "Try and stay relaxed."

"Okay," she nodded. "C.J just came over...wanting to know if you felt up to meeting up tonight?"

"I don't know..." 

"They were just planning on a take-out around yours but I can tell her, you're not up to for it."

Josh thought about it for a moment. "No, tell her it's fine...but not at mine."

She frowned a little. "But it would be easier..."

"I need a change of scenery for a bit plus my Mom could do with having the place to herself for a couple of hours."

"Right, well if you're sure I'll let her know."

"Thanks." He turned back to the window.

"I'll be out here if you need me."

Josh didn't reply as Donna left the office, closing the door quietly behind her.

_XxXxX_

"Would you like something to drink?" The President offered as he stood up from behind his desk when Josh entered the office.

"No, Sir, I'm fine thank you," Josh replied.

"You're looking a lot better then the last time you were in here."

"I feel better then the last time I was in here," Josh managed a small smile but the conversation felt forced and a little awkward.

"Leo said you're going to be getting more treatment?" Jed sat down on one of the couches and gestured for Josh to take a seat too.

"Yes, Sir, they want to double it," Josh told sitting on the couch opposite him. "I'll be receiving four hours of chemo on Thursday and then another four hours on Friday."

Jed nodded slightly. "Will you be kept in?" 

"Uh, yeah they want me to for the first few weeks just in case there's a reaction," Josh explained. "I'm sorry, Sir...I appreciate your concern but..."

"This isn't what you want to talk about?" Jed predicted.

"It might be me going crazy from being away from this place for so long but I've been paying attention to what the Vice President has been up to and...well, it doesn't make sense."

Jed was quiet for a few seconds, trying to work out the best way to start. "Josh, how much do you know about MS?"

Josh frowned a little. "Multiple Sclerosis? Not a lot...I know, it effects the central nervous system."

"Yeah," Jed nodded again, he glanced away for a moment before looking right at Josh. "I have it." 

"Have what, Sir?"

"MS..." Jed told him. "I have Multiple Sclerosis, Josh."

"I don't...what do you...?" Josh shrugged to take to the information in. "I'm sorry, I'm don't know..." 

Jed smiled sadly. "It's okay, Josh...I'm sorry to drop this on you like this."

"I didn't even know you were sick," he uttered quietly, staring down at carpet, completely lost in his own thoughts.

Jed stayed silent, watching Josh closely.

After what seemed like hours, Josh lifted his head and looked at him. "How...are you okay?"

Jed nodded, leaning so his forearms on his legs. "I have relapsing remitting MS."

"I don't know what that means," Josh admitted.

"It's the good kind of MS," Jed claimed. "It means, unpredicted relapses but between the attacks you go into remission."

Josh ran a hand over his eyes, suddenly feeling more exhausted then ever. He moved his hand down, covering his mouth. He just couldn't get his head around all of this. The President had been so good towards him since he was diagnosed, so helpful. He couldn't believe that while the President was helping him, he was going through his own illness.

"I'm sorry, Sir..." Josh shook his head. "I don't know... Have you had an attack recently?"

Jed hesitated before answering. "Two days before the State of the Union."

Josh stared at him. "You didn't have flu?" 

"No."

Josh pushed himself to his feet before looking back at the President. "I'm sorry, Sir...do you mind if I..."

"Go ahead," Jed cut in.

Josh paced around for a few minutes, while Jed silently watched him. If he was honest with himself, he was expecting Josh to shout and say more then he was saying.

"I don't.....the State of the Union was last year..." Josh turned to face him. "Why are you telling me this now? Why not then?"

Jed stood up and moved to his desk. "I didn't think it was anyone else business."

"That you had MS?" Josh questioned, quietly. "So no one else knows? The senior staff...none of them know?"

"Leo knows, I told him last year after the attack," Jed explained. "The Vice President..."

"Hoynes knows?" Josh's head snapped up.

"Yeah."

"That's why it looks like he's getting ready to run..." Josh said slowly. "Because he is."

"Josh..."

"None of this is making sense," Josh sighed. "How come none of us noticed?"

"I'm in remission, Josh," Jed told him.

"Yeah but before when..." Josh's voice trailed off. "Sir, when...How long have you known?"

Jed leaned his hands on the desk. "About ten years ago, for a period of a few months,

I was feeling run down and had a pain in my leg. They both subsided, but eight years ago, the pain came back, as well as numbness. My vision would become blurry and I'd feel dizzy. During an eye exam, the doctor detected abnormal pupil responses and ordered an MRI. The radiologist found plaque on my brain and spine."

"Ten years ago?" Josh repeated, stunned. "You knew...You knew before the election?"

Jed stood up straight but didn't say anymore.

"I....wow." Josh half turned to start pacing again but his feet stopped moving. "I don't know what to say."

"I know this must be a shock..."

Josh let out a small sarcastic laugh, shaking his head a little. His feet stopped moving when his eye caught the sight of the Presidential Seal on the floor. "No one else on the staff knows?"

"Just Leo..." Jed said quietly. "A few doctors, my wife and the girls..."

"Sir, you really don't need too..." Josh held up his hand to stop him from continuing. "I don't need to know any of this."

"It wasn't personal, Josh..." He claimed. "I didn't keep this from you...from anyone, it was just a private matter."

"With all due respect, Sir...you're the President." Josh replied.

"Yeah," Jed said quietly.

"Was there anything else, Sir?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Was there anything else you needed me for?"

"Well, no..."

Josh swallowed the lump that had risen in his throat. "Then I'd like to head home now, if that's okay?"

Jed stared at him for a few seconds. "There's nothing you want to ask me?"

"I'm suddenly not feeling so well," Josh answered. "I don't think now is a good time."

"Are you okay?" Jed moved around from behind his desk and towards Josh. "Is there something I can get you?"

Josh took a small step back. "No, Sir...I'd rather just go home." 

"Okay." Jed nodded, slightly.

"Thank you, Mr President," Josh whispered before turning and leaving the office.

He walked straight past Charlie's desk and as he got closer to his own office, he could feel the anger building up inside of him. The President was sick... He had lied to him...to them all...Leo had lied too... Josh couldn't help but think of everything he had given up to join the Bartlet campaign. He had abandoned Hoynes. Everyone had said, he'd destroyed his career and he thought he had proved them wrong. He thought he had gotten the right man elected President. What was everyone going to say when this came out?

He didn't stop when he reached the bullpen and found Donna, C.J and Sam sat there. He went straight into his office, ignoring their laughter and greetings. He was stuffing folders into his backpack when the three of them reached his doorway.

"Josh?" Donna spoke first. "Are you okay?"

"Fine."

"You sure..?"

"I'm fine!" He snapped.

"Okay..." C.J glanced at the others before looking back at him. "We thought we'd all go around Sam's...Toby's going to meet..."

"Maybe another night."

"Oh come on..."

Josh angrily zipped up his bag and when he swung it up onto his shoulder, he accidentally knocked over one of the photo frames on his desk. He reached down and picked it up, seeing it was the picture of him and Sam with Leo and the President at one of the Inauguration balls. He lied to Sam....He told him that Jed Bartlet was the real deal. He convinced him to give up an amazing job to come and do this. He was barely aware of what C.J was talking about and he didn't notice the concerned looks he was getting. Something just snapped inside of him, the anger boiling over causing him to throw the photo frame across the room. It smashed loudly against the wall causing C.J, Sam and Donna all to jump.

Josh let his backpack drop down the floor and he turned away so his back was towards him. He leaned back against his desk and stared out into the night sky, feeling completely drained.

"Can you give us a minute?"

Josh didn't even flinch when heard Leo's voice.

"Leo, what's going on?" Sam questioned.

"Just...give us a minute." 

Josh stayed where he was, even when he heard the door close quietly.

"Come back to my office, we can talk about this."

"No."

"Josh..."

"I'm going home."

"You're upset, that's understandable."

"Upset, angry, shocked, betrayed...take your pick." Josh picked up his backpack again.

"Well, lets go talk about that and what our next step is."

"Your next step is talking to some lawyers and telling the rest of the staff." Josh turned around to face him.

"Josh..."

"No, don't...." He held up his hand. "Don't tell me, we should talk about this... Let me...God, you've had a year to get your head around this...I've had a few minutes...So, don't try, Okay? Because right now, I need to be left alone."

"Keep your voice down," Leo told him quietly, guessing that C.J, Sam and Donna hadn't moved very far away from the office.

"How about I keep my voice out of the building?" Josh suggested moving towards the door. "I'm going home."

"Josh..."

He opened the door, leaving Leo standing in his office.

"Donna? I told Toby I might sit in on his meeting tomorrow...Can you let him know that I won't be coming in?"

"Uh, sure..."

"Then I'm having my treatment on Thursday so I won't be in then either." 

"But you'll be back on Monday?" Sam questioned.

Josh looked past them towards Leo, who was stood in his doorway. He shrugged slightly. "I don't know...I haven't decided."

"Josh..." C.J started.

"I'm fine," he cut in him. "I'm going home."

Sam looked back at Leo. "What the hell is happening?" 

"Nothing." He answered and pushed past them. "Don't you all have homes to go to?"

"But..."

"Everything is fine," he stated but didn't look back at them.

"Why do I get the feeling we're being lied to?" Sam stated, glancing at C.J and Donna. 

**TBC**

**Please review!!!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Sorry for the lack of updates. My computer has broken down and is awaiting repair and because I'm sharing a computer, it's going to take a little longer to update. Please review and let me know what you think. **

**Enjoy!!!**

**I'm Fine**

"You're up early."

Josh turned around and saw his Mother stood in the doorway to the kitchen, her arms folded.

"I need to get to the White House," he replied, closing the refrigerator door, deciding he couldn't stomach anything in there.

"It's 6am."

"Don't start," he said, moving past her.

"Joshua, your doctor told you, you need your rest for the next round of treatment."

"I've been resting for the past three days," he answered, "I got two more days before I go back in...I need to work."

"What can be so important that you need to go in this early?" She questioned.

"I work for the President of the United States...Everything is important."

"It wasn't so important when Leo was calling you."

Josh didn't say anything as he put on his coat.

"You wouldn't see him when he came to the hospital, you wouldn't take his calls..."

"Mom..."

"You wouldn't even see Donna," she continued. "You barely came out of your room..."

"I just had eight hours worth of chemotherapy," Josh snapped. "You expect me to be hosting parties?"

She a little taken back by his tone. "Josh."

He sighed quietly and closed his eyes for a few seconds. "I should get going."

"Is it really this important?" She questioned, reaching out and touching his arm gently. "Is it so important that you had to hide away from everyone all weekend? Is it so important that you have to be at the White House before 6:30 in the morning while you're meant to be on sick leave?"

Josh thought back to Tuesday night when he found out about the President illness. He spent the past week trying to get his head around everything. He went through every emotion. Once the anger from being kept in the dark subsided he was left feeling concerned. Concerned about his job and the future for the administration but most of all, concerned about a man that he had come to love and admire.

"Josh?" His Mom prompted when he remained silent.

"Yeah, it's important," he said quietly. "I've got to go."

Marie sighed as she watched Josh turn and leave the apartment.

_**XxXxX**_

Josh wasn't surprised that there was hardly anyone around when he arrived at the White House. He sat at his desk for a few minutes, deep in thought when the photo that had thrown across the room last week caught his eye. Someone had put it into a new frame; probably Donna. He sighed and ran a hand over his eyes, he already felt exhausted. He was tempted to just leave and go back to bed but instead he picked up the phone and pressed a few buttons.

"Hey, Charlie...Can you get me in to see the President the first minute he's free?" He asked. "No, don't wake him, it's not important...just whenever he's free...yeah, thanks."

He placed the phone down and leaned back in his chair, sighing quietly. He glanced at the small clock that sat on his desk, seeing it was 6:45am and the President probably wouldn't even be in the office for at least another 45 minutes unless something happened.

"I wasn't expecting you to be here."

He looked up and saw Leo stood in the doorway. "I figured there was a lot of work to be done."

Leo nodded slightly and stepped fully into the office. "You doing okay?"

"Sure..." Josh shrugged.

Leo gave him a doubtful look. "No one has heard from you in a few days and people were getting concerned that something might have gone wrong."

"The treatment wasn't exactly the greatest few days of my life but it went okay," Josh replied. "It wasn't the reason I wanted to be left alone."

"I know," Leo replied.

"I just...I needed a few days..." Josh told him. "I just needed to work some things out and to think about what I want."

"And did you make any decisions?"

"I want this job," he answered. "I want Josiah Bartlet to be my President because our second choice is Hoynes and he is no where near ready for it."

"Yeah," Leo nodded his agreement. "So, what now?"

"I don't know, Leo," Josh said, standing and walking to the door to close when he heard some people starting to arrive. "Why did you tell me?"

"You knew there was something going on," Leo replied. "The President wanted to tell you himself instead of you finding out some other way."

"Yeah, I knew because of the way Hoynes was acting," Josh stated. "It's not going to be long until other people start asking questions."

"I know."

"He needs to tell the rest of the staff."

"He will."

"When?"

"Soon."

"Leo…"

"He'll tell them soon, Josh."

"Then what?"

"I don't know."

"Is he going to go public with it?"

"I don't know."

"He'll have to," Josh claimed.

"That will be his decision," Leo told him.

"He can't expect us to keep this secret," Josh hissed. "It'll finish all of our careers if it gets out…"

"Josh…"

"I mean, when it gets out…because it will." Josh started to a pace a little. "This sort of thing always gets out… We need to control it… We need to do this our way."

"I know that, Josh but we can't decided this…It has to be his choice."

Josh fell back into his chair and leaned forwards, covering his face with his hands.

"We're going to fight this, Josh," Leo tried to assure him. "We'll fix it."

"You sure?" He looked up at him but kept his arms resting on his knees.

Before Leo could answer, the phone rang and Josh immediately picked it up.

"Yeah? Okay, right, thanks." He replaced the phone and stood up. "That was Charlie, the President is ready to see me."

"You want me there too?"

"We're all in this together, aren't we?" Josh replied, as he put his suit jacket back on.

A small smile played on Leo's lips and he gave a small nod. "Lets go then."

_**XxXxX**_

"Hey," Sam said as he walked towards Donna's desk. "Ginger said she thought she saw Josh here earlier."

"He's in with the President."

"Is he okay?"

"I haven't seen him…" She shrugged, looking back to her computer. "But I'm sure the President nor Leo would allow him to be here if he wasn't."

"He hid away for a week and now he just turns up for work like normal?" Sam frowned.

"I don't know, Sam," Donna sighed. "I don't know what's going on with him but I don't think it has anything to do with the cancer… He was fine until he had his meeting with the President last week."

"You think something is happening?"

"Someone said Josh was in," Toby and C.J walked into the bullpen.

"He's with the President at the moment," Donna repeated.

"Well, do you know how long for?" C.J glanced at her watch. "I've got a meeting 40 minutes and I want to see him."

Donna shrugged. "According to Charlie, Leo and Josh have been in the Oval since 6:50 this morning but wouldn't say what it's about."

"They've been in there for two hours?" Sam asked.

"Why was Josh in so early?" C.J questioned.

"I have no idea, he hasn't talked to me since last week," Donna answered. "His Mom said he's hardly said a word and hasn't wanted to see anyone but then this morning, I arrive here and find a message from him saying he wants some research done of the health care bill."

"That bill is dead," Toby claimed. "We're five votes down, there is no way anyone is budging on it."

Donna shrugged. "I'm just telling you what he's said."

"What the hell is going on?" Sam looked at Toby.

"How would I know?" He replied. "I'm stood here with you, not in the Oval."

"Josh and Leo had a big blow out last week…" Sam claimed. "This has something to do with that…"

"Sam, I wasn't there either."

"Are you saying you don't know what's happening?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying," Toby sighed.

"Oh come on, Toby…"

"Come on, what?" He asked. "I've seen as much as Josh as the rest of you and what makes you think I know anything that is happening between Josh and Leo?"

"They hasn't told you anything?" C.J questioned.

"No but lets try and find out now." Toby nodded his head behind them causing them to turn and see Josh heading towards them.

"Donna, you got that research I wanted?" He asked as he reached her desk. "Hey, guys."

"Josh, what's going on?" Toby questioned.

"I need to get ready for my meeting with Congressman Hillman and Congresswoman Davis." Josh replied, taking the papers Donna held out to him.

"You're talking to Hillman and Davis about Health Care?" Toby asked.

"Yeah, we're five votes down but if I can get them, then they'll bring at least 3 more votes with them."

Toby let out a small, sarcastic laugh. "You think…You believe you can get Hillman and Davis to change their minds."

"Sure."

"Congresswoman Gina Davis…The woman who takes every opportunity she has to screw us over?"

"I'm going to appeal to her human side."

"You might need the secret service to help you find that side," Sam quipped.

"Well, what do you want me to do?" Josh snapped, throwing the folders back onto Donna's desk.

"The bill is dead…" Toby started.

"It's only dead because everyone has stopped working on it," Josh claimed. "It's not dead until the vote."

"They're not going to change their minds," Toby told him again.

"Well, I've got until lunch time to try," he said quietly and looked at Donna. "I need more information."

"I'm on it," she replied as they all watched him walk into his office.

_**XxXxX**_

Josh glanced at his watch as he leaned back in his chair. This meeting had been going on for 45 minutes now and they hadn't really gotten anywhere. Every time Josh started to talk about how good the Health Care bill was, Congresswoman Davis would steer the conversation towards the Home Owner bill while Hillman would only talk to agree with her.

"You cancelled three of our meetings already…" She stated, while Josh sat forwards and rubbed his tired eyes. "Maybe we should finish that issue before we start on this one."

"Well, you're in the wrong office." Josh finally had enough. "I'm sure if you give C.J Cregg's assistant a call then she'll be able to set up a meeting."

"I don't want to meet with the Press Secretary," Davis said, rising to her feet when Josh did.

"Well, then you're not going to get very far because I'm not dealing with that Bill anymore." Josh walked across his office, opening the door. "Thank you both for coming."

"Is that it?" Hillman asked, as they both followed him into the bullpen.

"I'm sure you both have other things that you need to get on with…I know I do," he replied as he came to a stop by Donna's desk. "Can you give Congressman Skinner a call and see if he can meet me for lunch?"

Donna glanced at Davis and Hillman before nodding slightly and picked up the phone. "Sure."

"You're seriously going to let us walk out of here?" Davis asked. "You need five more votes."

"Yeah and I'm wasting my time with this and wasting yours too."

"If we can come to some agreement on the Home Owner bill then maybe we could talk more about Health Care."

"I'm sorry, I don't have the time."

"Well, you obviously don't care enough."

"I'm sorry?" Josh glared at her.

"I'm sure the President would love to hear about how willing you are to give up on this."

"I care about this Bill and I do care about the Home Owner Bill as well but right now I'm not working on that, I'm working on Health Care."

"Considering what you're going through, I understand how personal this Bill is for you…" Hillman spoke up with a little sympathy.

"Yeah, you're right, it is personal," Josh cut in. "Let me ask you this, in the past couple years, how many hours have you spent at GW?"

"I don't see how that is relevant…" Davis protested.

"Or any hospital?" Josh asked. "For yourself or someone you care for?"

The two members of Congress looked at each other but neither spoke.

"Well, after having fourteen hours of life-saving surgery and then spending six weeks there recovering," Josh continued, noticing a few staff members had stopped to listen. "You add that to the chemotherapy I've been receiving over the past five weeks… I calculate it to be roughly 781 hours I've spent in hospital and that's not counting doctors appointments and a few trips to the emergency room…"

"Josh…" Donna stood up from her desk, not sure where this conversation was leading.

"See, you're right, this is personal because I've been there," Josh didn't stop when she placed a hand on his arm. "I've seen nurses working double shifts because of staff shortages…I've watched them working twice as hard because their equipment needs updating…"

"We're not denying that it's an important Bill," Hillman claimed.

"Then vote for it because with it, we'll be able to offer more support to the nurses, doctors and the rest of the staff," Josh pleaded. "Plus, it's going to help all those people who can't afford health insurance."

"Well, we can discuss all of that…"

"There's nothing to discuss, this is a good Bill and you know it but I haven't got time to play games with this because there is a 50/50 chance that by next time this Bill comes around, I'll be too sick to help get it through Congress," Josh stated and it caused the whole bullpen to fall silent. "And I'm one of the lucky ones."

"Josh, I am so sorry for what you're going through and I'm sure Congresswoman Davis, here feels the same…"

"That's my point, you feel sorry for me…" he cut in. "You feel sorry for me and you barely know me… Now imagine all those other people who are suffering…all those other people who have higher odds against them."

"Josh," Donna tried to stop him again, this time stepping even closer to him.

"I'm the lucky one…I can afford good medical care, there are people out there who can't…think about them and their families," he said softly then looked at Donna. "Did you get hold of Matt?"

She stared at him for a few seconds, her mind reeling from everything he had just said. "Uh, yeah… He said he'll meet you at the normal place."

"Great, thanks… I'll be out for a couple of hours," he told her. "After lunch I'm going to head home to get a bit of rest."

"Josh…"

"Thank you both for coming today," Josh turned back to Davis and Hillman. "I hope, it hasn't been a complete waste of time and like I said, I'm sure C.J would discuss the Home Owner Bill with you."

"Uh, thank you for your time," Hillman frowned a little and shook Josh's hand.

"Well, that was an interesting meeting," Davis commented as they watched Josh walk away.

_**XxXxX**_

"Right, any predictions on Health Care?" Bartlet asked as the Senior Staff meeting wrapped up.

"Depends on Davis and Hillman," Sam shrugged.

"How did the meeting go?" Leo looked at Josh.

"Davis wanted something on the Home Owner Bill and Hillman wanted what she wanted."

"Did you discuss it?" Toby questioned.

"It was a meeting about Health Care," Josh replied.

"So, you didn't discuss it then?"

"Well, you said yourself earlier there was probably no hope," C.J added.

"We don't need them," Josh claimed.

"What?"

"We don't need them," he repeated.

"Without them we don't have Lewis, Taylor or Smith," Toby said. "We'll still be five votes down."

"The bill is going to pass."

The other members of staff all looked around at each other before turning back to Josh.

"You got someone else?" Leo questioned.

"Jackson, Stone and Wheeler, who will bring Thomas and Miller as well."

"Since when?" Toby stared at him.

"I spoke to Congressman Skinner this morning, Jackson and Stone needed a little persuading and I had to promise to meet with Wheeler about Education next week," Josh explained. "I confirmed it all with Matt over lunch."

"You're kidding?" C.J said, a small smile creeping over her face.

"Nope, we've got the final five plus another five if Davis and Hillman come through."

"How? When…?" Toby stuttered.

"Wait a minute, you had Matt Skinner's help before your meeting with Davis and Hillman?" Sam asked. "So, why did you bother with the speech about how hard it is for people who work in health care or who are sick?"

"Because it is hard," Josh insisted. "And they know it is…They agree, the only reason they were voting no was because they thought we'd roll over and give them what they wanted."

"This is excellent news," The President claimed. "Well done."

"You enjoyed your day back then?" Leo grinned at his deputy.

He shrugged. "I spent the morning playing games with Congress and then napped most of the afternoon…I've had worse days."

"We need to celebrate," Sam said.

"Yes, a big celebration," C.J agreed. "With Grasshoppers and everything."

"Grasshoppers?" Jed looked over at Leo.

"It's a drink, Sir," Josh answered when Leo shook his head slightly.

"Right, okay…What's next?"

"We're done here," Leo replied and they all turned to leave. "Toby, can you stay?"

Josh looked at Leo and knew the reason why he wanted the Communication's Director to stay.

"Right, so where to?" Sam asked once they had left the Oval.

"My place, drinks and pizza all round," C.J suggested and then pointed at Josh. "Except you, you get orange juice and a salad."

Josh smiled slightly. "I think I'm going to give it a miss tonight but you guys go ahead."

"What? No," C.J protested. "We're celebrating because of you."

"Yeah, don't worry, I'll sneak you a slice of pizza when the women folk aren't looking," Sam told him, which earned him a slap on the back of the head.

Josh smiled. "I can't, I still have stuff to do."

"Like what? Health Care has its five votes plus more if Davis and Hillman come on board," Sam argued, rubbing the back of his head. "You're work is done for today."

"They will come on board, once they hear we don't need them," Josh claimed. "They're going to be so worried about offending the President by voting no that they'll have no choice."

"Yeah, so forget about it for tonight and come celebrate," C.J replied.

"I need to talk to Toby."

Sam glanced at C.J. "Do you need us to stay?"

"What? No, go enjoy yourselves."

"Josh, if there's something going on…" Sam started.

"You'll know when you need to know," Josh answered, deciding there was no point in denying anything. "Seriously, there's nothing you can do, so go out and enjoy yourself."

"You're sure?" C.J questioned. "We're not going to be called back here in an hour?"

"Nope," he assured her. "Make sure Donna goes with you, she deserves a night out."

"Well, okay…" C.J replied, slowly. "I'll go and find her."

"I can stay," Sam started again once C.J had walked off.

"Sam, listen to me, there's nothing for you to do here," Josh claimed. "Go out, have some drinks and then come in ready to fight again tomorrow."

"Okay," he agreed reluctantly. "I've got my cell phone though…and my pager."

"Go."

"Bye."

Josh sighed and glanced back at the closed door to the Oval office. He waited a few minutes, half expecting Toby to storm out in anger but there was nothing. He wasn't sure how Toby was going to react to the news. Out of all the staff, Toby was the one that had the most trouble talking to the President but he probably was the one that set high standards for him. It was going to crush him just like it will the rest of the staff and the country too.

Josh made his way to the Communications bullpen and wasn't surprised to see that there was no one around. He let himself into Toby's office and sat down on the couch. It was probably going be hours before Toby returned but Josh was determined to wait for him and be there for him as a friend and a co-worker, like Toby had been for him over the past few months.

**TBC**

**Please review!!!!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hey, here****'s the next chapter! Please review and let me know what you think!! Thanks for all the help from Meghan!!! **

**Enjoy!!!**

**I****'m Fine**

Toby made his way to his office in a daze after being blindsided with the news about the President's MS. While he had guessed there was something happening, he never believed it would be anything like this. He had been lied to. He felt like an idiot for not working it out sooner. Why didn't he questioned the President's health when he collapsed before the State of the Union?

He couldn't get his head around, even after being in the Oval office with the President for the past four hours, going over everything. They talked about when he was first diagnosed to the number of people who knew about it yet Toby still felt like he didn't know nearly as much as he wanted to know.

The communication bullpen was predictably abandoned since it was almost 1am. He was just going to grab his things from his office then he was going to head home and get completely drunk to forget all about this night.

He flicked on the office lights but stopped suddenly when he saw Josh stretched out across his couch, fast asleep. He stood and stared at him for a moment, wondering whether he should just let him sleep there but then remembered Josh was still meant to be on sick leave and had been at work since 6:30am.

"Josh," he said quietly, taking a few steps towards the couch and when his friend didn't stir, he leaned down and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Josh, wake up."

Josh startled awake, sitting up quickly and looking around, trying to remember where he was.

"Toby?" He said, sleepily, swinging his legs off the couch.

"Yeah, it's late," Toby replied. "You should go home."

Josh ran his hands over his face a few times, trying to wake himself up.

"You okay?" Toby asked, watching as Josh closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths.

"Yeah, I just need a minute."

"Should I call Donna?" Toby was reaching for his phone before Josh could answer.

"No, I'm fine." He opened his eyes. "You talked to the President?"

Toby's hand fell away from the phone and he picked up the pink rubber ball, turning it around in his palm.

"Yeah." 

"He told you about…" Josh's voice trailed off and Toby glanced up at him.

"Yeah," he sighed, looking away again as he walked around his desk and reached into the bottom draw, pulling out a bottle of scotch. "He told me about it."

Josh stayed silent, watching him as he poured a generous amount into a glass. He swallowed the drink in one mouthful before re-filling the glass but this time, he screwed the lid back on the bottle and moved from behind the desk again. Keeping his glass in his left hand, he used his right to open his mini-fridge and grab a bottle of water. He threw it over to Josh, who just managed to catch it before he walked over to the window and stared out into the night sky.

"What now?" Josh asked after a few more seconds of silence, still not moving from his position the couch.

"What?" Toby turned back to him.

"What now?" He repeated. "What's the next step?"

"It's gone 1am," Toby replied. "The next step is going home."

"You don't want to talk about it?"

"Talk about what? How we were lied too?"

"Well, yeah…"

"It'll still be a lie in the morning," he mumbled, looking back out the window. "We can talk about it then."

Josh took a few mouthfuls of water before placing the bottle on the floor and then stood up.

"When he first told me, I didn't understand," Josh admitted and when Toby didn't speak or move, he continued. "I thought…when he told me he had MS, I thought he had only just found out…never imagined that he had known all this time."

"Would it have made a difference?"

"To the campaign?"

"To you…would you have still have joined the campaign?"

"I don't know…" Josh said slowly, thinking about it. "Maybe, probably yeah."

"Really?"

"You wouldn't have?" He frowned.

"There would have been no point," Toby replied. "He wouldn't have won."

"You don't know that," Josh told him. "If we had handled it properly…"

"He has a degenerative illness that there's no cure for," Toby raised his voice. "We had a hard enough time dealing with the fact he was older then Hoynes…"

"But we did deal with it," Josh cut in. "We took a lot of hits to start off with but we handle them and would have handle this."

Toby shook his head, finishing off his scotch before placing the glass on his desk. "You really think we could have convinced the American public that he was well enough for the job?"

Josh opened his mouth to reply but found he didn't have answer.

"This is such a mess," Toby ran a hand over his mouth. "How can they expect us to fix this?"

"Did he say that?" Josh asked. "I mean, did he say anything about re-election."

"He won't be able to win re-election once this is out."

"Once the rest of the staff knows we can start working on a strategy…"

"Oh come on!"

"…For the first few steps in the re-election campaign," Josh finished his sentence but it sounded like he was trying to convince himself as well as Toby.

"He lied, Josh!" Toby snapped. "Not just to us but to everyone else!"

"I know…"

"He had an attack while he was standing in the Oval office and then a couple of hours later he was in the Situation Room dealing with India and Pakistan!"

"I know…" Josh repeated. "But everything worked out…"

"Oh, okay then," Toby started sarcastically as he paced a little around his office, "We'll just tell the American people that even though their President lied to them about having a degenerative illness, it's all okay because somehow he managed to get through a Sit room crisis!"

"Toby…" Josh started but the Communication's Director just kept ranting.

"And how the hell are we meant to win re-election with a President with a life-time illness. A Chief of Staff is a history of drug and alcohol abuse and a Deputy with cancer!"

Josh stared at him as the room fell silent. Toby turned his back to him and rubbed his forehead, his own words making him feel guilty.

Josh sighed and dropped back down the couch.

"What happened to it being a good thing to keep on working…so that everyone could see us fighting?" Josh asked, quoting what Toby had said when he had told him about the cancer. "What happened to it's better to be here when you're at your worst then not being here at all?"

"I had been talking about you then," Toby replied quietly.

"It's the same thing…"

"It's not the same!" He insisted, turning to face Josh again to see him about to replied. "It's not the same, Josh…You are not the President."

"Yeah."

"You don't decided who we do and do not go to war with," Toby replied.

"Leo would never let the President make the wrong decision."

"Leo hasn't been elected."

Josh sighed and leaned back against the couch, closing his eyes. Toby watched him closely for a few minutes before sitting on the edge of his desk.

"Why aren't you more pissed about this?" He asked quietly.

"What?" Josh asked, lifting his head to look at him.

"You stood in front of the press corps and told the world that you were sick," Toby said. "You didn't need to do that."

He leaned his elbows on top of his knees and ran his hands over his face. "I did."

"C.J could have but a statement out saying that you were taking sick leave and we don't comment on personal lives of our staff…" Toby continued. "You could have done that but you didn't."

"No."

"He's the President, Josh…" Toby stated. "He doesn't get to lie about this sort of thing… especially when his staff doesn't."

"He made a mistake, Toby," Josh replied.

"So, you're willing to forgive and forget?"

"I'm not willing to walk away," Josh answered. "I'm not ready to not finish what we've started."

Toby stared at the floor for a minute before lifting his eyes to Josh. "Maybe we never really got started… We put all our faith into a man that we never really knew."

Josh stared at him. "How… I mean, this is bad and he shouldn't have…he should have told us but…"

"There's no but," Toby told him. "He should have told us!"

"Yeah."

"He owed us that…he owed us the truth when we gave up everything for this administration… Now he wants us to help get him re-elected?"

"There's no one else."

"Sorry?"

"If the President doesn't run then we don't have anyone."

"The Vice-President has been looking good lately."

"You're kidding me! You think Hoynes would make a better President?" Josh exclaimed. "You're the last person I expected to hear that from!"

Toby turned away once again and stared out the window. He really didn't know what to say next. He had never been a big fan of John Hoynes but it seemed like the VP was the only one thinking about the future of the Democratic Party.

They were both startled by a knock on the door and turned to see Leo in the doorway.

"I can hear you two out in the bullpen," he told them. "You might want to keep it down a little."

"It's almost 2am," Toby muttered. "No one else is here."

Leo just looked at him for a few seconds before turning his eyes towards Josh. "You should be at home."

"Yeah but I was needed here," Josh answered, watching Toby who had turned his attention back to the window.

"I need a minute," Leo told him, nodding towards the empty bullpen, telling Josh to follow him out.

"What's up?"

Leo took a moment to look over his deputy. He looked exhausted and he debated with himself whether he should just insist that the younger went home until his treatment was complete.

"Leo?" Josh questioned.

"We need you to meet with Hoynes."

"For what?"

"To tell him you're not interested and you're sticking with the President."

"I've already told him that."

"Yeah, we need you to tell him again now that you know what's going on." 

Josh let out a sigh and nodded. "I'll get Donna to set it up tomorrow."

"Right, good." Leo went to turn but glanced back at him. "Don't stay too late."

"He needs someone to talk to." Josh shrugged.

"You need rest."

"Yeah," he ran a hand over his forehead. "I better get back in there."

"Okay, well I'll be around if you need anything," Leo told him.

"Thanks," Josh replied before turning and walking back into Toby's office. "Sorry about that."

"Anything important?" Toby was sat at his desk, looking through some papers.

"He wants me to meet with Hoynes tomorrow." Josh sat down the couch.

"Why?"

Josh paused for a moment but then decided that there was no point in not telling Toby the truth. "Hoynes offered me a job."

"Doing what?"

"Chief of Staff," he shrugged. "The campaign manager."

Toby let out a small laugh. "He offered you a job as his campaign manager and thought you wouldn't work out something was going on?"

"I think he was counting on me working out something was going on," Josh replied. "Now this is out in the open and he finds out that the President still has my support then he might back off with his campaign."

"The President still has your support?"

"Toby," Josh groaned, leaning back in his seat.

"Seriously, you didn't considering taking up Hoynes' offer?"

"No."

"Then what the hell were you doing the past week?!"

"I was angry, Toby and upset," he answered. "I didn't know what to think and I didn't know who I could trust."

"It took you a week to work out who you could?" Toby stared at him.

"I had other things on my mind as well!"

"Right."

"It took me about a day to get over the anger about being lied too but then I thought about all the good we've done and everything we have started but not finished," Josh said softly. "All the mistakes we've made that we haven't had time to fix yet…"

Toby stayed silent, staring down at his desk, taking in Josh's words.

"This administration is not just about the President… We've all worked damn hard, we've been through so much already," Josh continued. "I'm not ready to walk away from that."

"We might not be our choice," Toby mumbled.

"Are you willing to give up without a fight?"

"He lied about being ill, Josh." Toby rubbed his eyes. "I don't know how we come back from that."

"We'll work it out."

Neither of them spoke for a few minutes but then the silence was broken by Toby, opening his desk draw and shoving some folders inside before slamming it closed.

"It's late, you should get home."

"I'm fine." 

Toby glanced up at him. "Why are you here."

"I wanted to make sure you were okay." 

"It's passed 2am and you've got one day left before you go back into hospital to receive chemotherapy treatment to beat leukaemia… Why are you here?"

"Because I've got one day left before I go into hospital to receive chemotherapy treatment to beat leukaemia…" Josh repeated him. "When I was told what you were just told, I hid away for a week… You won't be able to do that because someone needs to hold it together for Sam and C.J…like you said, I won't be here."

"But…"

"And who knows what's going to happen at the hospital…There could be complications and I could…" his voice trailed when he realized what he was actually about to say. "Anything could happen, Toby."

"Yeah."

"So, say what you like, shout as loud as you want, ask me anything you want," Josh told him. "You need to get your head around all of this and I'm going to help you because it took me a week…"

"You shouldn't be here…" Toby started again.

"I'm not going anywhere," Josh assured. "So, let's do this… let's work out what our next move is."

"We won't be able to decide that until the rest of the staff knows."

"He's telling C.J and Sam, sometime this week," Josh told him.

"The press is going to come after you and Leo," Toby predicted.

"Yeah."

"You were both the main brains behind the campaign, they'll assume that you knew everything," Toby stated "And C.J they'll question everything she said… They'll review her briefings and pick at the slightest comment that might hint at all of this."

"She's the best at what she does," Josh claimed. "She'll get through it."

"And Sam…" Toby sighed loudly again. "He might lose him."

"I know."

"Everything that's happened in the past year… The shooting, his Dad's affair…you getting sick…" Toby listed. "His faith in everything and everyone around him his fading…"

"Well, then… we'll just have to get him through it."

"How?"

"By making sure he doesn't lose faith in us," Josh said. "This announcement is going to crumble everything we've worked for and I'm going to give everything I've got to put it back together again…Are you in?"

Toby nodded slowly. "Where do we start?"

"Polls…we need to put some polls out to judge the publics reactions."

"Then?"

"The President tells the world he kept his illness a secrete."

"Yeah, that's the part I'm not looking forward to."

"At least we'll get to control the story," Josh shrugged. "Then after that, we'll get to the important stuff."

"Which is?"

"Winning re-election."

Toby shook his head slightly. "I can't believe I'm agreeing to this."

"I can," Josh told him. "It's the right thing to do."

"Well, we better get to work then."

Josh grinned at him. "Just do me one favour."

"What?"

"If Donna asks, I found me asleep on your couch and left me there all night."

"Whatever," Toby muttered, turning on his computer. "Let's just get started before they all turn up for work."

"I'll go make some coffee," Josh stood up and left the office as Toby started typing quickly.

After a few seconds, he stopped and looked around his office. His eyes moving from the photos of the staff hanging on his wall to the latest speech he had been working on, laying on his desk next to him. Josh was right, he wasn't ready to walk away from all of this just yet.

**TBC**

**Please review!!! **


	17. Chapter 17

**Hey, Guys. I****'m sorry about the delay in updating but I really struggled with this chapter so I hope you like it. Plus its like twice the size of the last chapter to make up for the wait. I hope it was worth it!!! Please review and let me know!!! **

**I****'m Fine**

Josh slowly made his way through the bullpen, rubbing his eyes as he passed Donna's desk and walked into his office.

"Josh!" She stood up and followed him.

"Hey," he replied tiredly, dropping into his chair.

"Did you sleep here last night?" She glared at him, her arms folded across her chest.

He sighed, slumping even farther back in his chair. "Can we not do this now…?"

"Go home."

"Donna…"

"Go home and sleep for the rest of the day."

"I need to be here."

"No, you really don't," she replied. "You're dead on your feet besides, you've only got a meeting with Congressman Miller…"

"Yeah, I need you to cancel that," he cut in, sitting forwards again and reaching for a file.

"Are you going home?"

"And I'm going to need you to set me up a meeting with the Vice President."

"Josh…"

"Donna, I'm fine…This is really important," he ran both his hands over his head. "Can you just please set up the meeting."

She watched him for a few seconds before nodding a little, deciding to let it go.

"And ask Toby to meet me for lunch."

"Toby?" she questioned.

"Yeah, Toby… Grumpy guy…working in communications…"

"I'm familiar with him," she smirked. "No, I just meant, Toby doesn't do lunch… Toby does sitting alone in his office shouting at the TV."

"Yeah but this is…"

"Important," she finished. "I got it. Anything else?"

"Just make sure this afternoon is clear."

"Please tell me, you're going home."

"I can't…"

"There's nothing on the schedule…"

"No, but I got a feeling I'm going to be busy," he replied as he stood up. "You'll set up a meeting with Hoynes?"

"Yeah."

"Good," he headed for the door. "I'm going to find some breakfast…want anything?"

"No, I'm fine."

"I'll be in the mess if you need me," he told her, as he walked out into the bullpen.

She sighed and watched him walking away, he was a lot slower then he normally was. She hoped he wasn't pushing himself to hard and she couldn't get her mind off what he had said. Something big was happening and she had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. She wondered how many more hits, this administration could take.

_XxXxX_

Josh sat at an empty table in the Mess with a large cup of strong black coffee and a blueberry muffin, which he had half-heartily picked at.

"You're here earlier."

He looked up and saw Sam with his own coffee. "Hey, did you guys have a good time last night?"

"Yeah, it was fun." Sam sat down, noticing that Josh had avoided his statement. "You should have come."

"Yeah, and watch you all get drunk?" Josh smirked. "No thanks."

"None of us got drunk," Sam claimed, sipping coffee.

Josh shrugged slightly. "I had stuff to do anyway."

"Yeah," Sam nodded. "You're wearing the same suit."

"What?"

"You're in the same clothes as you were yesterday." Sam waved his hand towards him. "You slept here last night?"

"It's not the first time," Josh stared down at the crumbled muffin. "And it's not like you've never done it."

"I haven't got cancer!" Sam hissed as he leaned across the table.

Josh glared at him. "I don't need to be treated like a kid because I've got leukemia."

"You need rest," Sam claimed. "You think it was fun when you collapsed a few weeks back?"

"Sam…"

"You scared the hell out of us, Josh," Sam told him. "I'm not going to sit here and tell you it's fine for you to live like some college student and put your health in jeopardy just for some bill…"

"You done with the lecture?"

"You go in tomorrow for more chemo…"

"Which is why I need to handle this now!"

"Handle what?" Sam asked but Josh looked away. "Handle what, Josh?"

"Nothing…"

"Josh!" Sam waited for him to say something but he stayed silent. "You can't tell me, can you?"

"It's not my place…" Josh started but stopped. "I just can't, Sam."

Sam nodded slightly, sometimes there were things he didn't have to know. "Okay."

"I need to get going."

"Me too," Sam stood up as well. "I'm doing C.J's briefings today."

"What?" Josh looked across at him. "Why?"

"I don't know," he shrugged. "Leo said something about her being busy all day."

"Oh."

"You okay?" Sam asked, noticing his friend deep in thought.

"What? Oh, yeah fine…" he nodded and followed Sam out of the Mess.

Josh went straight to Leo's office and Margaret waved him through.

"Hey," he said as he walked, causing Leo to look up.

"You need something?"

"I just spoke to Sam…he said he's covering C.J because she's busy all day…" Josh closed the door. "I didn't realize there was anything of the schedule."

"There's not…" Leo sighed. "She's in with the President."

"What?" Josh exclaimed. "He's telling her now!?"

"He told her a few hours ago," Leo replied. "Apparently, she came back last night and saw you and Toby locked up in his office."

"She did?"

"Yeah, she came back to pick something up and saw you two but didn't want to interrupt…The President was walking around the West Wing and ran into her." Leo explained. "C.J. questioned what was so important that you and Toby would still be here…and well, the President decided then would be a good time to tell her what was happening."

"She's been in there since then?"

"No, she went home for a couple of hours…She's only just came in."

"Why didn't she come to us afterwards?" Josh wondered out-loud.

"I think, she wanted to get her head around it."

"I guess," Josh replied, worried how his friend was handling the news.

"Listen, you're going to need to talk to Babish today," Leo told him. "You should have last week but…"

"Yeah," Josh cut in. "When?"

"I don't know, sometime this afternoon…Someone will let you know," Leo said. "There's been some rooms down in the basement set aside for meetings and so on."

"Yeah, that won't look suspicious," Josh replied sarcastically.

"If you've got a better idea, I'd like to hear it," Leo mumbled as he picked up his pen.

"No," Josh replied. "I got to go…I'm meeting Hoynes."

"Let me know how it goes."

"Sure," Josh said as he walks out.

He was heading back to his office when he saw C.J exiting the Oval Office.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"You okay?" He asked, walking along side her.

"Oh just peachy!"

"C.J…"

She stopped and turned to face him. "This is what you and Leo were arguing about last week?"

"Yeah."

"Tell me this is going to get better."

"It will," he tried to assure her.

"Really? How?"

"I haven't figured that out yet but Toby and I are working on it."

"Last night?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Leo said there's some rooms in the basement set aside…Why don't you go down there for a bit?"

"You want to lock me away in the basement?" She glared at him.

He laughed slightly. "No, I meant just go down there and get away for a while without people bugging you…"

"I don't know…"

"Sam's handling the briefings and Leo has cleared your day," he told her. "Go take a nap or something."

"I'm not the one that needs to take a nap," she replied. "Did you get any sleep last night?"

"Some…" He answered. "I'm fine."

"Josh…"

"Seriously, C.J…I've had this from Donna and Sam already…I feel fine," he claimed.

"Well, okay then," she sighed and rubbed her forehead. "Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"You're too calm about this."

"What?"

"It's just…well, I'm not use to you being the calm one that's in the control," she told him. "It's freaking me out."

He smiled slightly. "I just keep telling myself that things can't get any worse."

"Yeah me too…Except every time I do…something like this happens." She replied, causing them both to fall silent. "But I guess, we've got to hit rock bottom at some point, right?"

"Right," he agreed, nodding a little. "Anyway, I should get going."

"What you got now?"

"Meeting with Hoynes," he told her.

"Okay, well I'll be in basement if anyone…" She started but stopped herself. "Actually, if anyone asks, you haven't seen me."

"No problem," he started to walk away.

_XxXxX_

"Josh? Come on in," The Vice President said when he opened his office door.

"Thank you for seeing me so soon, Sir," Josh replied as he walked into the office.

"It's no problem," he said, as he took a seat behind the desk. "How have you been?"

"I've been okay, sir, I guess…"

"Good, good…now what is it that you needed?" He asked.

"It's about what we were discussing the other day, Sir."

"The job offer?" Hoynes questioned.

"Yes, Sir…I am flattered but it's not for me, I'm sorry."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Sir…I service at the pleasure of the President and I will do so while he holds office."

Hoynes looked at him for a few seconds before giving a single nod. "Well, I guess if there's nothing I can do to change your mind…Just know the offer is there if you want it."

"I won't, Sir."

"Okay then."

"Thank you, Mr. Vice President." Josh turned to leave.

"Josh?" He called and when Josh looked back. "Before you go, can I just ask you a question?"

"Of course, Sir," Josh moved back to his pervious spot.

"I'm guessing that the President has told about the MS?"

"Yes, Sir."

"When you came and told me that you were quitting my campaign to work on the Bartlet campaign…I asked you why you thought it was so hard for the two of us to work together…" Hoynes stood up and moved back around the desk and stood in front of Josh. "You told me that it was because you never knew what we were fighting for and that you didn't trust me."

Josh continued to keep eye contact with the Vice President. "I did."

"Has any of that changed?"

Josh thought about it for a few seconds before speaking. "You're asking me if the reason I'm turning down your job offer is because I don't trust you?"

"Yeah, I am." Hoynes nodded, leaning back against the desk.

"Partly, yes."

"I have never lied, Josh…Every questioned that anyone has asked me…I have always told the truth." Hoynes stated. "How can you come in here and tell me that you won't consider working for me because you don't trust me yet you will work for a man that lied to millions of people to get him the most powerful job in the world!!"

"He never lied…"

"Is that going to party line?"

"He never lied…"

"Josh…"

"If anyone would have asked if he had MS or even if he had a illness…he would have told them the truth," Josh insisted.

"No one is going to accept that and you know it," Hoynes replied.

"They're going to have too," Josh turned towards the door again.

"What have I ever done to you to make you not trust me?"

Josh slowly turned back and looked at him for a few seconds. "You play too many games."

"Excuse me?"

"I don't trust you because I never know where your head is…"

"You think I'm playing games?" Hoynes asked.

"Yes, Sir."

"I've done a lot of good work while being Vice President, Josh and when I was in the Senate too…I don't appreciate accusations…"

"With all due respect, Sir…You've started a Presidential campaign when you don't even know if the President himself is running," Josh cut in. "You dropped hints and made comments to get me to dig around and find out the truth…"

"He kept his illness a secret, Josh!" Hoynes exclaimed. "Yet, you seemed more pissed off at me for trying to point the truth out to you."

"In hope that I'd quit my job and come work for you?!"

Hoynes stared back at him. "What's the difference? From him lying to you to me trying get the right staff possible to take me to the next step?"

"You're messing with people's minds," Josh shook his head slightly. "And he…Well, he just made a mistake."

"I'm obviously not going to change your mind," Hoynes walked back to his desk. "I hope he appreciates your loyalty."

"Once this story breaks… If you step forwards and say that you don't support the President and that you put your name forwards to become the next President of the United States…You could win."

"Josh…"

"You shouldn't but you could win…" Josh calmly. "One day, you could make a good President…You've got the experience, you're likeably and charming… You're smart and you'd have the support from the rest of the party but Sir, you're not ready…"

"This is you telling me to wait another term?"

"President Bartlet has a 60 percent lead on you in the popularity poll…So say you go ahead and get the Democratic nomination…You'd only be able to do that by convincing that 60 percent that Jed Bartlet is not the man they think he is…That he's untrustworthy…You really think after that, you'll be able to convince the American people they can trust another Democrat?" Josh questioned, watching as Hoynes took in the information. "Besides, you're the Vice President…You knew from the beginning and still accepted his offer…You come out against him now then the press will rip you to shreds."

"I would never bad mouth him, Josh…" Hoynes look up at him. "I have to much respect for him."

"Then prove it."

"By showing my undoubting support?"

"Yes, Sir," Josh replied, even though he heard a hint of sarcasm in Hoynes' voice.

Hoynes gave a small nod. "You do know that you could have ran it all…That you'd be in charge?"

"Yeah…" Josh said slowly. "But I also know that I'm not ready for the next step either…"

"We would have made quite the team then," Hoynes quipped. "We could have helped each other out, it could have been fun."

"Except when we mess up…we'd put people's lives at risk…" Josh replied, seriously. "It's too much of an important job to be playing games."

Hoynes thought over the words. "Yeah…Right, well thank you for stopping by, Josh."

"Thank you, Mr. Vice President," Josh said and he let out a sigh of relief once he exited the office.

_XxXxX_

"Oh, look, now it's a party," C.J. claimed when Josh walked into one of the offices in the basement.

Josh looked over at Toby questionably. "Has she been drinking?"

"No, I think it's a combination of lack of sleep and too much caffeine." Toby replied.

"Ah." Josh sat down on the couch opposite them.

"Here, I got you a turkey sandwich," he tossed it over to him.

"Thanks," Josh replied but put the sandwich on the table between them then he noticed the two of them glaring at him. "I'll eat it later."

"Josh…"

"What do we do next?" He cut C.J. off. "We can't just have him make an announcement."

"Why not?" She asked.

"You don't want to be prepared for this?" Toby looked at her.

"Well, unless you want to put a poll out there asking how'd the feel about the President hiding an illness…" C.J. started but trailed off when she noticed the looks Toby and Josh were giving each other. "Oh come on, we can not put a poll out there!"

"Why not?" Josh asked.

"Why not?!" She repeated. "Because…because people will work it out."

"We don't use the President…we use a Governor…" Toby suggested, looking at Josh.

"That could work…"

"No, it couldn't!" C.J. argued. "Besides, there is no one we can trust with this."

"Joey Lucas," Josh answered straight away.

"Josh!"

"You trust her one hundred percent?" Toby asked.

"Yeah," he nodded. "She likes the President."

"She might not after this…"

"She'll be fine," Josh claimed. "We could start the poll on me."

"You?"

"Yeah, they can be asked 'Do you think the Deputy Chief of Staff should resign because of his illness?' then maybe be asked how well they think the White House is handling it," Josh shrugged.

"Wow, wait…we can't use you!" C.J. told him. "We can't put your name out with this because once the President does make an announcement then they'll link it to that."

"I think we'll have a few more problems to deal with then," Josh replied. "Besides, we need to know the publics reaction to me keeping my job."

"Not like this we don't."

"Not that I'm trying to agree with C.J…" Toby started. "But those questions aren't going to give us the answers we're looking for."

"We'll ask how important they thought it was that I was upfront about the illness…" Josh replied. "And ask how they'd feel if it was their Governor."

"Except a Governor is not the same as the President," C.J. stated.

"And cancer is not the same as MS," Toby added.

"Joey can work out the language," Josh replied.

"Okay," Toby nodded his agreement.

"I'm not wild about using your name," C.J. said once again.

"It'll be fine," Josh told her and stood. "I'm going to take this to Leo before my meeting with Babish."

"Hey, how did it go with Hoynes?" Toby asked before he could leave.

"Good…he's on board," Josh answered. "I don't think we'll have any more problems."

"Well, at least one thing has worked today," C.J. commented.

"Yeah…" Josh agreed then started towards the door again. "I'll be back after I'm done with Babish."

C.J sighed loudly once Josh had left the room. "He should be going home."

"He doesn't want to be at home."

"Toby, he's got chemo…"

"Yeah, he does know that…" Toby answered. "But he says he feels fine and it's better that he's here, then stuck at home."

"I don't want him to push himself to far."

"We won't let him." Toby stood up. "It'll be fine."

"I hope you're right," she sighed again.

_XxXxX_

Sam followed Leo into the Oval office, he had a bad feeling about this meeting. The way Josh has been acting for the past week and he noticed how Josh, C.J and Toby had disappeared for most of the afternoon.

"Sam, thanks for waiting around."

"No problem, Mr. President," Sam replied, coming to stand in front of the desk.

"Was there anything you needed, Sir?" Leo asked to which Bartlet shook his head. "I'll be in my office then."

Sam watched Leo leave with a small frown.

"Sam, there is something that I have to tell you…" Jed started as he walked around the desk. "Why don't we sit down."

"Yes, Sir…" He replied, moving over to the couches.

"Sam, what I'm about to tell you…" Jed started as he sat opposite him, "is something that only a hand full of people know."

"Yes, Sir…"

"That being said, you're free to tell whomever you wish."

"Sir."

"Sam, eight years ago I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis," he leaned forwards a little closer to Sam. "I have the relapsing remitting kind…"

"You have MS?" Sam stared at him.

"Yeah."

"And you didn't tell anyone?"

"I told the people that I needed too," Jed answered. "But I didn't lie to anyone."

"You didn't lie?" Sam questioned.

"No."

"You didn't lie because no one thought to ask if you had MS!"

Jed went to reply but Sam was right. "Yeah."

"What does this mean?"

"What does what mean?"

"Why are you telling me now?" He asked.

"I told Josh last week and Toby and C.J last night."

Sam nodded a little, everything now made sense.

Jed watched him for a few seconds. "Would you like a drinking?"

"No." Sam replied, staring down at the carpet before forcing himself to look up. "No, thank you, Mr. President."

Jed stared back at Sam, not sure what else to say. He saw a lot of himself in Sam.

"Can I ask why you didn't tell anyone?"

Jed leaned back. "I wasn't meant to win…I didn't think it would come up."

"If you didn't think we'd win why didn't you tell us anyway?" Sam asked. "I mean, you couldn't hurt a campaign that you were never going to win."

"I didn't tell you because it's a private thing, Sam," he claimed. "I didn't want the world knowing my business."

"Except you didn't lose the election."

"No, I didn't."

"What about when you realized we could win?"

"I'm sorry?"

"When you realized that weren't wasting our time and that we actually had a shot at winning?" Sam asked. "I mean, before we won the Illinois Primaries, you didn't remember any of our names, you didn't think we were doing the right things… Then after, you changed… after you believed in the campaign."

"That was the night Josh's father died," Jed said softly. "I went to see him at the airport…"

"I remember," Sam nodded, thinking about how he had desperately wanted to check on his friend but Leo asked him to stay behind.

"I realized that night how much you had all given up," Jed told him. "I saw how far we had come…"

"But not far enough to trust us with the truth?"

"It wasn't about trust, Sam!" Jed got to his feet. "It wasn't even about telling the truth…Yeah, I have this illness but it doesn't effect my ability to do my job."

"Sir, if you truly believed that then why didn't you tell everyone?"

"Everyone has their rights to privacy, Sam," Jed glared at him a little. "Even Presidents."

Sam lowered his glaze to the carpet again. "Sir."

"This is my life…My illness and I made a choice to keep it to myself…I'm sorry if you believe that was the wrong decision."

"What's changed?" Sam asked. "Why is now the time to tell people? Are you ill?"

"No, I'm still in remission," Jed assured him. "But I realized that maybe it's not something that can be hidden forever…People started asking questions."

"And you want to be the one to break the news."

"Yeah," Jed sighed. "Look, Sam, I know this is a lot to take in and I can understand you being confused or angry but I hope you will be able to understand where I'm coming from."

Sam was silent for a few seconds, not sure how to answer so he nodded his head slightly. "Yes, Mr. President."

"Right, okay…" Jed moved over to his desk. "Was there anything else you needed to know?"

"Uh, no…I don't think so."

"Okay, I'm told Leo, Josh, Toby and C.J have been holding some meetings and having discussions down in the basement."

"And have they made any decisions?"

"Not that they've told me, no."

"Well, I guess I should go and join them."

"It's late, Sam…Go home."

"I'll go home when everyone else goes home."

Jed gave a slight nod. Although, he'd like his staff to be able to get a good night sleep every night he knew he'd have no luck in persuading anyone to leave early.

"Thank you, Sir." Sam said before turning and heading for the door.

Jed's eyes followed him as he left the office, his head was hung and his shoulders slumped downs. He sighed and rubbed his eyes, leaning back against the desk.

"Mr. President?"

"Yeah," he turned and saw Leo stood in the doorway.

"How did it go?"

"Better then expected," Jed shrugged, moving behind the desk. "But still bad."

"Yeah."

"He's gotten good at politics."

"I'm sorry, Sir?" Leo walked further into the room.

"The one the thing I always admired about Sam is he thinks of people first and the political ramifications second," Jed explained. "I just told him how I haven't told the truth about my illness and that I'll be announcing it to the world, possibly ruining any chance of re-election…He was calm about it and asked all the right political questions."

Leo paused for a moment before answering. "Sam has changed over the years…Maybe it's for the best…Maybe it'll be better for him if to not be so naïve and trusting in some circumstances…"

"It wasn't naivety, Leo…He's idealistic," Jed replied. "And he wouldn't be Sam if he wasn't idealistic."

"He's a rough time what with his parent divorcing and he hasn't been handing Josh being sick, very well…"

"So, what do you suggest we do now?"

"Give them some space…They'll come through it," Leo advised. "Josh and Toby have already started to form some plans and C.J. is starting to get involved."

"What plans?"

"Nothing certain yet, Sir," Leo told him "You'll know as soon as you need to know."

"Okay." Jed sat down. "What about Josh? Someone is keeping an eye on him? He's been here for the past 24 hours."

"He's doing okay, Sir," Leo assured him. "I think he just wants to get stuck in…Getting the Health Care bill passed gave him a real boost."

"And he's going in for his treatment tomorrow?"

"Yeah, he'll be back Wednesday."

"And bugging everyone by phone between then and now?"

"No doubt."

"Okay, I'm going to head up the residence," Jed started to put some files in his case. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Yes, Sir." Leo picked up his suit jacket and helped him put it on. "Good night, Mr. President."

_XxXxX_

"You're still here?" Sam asked, when he saw Josh walking down the corridor.

"Yeah, I just had to meet with Babish," Josh glanced across at him.

"We break any laws?" Sam questioned.

"Well…that depends on what…" Josh stuttered a little.

"I know, Josh," Sam told him.

They came to a stop and looked at each other. "You've talked to the President?"

"I've just came from the Oval," Sam nodded.

"You okay?"

Sam gave him a small shrug, looking down at the floor.

"Sam, I couldn't tell…"

"It's fine," Sam cut in, glancing up. "I understand."

Josh sighed and ran a hand across his face. "C.J. and Toby are down in the basement…"

"I wondered where you all have been hiding."

"It's private down there, no one can over hear," Josh replied. "Come on, we'll order some food in."

"Is there any point in me suggesting you go home?" Sam asked, following him.

"I feel better, Sam," he answered. "I want to get as much done as I can while I still feel okay."

Sam gave a small nod. "And have you managed to get anything done?"

"We've got some ideas but let's just wait until we're with C.J. and Toby…" Josh replied as they walked down the stairs.

Neither of them spoke and both were relieved that they didn't run into anyone else on their way. When they reached the office, Josh gave the agent the password and he opened the door for them.

"This would look really bad if someone saw us coming in here," Sam commented as they walked in, seeing just C.J there.

"Re-election is coming up, we could be meeting about that," Josh replied and looked over at C.J. when heard her scream in frustration.

"What's up?" Josh asked.

"Toby wanted me to put a list together of when I think I may have spoken to the press about the President's health."

"You're kidding me?" Sam stared at her. "You've been Press Secretary since the campaign…Hell, at one stage or another we've all probably have commented on his health!"

"Yeah and we'll probably going to get questioned on it," Josh sat down at the table. "Don't get stressed out about it…Toby just wants you to be prepared for when you meet with Babish."

"I'm not worried about Babish…At least he's on our side."

"Let's see if you think that way after you've met with him."

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing, just…he doesn't care about what we're feeling about this…He's going to poke and pick at every little thing…" Josh ran a hand over his face. "The worse part is that we've got to let him…That he's trying to save our asses."

"Yeah, well I haven't done anything for my ass to need be to saved!"

"We may need to prove that to a congressional committee and Babish is the White House Counsel so unfortunately he's the one that's going to help us."

"I'm a lawyer, I can look out for myself."

"Sam…" Josh groaned. "Can we not argue…let's move on."

"Aside from Babish, what else has been decided?" Sam sat across the table from him.

"We're going to bring Joey Lucas in."

"Why?"

"Josh and Toby want to put a poll out," C.J answered.

"About the President having MS?"

"We won't use to President," Josh replied. "Joey's going to play around with the language but we'll basically ask how they'd feel if their Governor or someone hide some kind of illness."

"You think that's a good idea?"

"It's all we got at the moment."

"Tell him what other poll you want to put out…"

"C.J…"

"What?" Sam asked.

Josh sighed. "A poll on whether they think I should still have my job while receiving chemo."

"Josh!"

"We should have done it months ago," he argued.

"What if they say you should quit?"

"I get to sit at home and watch day time TV," Josh joked.

"Josh…"

"They're not going to say I should quit…Even the press have been supportive," Josh replied. "It'll be fine."

"Why bother now?" Sam asked. "Who cares what they think about your illness…You're doing your job…That's all they should care about."

"I'm hoping the American people are going to use those exact same words."

"So, you can come back and point out that the President is doing his job fine despite his illness?" Sam guessed. "Except we don't know if he's doing his job and he can't just get C.J. to step in when he's having a bad day!"

The room fell silent and Sam pushed himself to his feet. "He's the President…No one is going to want a President who might drop down dead any second."

"MS isn't fatal," C.J. cut in.

"There is over 25 million Americans who can't read or write," Sam turned to face her. "You really think they'll know what the symptom of Multiple Sclerosis are?"

"Well, we tell them then!" Josh said. "We say he has this illness but it's in remission and what all of that means."

"Do we tell that he had an attack before the State of Union?" C.J questioned.

"He didn't have the flu…" Sam muttered as he started to pace.

"They're going to ask about it," Josh shrugged. "They're going to question every time his health has been mentioned."

"Yeah but do we answer them."

"We don't have a choice."

"The White House doesn't comment on the personal life of staff…"

"Oh you can't be serious!" Sam exclaimed.

"We have to answer them."

"Okay, fine…let's do this…" C.J looked at Josh, knowing that Sam was still reeling from finding out the news. "When was the last time the President had an attack?"

"Last year, two days before the State of the Union…it was a mild attack and he just needed some rest…" Josh answered without a beat.

"Who was in charge during the attack?"

"The President was in charge, as I said it was a mild attack."

"How's Josh Lyman's treatment going?"

Josh stopped and stared at her. "Is this your way of asking me how I am or…"

"I'm asking as a reporter," C.J claimed.

"We're not commenting on that."

"Why not?"

"We don't comment on the personal life of White House staff…"

"The Deputy Chief of Staff holds a powerful position…Don't you think we have a right to know how he is?"

"It's not our policy to comment on the personal…"

"The President kept a serious illness hidden. How do we know what other health issues you're hiding?"

"C.J…"

"So, far we've managed to keep them away from your condition but that's going to change as soon as we started answering questions about the President's health," C.J. stated. "They're going to use this to get to you…They'll use it to get to Leo about the booze and pills…"

Josh fell back in his chair, remembering what Toby had said the night before. "A President with MS…An alcoholic Chief of Staff…and a Deputy with cancer…"

Sam stopped and looked over a them. "How screwed are we?"

Neither of them answered; they all stay silent, deep in thought.

"Let's move on." Josh leaned forwards, resting his elbows on the table.

"To what?" C.J asked.

"Re-election."

"Has he even said he's running again?" Sam questioned.

"I haven't had time to talk to him about it," Josh answered. "But we should be ready when he makes a decision."

"Honestly, do you think we could win?" Sam sat down next him.

"It depends…" Josh said slowly. "If we handle this well…if he convince everyone he's still the man, same man, that they elected 2 years ago and that having this illness does not effect his job…"

"We could get a medical team together…get them to do some press releases and some talk shows…" C.J suggested.

"It's going to be hard," Josh shrugged. "But if I believe in anything…it's administration."

The door opened and Toby walked in. "Hey, what's going on?"

"We're talking about re-election," Sam glanced over at him.

"Has he said…?" Toby started to ask.

"No, but we should be ready for when he does," Josh told him and stood up. "Listen, I'm going to go to my office for a bit."

Sam looked at him in concern. "You okay?"

"Sure, I just need some time to sit quietly for a while."

"Go home," C.J said.

"Seriously, I just need a break…" He shook his head. "I'm going to grab something to eat and rest for a bit then I'll come back and see how things are going."

"We'll call you if we need you," Toby replied before C.J. or Sam could say anymore.

"Thanks," Josh gave him a brief smile as he passed him on his way out.

"Maybe I should go with him…" Sam started. "Make sure he's okay."

"Leave him," Toby told him, closing the door.

"I agree with Sam…With everything that's been going on…" C.J. added.

"Donna will look after him."

"Yeah, but Donna doesn't know what's been happening…"

"I told her."

"You told her?" Sam stared at him.

"You told her what?" C.J asked.

"I told her that the President has MS."

"Toby!" C.J exclaimed. "What the hell were you thinking?!"

"Josh needs her to know," he replied calmly.

"It wasn't your decision to make!" C.J yelled. "We're trying to control the story here! How can we do that if you start telling people before we've decided our next step?!"

"I didn't tell people! I told Donna!" He replied. "You were the one worried about Josh doing to much…You really think that on Sunday when he leaves the hospital he won't come straight here?"

"We wouldn't let him…"

"He's decided that he's going to be the strong one that pushes us through this crisis so unless you want him here instead of resting then he needs Donna," Toby raised his voice to cut her off. "And I didn't just tell her…I cleared it with the President and Leo…They agreed with me."

"How did she take it?" Sam asked after a few minutes of silence.

Toby smiled slightly. "She took it like I hope the rest of America takes it."

_XxXxX_

Josh sat in his office in the dark, staring out of the window. His mind was spinning with everything that had happened and everything that will happen. He just wanted it all to stop for a little while. He wanted to shut himself away and forget the President had lied… Forget the mess that was going to be re-election but most all he wanted to forget about death. Forget the death that might consume him after months of agonizing and pointless fighting. Forget the slow and tortuous death that the President will eventfully lose out to. So, he'd shut himself away from everyone to mourn a future that he may or may not get to see.

He had tried to act so strong today. He wanted his colleagues…his friends to think that he knew what he was doing, that he would get them through this crisis. He acted like there wasn't a sickening feeling in his stomach, a pounding in his head and a stabbing through his heart. He wanted to be the one in control. He wanted to be the cocky, arrogant, self-assured Josh that had left when he was hit by that bullet at Rosslyn. So, he acted as if he knew what he was doing even though his mind was spinning out of control and he couldn't quite grasp what he was angry at anymore.

He knew that there was someone standing in the doorway, watching him even though they hadn't spoken yet. He didn't turn to face them in the hope that they'd just leave him to stay shut away on his own for a little while longer. He didn't know who it was, it could be any of them coming to see if he was okay. C.J., Toby or Sam could have followed him up after giving him 5 minutes… Donna could have some how sensed how miserable he was feeling…The President could be on one of his late night walks and noticed him sitting alone in the dark. Leo could have gotten a call from his worried Mother and had set out looking for him…It could be anyone of them… and that made his heart ache even more…They're worried about him…they wanted to take care of him but all he wanted to do was shut them out.

Then he heard two quiet footsteps and he knew that whoever it was, wasn't going to be leaving anytime soon.

"Josh?" Donna said gently.

"Hey," he replied but still didn't turn or take his eyes off of the dark night sky but his hands balled up into tight fist involuntary.

"What are you doing?" She asked, taking another couple of steps closer.

"Just thinking."

"About what?"

"You don't want to know…" He mumbled.

"I wouldn't have asked otherwise," she answered and was now stood right behind him. "Josh?"

"Death."

"What?"

"Death, that was what I was thinking about… Death."

"Josh…" She started but the words got stuck in her throat and tear sprung to her eyes.

"Told you, you didn't want to know," he sighed and finally spun the chair around to look at her.

"Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't talk about death…" she said firmly. "Don't even think about it!"

"Donna," he rubbed a hand across his forehead.

"No, because if you start thinking about it then who knows what kind of place you'll end up!"

He glanced up at her staring down at him, her eyes rimmed with tears. He swallowed the lump in his throat.

"I wasn't…I'm not going to do anything stupid," he tried to assure her, thinking back to Christmas.

She looked him over slowly. Even in the dark, he looked tired…He looked sick.

"Go home, Josh," she whispered. "Go and take care of yourself."

"No…" he looked away and cleared his throat. "No, we've got a senior staff meeting soon…"

"They can cope without you."

"I need to be here."

"Josh," she placed a hand on his arm causing him to look up at her again. "Please…"

He stared at her, trying to work out if somehow she knew what was happening.

"They're not going to be able to come up with anything tonight and you can't get anything done on your own," she reasoned.

He looked down at her hand on his arm for a second. "Who told you?"

"Does it matter?"

"Toby?" He guessed and when she gave a small uncertain nod, he turned his back to her again. "Damn it."

"He thought you could do with my help."

"He shouldn't have told you…" He replied. "He should have let me."

She reached out and rubbed his shoulder gently. "He was trying to help."

Josh took a few steps forwards, leaning his hands down on the windowsill and looked up at the stars. He could hardly see them because of the city light but it still didn't stop him from thinking back to when he had just turned six. His Grandfather had taken both Joanie and him camping during the summer. One night they had all sat side by side and stared upwards. Joanie pointed out all the constellations she had learned at school. His Grandfather had said how special the stars were and how if you were ever having a bad day then all you needed to do was look up.

Donna hesitated for a second but walked closer to him, stopping by his side, looking out to see what he was watching but saw nothing.

"When was the last time you wished on a star?" Josh asked after a few second.

"Um, I don't know," she glanced across at him. "I don't think I can even remember the last time I saw one."

"When I was six, my Grandfather took Joanie and I camping… Joanie had been learning about the Universe and everything at school and was showing off by telling me all about it…" Josh said quietly. "My Grandfather loved the stars… he said whenever he needed to think or if he was feeling sad…he'd look up and he'd be able to figure out what to do."

"Josh…" She gently ran her hand up and down his back but again, he move away from her touch.

"How does he decide?" He questioned as he began to pace. "How does he decide who he wants to suffer?"

"Who?" She frowned, watching him.

"God," he stopped and turned to look at her. "How does God decide who he wants to suffer? Who he wants to challenge?"

"I don't know…"

"What have we done wrong?" He questioned. "What have I done wrong?"

"Nothing, Josh!"

"When Leo came to see me about joining the campaign and asked to me go to New Hampshire, I asked why and he said because that's what sons do for old friends of their fathers," Josh told her. "So, I did that… I went to New Hampshire because my Dad's friend asked me to… I went and I listened to a man and saw something in him…"

Donna stayed silent; she had heard this story before but this time it sounded different.

"I put everything I had into that campaign…I gave my all to win and we deserved to win…Now we're going to have to do it all over again, except this time it's going to be ten times harder." Josh started to pace again. "So, what I want to know is, what does the son get?"

Donna frowned a little at the question but Josh didn't give her chance to answer.

"What does the son who does something for his father's friend get?" He started to pace again. "Because I use to think this was it…I use to think it was this office… this building…I used to think that was my reward for doing good."

"You have done good, Josh!" She claimed, grabbing hold of his hands again and this time she wasn't going to let go. "Don't ever doubt that!"

"Then what have I done to deserve this?" He asked quietly. "What has the President done?"

"I don't know…" She whispered.

"My Grandfather suffered more then I could even imagine just because he was Jewish and even after everything he went through, he never gave up his faith…he never gave up believing in God." Josh managed to free one of his hands from Donna's grip to brush away tears that threatened to fall from his eyes. "He told me that God had saved him…"

Donna's own eyes filled with tears as she listened. She had never heard Josh talk like this before.

"I couldn't understand that, not even as an innocent 10 year old… If God want to save him, why didn't he save him right from the beginning? Why did he have to suffer before God decided enough was enough? Why did so many people have die just because they believed in something different?"

"Josh…"

"I'm not religious because I don't understand it… I don't understand how a God, who is meant to be so compassionate, so caring, so powering…can let good people suffer," he claimed. "How can a God who claims that we should all love each other, allow a group of kids to take shots at innocent people just because they thought it was wrong for a black man to love a white woman? Then their only punishment being their lives ending instead of living and be made to suffer!"

"I really can't answer that."

"President Bartlet is a good man! That's why he was so different to John Hoynes…He might not have been ready to be President at the beginning but we stayed because we knew what an amazing President he'd be."

"I know, Josh…"

"He doesn't deserve to have this illness… he doesn't deserve to suffer…at least there's a chance I can beat this cancer and that will go away but MS never will…It'll never go away forever." He fell back against the desk, bring his hands up to cover his face.

Donna stepped forwards and wrapped her arms around him, one of her hands stroking his back comfortingly again. After a few seconds, Josh lowered his hands and put his arms loosely around her waist, resting his chin on her shoulder.

"I'm scared, Donna…" He admitted. "I'm scared that we're going to lose all of this…"

She pulled back, putting her hands on his cheeks but he kept his arms around her. She was surprised to see that he allowed himself to cry in front of her but tried not to let it show.

"You're going to fight and you'll do what you think is the best thing because you're a good man, Josh Lyman and you want to help people," she told him, her voice wavering a little with emotion.

"I'm sick of fighting…I'm sick of having to fight so hard to do the right thing…" He stated but didn't move or raise his voice. "We're the good guys…When do we get a break?"

Donna opened her mouth to reply but couldn't find the words.

"I don't want to fight anymore but I haven't got a choice because I could die…this cancer might beat me and I don't want to leave you all fighting without me."

Donna couldn't hold it in anymore and broke down. She didn't know what to say to make Josh feel better so instead she pulled him back to her.

Josh closed his eyes and tightened his arms around her as a few more silent tears slipped from his eyes.

Leo stood frozen for a few seconds, his own eyes burning. He wanted nothing more to go in a comfort his staff, tell them that everything was going to be okay but he knew it wouldn't help and all they really needed were each other. He hadn't meant to eavesdrop on their conversation. He had wanted to check on Josh and tell him to go home but when he had heard them talking, he couldn't force himself to walk away.

He looked up when he heard a noise down the corridor and saw Sam, Toby and C.J. walking towards him. He closed the door, quietly, stopping the sounds of both Donna's and Josh's sobs.

"Leo, is Josh…" Sam started.

"Leave him."

"But we need…"

"He's with Donna," he started to walk away, gesturing for them to follow. "Let them be."

"Leo…" Toby started.

"Everyone go home," he told them. "Just get out of here for a few hours."

"What about…?" C.J quicken her pace to catch up with him.

"It will all still be here tomorrow for you to fight," he claimed. "So, go home for a while."

They all stopped once Leo disappeared into his office. They looked around each other, unsure.

"So?" Sam asked.

"So, we do as we're told…" Toby replied and headed towards his own office. "We go home."

**TBC**

**An extra long chapter! Please review and let me know what you think!!! **


	18. Chapter 18

**Hey, guys, sorry about the long wait for this chapter. I've been ill with flu and for some reason I'm struggling with this fic at the moment but I have some twists coming up soon so hopefully that will help!!! Please review and let me know what you think!!! **

**Also a big thanks to Sarah, (sfchemist) who beta for me! You should check out her fics as well! ****Anyway...**

**Enjoy!!!**

I'm Fine

Julia Miles paused when something in one of the side rooms caught her eye as she walked down the corridor. She had been a nurse for 15 years and she had always tried to keep a professional distance from her patients but occasionally a few got to her. Josh Lyman was in receiving his sixth session of chemotherapy and there was just something about him that fascinated her.

She had never taken much interest in politics but when she found out she was going to be looking after a well known politician that worked in the White House, she asked her older brother about him. He had told her the Deputy Chief of Staff was the President's attack dog and would stop at nothing to get what he wanted. She was had been expecting to treat some workaholic, arrogant old man but she was wrong.

Josh would normally come to his appointments alone; his Mother had come with him but only the one time. That was one thing she didn't understand. She didn't understand his need to do this all on his own. She had questioned him about it during his first appointment and he claimed that his friends all had too important jobs to just take a day off. That didn't stop them calling for information. Every hour that Josh spent in the hospital, someone from the White House would call for an update. She heard from one of the junior doctors that the First Lady, herself, had called. So a few weeks later, Julia suggested again to Josh that he just bring someone with him instead of having someone make all those phone calls but, again, he said they didn't have the time. So, he'd come in alone, he'd always was willing to talk to any of the nurses or doctors that had questions about his job or the White House but that's when Julia intervened, after all the man was suffering from cancer. He needed his rest. So, he'd lie in bed, occasionally he'd bring a MP3 player with him and sometimes he'd flick through a magazine or channel hop on the TV.

That was the reason why she stopped today. She was surprised to see that Josh wasn't alone in his room. There was a young blonde woman sat in one of the chairs beside the bed, typing away on a laptop computer. While Josh himself, was talking on the phone that was installed next to the bed. Julia could see CNN on the TV and guessed why, unlike every other time Josh was receiving his treatment, he was working.

A few hours before, President Bartlet had announced to the world that he had MS.

"Good evening, Mr Lyman," Julia walked in and picked up his chart.

"Hey," Josh replied, removing the phone from his ear a little bit to turn and look at her. "I'm calling a Senator from my hospital bed and they put me on hold, can you believe that?"

"Maybe you're not as important as you tell us you are," Julia replied dryly and replaced the chart. "How are you feeling today?"

"Besides being on hold, you mean? I'm fine."

"Hmm, want to try that again without the lying this time?"

He sighed and rubbed his eyes with his spare hand. "I feel a little sick."

"You're probably moving around too much," she stated. "Why don't you try lying down for a little while."

"No, I need to talk to Wheeler!" He replied loudly but spoke directly into the phone.

"Josh, hang up the phone," Donna spoke for the first time.

"But..."

"Hang up the phone!" She repeated.

He glared at her but placed the phone down and fell back onto the bed. He groaned when the quick movement caused his stomach to turn.

"I'll go and find you some ice chips," Julia told him. "It might help with the sickness."

"I can do with a break," Donna placed the laptop down and stood up. "Would you be able to show me where to get some coffee?"

Julia smiled at her. "Of course."

"Wait," Josh sat up a little. "You're going to just leave me here while you get coffee?"

"I'll be five minutes, Josh," she rolled her eyes as she followed Julia out. She waited a few seconds before they were a safe distance from the room before speaking again. "So, sickness is a common thing right?"

"Yes, it's nothing to worry about," Julia assured her. "He normally doesn't move around this much during the treatment but I'm guessing today, he had a lot of work to do."

"Yeah, it's going to be a busy couple of weeks," Donna mumbled but she was a little concerned to hear that Josh didn't move around during his treatment. They had to practically hold him down after the shooting.

"Well, it's actually nice to see him keeping busy as long as he doesn't over to do it," Julia replied and pointed down the corridor. "Keep walking that way and then turn left and you'll find the cafeteria."

"Thank you," Donna smiled and headed off in the direction she was told. She brought herself a coffee and picked up a sandwich as well even though she wasn't hungry. She wasn't surprised that there were only a handful of people there. It was getting pretty late. The hospital had allowed Josh to start his treatment later than normal because he had wanted to attend Mrs Landingham's funeral. Donna couldn't believe it when they heard the news about her death. It just didn't seem fair that they had to go through losing someone that everyone cared deeply for, when they were already going through so much already.

Once she was settled at an empty table in the corner of the room, she pulled her cell phone out and dialled the number for Leo's office.

"Leo McGarry's office."

"Margaret, it's Donna," she spoke as she sipped her coffee, grimacing at the bitter taste. "Just calling to check in."

"It's a mad house here," Margaret sighed. "No one was expecting the President to announce he was running again."

"He didn't tell anyone?" Donna asked in surprised.

Earlier that afternoon, after the President had made the announcement about the MS, Josh had talked with the rest of the Senior Staff about what to expect at the Press Conference. They knew that the President would be asked if he was running but they had two possible answers and no one seemed to know which one it was going to be.

Answer A, would be that, he will run again.

Answer B, would be that he wasn't going to run again.

Then a little while later, Leo had called and told Josh that it would be, answer B.

Josh had been devastated. He had wanted to be there with his colleagues...his friends when the President did the press conference. Both him and Donna listened silently as C.J answered questioned from the Press before the President arrived.

Josh had looked up in surprise when he didn't take a question from a medical reporter, like he was meant to and held his breath when he was asked if he was considering running again.

'_Yeah and I'm going to win.'_

Donna had never been so relieved and confused in all her life. After the conference, Josh got straight to work. He spoke to Leo and Toby and then he was calling Congressmen and Senators, trying to get them to show their support for their President.

"No but I think Leo had a feeling," Margaret replied. "Anyway, how's Josh?"

"He's doing okay," she told her. "He's been making some phone calls but is feeling a little sick so we're taking a break."

"Leo said to tell him to stop working...He said that he'll call every member of Congress himself and tell them to refuse his calls."

"Don't worry, they're refusing his calls anyway but it's not stopping him from trying."

"How are you doing?"

"I'm okay...a little weird, I guess...seeing him go through this but...I'm okay."

"Donna, maybe you should talk to..."

"Listen, I've got to go," Donna cut in. "I'll give you a call later."

"Donna."

"He'll be wondering where I've got to," she continued. "Talk to you later."

She hung up the phone before Margaret could say any more. She picked up her coffee and her sandwich, dumping them both in the trash can as she made her way out of the cafeteria. When she reached Josh's room, she was surprised that she didn't hear more yelling and then stopped in the doorway when she saw why.

He was fast asleep.

Donna smiled a little and moved closer to the bed. She picked up the remote and turned off the TV, cutting off someone reporting on the President.

She gently ran a hand through his hair as she slowly sat back. Then she carefully took hold of his hand, hoping she didn't wake him.

"You've got to get better, Josh," she barely whispered. "We've got some so much to fight for now and we all need you to get better."

_XxXxX_

Joey found the rest of the staff sat talking about what to do now the President had made the announcement about the MS. She begun to sign quickly and they all turned to look at Kenny.

"We need to put a new poll out," she signed quickly as Kenny translated.

"Yes," Sam agreed.

"We need a new poll because the other one was a fake," she continued. "The President is not the same as a Governor..."

"Joey, we've done this already," Sam cut in again. "Do the poll."

Joey sighed and brushed a piece of wet hair off of her face then slowly signed to Kenny again.

"We need a poll on Josh too."

Once again they all stopped what they were doing to look at her.

"What kind of poll?" Toby questioned.

"The same poll as before."

"No."

"Toby..." Joey spoke but continued by signing.

"The poll has already been started." Kenny told them.

Toby glared at her. "Who authorised that?!"

"Leo," she spoke again. "And Josh."

"You are freaking kidding me!" C.J exclaimed.

"What happens if Josh polls higher than the President?" Toby asked as he waved his arms around.

"In his last poll, 79 percent said they believed he was able to carry on working at Deputy Chief of Staff while 6 percent disagreed and thought he should resign and the other 15 percent said that they didn't know." Kenny repeated what Joey was signing. "He is going to poll higher than the President."

"And you think that's a good thing?" Sam asked.

"Everyone knows about cancer...They know stories about people who have overcome it and survived," Kenny continued. "But they also know how fatal it can be..."

"I still don't understand," C.J claimed.

"Cancer is fatal...MS is not," Joey answered simply.

Silence fall over the room for a few seconds before Toby stood up from his seat.

"So, we put a poll out about the President's MS and we put a poll out about Josh's cancer..." He paced a little. "Then what do we do?"

Joey shrugged; she didn't have all the answers. She had spoken briefly with Josh before he went for his treatment and that was when he told her to put the poll in.

"Wait, a minute...This can all backfire," Sam pointed out. "What if they decide, after all this, that it's not okay for the Deputy Chief of Staff to have cancer and be receiving treatment while working at the White House?"

"That's what I asked Josh," Joey signed again.

"And what did he say?" C.J asked.

"Have faith in the American people."

"Well, I just hope they still have faith in us," Sam whispered, getting up from his seat and heading for the door. "I'm going to make some calls."

C.J leaned back in her chair, running a hand across her forehead and Toby stopped pacing as they both watched Sam leave.

"He's right, y'know," C.J looked over at him.

"Yeah," was his only reply.

_XxXxX_

"Just a couple of hours..."

"Josh..."

"Two hours, Leo," Josh continued. "Just let me talk to some people."

"No."

"I'll take a nap."

"The answer is still no but you should feel free to take a nap whenever you want."

"One hour...I need to deal with Tobacco."

"I'm hanging up on you now."

"Leo, everyone is running around not knowing what to do," Josh said softly. "I should be there."

"You need to stop with this idea that you can single-handedly win this election for the President." Leo told him. "I would rather you be here doing your job like normal but you're sick, Josh...You need to take it easy...That should be the most important thing to you."

"I just... Toby, C.J, Sam... It was...We were all always so strong," Josh sighed. "I'm worried they don't care enough anymore."

"It's a lot of information to take in," Leo replied. "I know you didn't know that much sooner than the others but perhaps with everything you've been going through, you can understand the President's reasons more."

"Yeah, I guess, a little," Josh admitted. "But he hasn't apologized."

"What?"

"The President..." Josh stated. "In all the speeches and interviews he's done since the announcement, he hasn't apologized for lying."

"I've had this conversation already with Sam."

"I know but it would help those working for him if he said sorry."

"Yeah."

"Okay, well I guess I should go and take that nap now," Josh rubbed his eyes, suddenly feeling extremely tired. "Besides I think my Mom is about to disconnect the phone line."

Leo chuckled lightly. "You should listen to what she says."

"I do," he insisted pausing for a few seconds. "Most of the time."

"That's what I thought," Leo rolled his eyes. "And I'm telling Margaret to block all your calls...I have enough work to do today without having you bugging me every five minutes."

"Seriously, Leo...just 30 minutes."

"Josh!"

"Fine!" He sighed loudly.

After hanging up the phone, he fell back down on the bed and within minutes, he was asleep.

_XxXxX_

"She just misspoke."

Leo sighed into the phone. "Josh, I'm going to block your calls."

"You said that last time."

"I'm serious this time."

"Okay," he replied, unconcerned. "But before you do let me just say that C.J misspoke."

Leo took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "C.J doesn't misspeak."

"Sure she does."

"Josh..."

"Leo, don't bench her."

"You're home for a reason, you know that?" Leo told him. "Once you're fit and healthy again, you can come into this office personally and suggest what I do."

"That might be a while," Josh commented. "But listen, she was tired...they were making her the story and there was a ramp-up..."

"She said he was relieved that he might have to send American soldiers into Haiti."

"Yeah, I saw it," Josh told him.

Leo sighed and leaned back in his chair. He felt trapped in the middle. The President had no idea what he wanted to do, except run and win and the staff were trying to control something they hadn't gotten their heads around. Sam was right, they were all tired...none of them had a lot of time to figure out how this was going to work. He had known a year longer then all of them and he still hadn't been able to think of a plan to get them out of this mess.

"Leo?" Josh said after a few seconds of silence.

"We're going to put Nancy up there to do the briefing about Haiti..." Leo informed him.

"Leo..."

"You're right, Josh... There was a ramp-up and the reason why this was so tremendously bad was because C.J was trying to deal with too much," Leo stated. "We need to separate Haiti from the MS...That's all."

"Except that's not all really," Josh replied. "Everyone is going to think you're benching her."

"Well, what do you suggest I do?!" Leo snapped.

"Give her tobacco."

"I'm sorry?"

"Give her tobacco..." Josh repeated. "You should send Sam in to do some of the briefings that Nancy isn't doing."

"And you think that will stopped everyone thinking we're punishing her?"

"I think it'll tell everyone we're ready to start working again," Josh answered. "Leo, we've spent so much time talking about the MS...It's time to prove that we're still capable of doing exactly we're telling the American people we can do if they re-elect us."

Leo paused for a moment. "How are you feeling today?"

"Umm, okay I guess..." Josh said slowly, confused by the sudden change of conversation.

"You fancy coming in for a visit?"

"You're asking me to come in?" Josh questioned in surprised. "This is not some sort of plan to get me to hang up the phone and then for me to find out, you've somehow got me trapped in this apartment?"

Leo rolled his eyes. "Do you want to come or not?"

"You really need to ask?" Josh replied but then paused for a second. "Is it really that bad that you're willing to face the wrath of my Mother and the First Lady?"

"You'll stay for an hour to talk to the rest of the Senior Staff...They can both join us if they want," Leo answered.

"Leo? Seriously, I've talked to Toby and Sam about everything that's happened since the announcement and I know it's been hard but are you really having that much trouble?"

"You were right; we need to get past the MS...We're running around in circles," Leo said. "I don't know, maybe if we all sit down in a room and talk about achieving something that has nothing to do with MS or Haiti, we might actually get somewhere."

"Okay," Josh replied. "I'll be there in 30 minutes."

"I'll gather the troops." Leo replied before hanging up the phone. "Margaret!"

"Yes?" She appeared admittedly at his door.

"Let Toby, Sam and C.J know that I want them in here in 30 minutes."

"Yes, Sir," she nodded and went to do as she was told.

Leo turned his chair a little to face the window. Josh was right, they needed to change the story. Right now, all the American people were thinking was that the whole Bartlet Administration had lied to them. They needed to change their minds and fast. The only option Leo could think of was to look at this through another person's eyes. Someone that hadn't been personally burnt by the President's secret.

He turned back to his desk and picked up his address book. Skimming through the pages until he found the number he needed.

_XxXxX_

Toby glanced at his watch for the third time in 5 minutes and sighed loudly. He didn't have time to sit around in Leo's office. Leo had told them that Josh was on his way over and Toby was happy about it. They needed all the help they could get at the moment but the longer he sat there waiting, the more annoyed he got. Annoyed that the President had lied. Annoyed that Josh had to have so much time off. Annoyed for about how C.J handled the briefing. Annoyed that Leo now wanted to bench her. Annoyed at how annoyed Sam was at everything.

"Hey, sorry I'm late," Josh walked into the office. He looked out of place in his worn jeans, sweatshirt and Mets' baseball cap but he didn't seem to care. It took too much energy to put on a suit for a meeting that wasn't going to last longer than an hour.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" C.J questioned leaning over to give him a small hug.

"Ah, you know..." He shrugged. "I got something for you."

"What?" She asked, curiously, as he held a file. "Tobacco?"

"Yeah, there are a few meetings that need to happen sooner rather than later..."

C.J sighed, giving Leo a look before turning back to Josh. "I don't need pity work... I'm okay with sitting out on briefings for a while...I screwed up..."

"It's not pity work." Josh cut in.

"What is it then?"

"Deputy Chief of Staff Work," he answered. "The news cycle isn't going to change unless we give it something to change too."

"That's easier said than done," Sam commented.

"It really is easy," Josh replied. "Look, guys, I've been sat at home watching the same thing every American is... All they're hearing is about MS and Haiti."

"Well, they're pretty big stories, Josh," Leo rolled eyes.

"Do you know what the one thing is, that has come from the Ritchie camp since the announcement?"

"How no one should trust us..." Toby scowled. "Really Josh, we haven't completely buried our heads...We know how all this works."

"We forgot the one massive advantage we have over Ritchie," Josh claimed.

"That we know how to spell advantage?" Sam quipped.

"Okay, two things..." Josh grinned widely then spread his arms out to gesture around the room. "We're already here."

They all stared at him so he continued.

"We already won one election by convincing the voters they can trust us when they had no reason too and we can do it again..."

"This is your great idea?" Toby asked. "Because I've got to tell you, we've already thought up the idea of convincing the public to like us...we just got stuck at coming up with the next part of the plan."

"The stories aren't going to change unless we change them," Josh answered. "So, we send in Dr McNally to show we're taking Haiti seriously... Tobacco needs dealing with and we need to kick off the campaign."

"It won't be that simple to change the story," C.J claimed.

"Well, it's either this or you can carry on doing what you've been doing," Josh sighing and he then rubbed his eyes. "Look, this might not work but it is better than doing nothing...We're here now...We might not be after the election...Why waste time?"

The rest of the staff looked at each other but no one spoke, all of them letting his words sink in.

"So, let's deal with Tobacco and let's try and fix the Education bill and let's do everything else that we won't be able to do if we lose."

"What do I need to know about Tobacco?" C.J asked softly after sharing a look with Sam, Toby and Leo.

"The Justice Department wants another $30 million to fund its suit against Tobacco companies and we want them to have it," Josh informed her as he took a seat and leaned forward a little, resting his arms on his legs. "The Appropriations Subcommittee on Justice, State and Commerce handles that money and they won't bring it to a vote."

"Well, what do we do?"

"Issue a release," Josh replied. "Make them bring it to a vote."

"I can help with that," Sam offered, suddenly getting excited about something. He had been struggling to remember why he was there at the moment but Josh was right. There was still so much good work they could do.

"Well, I've got some stuff worked out so we can start with that," Josh stood up. "I've only got an hour here before I'm kicked out so let's get started now."

"Oh yes, I was finished with my meeting," Leo said sarcastically as both C.J and Sam started to gather their things.

"I thought it was my meeting?" Josh looked over at him. "Anyway, I'm wasting time in here; I've only got 35 minutes left..."

Leo rolled his eyes. "Alright, fine...Get out of here."

The three of them left the office, already bouncing ideas off of each other while Toby remained in his seat.

"Was there something else?" Leo looked at him.

"You brought Josh in here to give us a pep talk?"

"Toby..."

"You think that this is going to work?" Toby continued. "You don't think that every time C.J or Sam or whoever you decide you want to do the briefings, steps into the briefing room that the press corps will magically forget about the MS just because we're talking about something different..."

"I don't think it will do us any harm..."

"Maybe we should send Josh in there...We might be able to get the sympathy vote!"

Leo glared at him for a few seconds before speaking calmly. "Until you or someone else has come up with a better idea, let's just stick to this."

"Leo..."

"Don't you have to work on the President's speech for the fundraiser next week?"

"I didn't mean..."

"The President wants the speech by the morning but I'd like to see a copy before that, so get it to me sometime tonight," Leo cut in again and turned to face the computer, silently dismissing Toby.

"Yes, Sir..." Toby said quietly as he stood up and left the office.

Leo sighed once he heard the door close behind Toby. He knew that the staff was tired and he knew that Toby hadn't meant what he said but Leo was trying his hardest not to take advantage of Josh's situation. The polling they did on him after the MS announcement hadn't changed much from the first time they had done a poll on him. At the moment Josh was popular with the American people because of his honesty about his illness plus a lot of people could relate to what he was going through. It would probably do the administration some good to put Josh out front for a while but there was no way Leo was going to stand for that. There was no way Josh's Mother, the First Lady or the President would stand for it either.

Josh had this theory that he could get the American people to understand that if it doesn't matter that he had cancer then it shouldn't matter about the President MS. Particularly, because Josh was currently receiving treatment, while the President wasn't but the odds were that Josh would beat cancer while the President would always have MS. Plus there was also a chance that if they made Josh the poster boy for the campaign then it could all back fire.

There was a scenario that made Leo feel so sick to his stomach that he refused to think about it although there were times when he found himself doing just that once he was sat quietly, alone and with nothing to do. If they did win the election, what if Josh wasn't around then to be Deputy Chief of Staff? Leo knew the senior staff and even the support staff would be devastated and he didn't know for sure, that he, himself would be able to deal with the loss and carry on coming to work every day like normal.

"Who's Bruno Gianelli?" Margaret asked from the doorway, breaking his train of thought.

Leo looked at her for only a second before answering. "He's a strategist."

"He's here..." She told him. "Without an appointment."

"I called him...I made him an appointment."

"You did it yourself?!" She glared at him.

"Yes."

"And you're not supposed to do that, are you?"

Leo rolled his eyes and realised that they were going nowhere fast with this conversation. "Bruno!"

Margaret left the office as Bruno entered and shook Leo's hand.

"You people could find more ways to blow it," Bruno claimed.

Leo thought about it, thinking back to the meeting just ten minutes ago. "We might be running out."

_XxXxX_

Josh dropped down onto the couch with a loud sigh. When he was forced to leave the White House 30 minutes ago, he was pumped up on energy. Excitement about getting something done about Tobacco and he had begun to wonder whether he needed to take the rest of the week off like his doctor had suggested. Except the 20 minute cab ride and the walk up the steps into his building had drained him. He felt like he could sleep for hours but no matter how he felt, he couldn't stop smiling. They were finally getting somewhere. C.J wasn't as tense as she was when she was doing the briefings and Sam was acting like his normal idealistic self. Something Josh hadn't seen in a long time.

After a few minutes of just sitting there, gathering more strength, he pushed himself to his feet. His Mom had been invited to dinner by some old friends that his Dad used to work with and Josh had managed to convince her to go. She had left him some soup in the fridge and would kill him if he fell asleep without eating some of it. He dragged himself to the kitchen and opened the fridge, rolling his eyes at all the food that filled it. There were pre-made meals and healthy snacks that his Mom was convinced he would eat. He found the container of soup and poured half of it into a bowl before replacing the container back in the fridge. He leaned back against the counter once he had put the soup into the microwave. He ran a hand over his face, trying to get himself to wake up. He missed the days when could just drink coffee to give him the boost he needed but now just the thought of coffee made his stomach turn.

He jumped at the sound of the phone ringing throughout the quiet apartment. He slowly made his way into the living room and answered.

"Josh Lyman," he said, lowering himself to the couch.

"Josh, Sam and I finished the statement..." C.J told him. "Do you want me to email you a copy before we take it to Leo?"

"Uh, yeah but I probably won't have time to look over it tonight..." He replied. "I'm pretty much ready to crash."

"Yeah, no problem, whenever you can."

"C.J? Are you okay?"

"Fine."

"Has something happened?"

"No."

"You sound like you're pissed at me."

She sighed. "I'm not...well, not really."

"Not really?" He repeated. "What is that meant to mean?"

"I just wished you had told us about Bruno," she informed him. "I know I messed up with the briefing and I know Tobacco is important to you but you could have just been honest with me...with us."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Josh asked confused. What could have happened in the last 45 minutes since he left the White House?

"Giving me Tobacco to keep me out the way."

"C.J, we went through this," he whined a little. "It's not pity work... It's time to move on."

"Yeah, we get that, but why couldn't you just tell us about Bruno?"

"Again with the Bruno..." He muttered, almost to himself. "I have no idea who Bruno is."

"Bruno Gianelli."

Josh paused for a moment, recognising the name. "The strategist?"

"Yeah, Leo told us that he was bringing him on board..."

"What?"

"You didn't..."

"Leo's hired Bruno Gianelli?!"

"I thought you knew."

"Leo's hired a strategist?"

"I thought that was what the whole meeting today was about?" C.J told him. "That we need to move forward to campaigning."

"Except they want Bruno running the campaign."

"Josh, I'm sure when you speak to Leo about this, he'll explain..."

"Yeah."

"Josh?"

"I'd better go."

"I really thought you knew."

"It's okay," he tried to assure her. He wasn't angry at her. She wasn't the one that had hired someone else to do his job. That was Leo and the President. The two people that had refused to accept his registration before this whole mess started.

"Josh..." She sighed, not at all convinced that he was okay.

"Seriously, I've got to go," he told her again. "I'm going to eat something then go to bed and forgot all about this for a few hours."

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea," she agreed.

"You should do the same."

"Wish I could but I've got to finish reading up on tobacco before the meeting tomorrow."

"C.J, go home and get some sleep...I'll brief you tomorrow on all you need to know."

"You're coming in tomorrow?"

"Yeah, some time in the morning."

"Has Leo agreed?"

"Leo doesn't have to agree," he snapped a little. "He's not my mother or my doctor."

"But he's your boss."

"C.J, you just told me they've hired someone else to do my job," he replied. "I'm coming in tomorrow."

He hung up before she could say anymore. He stood up and went into the kitchen, taking the soup out of the microwave. He stared down at it after placing it on the counter. What little appetite he had had, was completely gone now.

Once again the phone rang but he walked past it and into his bedroom. Collapsing down onto the bed, he didn't want to talk to anyone else tonight.

**TBC**

**Please review and let me know what you think!!! **


	19. Chapter 19

**So, sorry for taking so long to update!!! I hope people are still reading!! Please review if you are!!! I promise to try harder to update if you do!!! **

**Enjoy!!! **

**I'm Fine**

Leo headed towards C.J's office, wanting to know how the prep for her meeting on Tobacco was going. He also wanted to reassure his staff that he hadn't brought Bruno in because he didn't trust them any more...It was just the only way they could past the MS announcement and onto the campaign.

He was surprised when he reached C.J's office to hear Josh's voice. Glancing at his watch, he noticed it was only 8am.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, from the doorway.

C.J and Sam both looked nervously between the Chief of Staff and his deputy. Josh calmly looked up from the file to his boss.

"We're working on Tobacco."

"Yeah," Leo replied, stepping into the office. "But what are you doing here at 8 in the morning when you're meant to be on sick leave?"

"I never agreed to sick leave." Josh looked down and started to make some notes.

"Do we have to go through this every week?"

"I'm helping C.J prepare for Tobacco and then Toby wanted me to read over some remarks," Josh told him. "I'll be out of here by 2." 

"Josh, I thought we went over this," Leo sighed. "You can't just keep on working like this."

"Well, you need to make up your mind, either you want me here or you don't..." Josh shot back. "You refused to accept my resignation so until someone tells me I'm out of a job,I'll carry on working."

Sam and CJ exchanged glances, taking care to avoid eye contact with both Leo and Josh, indicating just how uncomfortable they were.

"What are you talking about?"

"When were you going to tell me you hired Bruno Gianelli to do my job?"

Leo looked past him at C.J and Sam who were both staring down.

"It happened yesterday after you had gone home," Leo stated. "Lets go to my office and talk about this."

"I've got work to do."

"Josh." Leo said in a tone that Josh knew not to argue with.

He sighed, throwing the folder onto C.J's desk before walking out the office, heading towards Leo office.

"Thanks," Leo said to C.J and Sam sarcastically.

"I thought he knew," C.J said defensively. "He deserved to know, Leo"

"_I_ was going to tell him."

"Well, it won't be long until the press finds out you hired Bruno and with Josh being stuck at home with nothing to do but watch CNN. Maybe it was better for him to hear C.J and not the TV," Sam added.

"I was waiting to talk to him in person," Leo said sternly. "Just like I talked to the rest of you."

Leo turned and walked out the office. He was getting tired. He was beginning to think there was no way out; it was one crisis after another. While he understood how hurt and betrayed his staff felt, not knowing about the MS, but he really needed them to pick themselves up. The campaign was going to be hard enough, he didn't want to have to spend time fighting with his own staff.

When he reached his office, he found Josh pacing around in front of the desk.

"Why don't you take a seat."

"You hired Bruno Gianelli?"

"Yes." Leo moved behind his desk.

"Great! Thanks!"

"Josh..."

"I'm resigning," he told him. "You can say I want to concentrate more on myself and announce Bruno all at the same time."

"You're not resigning." Leo rolled his eyes.

"I'm not staying because you feel sorry for me..."

"Oh, would you please grow up!" Leo snapped. "And sit down!"

Josh stared at him, surprised by his outburst but did as he asked and sat down.

"You're not still here because we feel sorry you...we're trying to run a country and we do take that kind of seriously," Leo told him. "You're here because you're good at your job and you're good as my deputy..." 

"But..."

"Did I say I was finished?" Leo asked and then continued when Josh snapped his mouth shut. "Bruno isn't replacing you...He's helping with the campaign... You can't be running all over the country... we need someone who can."

Josh sighed and looked down. Leo was right; he wouldn't be able to cope on the campaign trail.

"Josh, I probably would have brought Bruno in even if you didn't have cancer," Leo admitted. "But that doesn't mean we don't need you... we're still going to need your ideas and we're still going to need you to be Deputy Chief of Staff...This isn't like last time... We won't just be running for President...We still have to carry on with our jobs."

"It doesn't feel like I'm doing my job."

"Then take a leave of absence or resign," Leo replied. "But don't do it because of Bruno...Base your decision on what you want because once you've decided that's..." His voice trailed off, not needing to finish the sentence.

Josh didn't reply, thinking about what Leo was saying.

"I will tell you this though, no one wants you to leave," Leo added softly. "You're a big part of this team and no one cares that you're not doing as much as you used too..."

"So, what's the plan?" Josh asked. "Bruno runs the campaign and the rest of us just sit around, watching?" 

"He's not taking over," Leo told him. "Like I said, he'll be helping out with the campaign...I still want input from you all...I still _need _input from you all."

"I want more work," Josh said. "I can't sit around doing nothing, either I work here or I don't."

"We'll figure out a schedule," Leo agreed.

"I'm going to get back and help with Tobacco."

"Okay," Leo nodded. "Josh?"

He stopped in the doorway and looked back.

"I meant what I said, I need you here," Leo assured him. "This campaign is going to be hard enough as it is...I don't want to be fighting with all of you, too."

Josh nodded a little. "We'll be fine...We're going to win this."

"I hope you're right." Leo sighed.

_**XxXxX**_

"Hey," Donna greeted him when he reached his office. C.J had told her what was happening with Bruno so Donna decided not to give Josh a hard time about being there. "How did it go with Leo?"

Josh shrugged a little and then dropped into his chair with a sighed. "We talked...He explained."

"So, you're okay?" 

"No."

"Josh..."

"He said he would have hired Bruno anyway," he replied. "I think, I'd be happier if he was hired because of the cancer...not because I'm not good enough."

"Leo doesn't think like that."

"Then why did he hire Bruno?"

"I don't know," she replied.

There was silence for a few seconds and she just watched him. She could really see the weight that he had lost because he was wearing a suit for the first time in weeks. Previously, when he had come into the office, it was only for a quick visit and putting on a suit had required too much energy.

"So, what happens now?" She asked, breaking the silence.

"The President wants to go to Camp David with all the staff to work out what the next step is." He told her. "I want to go."

"But..."

"I know I'll have to work around my treatment but I need to be there, Donna," he stated. "I need to go."

"Josh..."

"Leo and I are going to sit down and work out what I'll be doing during the campaign," he explained. "I'll only be doing a little travelling, if any...I need to start getting my life back, Donna...I'm not going to let cancer, stop me from living...So I can't just sitting at home, watching everyone else do my job."

She gave a small nod, knowing he wasn't going to back down. "Okay, I'll talk to Margaret, find out what the plan is."

He smiled slightly. "Thanks."

Donna left the office and made her way over to Leo's office. Maybe a trip to Camp David would do Josh some good. He'd be able to get some fresh air and there would be plenty of people to make sure he rested. She just hoped this trip would be as successful as Josh wanted and needed it to be.

**TBC**

**Please review! **


	20. Chapter 20

**Okay, sorry for not updating sooner. I'm struggling a bit with this story at the moment. The story kind of got off the track that I originally planned and this chapter might not seem night and the pace might be a bit slow but I'm trying to get it back on track! Please review if you're still reading.**

**Enjoy! **

**I'm Fine**

"Donna?" Leo stopped her as she was crossing the room. "Where's Josh?"

"I don't know." She looked around, hoping to spot him. "I've been helping C.J."

"Can you go check on him?" Leo asked. "He hasn't been down this morning and I'm going to need him in a bit."

"I'll get him," she nodded and headed upstairs to Josh's hotel room. She knocked on the door and when she heard him call for her to come in, she opened the door then closed it behind her.

"Are you okay?"

He didn't answer; instead, he continued to stare ahead.

"Josh?" She moved to stand in front of him. "Do you feel bad?"

"I'm fine..." he mumbled.

"You don't look fine..."

"We're blowing the RU-486 thing."

"Have you had some breakfast?"

"Among everything else, it's gonna look like we're kicking the campaign off pandering to women's groups."

"Josh..."

"Yeah, no question about it, most voters are pro-choice, but the ones that aren't are gonna devote their lives and their money to beating you. "Guns don't kill people; Bartlet does." It's gonna look like we screwed up the timing so the press is gonna write about process and not about issues, and getting political reporters to write about issues in the first place is like getting kids to eat their vegetables." He continued to rant.

Donna was a little relieved that he wasn't feeling ill but now she was concerned about where this little out burst had come from.

"Josh, what's going on?" She asked.

"Don't you want to know how it's like getting kids to eat their vegetables?"

"I want to know what's going on."

"It helps if there's nothing else on their plates," he said with a sigh and stood up.

"Did you get any sleep last night?" She asked. "You look exhausted."

"You know, I could fix this with one phone call..." He turned to face her. "The President's not even involved! 'Could you do us a favour, could you hold off two weeks? We love your drug but we don't want it folded into our news cycle!' I could have picked up the phone, I could have picked up the phone, I could..."

"Josh." This time she took a step towards him as he got more and more distressed as he talked.

"God!" He turned, smacking his hand against the door frame of the bathroom.

"What happened?" She asked gently.

"Nothing...I should shower..." He turned towards the bathroom but she reached out and took his arm.

"Josh?" 

"I told C.J to issue a release on Tobacco to get the money we needed." He sighed, leaning back against the door frame. "Which is stupid because we don't want the money...we want the issue."

"It's okay, she didn't release it!" She assured him.

"Yeah...I know," he mumbled and walked back over to the chair; dropping down into it.

She frowned at his reaction. He had said it was stupid to issue a release. Shouldn't he be happy she never?

"I don't understand, it's not like its the first time you've made a mistake, it's not the end of the world." She replied. "C.J ran it by Sam and then Bruno and they worked it out together... See, it's no big deal."

He didn't replied, just continued to stare ahead.

"Josh?" She walked over to him. "Talk to me? You're freaking me out here."

"When we get back to DC, Leo and I are going to sit down and discuss my role in the administration..." He glanced up at her. "I'm going to resign." 

"What? Are you kidding?" She exclaimed. "Just because you made the wrong suggestion?"

"It's not just that..."

"You need to stop doing this..." She told him.

"Doing what?" He looked up at her.

"Feeling sorry for yourself..."

"Feeling sorry for myself?" He cut in before she had chance to finish. "How can you say that after everything..."

"Because that's what you're doing!" She raised her voice to be heard over his. "One minute you want to act like nothing has changed, telling us that we need to carry on but the next minute you're throwing yourself a pity party, deciding you know what's best for everyone and that is for you not to be around!"

"The campaign doesn't need to me to be..."

"Oh, don't even go there!" Donna exclaimed. "The President and Leo have done everything they can so you can keep your job...Do you really think they'd do that just to be nice?"

"Well, they can't exactly sack the sick guy, can they?"

"You're dumber then I thought if you believe that's the only reason they want you here!" She answered. "They want you here because you're good at this!"

"I don't..."

"You can't quit!" She didn't let him interrupt. "You can't give up!"

"I'm going to..." He started but then looked at her and frowned. "Give up?"

"Because that's what you'll be doing...give in and once you done that...how are you meant to win?" She asked, this time in quiet voice. "You won't have any fight left in you and then what will happen?"

"Donna..." Josh stepped towards her, realising that she wasn't just talking about his job now.

"You should have a shower," Donna said, turning away from him. "Leo is expecting you downstairs."

"Donna..." He called out to her but the door had already closed behind her. He sighed and rubbed his hands over his face.

_**XxXxX**_

Twenty minutes later, Josh walked downstairs, his eyes scanning the room for Donna. He had a quick shower and then throw on some worn jeans and a Yale t-shirt. He caught his reflection in a mirror out the corner of his eye and wished he had stayed in his room or at least had chosen a sweatshirt. Since starting chemotherapy, he had lost quite a bit of weight. A sweatshirt would have covered his painfully thin arms and would disguise just how much weight he had lost. He almost wished he had taken the time to put on a suit like everyone else had.

"Josh?"

He turned around and saw Leo walking towards him.

"Hey..."

"You okay?" Leo asked. "You don't look too good."

He ran a hand over his head. "Yeah, sorry I'm late...I didn't get much sleep last night."

Leo gave him another look. "Did you get any sleep?"

"Not really...no..."

"Don't worry about this...Go get some rest." Leo gave him a gentle push back towards the stairs.

"Yeah, Leo, I appreciate it but I need to find Donna..." 

"I saw her about 15 minutes ago heading outside," Leo told him. "She looked upset..."

"We had...I don't know really what happened...We were talking and she got upset."

"You had a fight?"

"I don't know what it was..." He sighed. "I said some things which upset her...I'm still not sure why though."

"I'm sure you'll work it out," Leo replied. "And once you have...Go get some rest...The last thing we need is you collapsing on us again...Your Mother would kill me."

"Yeah," Josh mumbled as he headed for the doors. The campaign had taken over the hotel including the small garden out the back. Josh looked around, spotting Donna in the corner talking to Ginger.

He headed over to them, looking at Donna closely. He could tell she was trying to hold her emotions together while Ginger was going through a file with her.

"Hey," he said softly when he reached them.

"Hi, Josh..." Ginger replied and then frowned. "Are you okay? You look terrible."

"I'm fine," he told her. "I just didn't get a lot of sleep last night...Listen, can you give us a minute?"

"Sure, we're about done anyway." Ginger closed the file and walked away.

"Can we talk?"

"Ginger is right...You look terrible." Donna took his arm and pulled him over to the veranda and pushing him down into a chair.

"I'm going to get some sleep in a bit," he told her. "I just wanted to talk to you first..."

"Josh, it's fine...you don't have to..."

"I'm not giving up." He cut in.

She sighed. "Okay..."

"I'm not!"

"You're not quitting either?"

"I think, it's time I concentrate on myself for a while..."

"If this was anyone else, I'd agree but this is you..."

"What does that mean?"

"What are you going to do?" She asked. "Sit around you're apartment alone...Because all your friends will be too busy campaigning..."

"Everyone told me to take sick leave!" He raised his voice a little. "Everyone said that I shouldn't be pushing myself... No one else would be working..."

"You're Dad didn't stop working!"

"Yeah and he died!" He exclaimed, stunning them both into silence.

Tears immediately filled Donna's eyes and she pressed a hand to her mouth. Josh closed his eyes own eyes briefly and when he re-opened them, he noticed a few staff members were watching them.

He stood up and took Donna's hand, pulling her through the French doors that led to small bar area. The bar was closed and thankfully the room was empty.

"Donna..." He started.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and shook her head, not trusting herself to speak.

"I'm not going to die." He whispered.

She had spent all this time, trying to be positive. Refusing to believe that Josh might lose this fight and that she might lose him but hearing those words being said made her feel sick to the stomach.

"It's crap at the moment," he placed a hand on her arm. "I feel crap all the time...I don't know how handle some of the stuff that's happening...there are so many different emotions running through my body, but... but I will be okay...I'm not going to give up..."

She took a deep shaky breath but before she could saying in reply, the door opened and C.J entered with Toby following.

"Is everything okay?" C.J asked.

Josh frowned at her. "Yeah..."

"I should get back to work," Donna mumbled, pushing past Toby and C.J.

"Ginger said you looked ill..." Toby explained.

"I am ill!" He muttered, dropping down into a chair. That last thing he wanted to do was worry Donna. She had been right by his side from the beginning, even when he tried to push her away.

"Should I get a doctor?" C.J asked, concerned.

He shook his head. "No, I'm going to bed."

"Josh, maybe..." C.J started as she watched him stand up but before she could finish, she saw how unsteady he seemed and had to reached a hand out to him. "Josh, sit back down."

"I'm fine." He shrugged her off.

"I'll walk you to your room," Toby stated, allowing Josh to walk in front him.

"I don't need a babysitter." 

"Do I look like a babysitter to you?" Toby questioned.

"Toby..."

"Josh, you look like you haven't slept for a week...I'm just going to walk you upstairs or otherwise I'm afraid we'll find you curled up in a closet somewhere."

Josh sighed. "Fine."

_**XxXxX**_

"So, are you going to start or am I?" Leo asked as he sat down behind his desk and Josh dropped into the visitor chair opposite.

"I messed up."

Leo raised an eyebrow up at him. "Carry on."

"The whole tobacco thing...It's a good thing C.J didn't listen to me..." He answered and then kept talking, stopping Leo from interrupting him. "I upset Donna..." 

"Donna?"

Josh sighed. "It's a long story."

"Right, well, I don't have time for long," Leo replied. "Want to give me the cliff-notes?"

"Not really..."

"Josh."

"I just said some things...I forgot how sensitive she is to some stuff."

"Some stuff being you and your health?" Leo guessed.

"Bingo."

"You would think you'd learnt you lesson with all that by now."

"Well, sometimes I'm stupid." He quipped but then turned serious. "Leo, I can't do this."

"Do what?"

"Live like this..." He ran his hand over his face. "When I found out I was ill...I was so concerned about my job... It was the most important thing in my life and I couldn't bare to let someone take my place."

"And now?"

"The most important thing in my life is actually my life...How can I work if I'm dead?" He looked up at his mentor. "And that's what going to happen if I carry on like this... I think that's why I've been acting a little crazy; because I just couldn't fight this cancer and fight for my job too."

Leo nodded slowly, thinking about what he just said. "So, what do you want to do?"

"I need some time off...some proper time." Josh told him. "I'll be around to do some consulting and for the big stuff but I don't think I can handle a job right now."

"What about the campaign?"

Josh shrugged. "I'd like to help out but...I don't know if I'll be any good."

Leo sighed. Anyone else, he'd agree with them straight away but it pained him to have this conversation with Josh. His career had been his whole life. Starting when he was 10 years old when he first decided he wanted to work in politics to change the world.

"Well, I guess there's nothing else to say."

"I don't want to let you or the President down..."

"You're not." Leo assured him quickly. "You just do what you need to do, okay?"

"Okay."

"Good, now get out of here," Leo gestured to the door. "Some of the us have some work to do."

"Right, okay...I'll just go then..." Josh stood up.

"Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"As your boss...I'm sure going to missing having you around all the time..." He started. "But as your friend...I think you've made the right decision...And I know the President will feel the same."

Josh stood up a little straighter. "Thanks, Leo...For everything."

"No problem...now go."

"I'll see you around."

"Yeah, you better."

Josh smiled a little before heading out of the office. When he reached the operation's bullpen, he wasn't surprised to see Donna already sat at her desk.

"Hey."

"Morning..." She replied but didn't look up from her computer.

"Can you come into my office?"

She paused her typing and sighed before standing up.

He followed her and closed the door behind him.

"Listen, about what I said..."

"Josh, don't..." She cut in. "You don't need to say anything...It's fine."

"It's not fine...I upset you and for that I'm sorry." He told her. "But I think, having that little meltdown, might have done me some good...Helped me make some decisions."

"What decisions?"

"I just spoke to Leo...I'm taking a leave of absence."

"What?"

"I'll be around for some stuff..."

"Josh, you can't! You can't give up!"

"No, Donna...listen to me...I'm not giving up but I need time." He told her. "I promise you, I'm not running away...But I do need to some time away."

"But what will you do?"

"Get better."

She opened her mouth to reply but realised she didn't know what to say to that.

"And I will get better, Donna...I promise you."

"Okay," she whispered, nodding a little.

"Listen, why don't you come over tonight?" He asked. "We'll rent a movie or something."

"I can't..."

"Oh..."

"I have a date."

"A date?"

"Yeah, he's a friend of Ainsley's..." She informed him. "His name's Cliff."

"Well, I hope you have a good time..."

"I could cancel."

"What?"

"I could call him and cancel if you want to hang out."

"No, don't do that." Josh shook his head. "You deserve a night out besides I'll probably be a sleep by 7pm...We'll hang out another time."

"Okay, if you're sure."

"Yes, go and have a good time." He told her.

"Okay, thanks."

He smiled and grabbed his backpack off the floor. "I'm going to get out of here."

"I guess, I should get back to work."

"Donna?"

"Hmm?"

"Cliff? Really?"

"Josh!" She gave him a warning look.

"I'm just saying...What kind of a name is Cliff?"

"I thought you were going home," she answered as she pushed him out of the office.

"Alright, I'm going, I'm going..." He held up his hands in surrender. "I bet he's republication too..."

"Go!" She pointed to the exit.

He grinned at her. "See ya."

As he turned his back to her to walk away, his smile dropped off his face. Suddenly, it felt like his heart was split into two and he wondered whether he had made the right decision by insisting Donna want on that date.

**TBC**

**please review! **


	21. Chapter 21

**Okay, so hands up...who gave up on this fic ever being update? I cannot believe it's been 7 months! I'm so sorry! I truly hope there are people still out there who are interesting in reading! Thank you all for the review/emails you've sent! Please keep them coming! **

**I did kind of lose my way with this storyline and in this chapter, I've taken it in a different kind of direction. Please bear with me while I try to get it back on track! Again, so sorry for the long wait but I absolutely love writing this story and I'm not giving up. Thanks again! **

**Enjoy! **

**I'm Fine**

Donna was type quickly on her laptop, working on some notes for C.J; oblivious to the chaos of a campaign in full swing that was happening around her. There was six weeks until Election Day and they were currently in Montana.

Donna only stopped typing and looked up at the TV monitor in front of her when she heard Josh's name. One news station were reporting about the campaign and were commenting of the absence of the Deputy Chief of Staff. She felt a pang of sadness. She missed him. He had kept to his plan of taking a leave of absence and he was rarely seen in the White House any more, mostly keeping in touch with Leo over the phone.

When he had first taken leave, she made sure to go over and see him a few times a week but then she had messed up her deposition and lied about owning a diary. Josh was the only person she could turn to and he had helped her fix it but their friendship had not been the same since. That was nearly three months ago now and they rarely talked, she could not even remember the last time she saw him. There was also a rumor going around that he had started dating Amy Gardner.

"He looks like hell."

Donna jumped at the sound of Sam's voice beside her and she looked back at the TV to see them showing footage of Josh arriving at the hospital for his treatment along with his Mom.

"Why can't they just leave him alone?" Sam continued. "Why do they need to camp outside the hospital when they know he's sick!"

Donna didn't reply, she was too busy watching Josh; Sam was right. He did look like hell. He looked a lot worse then he did the last time, she saw him. She listened as the reporter asked how he was feeling and he replied he was getting better everyday then praised the medical staff that was treating him.

"Did you hear that he's meant to be flying out here next week?"

"What?" Donna turned to Sam.

"Yeah, Leo said he's wants to join us." Sam informed her. "He's joining us in North Dakota and then travel with us to the next couple of stops before going back to DC for his next lot of chemo."

"Do you think that's really good idea?" She asked and gestured to the TV. "Look at him?"

Sam shrugged. "He said, his doctor agreed with it."

She hated that she had no idea how he was really feeling. Maybe he wasn't as ill as he looked. Maybe he was and he was pushing himself to hard again.

"Hey, he'll be fine." Sam tried to reassure her. "This is Josh."

"I guess." She sighed quietly.

Sam squeezed her shoulder gently before walking away, leaving her to her own thoughts. It might be a good thing. With them on the campaign trail, they would have to talk. Then maybe they could get back to how thing used to be.

XxXxX

"You should drink something." Marie Lyman held the small plastic cup out to her son.

Josh shook his head a little but didn't speak or open his eyes.

She sighed in concern. He had received his first round of treatment the day before but since then he had been extremely ill. The doctors seem to think that he's picked up another virus and were holding off on the second round of treatment.

They were meant to be flying to North Dakota on Monday to join the campaign then travel with them to Minnesota, Wisconsin and Iowa. It had been important to Josh that he was there when they went to Wisconsin and Marie knew that it had to have something to do with Donna. She had tried to ask her son, why his assistant hadn't been visiting lately but he just shrugged it off and said she was busy with work.

"Josh?" She placed a hand on his cheek gently and was concerned at how hot he was. "Josh, I should call Leo."

"No..." He mumbled.

"Honey, you're too ill... He should know we're not joining them."

"No...speech tonight...distract President...later."

"Okay, later..." She nodded and stand up. "Listen, I'll be right back...I'm going to talk to the doctor."

She looked down at him but he had already fallen back to sleep. She had never seen him this ill before and it scared her.

XxXxX

"I'm back!" Sam announced as he walked into the bar, shivering.

"When did you leave?" C.J looked up from the pool in surprised.

"30 minutes ago!" He replied, looking offending.

"Well, you missed it then!" She grinned.

"Would you quit it!" Toby told her. "And take that damn shot."

"Miss what?" Sam frowned.

"Nothing." Toby replied.

"It was amazing!" C.J claimed.

"Take the shot!"

"He's just grumpy because I whooped him at pool!"

"Nobody whooped me and you cheated!"

"How did I cheat?" She questioned.

"Take the shot!" He exclaimed, gesturing widely to the table.

"Okay, keep your hair on..." She bent down to line up her shot then started laughing.

"C.J..."

"I'm laughing because your hair..."

"TAKE THE SHOT!"

Sam laughed lightly and shook his head before walking over to join Donna and Charlie who was sat at a table, watching.

"Hey."

"Hey, what did they say?" Donna asked as he sat down.

"No tornado."

"Tornado?" Charlie repeated.

"I was checking in with the Director of the National Weather Service...I wanted to make sure that there wasn't a tornado heading our way."

They arrived in North Dakota that afternoon and spent most of the time working on campaign strategists but after dinner the President had ordered them all have some fun. The weather was too bad to leave the hotel, so instead they set up camp in the hotel bar.

"Sam, it's September...It's not Tornado season." Charlie told him.

"I was just checking." He said defensively. "It's really bad out there...I nearly flow away."

Charlie rolled his eyes and stood up. "Want a beer?"

"Yes, please."

"Donna?"

"Thanks, Charlie." She nodded and gave him a smile.

"You okay?" Sam asked her once they were alone.

"Yeah, of course."

"You sure because you've been acting a little...weird."

"I'm just tired."

"You're not worried about Josh?"

"Of course...aren't you?"

"Well, yeah but..." He started but then paused. "Has something happened between you two?"

"Like what?"

Sam shrugged. "I don't know...just seems like something has happened."

"We're fine...I've just been busy." She claimed. "And I guess I'm feeling a little guilty about it now."

"Well, he'll be here tomorrow."

She smiled slightly. "Yeah, it'll be good to see him."

Sam frowned when he saw Charlie walking back over empty handed. "Is the bar closed?"

"No, the President wants us all to go back up to his suite." He informed them.

Sam sighed as he stood up. "So much for a night off."

"Who won?" Donna glanced across at C.J and Toby as they all headed for the door.

"Who cares." Toby muttered and pushed in front of them.

"I'm the Queen of pool!" C.J announced.

They were all laughing except for Toby when they entered the President's hotel suite but as soon as they walked into the room, they could feel the tension.

"Mr President? Is everything okay?" Toby asked, glancing around the room and seeing that Leo was over by the window, talking quietly on his cell. While Abbey was sat at the table, on the room's phone and writing quickly on a notepad.

"Why don't you, guys take a seat." Jed pushed himself up from where he was leaning on the back of the couch.

The staff looked at one another questionable, all kind of ideas going through their minds.

Leo finished his phone call first but he didn't move away from the window. Instead, he stayed staring out at the torrential rain and strong wind.

When Abbey finally hung up the phone, she stood up and walked over the seating area to join them.

"What's going on?" C.J questioned, breaking the silence.

"It's Josh." Jed said quietly. "It seems he's picked up another virus."

"So, he will not be coming out here?" Sam questioned.

"No, I'm afraid not." Jed sighed and rubbed his eyes. "He's...he's not in a good way."

"How...I mean...he's had a virus before..." C.J looked around at everyone in the room and realizing that Leo was still stood by the window. "This is worse?"

"I've spoken to his doctor, he's been sedated at the moment." Abbey explained and held up her hand when they all tried to speak at once. "They're running a lot of tests to find out what they're actually dealing with but right now Josh's immune system is too weak to fight on it's own."

"I don't understand." Donna said. "I don't...They had to sedate him?"

"He's suffered two seizures since Friday...they think they were caused his high temperature."

"Seizures?" Sam repeated. "That's serious."

"It can be but like I said they're running test to find out what's really going on...he's in the best care." She tried to assure them.

Jed stood up and walked over to Leo, placing a hand on his friend's shoulder. Leo had spoken to Josh's Mother and he knew that had be a horrible phone call; he could hear her cries through Leo's phone.

Toby was the next to stand up and he paced behind the couch. Things were getting better. The campaign was going well and everyone of the staff had started to believe that they could truly win come November. He even thought Josh's treatment was going well too...That's what he had told him. He spent a lot of time, talking to him on the phone and while he never really asked too much about the chemotherapy, Josh had said everything was looking good.

"This is just one of those things, though right?" Sam asked, looking at the First Lady. "He's going to get better, isn't he?"

"Sam, I promise you that he's in the best place."

"That's not what I asked."

"I can't give any answer on that at the moment." She admitted. "Until they get the results back, we won't know anything."

"I need to go." Donna stood up. "I need to get back to DC."

"Donna..."

"I'm coming too." Sam added.

"You're can't." Leo spoke for the first time since hanging up the phone.

"Are you crazy?" Sam glared at him. "He's my best friend! There's more to life then campaigning!"

"You think I would put anything at all before Josh?" Leo growled. "You think I would stay here while the man I consider my son could be dying'?"

Donna let out small cry, her hand shooting up to cover her mouth.

"The weather is too bad." Jed said quietly after a few seconds of shocked silence. "All flights have been canceled due to the rain and winds...even Air Force One."

Sam slowly sat back and buried his head in his hands and Leo turned back to the window.

Jed sighed, he didn't know to do. He knew everyone in the room would rather be back in DC but right now that wasn't possible. He hated feeling so helpless.

**TBC (I promise) **

**Please review! **


	22. Chapter 22

**Okay, I know this was a long time coming! I'm sorry I will try and update more often! Please review and let me know what you think! **

**Enjoy! **

**I'm Fine**

The staff had all gone back to C.J's hotel room but no one was speaking. Toby looked around at everyone; Sam was staring straight ahead with a mixture of fear and angry on his face. Donna was sat beside him and had the same look she the night of Rosslyn. C.J was sat at the small table, her laptop open as she searched the Internet for anything that could tell them any more information then what the First Lady had told them.

"I can't stand this..." Toby muttered and got to his feet.

"What?" C.J looked over at him.

"I can't stand this...I can't stand sitting in this room."

"Where are you going?" Sam asked.

"Out."

"The President told us to wait here in case there was a change." Donna told him.

"I cannot just sit here any more." Toby reached for his suit jacket. "I got to do something."

Sam shot to his feet. "If we get the go ahead to return to DC, I am not waiting around for you to turn back up."

"Look outside, Sam! We're not going anywhere tonight!"

"Guys..." C.J tried to cut in.

"So, what? You carry on as normal?" Sam raised his voice a little. "You want to carry on working..."

"Stop being pissed at me!" Toby yelled, surprising them all. "I never gave him cancer! I never gave him this virus! So, stop being pissed at me!"

"Toby..." Sam started but this time quieter.

"I have to be the guy that carries on working...I have to because there is a country that we need to run and Josh would go crazy if he thought for one second we dropped the ball because of him."

"I know." Sam whispered, looking down.

"I'm going out." Toby said again and turned towards the door.

"Where?" C.J asked.

"There's a temple a couple of blocks over..." He started but then trailed off. "I'll be back in a few hours."

"Is that we should be doing?" Donna asked after the door closed behind Toby.

"Going to temple?" C.J looked across at her.

"Praying." Donna corrected.

"It couldn't hurt." C.J replied with a sigh before turning back to her laptop.

XxXxX

Marie Lyman had never felt so alone. Noah never suffered like this, even hours before he had died, he was sat telling jokes.

The time Josh had been shot, she was out of her mind scared that she was going to lose him but she had people around her then. The nurses were very kind to keep checking on her to see if she needed anything. She had also talked to Leo, The President and the First Lady but it was not the same to having people around her.

"Mrs Lyman?"

She stood and turned to face the doctor, dabbing her eyes with a tissue.

"I'm sorry to disturb you but I have the results from the tests we ran."

"Is it good news?" She took a step closer to the doctor. "Please, let it be good news."

He smiled gently. "The scan revealed there is no lasting damage by the seizures."

"Oh thank god!"

"The antibiotics seem to be working and his temperature is going down." The doctor continued.

"So, he is going to be okay?"

"It's going to take a little while for him to get over this virus but yes." The doctor answered. "Then, when he is strong enough, we will carry on with chemotherapy."

"Thank you, Doctor..." She reached out and squeezed his hand as fresh tears filled her eyes but this time, they were happy tears.

"You're welcome." He smiled. "I better get back to my rounds, but if there is anything you need then just have one of the nurses page me."

Marie moved back to her seat and took Josh's hand.

"You hear that? You are going to be okay." She squeezed his hand. "But for now, you just get some rest."

XxXxX

"Did you here?" C.J asked as she walked up behind Toby.

"About Josh?" Toby kept his eyes on his laptop. "Leo told me."

"And the storm has let up, so Leo, Sam and Donna are going to head back to DC in a few hours." She continued, taking a seat beside him. "The President needs us to stay with him for the rest of the trail..."

"I've already talked to Leo." Toby interrupted her and stopped typing to look at her.

"Okay, good." She picked up a pencil from the table and twirled it around for a few seconds. "You know, what you said wasn't true, right?"

"What?"

"No one is pissed at you."

"Sam is."

"Sam's just angry." C.J stated. "He's angry at the situation, not you."

"He's angry because we cut the cancer speech."

"Yeah."

"And he is pissed at me because I told the President to cut the cancer speech."

"It was the right thing to do."

"I know."

"Look, they will go back to DC and see that he's doing better..."

"He'll still have cancer, though." Toby let out a frustrated sigh. "This is not going away any time soon, C.J and we are just running around in circles!"

"He had to be sedated, Toby!"

"Exactly and everything stops!" Toby shouted. "What happens if he doesn't get better? What do we do then?"

"He will get better, the doctor said..."

"This time, yes but what about next time?" Toby questioned. "God, C.J...what if he dies?"

"Don't say that!"

"You think I like being this guy? You think, that I enjoy the fact that one reason I do not want my friend to die is because it will destroy this administration?" Toby got to his feet and paced around the room. "You saw what happened last night when he heard about Josh... If it was not for the storm then everyone would have jumped on Air Force One back to DC!"

"He's our friend!"

"I know that but what about the campaign? We could lose this! Don't you understand that?" He continued to rant. "Then Ritchie will be President and Josh will still be sick!"

C.J was silence for a few seconds, waiting until he stopped pacing and looked at her.

"You know, I think you're wrong." She said calmly.

"About Ritchie?"

"About not liking being this guy."

Toby glared at her. "Excuse me?"

"You're hiding behind work, which is find but do not try to make out you are a martyr!" C.J told him, talking faster and louder with each word. "You did the exact same thing with the shooting! Instead of talking about it, you obsessed over trying to fix it and when you couldn't, you wanted to walk away!"

"That's different!" Tried to shout over her but she kept talking.

"So, don't you dare say make us feel guilty about caring for our friend!" She paused for a moment before speaking again in a normal tone. "The thing is, Toby, Sam and I have stepped up...we're both doing two job at the moment and if you think we are doing a bad job at it then tell me now..."

"I don't."

"Then get off our backs!" She insisted. "You keep saying we need to move forward but we have...You haven't."

"You think abandoning the campaign, right when we are coming to the end is moving forward..." Toby started to pace again.

"No one has abandoned..."

"Then why are they going back to Washington?"

"Because he could be dying!" C.J yelled. "You said it yourself, this cancer can kill him and you might not realize this but right now, being there is the right place for them to be."

"There is ten weeks till election day and we in the middle of our final sweep..."

"God, Toby...they have not left us with a couple of interns and a pile of leaflets...The President is still here...The First Lady is still here...I'm still here...You're still here, Bruno, Doug, Charlie..." She stopped and reached up to rub her forehead. "Look, he's our friend and when he has good new, we're going to happy and celebrate with him and when he has bad, we're going to cry and hold his hand...That's not going to change just because we are in the middle of an election."

"I know..."

"The thing is, Toby if the President just carried on with the campaign and forgot about what Josh is going through, then he would not be the man we got elected in the first place." She said quietly. "I would much prefer to lose the White House and keep being true to ourselves then to win it by being false...Wouldn't you?"

Toby's eyes were glued to the floor and he refused to look up at her.

"I got a meeting with the President...I'll talk to you later."

"C.J..."

"The others aren't leaving for another couple of hours, so do me a favor? Go easy on, Sam, okay?"

"Yeah." He sighed as she left the room before hearing his answer.

**TBC**

**Please review!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Okay, who's surprised to this update so soon! (me too!) Anyway, I hope you like it. Please review and let me know what you think! **

**Enjoy! **

**I'm Fine**

"Marie?" Leo called out when he noticed her at the end of the corridor. He quickened his pace as she turned around, with a relieved look on her face. Sam and Donna followed closely behind him; they had came straight from the airport and had promised everyone back on the campaign trail an update as soon as possible.

"You got here fast." Marie commented as Leo embraced her.

"How is he?" Leo pulled back to look at her.

"Well, he still very weak and tired and he's not eating a lot but he is getting better." She gave him a small smile. "He's been asking about the campaign, so I'm taking that as a good sign."

Leo grinned widely. "That is a good sign."

"Can we see him?" Sam asked.

"Of course, but I don't know how much sense you'll get out of him though..." She moved towards Josh's room. "He was reciting baseball states earlier."

Leo rolled his eyes. "Politics and baseball...Is that all that boy thinks of?"

"If it wasn't for you, it would be just baseball." Marie commented.

"You think he would have gone pro?"

"I think, he would be settled down with a wife and kids by now."

"How come all our conversation end up with it being my fault you're not a Grandmother?" Leo questioned.

"That's just how it goes." She shrugged and pushed open the door. "Ah good, you're awake...You have some visitors."

"Hey, Kid...How you doing?" Leo smiled as Josh tried to push himself up.

"I'm okay..." He claimed but they could all see he wasn't. "I'm sorry for all this...You didn't need to come all the way back here."

"Ah, don't worry about that..." Leo waved his hand, dismissively. "The President was driving me crazy with all his local town trivia anyway."

"And Toby and Bruno are bickering like an old, married couple." Sam added, giving his best friend a reassuring smile.

Josh could not help but return the smile but when he looked at Donna, his smile faded a little.

"Hey."

"Hey." She replied, her eyes dropping to the floor.

Leo looked between the two of them, curiously. He had noticed there had been some distance with them lately but he just assumed it was because she had been busy working with C.J and because Josh wanted a break from the campaign.

"Marie, why don't go and find some coffee?"

"What a good idea." She agreed. "Sam? Want to join us?"

Sam hesitated, he wanted to stay and talk to his best friend but he also knew what ever had happened between Josh and Donna, they needed to sort it out.

"Yeah, okay..." He nodded and looked at Josh. "Can I get you anything?"

"I'm fine."

"Donna?"

"No, thanks." She gave him a small smile.

"Well, we won't be long." Marie announced and left the room with Sam and Leo.

"You should have stayed with the campaign..."

"You don't want me here?" Her eyes widened.

"No, I didn't mean that...I meant, you're going to miss the Wisconsin stop."

"It's okay."

"Donna, you were going to see your family."

"I'll see them another time."

"You'll probably still have time to get back before..."

"Josh, I want to be here."

He glanced down at the blanket that covered him for a seconds before speaking. "I wanted to go to Wisconsin."

"Really?" She frowned.

"I wanted to talk to you...To clear the air."

"Josh..."

"I know, I was angry about the diary and I'm sorry I acted like that." He looked back up at her. "I'm sorry, Donna."

"God, Josh...you don't need to apologise." She told him. "It should be me apologising. I should have never put you in that position...I should have talked to C.J or Sam...Or I should have never lied in the first place..."

"Donna, I'm glad you came to me." He interrupted. "I would have been more upset if you had gone to Sam instead of me."

"But I could have got you into trouble..."

"I knew what I was doing." He assured her. "Look, can we just forget all this happened?"

She smiled. "I would really like that."

"Good, now sit down...looking up at you is making my head hurt."

She sat down next to his bed and frowned in concern. "Should I get someone?"

"No, I just need to close my eyes for a little while." He moved back down the bed.

"Okay, get some sleep." She reached out and squeezed his hand.

After a few minutes of just silently watching him, Donna felt something wet drop onto her hand and she realized she had been crying. She could not believe how close she came to losing him and if something would have happened, it would have happened when they were not talking.

"Donna?"

She quickly wiped her eyes. "I thought you were asleep."

"It's not over, you know."

"What's not?"

"Me...I'm not done yet." He told her. "This is as bad as it gets...from now on, it's only going to be good news."

"Josh..." She knew they should all stay positive but she also knew Josh could not promise that.

"I just need you to know I haven't given up." He looked right into her eyes. "I'm going to beat this, Donna."

She looked right back into his eyes and she believed him.

"I know." She whispered, using her free hand to touch his cheek gently. "Get some sleep."

He let out a sigh and closed his eyes. "Okay."

_**XxXxX**_

When Josh woke up again, he saw that his Mom, Leo and Sam had returned and they were all talking quietly about something.

"Did you get me a coffee?" He asked, gaining their attention.

"You haven't been able to drink coffee in months." Marie pointed out as she stood up and poured him water. "Drink this."

He did as he was told before looking at Leo. "How's the President?"

"He's doing a lot better now that he knows you are okay." Leo replied. "You scared the hell out of us, Kid."

"He needs to keep his head in the campaign."

"His head is in the campaign." Leo answered. "Don't worry about it."

Josh sighed and looked around the room. Everybody looked so tried, particularly his Mom. They had both suffered so much tragedy already in life and while he had been disappointed at first when his Mom had decided to move to Florida, he now knew it had been a chance for her to have a fresh start. Then he got sick and once again, she put her own life on hold.

"Do you need anything?" Sam questioned after a few minutes of silence.

"Yeah, actually, there is something."

"What is it?"

"Go home."

"What?"

"All of you, go home and get some sleep." He told them. "You look exhausted."

"We're fine." Donna assured him.

"I'm not going anywhere...I'll probably be asleep myself soon anyway." He argued. "You guys have had a long flight..."

"He's right, there's no use us all being here." Marie added, looking at her son's colleagues.

"Mom, you haven't been home in days...Please..."

"Joshua, I'm not leaving..."

"Mother, I'm capable of..."

"I'm not leaving you alone, end of a conversation."

"You need a break!"

"Don't worry about me, just worry about yourself."

"Mom..."

"Joshua!"

"Okay, both of you calm down." Leo cut in. "Josh, is right. You need a break...I'll stay with him."

"No, I should be here in case..."

"Nothing is going to happen to me, Mom." Josh told her softly, feeling guilty for arguing with her when she was just worried about him. "The doctor said I'm over the worse."

"I don't know..."

"Go home, eat some proper food, take a hot bath and get some sleep." Leo ordered. "You're going to need it. You know what kind of patient he is when he's bored."

"That is true..." Marie smiled.

"Hey!"

"I'm staying too." Donna announced. "I'll make sure he's okay."

"Donna..." Josh groaned. "Go home for a few hours. I'll be fine."

"Josh..."

"We're not doing this again." Leo interrupted her. "Sam, take these ladies home, would you."

"What if I want to stay?" Sam questioned.

"Get out!" Leo glared at him a little.

"I'll get us a cab." Sam immediately stood up and stepped over to Josh's bed to give him a hug. "I guess, I'll see you in the morning."

"Thanks, Sam..."

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay for a few more hours?" Marie asked.

"Mom, I'll be fine."

"Okay but you better be." She hugged him tightly.

"Bye." Donna hugged after Marie stepped back. Despite their agreement to forget what happened, things still felt a little awkward between them.

"You'll come by tomorrow?" He asked her, trying to hide the concern in his voice.

"Of course."

"Okay."

"Right, now all of you out." Leo ordered.

Marie raised an eyebrow. "You might by their boss but you're not mine."

"Oh for the love of God..."

"I'm going, I'm going..." She threw her hands up in defeat and followed Sam and Donna out the room.

"I thought they would never leave." Leo retook his seat beside Josh's bed.

"Sam seems more like himself." Josh stated.

"Yeah, he doing better."

"C.J told me about the speech."

"He took it pretty hard but he has moved on."

"Good...I worry about him."

"I know but he's doing fine."

"Okay."

Leo picked up a newspaper and they both fell silent as he read and Josh stared up at the ceiling, deep in thought.

"I thought I was going to die." He whispered after a short while, causing Leo to look up quickly.

"What?"

"A few days ago...I thought that was it...I thought it was over and I was dying." He admitted, turning to face his mentor with tears in his eyes. "And God, Leo...I have so many regrets...so many things that I still need to do."

"Hey, you're going to be fine." Leo let the paper fall to the floor as he stood up to move closer to the bed.

"I promised, Donna that I will beat this cancer, that there will be no more bad new." He told him. "And I pray to God I'm right because I don't think I can take any more set backs."

"You can." Leo claimed. "You've come this far and I know you can get through the rest."

"I was so scared." Tears slipped down his face and he couldn't help but break down. "I was so scared I was dying and it was only my Mom here with no one to care for her...I was scared I was never going to get chance to see any of you again..."

"Hey, shhh..." Leo put an arm around, trying to comfort him. "It's okay."

Leo was not sure how long he sat and held Josh while he cried but eventually the younger man feel asleep. He was glad that he had been the one to stay that night because he knew Josh would have never let any of that out if his Mom, Sam or Donna had been there.

_**XxXxX**_

The next morning, when Josh woke up and remember the night before, he suddenly felt embarrassed.

"Hey, you're awake."

Josh sat up and found Sam sat beside him. "Hey, where'd Leo go?"

"Donna and your Mom dragged him downstairs for some breakfast."

"Did he say anything?"

"About what?" Sam frowned.

"I don't know...anything..." Josh stuttered.

"Josh? What...Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." He sighed but when he thought about it, he was actually telling the truth. He still felt exhausted and nauseous but the tight feeling of fear and loneliness in his chest had gone. Maybe his talk with Leo had help despite how much he hated breaking down and looking weak in front of anyone.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah..." He rubbed a hand over his face. "I'm sick of talking about me...What's new with you?"

"Other then travelling around the country?"

"Yeah."

"There's not much else to tell." Sam shrugged.

"I heard Lisa did an article for Vanity Fair." Josh started. "I bet that was fun."

"Yeah, hey do you think she did not want to marry because she would be Lisa Sherbourn-Seaborn?"

"I think she didn't want to get marry because she didn't love you." Josh replied and continued when Sam went to protest. "And by the way, you didn't love her."

"I don't know why we're talking about this...We've had this conversation hundreds of times." Sam rolled his eyes.

"You brought it up."

"Actually, you did."

Josh covered his eyes with hands. "You know, I can't even remember how this conversation started."

"You asked about the Vanity Fair..."

"Sam."

"Right." He shut his mouth.

They fell silent and after a minutes, Josh looked across at Sam. He missed how much fun he and Sam used to have. Ever since they had meet, they always egged each other on when the chance came up to do something stupid; even when they started working at the White House. That all changed when Josh had got sick. While Sam had got better at dealing with the whole situation, Josh knew his friend had become more jaded then before.

"C.J emailed me the speech." Josh broke the silence.

Sam looked over at him in surprise but he did not need to ask what speech.

"It was a good speech." Josh continued. "It's a shame the President couldn't have used it."

Sam's face darkened. "Yeah, well no one else would agree with you."

"Sam, it was a truly was a great speech but you do know there was no way the President could have used it?"

"What's so wrong about it?"

"It wasn't wrong, Sam but it wasn't the right time."

"You think there's a wrong time to cure cancer?"

"I think, we're no where near curing cancer..."

"In 1940, we were facing a big war and our armed forces weren't among the 12

most formidable in the world..." Sam stood up. "Roosevelt said the U.S. would produce..." "50,000 planes in the next four and it turned out to be 100,000 planes." Josh cut in. "I know, the story, Sam but just because the President says something, doesn't mean it's going to happen."

"We can try!"

"We are... You think just because it was not in the State of the Union, then everyone is going to give up?" Josh asked. "Cancer research has come a long way over the last ten years and I'm certain that in ten years time, if a cure has not already been found then we'll be even closer..."

"So, what's wrong with saying that?"

"Because it's not fair to." Josh answered.

"Not fair to give people some hope?"

"If the Doctor walk in here now and told me that in a year's time I will be free of cancer but it turns out he was wrong, don't you think it would be much harder to deal with?" Josh questioned. "Yes, a bit of hope and believing everything will turn out okay is a good thing, it could also be bad."

Sam did not speak, instead he lowered himself back down to his chair and listen to Josh.

"I have to live everyday of my life as if it's my last because if I didn't and something happened, who knows what kind of regrets I would have." Josh said softly. "Sam, the speech you wrote was amazing and I pray to God that a cure for cancer is found, sooner rather then later but to get people's hopes up when we have no real proof...that's just cruel."

Sam dropped his eyes to the floor. "Yeah...I just wish..."

"I know."

Before either of them could say any more, the door open and his Mom appeared. "Ah, good you're finally awake."

"What do you mean, finally? I've been awake for ages." Josh replied as Donna and Leo followed Marie.

"How you feeling?" Leo asked.

"Good...Better then yesterday."

"I'm glad to hear it." Marie patted his arm. "The Doctor will be by soon to make sure."

Josh frowned a little at her. "You think I'm lying?"

"Of course not, Dear but sometimes you don't like to admit the truth." Marie took a seat beside the bed and reached for a magazine.

"That's another way of saying you think I'm lying."

"If you say so, Dear." She said as she flipped through the pages.

"Mom..."

"Josh, I would not even try and win this one." Leo advised.

"Listen to your boss, Joshua...He is a wise man." Marie did not look up from the magazine.

"Yeah and listen to your Mother." Leo agreed with a large grin on his face.

Josh fell back against the pillow with a sigh. "I liked it better when you were worried about me."

"Why would we be worried about you?" Donna shared a look with Leo and Sam, trying to keep a straight face.

"You said, yourself, you are feel better." Sam added.

"I hate you all."

"Whatever you say, Dear." Marie replied causing Leo, Donna and Sam to burst out laughing.

"I'm going back to sleep." He pulled the bed sheet right up, over his head to drown out their laughter but to also hide the smile on his face. It was good to hear people laughing again. It seemed so long since the last time and he was telling the truth; he had not felt this good in weeks.

**TBC**

**Please review.**


	24. Chapter 24

**Hey guys, sorry about the late update again; I got distracted by other shows! I promise that story will be finished, especially since there are 115 people with it on their story alerts (Would be awesome if you all reviewed!) Anyway, I hope you like this! Please let me know! **

**Enjoy! **

**I'm Fine**

"I can't thank you enough for coming out here." Marie said to Leo as they stood in line to get some coffees for everyone. "I think it's done him the world of good to see you all."

"It has done us some good seeing him," Leo replied. "I'm telling you, he scared a lot of people the other night."

"Yeah, me including." Marie agreed. "I thought I was going to lose him but I should have known better than to think for one minute, he would give up."

"I don't know how he does it." Leo admitted. "Everything that gets thrown at him, he just carries on...He never lets it keep him down."

"He gets that from his Father."

"I think he gets a lot of it from you." Leo told her. "Look at everything you've been through, yet here you are... Ready to do anything it takes to make him better."

"There was never any other choice...He's my son."

"I know and despite how amazing you have been, you still need to take care of yourself."

"Leo..."

"I'm serious, you can't over do it."

"You should be worrying about Josh, not me."

"I can do both." Leo told her. "Besides, how do you think it will affect Josh if something happened to you?"

"Nothing is going to happen to me..." She rolled her eyes.

"I think it might just be the final straw for him..."

Marie turned to look at him, quickly. "What do you mean?"

"Just that..."

"Has he said something?" She stepped closer and reached out to take hold of his arm.

Leo glanced around and realized the hospital canteen probably was not the best place to have this conversation. He sighed and grabbed her hand. "Come over here..."

"What about the coffees?" She asked as they stepped out of the line and walked over to quiet corner.

He pulled out a chair for her and gestured for her to take a seat before sitting down opposite her.

"Is Josh seeing anyone?" Leo questioned. "I mean is there anyone he's talk to about all of this."

Marie sat back and studied the man who was one of her husband's closest friends and who was like a second Father to son.

"By seeing someone, I'm assuming you mean a psychiatrist and not a girlfriend, right?"

"Yeah..."

"What did he say?"

"Marie..."

"Leo, you're asking me if my son is talking to a therapist..." She cut him off. "There must be a reason. What did he say to you?"

"This is quite an ordeal for anyone to go through and Josh has already had more than his fair share of tragedy, I just think it might be good for him to talk to someone about it."

"Leo, just please, tell me..." She pleaded. "What did he say to you?"

He reached over and placed his hands over hers, squeezing them reassuringly. "He didn't say a lot but I think what he did say, he's been holding in for quite a long time."

Tears filled her eyes as she looked at Leo. "He won't talk to me."

"I know."

"He'll tell me some stuff...but the important stuff, he won't tell me." Marie claimed. "He's worried about me and wants to protect me so he doesn't tell me stuff."

"I know." Leo squeezed her hands again.

"What did he say to you, Leo?" She whispered, as a few tears fell from her eyes.

Leo debated with himself about whether or not he should tell her about their conversation before realizing that she probably would not give up until he did.

"He said he thought he was going to die and that he was scared."

"Oh god...I need to talk to him."

"Hey, wait...you're not going to do him any good, going in there in tears." Leo stopped her from standing up. "You know, what he is like. Just give him time."

"It won't make any difference." She sighed and pulled a tissue out of her pocket to dry her eyes. "No matter how much time I give him, he won't talk to me...not like he did with his Father."

"He wants to be strong for you...To look after you." Leo told her. "I know, he sometimes opens up to Sam and Donna but he does not tell them everything either."

"I know." She leaned back in her chair. "He'll talk to you, though."

"And you know that I will always be there for him but with the campaign, he is not going to come to me."

"So, you think he should see a psychiatrist?"

Leo shrugged a little. "He has had a lot to deal with lately and all this is coming not long after Rosslyn..."

"He won't like it."

"I'll talk to him." Leo reached out and patted her hand.

"I don't know what I would do without you." Marie placed her other hand over his and squeezed it gently. "Times like this are when I miss Noah the most but knowing you're here, makes it a little easier."

Leo smiled sadly as he thought about his old friend. They used to spend so much time together when the kids were growing up. Noah was the only other person other than Jed that Leo loved to talk politics with. He was so passionate and cared about what was best everyone, not just himself. He thought about the time he had tried to convince Noah to run congress and often wondered whether he would have gone to him with a 'Noah Lyman for America' plan.

After the fire that killed their daughter, Noah, Marie and Josh moved across town and not long after Leo moved his family to DC. Other than holiday cards and the odd dinner when they were in the same town, they pretty much lost touch. It was not until; he putting together the right team to get Jed elected that thought about the Lymans. He had heard a lot about Josh's work in DC over the years and had been impressed so he called his old friend and the rest was history.

Leo never realized how much he missed Noah until he started working with Josh, who was so much he was like his Father. He regretted he never made more of an effort to keep in contact with Noah, especially after he found out he was ill.

"Leo, are you okay?" Marie asked.

He looked at her quickly, realising he had spaced out. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine...We'd better those coffees."

"Are you sure?" She stood up and reached out to stop him from walking away. "Leo, talk to me? You have made sure everyone else is okay but are _you _okay?"

Leo hesitated before speaking. "You know how much Josh means to me, right?"

"Of course..."

"Campaign or no campaign, I'm going to be there for him." Leo told her. "I promise."

Marie smiled a little and leaned in to kiss cheek. "Noah was right...You are a good friend."

"Come on, let's get back."

**XxXxX**

"You don't have to be here, you know." Josh glanced across at Margaret, breaking the silence.

"I don't mind." She answered.

C.J had called, needing Sam to talk to some Congressmen who were threatening to vote against an upcoming bill. Donna had gone to help and they had asked Margaret to sit with Josh until Leo and his Mother returned. Josh to protested, stating he did not need a babysitter but no one listened to him.

"So, how's everything going?" Josh asked, not being able to take the uncomfortable silence any longer.

"Well, with the election and the hearing everything has been a little crazy...I was telling Susan from Personnel the other day that we should all be allowed a paid vacation to anywhere away from DC..." Margaret started rambled and Josh suddenly regretted asking. "Did you know that someone who works in DC is more likely to be stressed than anywhere else...? So, in theory the whole staff that works in the White House has a higher level of stress then everywhere else...if anyone deserves a vacation, it's us."

"Right..."

"Then Susan started telling me all about her vacation to France next month..." Margaret rolled her eyes. "Don't you just hate it when people just go on and on about something you have no interest in?"

"Uh, yeah it's the worst."

"Anyway, since I very much doubt we will get a vacation any time soon, I have been trying to get Leo to cut back the stress." She continued. "But of course, he's not listening to me... I've been trying to get him to drink smoothies instead of coffee..."

The door open, causing both of them to look up to see Leo and Marie enter.

"Oh, thank god!" Josh exclaimed.

"Are you interrupting something?" Marie asked.

"No! Come in," Josh sat up straighter.

Marie looked between the two of them in confusion while Leo just smirked knowingly.

"Well, I guess I should get back to work." Margaret stood up. "You take care, Josh."

"Thanks, Margaret."

"It was nice to meet you." Marie smiled at her as she past her.

"You too."

"I'm going to stick around here for a little while." Leo told Margaret.

"Okay, should I move your 2 o'clock meeting?"

Leo glanced down at his watch and saw it was 11am. He had three hours but he had no idea how long it would take for him to convince Josh to talk to someone about his feelings.

"I'll let you know."

"Okay." She nodded again and left the room.

"You don't have to stay, you know." Josh told him. "The doctors said I'm doing really well and that I'll probably be able to go home tomorrow."

"Yeah, well there was something I wanted to talk to you about."

"I think I'm going to head back to the apartment." Marie announced.

Josh looked at her. "What?"

"I want to get everything cleaned and ready in case you do let you out of here."

"You're leaving?"

"You've been on at me to leave since you woke up." She rolled her eyes.

"I know but you never actually agreed." He frowned. "Are you okay?"

She leaned down to kiss his forehead. "I'm fine. I'll be back in a few hours."

"Okay..."

"Bye, Leo."

Leo smiled in reply and sat down.

"Okay, what happened?" Josh questioned.

"Nothing."

"My Mother just left my hospital room without any threats...Something happened."

"I wanted to talk to you."

"Something happened to the President?"

"No, Josh...Just calm down." Leo sighed. "It's about what we talked about last night."

"Yeah, sorry about that...I guess I was just tired..."

"Don't be sorry, you needed to talk about all that stuff, you can't hold it all in."

"But you've got enough to deal with..."

"Josh, I swear to God if you don't know by now, I'm here for you no matter what..."

"I do know..."

"You better." Leo glared at him slightly and then sighed again. "There's something you need to do for me."

"What?"

"Talk to someone?"

"Who?"

"A doctor..."

"Leo..."

"Josh, I'm worried about you...Your Mom is worried about you...Donna, Sam, Toby...the President...Everyone is worried about you." Leo told him.

"I don't need to talk to a shrink."

"Why are you so against them?" He questioned. "Didn't Stanley Keyworth help you? Didn't you feel better afterwards?"

"I guess but..."

"I don't want you to go down that road again, Josh...Not when you got so much already going on."

"Can I think about it?"

"Of course."

They sat in silence for a few seconds before Josh turned his head to look at him.

"You already book an appointment, haven't you?"

"Yeah."

**TBC**

**A pretty, Leo heavy chapter, let me know what you think. Next chapter will have more Sam and Donna, I promise! **


	25. Chapter 25

**I know I've neglected this story lately, I'm sorry and I am truly grateful to anyone who has reviewed and to the 120 people who has added it to their story alert. That's amazing! I hope you are all still reading! I will try not to leave it so long next time! Please review! **

**Enjoy! **

**I'm Fine**

"This is a bad idea." Sam commented as he followed Josh into the apartment.

"It's perfect." Josh glanced over his shoulder at him.

"Why do I let you talk me into this kind of things?" He sighed.

"Oh stop moaning and sit down." Josh took the pizza box off him and gestured to the couch.

"The thing is…when they found out and I'm pretty sure they will, you'll get shouted at but it will be me that gets murdered." Sam commented but sat down beside his best friend. "Brutally…and slowly."

Josh rolled his eyes. "How are they going to find out?"

"The way they normally find out about the stupid things you make me do."

"Sam, you're a grown man with an impressive college education and a pretty important job...You can't blame me for everything." Josh replied, grabbing a slice of pizza out of the box. "Now, are you going to eat?"

Sam sighed. "You're not even going to use a plate?"

"It's pizza." Josh shrugged.

"This is how we're going to get caught…You'll get pizza sauce on the couch and she'll work it out."

"I'll get pizza sauce on the couch?" Josh repeated.

"You're a messy eater."

"Shut up!" Josh sent him a glare. "Turn on the TV."

Sam sighed and grabbed the remote. They channel surfed before settling on an old rerun of M*A*S*H.

"So, how's it going?" Sam asked after they sat watching in silence for 20 minutes.

"How's what going?"

"You know everything…" He waved his hand around and almost dropped the pizza he was holding but managed to catch it before it hit the floor.

"Good, actually."

"Yeah?"

"The treatment finally seems to be working…I'm not as tired and I've got a better appetite…I still have bad days but they're not as bad as before." He answered.

"What about the other stuff."

"You can say the word therapy, you know."

"Josh…"

"It's….strange." He admitted. "With the shooting, once I released that I actually did need help it was easy to talk about…to think about it."

"What's different about this time?"

"I don't really know what the problem is." He shrugged. "Before I knew I was going because of Joanie…and then because of the shooting…This time I don't really know what he wants to hear."

"You're not meant to say what he wants to hear, you're meant to say what you're feeling."

"I feel like I've got cancer and it sucks."

"Have you told him that?"

"Yes."

"And what did he say?"

"He agreed." Josh took a mouthful of water. "Now we're exploring how I feel this is affecting the people I care about."

"Well, that's a good thing, right?"

"I guess.".

"Do you think it is helping?"

"Gets me out the house for two hours a week, I suppose."

"Josh…"

"Sam, I'm fine…My treatment is going well…I'm getting touch with my emotional side in therapy and I'm actually feeling pretty good at the moment…Don't ruin it by trying to fix something that's not there."

He sighed. "I'm sorry but with the campaign and not seeing you in a while, we're all worried about you…You're not one for telling us the whole truth about your wellbeing."

"You think I would get away with hiding anything with my Mother and Donna around?" He asked. "They've been watching me like a hawk for the last few weeks."

"That is true."

"Right, so are you happy now?" He questioned. "Can we forget about all this and enjoy the rest of the night?"

"Yes." Sam nodded and picked up another slice of pizza. "But you do know we're going to get caught, right?"

"You worry too much."

Before Sam could reply, his cell phone rang. When he picked it up off the coffee table and groaned. "Donna."

"That's was expected…We were meant to be home two hours ago."

"Josh."

"Tell her we decided to go out and eat."

"Are you kidding?" He stared at his best friend. "You talk to her."

"You're such a girl." He rolled his eyes and took the phone. "Hey, Donna….No, I'm fine…Sam and I went for pizza…I didn't want to say in and eat…Sam and me, are bonding…We're men, that's why…Well, if you're going to laugh…. No, I don't know when I'll be home…because I'm a grown man and I'm allowed to do what I like...I'll see you later…we'll try not to drink much…."

Sam stared at him with his mouth open. "Why? Why would you say that?"

"For kicks." He replied. "I don't get to mess with her nearly as much as I did when I was working."

"Josh, she's going to kill us!"

"Relax." He told him but then his cell phone rang again.

"Great, now it's Leo."

"Well, that was a little bit predictable…"

"Why do I always listen to you?"

"Because this is the most fun you've had in weeks." He took the phone again. "Hey Leo…No, I haven't lost my mind…and I'm not drunk…I'm having a good week and wanted some fun…Okay. I'll try not to in future…yes, I know she cares…I'll apologize… Yes, fine…I said fine…bye."

"If I get fired, I'm taking you down with me."

"Thanks buddy." He stood up. "We better get out of here."

"That's the smartest thing you've said all night."

"Come on, admit it…you like it when I mess with Donna and Leo."

"I like it when it doesn't involve me." Sam grabbed the pizza box and followed him to the door. "I don't think Leo has forgiven me for all the stuff that happened with Mallory."

"Sam…" Josh placed a hand on his shoulder. "Leo hasn't forgiven you for hitting on his wife."

"You could have told me, who she was you know…"

_**XxXxX**_

"Donna said you were out with Josh last night?" C.J asked Sam as they walked down the corridor after their meeting with the President.

"Umm, yeah…" Sam said unsure. No one had mentioned their disappearing act yet and he was still waiting for the trouble to start.

"How is he doing?" She asked. "I wanted to go and see him but I just can't…With the election in a week…."

"He understands, C.J…" He assured her. "But he's doing really well, which means he's boring so he's causing a little trouble at the moment…beware of pranks."

She groaned. "That's the last thing I need to worry about."

"Tell me about it..." Sam muttered before turning to go into his office and C.J carried on walking towards her own.

"Hey, Sam."

He jumped and dropped the file in his hand. "Donna."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, fine…Why wouldn't I be?" He stuttered a little.

"You seem…Jumpy."

"Too much caffeine?" He said but it came out more of a question then an answer.

"Right."

"Was there something you needed?"

"Just came to get that, 50 dollars you owe me."

Sam frowned. "I owe you 50 dollars?"

"You borrowed it last week."

"Did I?" He said confused but he wasn't that surprised, with everything that has been going on lately, he could barely remember what he had for breakfast. "I'm sorry, I must have forgotten."

Donna watched as he reached into his pocket and then frowned again. "Problem?"

"I can't find my wallet…" He started but when he looked up he saw she had in her hand. "How did you…?"

She threw it at him. "I found it under a cushion on my couch…"

"I can explain…" He said quickly.

"Don't worry…" She sighed. "If he's playing games then he must be feeling better."

"He is."

"Nice plan…hiding out at my place."

"Josh's idea…said it would be the last place you would look."

"He needs to use that brain for good not evil."

Sam smiled widely. "He's just bored."

"I know."

He reached into his wallet and pulled out the 50 dollars to give to her. "He really is doing well, Donna."

"I know that too but he's got that appointment next week."

"What appointment?"

"With his doctor…he'll find out if the treatment is working or if the cancer is getting worse."

"He'll be fine."

"I hope you're right." She gave him a small smile "I better get back to work."

"Donna?" He called her just as she reached the door.

"Yeah?"

"I didn't really borrow 50 dollars, did I?"

"No." She shook her head. "But it'll pay to get the pizza stain out of my couch."

"Damn it." Sam muttered.

**TBC**

**I promise to try and update soon. I'm getting very sad that this story is coming to an end! Please review! **


	26. Chapter 26

**Okay, here's the final chapter. I can't believe it took me nearly four and half years to write this! Thank you to everyone who has stuck with this story! I really appreciate all the reviews and to everyone who has added this to their favorite story and to their alert list. **

**I hope you like this chapter! Please review! **

**Enjoy!**

**I'm Fine**

"Hello?" Josh answered his cell phone.

"He went and tempted the wrath of the whatever from high atop the thing!"

"Toby?"

"Yeah, hi…Listen, I wrote two speeches, I'm not crazy right?"

"Why wouldn't you write two speeches?" Josh questioned.

"Tell that to your partner in crime."

"Did he go outside, turn around three times and curse?"

"Spit." Toby corrected. "And no, he's not taking it seriously."

"Why would he tempt the wrath?" Josh whined.

"Oh, who knows what goes through that mind of his." Toby replied. "Anyway, where are you?"

"I got an appointment." Josh glanced around the doctor's waiting room and his eyes caught the TV monitor in the corner. "They're showing footage of the President and the First Lady voting on the news."

"How do they look?"

"They look good."

"You're going to be here later?"

"Yeah, give me an hour or so."

"Okay…See you."

"Toby, get Sam to go outside…"

"Yeah…" Was the only answer he gave before hanging up.

"Mr. Lyman?"

Josh looked up when his name was called. He swallowed and took a deep breath, trying to get his nervous under control before standing up.

_**XxXxX**_

When Josh entered the West Wing, he walked dazedly down the corridor. People were rushing around but he hardly noticed them and they paid no attention to him either.

He walked past the operation bullpen, glancing in but couldn't spot Donna so he carried on walking until he reached the outer office for the Oval.

"Joshua, it's nice to you." Debbie greeted as she shuffled paperwork around her desk.

Josh stared at her for a second; he didn't think he would ever get used to seeing any sat behind that desk other than Mrs. Landingham.

"Are you okay?" Debbie asked, looking up at him when he remained silent.

"Uh, yeah, sure…" He shook his head a little. "I was just wondering if the President was free…"

"He's got a Senior Staff meeting." Debbie replied.

"Oh…"

"Do you have your briefing memo…?" Debbie started.

"What?" Josh looked up quickly and shook his head a little. "No, its fine…I'll come back…"

"Josh?" Debbie called after him when he turned to walk away. She frowned a little but then sighed and continued her work.

_**XxXxX**_

"Ginger…"

"Hey, Josh." The assistant smiled at him. "How's it going?"

"Yeah, you know..." He shrugged a little. "Is Toby around?"

"He's taken Andi for her sonogram...She was quite excited."

"What about Toby?"

"I think I saw him smile."

"He's ecstatic then?"

Ginger laughed. "Did you need something?"

"Nah, just…wondering around."

Ginger raised an eyebrow. "On election day? Are you feeling okay?"

Josh smiled but before he could reply, Sam entered the bullpen.

"Hey, you're here."

"I am." Josh turned around to face.

"Listen, I got something to talk to you about…" Sam nodded his head towards his office.

"What's up?"

"There this guy, Will Bailey." Sam started closing his office door.

"Wait, I know that name…" Josh's brow creased while he thought. "The California 47th?"

"That's him."

"He's got some campaign going on down there…"

"I know, am I crazy to think…"

"I saw some tracking from last week saying they'll lose by 20."

"Last week?" Sam questioned. "Will seems to think they're up on the exit polls."

"Democrats vote early." Josh shrugged.

"Right, that's what I thought."

Josh looked at him for a few seconds. "You seem to be taking quite an interest in this…"

"You have no idea." Sam muttered.

"What?"

"Sam?" Bonnie knocked as she stuck her head around round the door. "Will Bailey on the phone for you."

"Okay, great thanks." Sam nodded, glad for the interruption and then remembered that Josh had been waiting in the bullpen when he arrived. "Oh, hey…Did you need something?"

"No, its fine…It can wait." Josh shook his head, backing up the door. "I'll catch you later."

"Okay." Sam frowned a little, watching his friend leave.

_**XxXxX**_

When Josh returned to the operation bullpen, this time he found Donna at her desk.

"Ah, I see you're doing some work for a change."

She jumped at the sound of his voice but then turned to glare at him.

"It was a joke." He held his hands up in deference. "You work very hard."

"Are you allowed to be here?" She questioned, standing up and carrying a fold across the room.

"I work here."

"But you're on sick leave."

"They still let me into the building, Donna." He rolled his eyes.

"So it would appear." She replied dryly.

"That's nice…Treat your boss, the guy who taught you so much…."

"Donna?" C.J entered the bullpen and cut him off. "What's this?"

"Oh, it's a photocopy of my absentee ballot."

"Yeah, Carol told me you wanted me to get the President to sign it?" C.J glanced down at the piece of paper in her hand.

"I want to get it framed." She grinned.

"Is this a joke?" C.J questioned, looking up and noticed Josh was stood there. "Oh, I should have known…"

"What?"

"Hey, I haven't done anything." Josh replied.

"You really think I wouldn't notice it before I asked the President to sign it?" C.J looked between them.

"I don't understand…" Donna said as Josh took the ballot of C.J.

"You voted for Ritchie!" Josh exclaimed.

"What? No!"

"You mean, this isn't a joke?"

"You're wrong!" Donna snatched it out of Josh's hand.

"Ohh, wait until the President hears about this."

Donna glared at him. "You can't tell him."

"So, you don't want it signed then?" C.J checked.

"No!"

"Okay, just asking…" C.J replied before walking away.

"I can't believe you voted for Ritchie."

"Why are you here again?" She asked still looking at the ballot. "I'm going to fix this."

"How?" Josh followed her as she walked over to grab her coat.

"I don't know but I will."

Josh couldn't help but laugh a little as he watched her leave. He had really missed this place. The hard work, the excitement of making a difference and his friends…his wonderful and weird friends.

_**XxXxX**_

Josh was heading back to the Oval office when an arm reached out and grabbed him, pulling him into the Mural Room.

"Hey, what the hell?" He stumbled a little.

"Okay, I've done something stupid." Sam admitted.

"Nothing new there then." Josh sighed. "What's her name?"

"Kay Wilde."

"Kay Wilde….Wait, the dead guy's widow?" Josh's mouth fell open. "Sam!"

"What? No! Not that…"

"Then what?"

"I told Will Bailey to give her my name."

"For what?"

"As a Democrat to stand in for her husband…"

"Sam!"

"I know!"

"Why?"

"Because it's the California 47th race…They were never going to win."

"But?" Josh prompted.

"But it's a two point race now."

"Sam…" Josh sighed. "Is this…is this something you want to do?"

"There no way I can win this, Josh." Sam said firmly. "I would lose and then what about my future when I'm ready to run for something for real?"

"Why aren't you ready now?"

"Are you kidding me?"

"No, seriously…What have you got to lose?"

"Well, my career to start off with…"

"Sam, if there is one thing I know at the moment, its life is too short." Josh cut in. "If you don't want to do this, then that's fine but if you don't do it because you're scared of losing, well you're not the guy I thought you were."

Sam looked back at Josh before his eyes dropped to the floor.

"Think about it." Josh told him, patting his arm before opening the door.

Josh was shaking his head, silently, wondering how Sam always managed to get sucked into things like that, when he ran into Leo outside the oval.

"Hey, where have you been?" His boss asked.

"Wondering around."

Leo rolled his eyes. "This is the White House, not the mall, Josh."

"That's why I can find the sporting goods store." Josh snapped his fingers.

"Are you looking to see the President?"

"I thought I would stop by if he wasn't busy."

"He's on his way down from the residence." Leo replied, opening the door. "Come and wait."

Josh hesitated but stepped into the office. "Why do I think something is going on here?"

"You feel okay?"

Josh tensed at the question. "Who have you been talking to?"

Leo fixed him a look but before he could say anymore, doors open and the President and the First Lady entered.

"Joshua Lyman, it's my understanding that you have been in this building for almost three hours." Abigail Bart let stated.

"Yes, Ma'am."

"And that you also had an appointment with your specialist this morning."

"Ma'am." He gave a single nod.

"Yet you have not told us what the outcome is." She folded her arms.

"It's been pretty busy around here…" Josh started.

"Josh, cut the crap…" Leo held up his hand to stop him. "Out with it?"

Josh looked from him, to the First Lady to the President. His mouth opened a few times but no words came and he felt a lump in his throat, threatening to choke him.

"You know, I'm still the President?" Jed broke the silence after a few minute. "I am officially ordering you to answer."

"Josh?" Leo placed a hand on his arm. "Whatever it is, you can tell us…"

"He said….the test revealed…" Josh started and stop, he glanced at the President, knowing he would understand the full meaning of the word he was going to say. "Remission."

You could have heard a pin drop in the room. Leo's grip on his arm tightened, Abbey blinked a few times when her eyes started to burn and Jed took a small step back to lean against the desk.

"They're sure?" Leo questioned.

Josh nodded, a smile growing on his face and pulled out a piece of paper. "I asked him to write me a note incase no one believed me."

Abbey snatched the paper off him, her eyes scanning the information. "Oh, Josh!"

"We should celebrate!" Jed announced as his wife threw her arms around his Deputy Chief of Staff. A part of him was afraid he had misheard Josh but Abbey's reaction confirmed all he needed to know.

"Sir, it's too early to celebrate." Josh told him when Abbey released him. "To tempt the wrath…"

"Oh what a load of old cobblers…" Jed flicked his hand dismissively.

"Did you just say cobblers, Sir?" Josh questioned and then glanced at Leo.

"Hey, don't look at me…I don't understand half the stuff he says."

"Charlie!" Jed yelled for his bodyman, who appeared within seconds.

"Yes, Sir?"

"We need champagne…" He clapped his hands together.

Charlie hesitated. "Are you sure, Sir? The results…"

"I don't care if the results haven't come in yet…We need champagne." Jed told him. "And if Zeigler has a problem with that, you tell him to come see me."

"Yes, Sir." Charlie nodded before turning to the door.

"So, what does this mean exactly?" Jed looked over at Josh.

"I go back in three months for more tests to make sure everything is still clear but other than that…" He shrugged a little.

"Have you spoken to your Mother?" Leo asked.

"My first call." Josh assured him. "Leo, I want…I need to thank you…"

"There's no need."

"There is…for all of you…I cannot thank you enough for everything you have done for me." He felt his own eyes tearing up a little but forced the tears back. "I don't think I could have got through this without any of you."

Jed smiled softly and stepped forward, holding his hand out to the younger man.

Josh gripped his hand and was a little surprised when he was pulled into a hug.

"Congratulations, Joshua."

"Thank you, Sir…" He whispered.

"Mr. President?" Charlie reentered the room, empty handed.

"Charlie, it seems you're missing something."

"Yes, Sir…Toby seems to be…well, he's holding the champagne hostage, Sir."

"I'm sorry?"

"He says no one, not even the President of the United States should be tempting the wrath of whatever from high atop of the thing."

Josh couldn't help but let out a laugh.

"He knows the Secret Service works for me, right?" Jed questioned.

"Sir."

"Where is he?" He sighed.

"Waiting outside." Charlie replied. "With Sam, C.J and Donna Moss."

"What's going on?" Jed frowned a little.

"Well, Sam said there was something that he needed to run by you… and Donna wants you to know she fixed her vote."

"Fixed her vote?"

"She voted for Ritchie." Josh supplied.

Jed turned to look at him. "Why? What did I do to her?"

"It was a mistake, Sir…"

"What does C.J need?" Leo asked Charlie.

"I think she's just looking for somewhere to hide."

Leo rolled his eyes, walking over to the door and opening it. "Would you all get in here?"

They all filed into the office; C.J with a pile of folders in her arms, Donna with her ballot and Toby with two bottles of champagne.

"Come on, Ziegler…Fork them over." Jed held out his hand.

"Mr. President…"

"Exactly!" Jed pointed at him. "You got it right there…Mr. President."

"Sir, to tempt the wrath…"

"We already tempted the wrath of whatever from high atop the thing…" Jed could not help but smile. "And I got news for you Toby….We won."

Toby frowned, looking at the others in the room. They all looked just as confused as him apart from the President, First Lady, Leo and Josh.

"I don't understand."

"You haven't told them?" Leo asked Josh.

"Told us what?" C.J questioned.

"Josh?" Sam looked at him.

"I had an appointment with the specialist today…"

"Oh my god, I forgot." Donna's hand flew to her mouth. "Are you okay? What did he say?"

"The cancer has gone into remission." He announced. "I got the all clear."

Sam's eyes widen and pulled Josh into a hug. "And you never told me?"

"You were busy…"

"You should have told me!"

"Josh…I can't…" C.J stuttered a little. "I'm so happy for you."

Josh smiled and then jumped at the sound of a cork popping. They all turned and were surprised to see it was Toby who opened the bottle of champagne.

"That one can be for the election." Toby explained, putting the unopened bottle. "We're still not tempting the wrath on that…"

Everyone else laughed except one person.

"Donna?" Josh crossed the room to her.

"It's really….You're not…." She choked on the words, tears already falling from her eyes.

"It true…It's over." Josh assured her, putting his arm around her shoulders.

She buried her face in his shoulder, her own arms wrapping tightly around him but pulled away when Toby started handing out glasses of champagne.

"So, C.J, can I have my job back?" Josh asked her.

"Oh, I thought you would never ask!" She dropped the folder into his arms. "Here"

"What are all these?" He laughed.

"I have no idea but just take them!"

Jed tapped his glass, causing the room to fall silent and everyone to turn their attention to him.

"I would like to make a toast…No matter what the outcome of the election is, today is a good day…To watch a friend….a member of the family, struggled to fight a seemingly never ending battle is torture in its purest kind…But to see that person win that battle brings you the finest joy…" Jed's eyes had been moving from one person to another but then finally settled on Josh. "So, let's raise our glasses to today's hero….To Josh."

"To Josh." They all repeated their glasses in the air.

Josh again turned to Donna who was still crying silently.

"Hey, it's okay…I'm okay." He whispered.

"I just can't believe it." She replied. "After everything…It's really over?"

"Yep." He grinned widely. "I'm Fine."

**The End**

**That's it. It's over. It's complete. I hope it wasn't too maudlin. I know some people wanted to J/D to get together but I wanted to stick pretty much to canon. I just want to thank everyone who reviewed and read this story, I hoped you're happy with the ending. **

**Please review now and tell me what your favorite bit was…what you liked or didn't like (Waiting long for updates don't count but I am sorry about that! Lol) I always had plans to do a sequel to this story…Would that be any good or should I just leave it how it is. Anyway, thanks again! **

**JL x **


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